The hero instinct in men is a topic that’s been talked about for quite a while now. It’s said that it’s truly in their nature, so let’s learn more about it.
There’s this one thing that all men have in common and it’s the urge to protect the people they love the most in their lives.
They have a biological drive to keep the people in their lives safe. When we look at patriarchy and the social standards for men in general, we see that that’s also a way for them to earn more respect from those around them.
The world views men as the protectors and providers. This thought comes from the gender roles that have been embedded in us.
Men and women are different when we look at those roles. Based on them, women should be protected by men. That’s what led to men developing this instinct.
If you know how to trigger that instinct in the man you’re seeing, I can guarantee you that he’ll be obsessed with you. Surprisingly, only a few women know about this, so they don’t use it to their advantage.
Disclaimer: It shouldn’t be considered manipulation, because it’s not that. What it is, though, is you creating an environment where you can trigger the instinct that comes naturally to him.
What is the hero instinct in men?
The first thing you need to know is that this instinct gets triggered the most in romantic relationships. So you might not want to try this on your male friends.
Here’s the best way to sum it up: The hero instinct is the fundamental emotional need of men. When a man looks for meaning in life, he’ll always look for a person he can protect, which most of the time is the woman he loves.
Protecting someone will make him feel needed and essential to society. It’ll make him feel important. Apart from his romantic partner, he may also feel this about his friends and family.
From a very young age, men are taught that they’re the stronger gender. Because of that, they grow up knowing that they should always keep the people they love safe.
This need will push every man to become the best version of himself. He’ll always strive to be better, do better, and grow into a man people will trust.
He’ll set very high standards for himself and work his entire life to reach them. That’s exactly why men fall for women who motivate them to reach those goals and make them work on themselves more.
This concept was first introduced to the public by James Bauer in his bestselling dating book His Secret Obsession.
In simple terms, men want to be everyday heroes. Women can tap into this biological need of theirs and help men on their journey.
So if you want to learn how to trigger a man’s hero instinct in a man and find your way into a man’s heart, then keep on reading.
Why would you want to trigger the hero instinct in a man?
We as women don’t really get the whole point behind this topic. It just seems like a man’s possessiveness and not like something we should concern ourselves with.
But to a man, this is everything. Their hero instinct makes him feel like a real man.
It gives every man the ability to feel strong and powerful – which, as we know, is what drives them forward. They want you to see them as strong enough to rely on at any given moment.
You can feel the full potential of your feminine energy in these situations as well. You have the ability to show your caring, loving, and selfless nature when the man is the protector.
We’re talking about the yin-yang concept. One always has to be gentle, while the other needs to be the one to protect. The best of both worlds.
This doesn’t mean that you have to be the absolute of this standard. Men need emotions just like women need to be able to protect themselves.
As women, we tend to give ourselves selflessly. We always want to be the voice of reason and a shoulder to cry on for a man.
You want to keep him close by, always being there for him. You’re the one who reads his mind, nurtures him, and gives him everything.
What you fail to realize is that by doing so, you’re denying your man his primal urge to be there for you. You’re denying him his hero instinct.
He probably grew up idealizing superheroes and saw the way they’d save the damsels. As a boy, he saw men who gave everything to and for a woman.
So how do you think he feels when you take all of that away from him? When you’re the one in charge he doesn’t know who he is anymore.
Exactly because of that, he’ll stop giving you what you need.
Shouldn’t a woman be her own hero?
In today’s day and age, women are taught that we’re more than capable of being our own heroes.
You are a strong and independent woman who knows what she wants. Why would you want to put that aside just to make a man feel more manly? You’re not a damsel in distress.
But more often than not, people will tell you that men are petrified of strong women. They feel emasculated if you take on their roles in society.
In my honest opinion, you should never change yourself just to please a man. You shouldn’t give up your strength just to make him feel like a real man.
However, in today’s society, your love life will thrive if you learn how to activate the hero instinct in men. You can’t have a healthy relationship today if that man you’re with doesn’t feel like he can protect you.
If you take that role away from him, he won’t be able to love you completely. A lasting, happy relationship will only happen if you are ready to embrace these gender roles.
You don’t have to be a relationship coach to know that this is true. Relationship advice from the people around you can only bring you that far.
What you have to understand is that you’re not falling victim to this. You’re a kind, generous woman who has a lot to offer a man. You’re a total catch!
