How to get an emotionally unavailable man to chase you?
It’s one of the biggest questions roaming around almost every woman’s head. That’s a bold statement, I know. But, with so many men out there who have no idea what they want from life, it’s hard to wrap your head around this concept.
Are you the problem? Is he really not interested in you? Or is he scared of the potential of your relationship?
An emotionally unavailable guy isn’t a piece of cake. I mean, your heart doesn’t choose who it’s going to love, so you really want to show him that you’re the right girl, but you have no idea how to do that.
Especially when we consider that you’ve been doing all the chasing. Obviously, this man is playing his little games to keep you in his life, but there’s not enough effort in his behavior.
Can you even make him chase you?
You’re seeing huge red flags, but there’s always a way to burn them down and create the perfect setting to make him crave you and run after you.
Take it from someone who’s been dating this type of man. Am I proud of it? No. But there are definitely some tricks that I’ve learned along the way.
So, let’s figure out how to get an emotionally unavailable man to chase you like a madman.
1. Know what you’re up against
When we’re talking about how to get an emotionally unavailable man to chase you, you need to get your facts straight first. Do you have enough information about him to know why he’s acting the way he is?
Some guys will have a story ready about their traumatic childhood or about some ex who made them miserable. Either way, something happened that made him resent the idea of a committed relationship.
In order to know what your next steps have to be, you need the full story. Don’t push him to open up to you because he’s scared to be vulnerable. However, make sure to cling to those little stories that he tells you every once in a while.
Let’s be honest; you’re a woman. We’re like FBI agents because we can gather information even when people think that there’s nothing to gather.
Listen to him intently and try to figure out what happened. It’s you against his mindset at this point.
I can promise you that you’re the stronger one (if you play your cards right).
2. Be patient
I know, I know. You can feel an eruption of anger within your chest at the very thought of things taking any more time.
Why can’t he see how amazing you’d be together already?! Well, babe, he’s a man. His perception of a perfect life is beer and parties all day, every day.
At this point, you really need to meditate, make yourself a cup of chamomile tea, and relax. Remember that you can’t make him commit overnight. An emotional bond isn’t created like that, especially not with an avoidant man.
So take a deep breath and understand that you’ll only be more frustrated the more you think of him. For now, your patience is your best friend. Focus on yourself and remember that he’ll be yours eventually.
3. Don’t focus solely on him
How to get an emotionally unavailable man to chase you when he’s obviously running for the hills at the thought of a relationship? Let’s start by focusing on yourself.
He’s not going to change just because you want him to. He’s going to do so once he realizes that a life with you is better than a life in solitude.
How is he going to do that if you keep bugging him with questions and text messages? Come on, live your own life!
In any healthy relationship, both partners need a sense of freedom. Once he understands that you have a fulfilling life waiting for you outside of the relationship, he’ll feel like he can have his own life, too.
That’s exactly why you need to focus on your growth, your friends, family, and all the things that you want to achieve. A man is just the cherry on top of an already delicious cake.
Focusing solely on him will only give you a one-way ticket to Misery alley.
There are so many things in your life that will take your mind off him, and also show him what an amazing woman you actually are. He’ll be desperate to become a part of your story.
4. Show him that he can trust you
Because of some past relationship, he’s not able to trust people again. An emotionally unavailable man wants to know that he can trust you, even though he isn’t even able to express that.
I mean, I’m not a relationship expert (wink-wink), but you and I both know the importance of trust. He has to know that a serious relationship won’t take away any of his freedom and that you won’t take advantage of the strong feelings he has for you.
A few ways that you can make him trust you is if you listen intently to his stories. Always reassure him and never let your insecurities stand in the way.
Tell him that you understand where his low self-worth comes from and that you won’t misuse the information that he’s giving you. He’s already having a tough time opening up to people, so this is the perfect moment to imply that you have a lot of patience and understanding.
Your own emotions shouldn’t get the better of you.
5. Make sure he knows that you’re on the same page
Once you start to ask yourself about how to get an emotionally unavailable man to chase you, you’ll try to find any helpful advice.
