What does it mean when a girl says to you that she’s not ready for a relationship?
It’s one of those questions that many guys ask themselves repeatedly and never seem to get a straight answer.
You finally meet this gorgeous girl who you consider to be potential girlfriend material, but she’s unsure whether she’d like to start a romantic relationship with you.
That’s when all kinds of thoughts go through your mind. You’re probably thinking that there’s something more at play, something that she hasn’t told you or is afraid to tell you.
Or perhaps you did something to her to make her come to this decision.
Whatever the case, she’s not ready for a relationship and you can’t seem to wrap your head around the “why.”
As you already know, relationships and love can be quite difficult to understand. When it comes to emotions, it’s not always black and white. People make loads of mistakes and regret is part of the package.
Perhaps this is your first time being friend-zoned by a girl and you don’t know what to do. In reality, it’s really tough to get out of a situation like this. It’s one of those things many single guys face.
On some level, a guy like this knows that the woman who’s said she’s not ready for a new relationship is trying to let him down easy. They’re aware that it’s some sort of code for something else she isn’t saying.
They just don’t know what it is.
That’s why I’ve decided to list a couple of reasons why a girl might say to you that she isn’t ready for a relationship, and later I’ll explain what to do when she says that she wants to be just friends with you.
She’s not ready for a relationship – what does it mean?
You’ll need to get some context before filling in the missing pieces. Why? Because you never know what’s going on inside a woman’s head.
Perhaps she’s afraid that you might want to hook up with her and nothing else, so that’s why she’s saying that she’s not ready for a relationship.
Or it could be that you did something wrong that threw her off and now she’s too insecure or afraid to open her heart to you.
Let me ease you mind a bit: You’re not the only one this has happened to.
1. You assumed you were already in a relationship
There are different types of guys out there, and one of those men is known as “the instant relationship” type.
Perhaps you’re one of them and you’ve started behaving toward a woman as if you two are already in a serious relationship, even though you’ve only seen each other a handful of times.
Maybe you met this girl on Tinder or some other dating app, and you really hit it off. You went on a couple of dates, it went really well, and you’ve already made up your mind – she’s yours.
But have you thought about asking her first? Maybe asking her how she feels about you?
You shouldn’t do relationship things that will make her feel like she’s already in one, when she hasn’t even decided what she wants yet. If you do, a woman will quickly determine something’s just not right and walk away from you.
Bottom line, you don’t know what she’s thinking or feeling unless you directly ask her about them. Don’t just assume that you’re in a relationship just because your dates were incredible and unforgettable.
You might be calling or sending her text messages too often – and by that, I mean more than a few times a week. Or posting pictures of you two together before asking her permission.
Even though those are essential things in forming a romantic relationship, it’s wrong to assume what she wants without even giving her the option.
2. She doesn’t feel any chemistry with you
A lot of people get blinded by their emotions and can’t really see red flags that the other person doesn’t feel the same way. And chemistry is one of those things that can confuse a person.
But the bottom line is it’s either there or it isn’t.
And before you think that you might not be handsome enough and that’s why she’s not ready for a relationship, let me tell you right away that physical appearance has nothing to do with chemistry at all.
Good looks aren’t always the path to a woman’s heart. Perhaps you aren’t on the same page regarding certain views or it could be that she doesn’t get your sense of humor.
There has to be that “secret ingredient” everyone talks about and yet it’s something that you only feel when you meet the right person.
That sense of ease you fall into right away with some people is something that most of us search long and hard for.
You really can’t fake it or force it. At the end of the day, you either feel it or you don’t.
3. You moved too quickly
Love doesn’t have a set timeline for when it’s going to happen. You can’t pressure someone to like you and say that you’ll be in a relationship with this girl by the fourth date.
Things have to progress naturally. Perhaps the girl you’ve been dating has some trust issues, so you have to slow things down and not rush her into anything she’s not ready for or still feels uncomfortable with.
Ask her how she feels about you and according to her response, you can set a reasonable pace.
If things got a little heated between you two at the beginning (a lot of chemistry), then any reasonable person should be expected to take things slow and back off a little.
Any kind of relationship, whether it be a committed relationship or a casual one, won’t work if either of you is moving too quickly. Eventually, one of you will feel pressured and it’ll end in a breakup before it really even started.