Look at you. You’re completely independent, but you also want to be loved and cared for.
You don’t need a man, but when you want one and you want him to want you, this is the best solution for you.
8 ways to trigger a man’s hero instinct
You have the full potential to trigger this natural instinct in your man. You can activate the deepest desire and influence a man’s ego by doing nothing more than being a woman.
We, as women, make the mistake of thinking that men will try to battle for power in a relationship.
This might sound weird, but hear me out. You want to be the strong and independent woman you are, but you want him to protect you and spoil you at the end of the day.
That won’t work because all that a man sees is that you’re capable of taking care of yourself. Because of that, he won’t try to protect you even at times when you need him to.
He will believe that you can do everything by yourself, so why would he want to help you?
So, in order to unlearn that behavior and to trigger the hero instinct in your man, you have to follow a couple of simple steps.
1. Don’t make it easy for him
If you’re not already in a relationship, you really should consider how much interest you’re actually showing.
How many times have you heard that men love the chase? They feel like hunters in the wild when they have to chase a woman they’re really interested in.
They lose that interest very quickly when you’re overly enthusiastic. The fact that you’re texting him the entire time just doesn’t sit right with him. He can’t think of you as a high-value woman if you’re putting everything aside for him.
Even if you’re already in a relationship, this can be applied.
We tend to be overly compliant because of the need to please. You want to make him happy, you want to show him that he can trust you and be there for you.
But that’s not really the best thing you can do. The next time he asks something of you, or the next time he wants you to just do something for him – don’t.
Take a moment to realize how many times you’ve done things for him even though he actually doesn’t deserve that.
He just sits around and he expects you to do things unconditionally for him? Well, that’s about to change.
Don’t run after every single one of his needs. Let him chase you for a change. Be indifferent for a moment and show him that he has to put in a little bit of effort if he genuinely wants you.
2. Ask him to help you out
When you’re strong and independent, you forget to rely on people. Most of the time it’s because you can’t trust anyone with these tasks but yourself.
You would trust a man to help you out, but that just takes a lot of lost time that you probably don’t have. So you just do it yourself to save yourself the time and effort.
That’s when your man just realizes that you can do everything without him. He doesn’t feel needed or appreciated next to you. He feels like you don’t need him in your life at all.
The hero instinct in men kicks in very strongly in moments when you ask them for help.
Seems silly, but the next time you need to change a lightbulb or a tire, ask him to help you out. If you want a long-term relationship, you will want to incorporate this.
He will feel like a real hero, like Superman, if he gets to do something for you. He might appear a bit grumpy that he has to get up from the couch, but deep down he’ll feel so absolutely amazing.
That’s how you’ll trigger his natural need to save you and protect you. He’ll feel needed and like he has a place in your life.
3. Show him your gratitude
You won’t be able to trigger the hero instinct in men if he doesn’t know that you see his efforts.
He’ll try to prove his masculinity to you on multiple occasions and even in simple ways. But if he thinks that you’re oblivious to his efforts, he’ll just stop doing things for you.
Because of that, it’s so important for you to trigger his natural instinct by showing your appreciation. So the next time he does something for you, please remember to acknowledge his efforts and compliment him on it.
A man lives for praise, even if he doesn’t want to admit it. He loves to know that he’s the one you value and are grateful for.
Remind him that you actually see his efforts and that you appreciate his presence in your life. He’ll feel needed and loved above anything.
When you forget to praise your man for the things he does for you, he won’t feel that positive encouragement to continue working on himself.
As a cherry on top, please add a little kiss or a hug. Hug him a little bit tighter to emphasize the encouraging words that you say to him.
Don’t let his efforts fade into nothing. You wouldn’t appreciate it either if he continuously took you for granted and never thanked you for everything you’re doing for him.
4. Don’t be controlling
When you’re considering triggering the hero instinct in men, you should be careful about being controlling.
No relationship guide in this world would recommend controlling behavior. It’s always frowned upon. And you might even be controlling without knowing it.
To men, having a controlling girlfriend is very emasculating.
This doesn’t mean that he’ll try to control your behavior. You should never accept it when someone is so overly insecure that they expect you to follow their every command.
Most guys don’t have a problem with their girl going to get her nails and hair done. They don’t even voice their opinion on the matter because it’s your body and you have the right to do whatever you want.