You can’t really make him love you overnight, but what you can do is show him that you’re on the same page. If he’s the type of man that I’m thinking of, then he probably told you multiple times that he wants to take things slowly.
At this point, you’re moving at a snail’s pace, but we’re not judging here. He says that he wants to get to know you better and that he’s had his heart broken too many times by jumping into relationships.
That’s why you’ve been stuck in the talking stage for what feels like ages.
The best thing you can do right now is to agree with him. Tell him that you’d also like to take things slow, which means taking all of the physical pleasure out of the game.
Sounds about fair, doesn’t it?
What you can also do is tell him that you won’t open up to him if he doesn’t do the same. It’s a fair trade of information where he has to give some to get some.
He’ll soon realize that you beat him at his own game. A potential narcissist can’t let that happen.
6. Don’t talk about major plans for the future of your relationship
As you can see, he’s terrified of the future. Why would you add to that? An emotionally unavailable man isn’t going to chase you if he knows that you’ve already laid the relationship out.
You’re the girl who has to convince him that future plans aren’t a bad thing. However, you won’t get there by telling him every fantasy you have.
I know, it’s easy to see your happy life already, but remember that it’s nothing more than a made-up scenario. He won’t be a part of it if you don’t play along with his mental state.
You can make up scenes in your head before you go to sleep, but never share them with him. Act as if you didn’t just pick out all the names for your imaginary children.
You can probably tell him about these things once you really get into a long-term relationship, otherwise, he’ll pack his bags and run for the hills.
7. Don’t be available whenever he calls
The biggest mistake we as women make, once we consider how to make an emotionally unavailable man fall in love with us and make him chase us, is that we’re always available.
You’re scared that you may not get another chance to see him, so you run into his arms whenever he calls. That’s reasonable but also very counterproductive.
Give him a reason to think about you. Once you decline his offer to hang out, he’ll spend a lot of time thinking about why you’re not jumping at the idea of seeing him.
I know that it’ll hurt you more than it’s worth, but trust me on this one. If you’re always available, he’ll continue playing around with other women because he knows that you’re always waiting for him.
I’m not telling you to ghost him whenever he calls, just try setting clear boundaries that you’re not always available to someone who’s not even your boyfriend.
8. Never pressure him
Once you start applying pressure, you’ve lost him. He doesn’t want to feel anxious about his future or his relationship with you.
What he wants is a sense of freedom even when he knows that he’s falling in love with you. Unavailable people make it seem as if commitment is the worst thing that can happen to them, but at the end of the day, you can easily make him fall in love with you if you just give it a try.
So, don’t pressure him by asking too many questions. Don’t go around telling people that something’s going on between the two of you because he’ll inevitably find out.
Instead, act as if nothing is happening and let him lead. Let him think that you’re as open-minded as it gets.
Any type of pressure, like telling him that he’s getting too old and that he needs to settle down, will only give him one more reason to ignore you. I would guess that you don’t want that.
9. Show him that vulnerability isn’t a bad thing
Vulnerability is a scary thing. Once you try to understand how to get an emotionally unavailable man to chase you, you also start to see that he’s scared of his own emotions.
It’s easier to dissociate from those emotions than to deal with them. Burying them deep within his chest hurts less than expressing them.
Now, unfortunately, it’s your job to prove him wrong. Whenever he opens up to you, make him feel understood.
When he gets too emotional, tell him that his emotions are okay and create a safe space for him. At first, he’ll be scared of the comfort he feels when he’s with you, which can lead to a quick run for the hills.
However, after a while, he’ll seek that feeling again. He’ll reach out to you because he’ll know that you’re the only person who understands him.
At this rate, you can even open up to him. Don’t trauma-dump on him to the point where he thinks that you’re unstable, but show him that emotions aren’t a bad thing to experience.
You can even cry in front of him if you feel comfortable enough and seek validation for your insecurities. This is probably the best relationship advice you’ll hear when it comes to a man like him.
10. Demonstrate confidence
You know what you want. You know that he’d be happy to have you in his life.
So why are you so insecure? He’s the type of guy who’d probably fall on his knees and beg for a moment of your affection, but he’s obviously forgotten just how amazing you are.
You shouldn’t forget about it. Walk around with your head held high and your shoulders leaned back.