But if you take your time and slowly work things up the ladder, then she’ll see that you’re not like the rest of the guys she dated, and she’ll be interested in taking your dating to the next level.
4. She just got out of relationship
There’s always the possibility that the girl you dated recently became someone else’s ex-girlfriend and isn’t quite ready for another long-term relationship just yet.
And if she said to you that she’s not ready for a relationship, then consider yourself lucky. Why? Because she opened up herself to you and let you know how she’s feeling. You should be thankful for that.
Even though it feels like the worst thing that could happen to you, the good news is that she eliminated the uncertainty that’s been bugging you for so long. Plus, she’s not just deciding to use you as a rebound.
This doesn’t mean the window is completely closed, though, just that the timing isn’t ideal. The best thing you can do if you find yourself in a situation like this is to focus on yourself and be patient.
Perhaps her ex broke her heart and she doesn’t want it to happen a second time. That’s why she says she’s not ready for a relationship and you have to respect her for being honest.
Timing is really everything when it comes to relationships. You don’t what the other person has gone through in their life.
And if you push things by constantly being desperate or clingy, trying to make plans when your schedules never seem to line up, then that’s a sure way to lose the girl you like.
5. You said something that showed her you two aren’t a fit
Sometimes (and by that, I mean most of the time), it’s difficult to know what goes on inside a girl’s mind and heart. You have to really be able to read between the lines in order to know what she’s thinking and feeling.
Perhaps the reason she’s not ready for a relationship is that you said something that goes against her opinion or beliefs on a certain matter.
Maybe she asked you how many children you’d like to have and you told her that you don’t want kids at all.
Or perhaps that you’re not open to the idea of having one or two kids in the near future, whereas she’s ready to become a mother already.
Differences of opinion can really be a dealbreaker for some women, especially if you don’t see eye to eye on some important life goals.
It could be that you missed seeing those clues about how she wants to get married and start a family, but you aren’t ready to take a huge step like that and rather want to take things slowly.
That could be the reason she doesn’t see you as a perfect fit for her, and why she’s not ready for a relationship with you.
6. She’s concerned you’ll be a handful as a partner
There’s a reason people say that the beginning of a relationship or dating is the best. You’re getting to know each other and you try your hardest to show yourself in the best light possible.
But people reveal more and more about themselves as time passes. It could be that she now sees you as desperate and needy, so that’s why she doesn’t want to take your dating to the next level.
Perhaps you’ve told her many sob stories about your past that were really unsettling and that’s what drove her away from you.
Either way, you shouldn’t be an open book from the very start. Even though everyone comes with some baggage, you have to deal with it on your own first.
Maybe she picked up on some signs you’re still in love with your ex-girlfriend and that’s why she’s concerned you’ll be a handful as a partner. You can’t make it work if you still have feelings for your ex – you know that, right?
7. You haven’t shown her that you’re boyfriend material
The worst mistake you can make while trying to impress a girl so that she considers being in a relationship with you is to act too much like a single guy who has very few goals for his future.
By doing so, you’re giving her the impression that you wouldn’t make a great boyfriend at all.
You only have a couple of opportunities to try and connect with her emotionally. If you fail, then she won’t consider being your girlfriend.
She has to feel that you’re not like the other guys she’s dated before. She needs to know that you really “understand” her.
Be that guy who looks her deep in her eyes and knows what she’s thinking. Challenge her to become a better person and you’ll see how quickly she changes her mind about you.
On the other hand, if she sees that you’re incapable of making her feel safe and loved and cared for, then she’ll leave you in an instant.
As long as she considers you anything less than boyfriend material, she’ll find an excuse not to pursue you anymore.
8. She’s playing hard to get
This is the part where things get a little confusing, but no one said that love is easy, am I right?
To better understand this, you have to keep in mind that playing hard requires certain skills. You need to be subtle, patient, and able to read between the lines if you want to keep up with her.
I saved this for last because you need to know the context of her story before figuring out whether or not she’s playing hard to get. If you can relate to any of those previous scenarios, then this one isn’t for you.
There are certain clues you should look out for to gauge whether or not she’s playing games with you. Does she text or call you frequently and ask you to make plans just for the two of you?
Does she seem jealous every time another girl gets close to you or when you’re not giving her enough attention?