I’m saying this because we as women have a tendency to go out of our way to comment on things our man does.
For example, he may occasionally go out with his boys for drinks or spend hours playing video games. And you feel absolutely livid about it for no reason.
This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t have a say in where you are on his list of priorities. If anything, you should be his biggest priority. But you shouldn’t expect him to let you control his every move.
The hero instinct in men doesn’t get activated if the girl they’re with is extremely controlling. He’ll only think that you’re too opinionated and demanding.
That’s not attractive at all. That’s a simple truth.
5. Let him fight your battles sometimes
Now, this one might sound a bit controversial. As a strong woman, you’ve always been the one to fight your own fights. You don’t let anyone mistreat you and you don’t tolerate disrespect.
But sometimes, in order to activate the hero instinct in men, you need to let him fight your fights.
Have you ever been in a situation where someone was expressing their opinion a tad too aggressively? Someone started an argument and you didn’t share their views on the topic.
The argument got heated to the point where the other person started to insult you and question your intelligence. They made you extremely uncomfortable and the power dynamic was completely off balance.
In situations like these, what you want is for your man to stand up for you. This can’t be a reoccurring thing. Especially if every single time this happens your man is sitting right there beside you.
No one is saying that you can’t fight your own battles, but sometimes you need someone to stick up for you.
That’s when you trigger the hero instinct in men. Let him take to the battleground for you.
We unfortunately still live in a society where many men respect each other more than any woman. A man like this won’t even give you the time of day to listen to your reasoning. But he will listen to another man.
Your partner will feel extremely powerful and just like a real-life superhero. He knows that you’re strong, but sometimes you need help. Let him be there for you and come to your rescue.
6. Praise him in front of others
We’ve already touched on the topic of the importance of praise when it comes to triggering the hero instinct in men.
He won’t know that he’s doing something right unless you tell him as much.
He’ll do anything to make you happy, but at the same time, you have to praise him when that behavior is constant. The best way to do that? Praise him in front of other people as well.
You can say something along the lines of “My husband/boyfriend never has to call the plumber for anything. He sorts it all out on his own in no time!”
You’re probably thinking that this is a poor example, but the point is, it’s about the little compliments. His hero instinct exists to protect you just as much as to gain respect from those around him.
He needs people to see him as a real man. You’ll even be able to see the way his body language changes when you say something positive in front of others about how he helps you.
His back will straighten, he’ll puff out his chest, and he’ll hold his head higher. That praise gives him confidence, and even if he gets a little shy, he’ll still remember that you said that.
He’ll want to do so many more things for you.
7. Support him in his endeavors
It’s scary to live in this world without any real support. When you’re with someone who doubts you and the things you want to do in your life, it’s like they don’t even love you at all.
This is an extremely bitter pill to swallow. You end up questioning everything. You don’t even want to be there for that person if they don’t support you in any way.
If you want to trigger the hero instinct in men, this is probably the safe bet. Remember, the hero instinct drives men to become better at everything they do.
It moves them to learn new skills, obtain new knowledge, and work on the relationship as well.
Supporting him means saying that you’re proud of him. It doesn’t mean that you don’t have the right to your opinion, but just don’t be overly critical of absolutely everything he does.
He’s probably trying his best right now. If he has your support, he’ll know that he’s your hero and want to work at it even more.
No one can grow when the person they love most is constantly criticizing them.
Be there for your man. Support your man. He’ll feel like the entire world is his oyster just by knowing that you’re always standing beside him, supporting him.
8. Remind him that he’s irreplaceable
This little trick won’t be that effective if he already thinks that he’s great. In other words, if he’s a narcissistt, this will not work.
But generally speaking, the hero instinct in men gets quickly activated when you tell them that there’s no one like them.
If he knows that you could easily replace him at any given moment, why would he put effort into your relationship? Why would he want to be your hero and to protect you if he’s just someone you’ve met who you can move on from tomorrow.
Remind him that he’s irreplaceable. When you do this, make sure he knows just how special he is to you. Tell him that the things he does for you, no one else is able to do.
You can even send him a random text message from time to time just to remind him. It really doesn’t matter if you say it over text at a random point in time.
If you want to make a man fall for you even more, this does the trick. He will completely thrive on the thought that he’s the only one who can make you feel that good about life.
You don’t have to be a relationship expert or therapist to know that it’ll boost his ego and trigger his natural instincts.