Look at all the things you’ve achieved in your life! If you stop posting things on social media and you stop believing in your own power, he’ll know the effect he has on you.
If anything, he should be happy that he has even the slightest amount of your attention. No guy will chase after a woman who’s so insecure.
Demonstrate confidence, and you’ll get his attention much faster than if you’d lower your head at every inconvenience.
11. Activate his hero instinct
This is a little trick that works wonders. Once you understand how to get an emotionally unavailable man to chase you, you’ll also understand how important this little instinct is.
The holy grail of information lies in the old ways and gender norms. You and I live beyond that, but the truth is that many people haven’t really grown out of it.
At least not from a carnal point of view.
So, if you want to make him chase you, you should definitely activate his hero instinct. Make him feel needed, make him feel like he can provide something for you, and like he’s the only one who can do that.
You can do this by giving him small tasks here and there to encourage him to help you out. This doesn’t have to be something like moving all the furniture in your house, but things like helping you carry something to your apartment could help.
This will make him feel like a tough guy who can do something for the little damsel in distress. Sounds silly? Try it out.
I can promise you that it works.
12. Resist texting him
Texting him is your biggest enemy. Don’t always text him first, and stop double texting! He saw the notification; he knows that you’re waiting for a reply, and texting him again will only make you seem desperate.
Which you’re not.
Even if you are, he can’t know that.
Nonetheless, you need to control yourself. Give your phone to your friends whenever you want to text him first.
If you want a new relationship with this guy, you can’t expose your low self-esteem. You need to give the illusion of a confident woman who has better things to do than to stare at her phone all day.
Even when he does text you after he ghosted you for hours or days, don’t reply right away. Give it some time and then decide what to reply to him. Sporadically texting him won’t do you any good in the long run.
13. Flirt with him (but in a classy way)
The best dating advice out there is to always be classy when you’re flirting with a guy. Why would you want to be vulgar and too upfront about the things you want from him?
I mean, there are some perks to it, but you should save that for when he actually starts chasing you. For now, you’re just another girl that he’s texting.
Compliment him, tell him that you’re attracted to him, but in a way that can’t be seen as “too much”. Tell him that you’d go out with him if he really wants to see you, tell him that you’ll put the shirt on that he really likes just to please him.
Those things aren’t too upfront, but they can still be seen as flirting. Don’t go overboard with nicknames, but rather call him by his name while keeping eye contact.
His knees will wobble before you know it.
This is important because you won’t know how to get an emotionally unavailable man to chase you unless you know how to play his game better than he does. If you want to be the one for him, then make him think of you even when he’s really trying to get you out of his head.
14. Don’t give him girlfriend benefits
I could write a whole other article on why you shouldn’t give girlfriend benefits to a guy who isn’t even ready to commit to you. However, I’ll try to explain it as concisely as I can.
So, we as women try to impress guys so much that we forget that we’re not actually in a relationship with them. This means that you start acting like a girlfriend to him, or even a wife.
You cook for him, you’re always there for him, you meet his friends and his family, but he doesn’t care enough to make things official. You even go on cute little dates where you talk about your feelings.
How pathetic! Stop doing that! He’s not your boyfriend and unless he makes things official between the two of you, you shouldn’t give him the benefits of it.
I know, we do this to impress the poor guy and to give him some sort of a preview of what a relationship could look like. But why would he want to be in a relationship with you if he has all the benefits without the commitment?
15. Walk away if things get too dramatic
Protect. Your. Energy.
I can’t stress this enough. Once you understand that things are getting out of hand and he’s a little drama queen about anything and everything, it’s your time to walk away.
This includes situations that make you feel any type of uncomfortable. For example, if he brings another girl into the game, you need to pack your things!
Or if he decides to play the blame game, or tries to act hurt when you’re not giving him all of your attention, then you run for the hills.
It may hurt, you may cry yourself to sleep a couple of nights in a row, but I can promise you that it’s worth it. You need to be your own biggest priority.
He can’t just walk around believing that there are no consequences to his behavior. There are!
And the consequences will hurt him more than they’ll ever hurt you. I can promise you that much.