By flipping the script, and playing hard to get in return, you’ll make her pursue you instead of you doing all the work for her.
Pretty soon, you’ll see how her behavior changes and she’ll start pursuing you full-on.
What to do when she says she’s not ready for a relationship?
1. Focus on becoming the best version of yourself
The first thing you have to do is to realize that your happiness and joy don’t depend on anyone. You have to be confident and strong on your own because a romantic relationship won’t be able to fill that kind of emotional void.
If you’re searching for someone who’s ambitious, smart, and career-oriented, turn the tables. Ask yourself: Am I all of those things? Would I want to date myself?
Perhaps it’s not the woman’s fault that she’s not ready for a relationship, but you who isn’t ready to commit to another person?
Another thing to keep in mind is that nothing is more attractive than someone who passionately talks about their hobbies and interest.
Be the person who exudes positivity and happiness, and you’ll naturally attract the same kind of woman into your life.
2. Impress her from a distance
Tell me this: Is it the end of the world if she’s not ready for a relationship?
Perhaps the timing isn’t right and you’ve got to exercise a little patience while she’s battling her own demons. But that doesn’t mean that you should stop living your life.
Instead, be a great guy and impress her from a distance. Show her what she’s missing out on. Just because she said she doesn’t want a relationship on your first date, it’s no reason to be broken-hearted or depressed.
Post pictures on your feed of how you’re having the time of your life and actually enjoy yourself. That’s how you’ll make her secretly crave your company and attention again.
3. Stop chasing her
Do you think that you’ll show her that you’re a real man by chasing her constantly? Nope, that’s the number one way to chase a girl out of your life.
Many men make the mistake and get a bit carried away while chasing a woman. Eventually, the woman gets overwhelmed and scared off, and she leaves them.
But a man of high value doesn’t have to chase others to get his attention. Keep in mind that there’s a difference between pursuing and chasing a woman.
To pursue means to be patient and persistent in your goal. It’s a subtle art. You want to give her enough space so that she misses and chooses you.
Think about long-term goals rather than looking for instant gratification.
Don’t be all over her. Take a step back and slow things down.
You don’t want to be the one who does everything, am I right? Let her do some of the work for a change. You can’t force her to like you. Romance and feelings have to come naturally.
4. Don’t mention exclusivity to her yet
Remember that your goal isn’t to pressure a girl into being exclusive with you. It will only decrease your chances of landing the woman you like, as it will make you look weak and desperate.
If she’s not ready for a relationship, then just drop the subject and focus on something else. Have fun and enjoy going on dates with her. You never know what lies in store for the two of you.
Spending quality time with her should be more important to you than knowing whether or not you two are in a relationship.
When you think about it, she’ll gradually gravitate toward you as she starts feeling safe and happy around you.
When you achieve that, she’ll start to choose you over others. And once you connect with her emotionally, she’ll be the one who brings up exclusivity.
5. Don’t text her all the time
What you say in a text doesn’t always translate well to the other person. You may think that you’re being funny and charming, but in fact, she might think that you’re being rude or needy.
Many men make the mistake of texting a girl all the time because they don’t want her to feel abandoned or alone. But what they don’t realize is, by doing so, they’re actually creating a counter-effect.
I know it doesn’t sound logical, but there are some benefits to not texting a girl all day every day. You’ll give her space and time to miss you and she’ll get to see how it is when you’re not around her all the time (even virtually).
And this is crucial if you want her to commit to you.
Also, if you’ve done or said something that wasn’t her cup of tea, then a little time away may help her get over it. She’ll be attracted to you again and you’ll improve your chances of winning her heart.
Only send her a couple of texts and don’t do so for hours on end. A man who’s working on his goals won’t be sitting on his phone all day, am I right?
Show her that you have a life besides her and she’ll fall for you.
How do you know whether to stay or go?
It really comes down to whether or not you want this girl. Perhaps she isn’t the right fit for you, but you fail to see that because you’re blinded by your own emotions?
You have the power to choose your path. That means you get to choose whether you’ll stay in a constant state of limbo, or take charge of your life and date her as long as you want.
You don’t have to put your life on hold and wait for her as long as she wants. You have other options.
And when you start being decisive, that’s when you start taking charge of your own love life.