Think aloud
So, you two broke up and you used the no-contact rule to get back on your feet again. But then you realized you love your ex-boyfriend and you want to give him another chance. The problem is your ex responds to texts but never initiates.
But why does he refuse to initiate contact? Why’s he giving you mixed signals? Or is he unsure if he wants you back?
I get it, it’s frustrating that every time you want to send him a text message first. Deep down, you’re trying not to be the first to do so, but you can’t resist the urge, so you contact him anyways.
You feel guilty afterward, but reckon you made the right move because you assume that he wants you back as well. After all, your breakup wasn’t anything serious, it’s just that you needed some time apart to think about what you want from your lives.
But now you’re wondering whether or not initiating contact with your ex is the right move? After all, you’re his ex-girlfriend, so perhaps he doesn’t want you to contact him at all and he’s just trying to be polite.
Either way, your mission is clear: You’re head over heels for him and you need to see if the spark is still there.
You’re pretty sure that he cares about you, but not initiating conversation with the person you love is a pretty big deal for you.
So, why does your ex respond to text but never initiate? And is there a way to turn the tables around and get him to be the initiator?
Possible reasons your ex doesn’t contact you first
1. He’s too busy to send texts first
I hope that this is why your ex only replies to your texts. Maybe he’s a workaholic and simply doesn’t have time to initiate a conversation with you.
Even though he would like to because you’re his ex-GF and he still sees a future with you, he simply can’t because he has too much stuff going on in his life. Sometimes he doesn’t have time to reply to you and instead, gives you a quick phone call to tell you that he has work to do.
If you think that he fits this bill and he’s texting you back, then you can be sure that he still likes you.
After all, you wouldn’t take your time out of your busy schedule to reply to someone’s message if you don’t care about them.
That’s a good sign he’s thinking about you and doesn’t want to leave you hanging. You’re still in part of his life, but right now he’s just unable to shift his entire focus onto you.
2. He’s playing hard to get
Now that you want your ex back, you’re trying to pick up any signals that he feels the same way about you. And I understand how difficult can be to figure out what your ex wants because I’ve been in your shoes.
But sometimes, we get caught up in all those thoughts and fail to see that someone’s playing with us.
This can be annoying, and unfortunately, many guys do this. Maybe your ex wants you to chase after him. It could be that he replies to you but only the next day.
And the truth is, it should be the other way around. You’ll never get his attention if you chase after him. Don’t initiate conversations with him – instead, turn off your phone.
That way you’ll resist texting him and also be pleasantly surprised when you see his message later on.
On top of that, by chasing after him, you’re proving to him that you’re not a strong and independent woman who is confident in herself. And the reality is, many guys are looking for a woman like that.
Another benefit of keeping the phone off or in another room away from you is that you’re removing the temptation of responding too fast.
Let’s face it, your entire world doesn’t revolve around him (even though it feels like it right now). You’re not just sitting there waiting for him to text you.
The last thing you want is to come across as desperate, so trust me when I advise you to detach yourself from your phone.
3. He knows you’ll text him first
I know that it’s unfair if your ex does this to you, but some guys will refuse to be the initiator because they’ll know you’ll text them first.
Perhaps you get responses from him but only when it suits him. Usually, you wait a long time before he decides to give you an answer.
Some men are rather straightforward and will tell you they knew you were going to text them, so they just waited.
It’s an awful feeling knowing that a guy is taking advantage of you. You’re desperately trying to give him another chance but he’s not putting in any effort to change his bad habits.
And if you recognize that your ex is playing games with you, then you need to steer clear of him, regardless if you were in a long-term relationship.
4. He’s not sure what to say to you
“My ex doesn’t contact me first. Is he scared that I’m going to ignore him or is it something else?”
Maybe the breakup was a mistake and you stayed good friends afterward. And now that your ex is responding to texts but never initiating them, you’re wondering if he still loves you or not.
But maybe he doesn’t initiate messaging because he’s not sure of his feelings for you or your feelings for him.
He may be funny, intelligent, and witty. However, some guys need time to think of the perfect thing to say to their ex-girlfriend, so that they can come across as positive and happy. He wants to present the best version of himself even in those messages.
He isn’t ignoring you in any way, but he simply needs time to think of a response that will reignite the spark that the two of you had. Perhaps he wants to make you laugh and is looking for that perfect joke.
Whatever the case, this is a great sign that he’s still into you, so it’s quite okay that you’re the one who initiates some of the chats.
5. He has commitment issues
Maybe your ex has commitment issues and that’s why he’s holding off on initiating texts. Perhaps he doesn’t want to give you the wrong idea. I mean, he may still be interested in getting back together, but he needs some more time before committing.
Also, it could be that he’s afraid you might reject him and that’s why he has commitment issues.
I know what you’re thinking – “But I’m the one who is texting him first!” Nevertheless, he still may feel that if he texts you something, you may think it’s dumb, reinforcing his fear of rejection.
You can give him a slight push by texting him open-ended questions and hope that he’ll pluck up enough courage to ask you to meet up with him again.
6. He wants to play it casual
Similar to playing hard to get, playing casual is another way of keeping you in the dark regarding his feelings. This way, he has no responsibility in texting you first or texting you when you expect him to.
Even though you two have an emotional connection, he wants to keep things casual and not have the duty to send you a message first and tell you where he is and what he’s doing.
Obviously, he’s not into any kind of relationship right now and would like to play the field instead.
But that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s not into you. It could be that he has serious feelings for you but wants to take things slow and not make the same mistake twice.
A man like that will text you back because he wants to stay in touch with you. Your messages make him feel good, but he simply isn’t ready for anything big right now.
Perhaps he just wants to have a good time with you and if your paths cross more seriously in the future, so be it.
7. He doesn’t like texting
It might sound contradictory, but it could be that your ex simply doesn’t like texting and that’s why he doesn’t initiate conversations with you in the first place.
Truthfully, many guys aren’t that into texting at all. They only use messaging as a way to share information and arrange meetings, and for emergency texts when they can’t reach the other person.
And who knows, maybe your ex told you this but you simply didn’t believe him. If this is the case, your ex responds to texts but never initiates because he despises chatting over messages, especially over social media.
​The worst thing you could possibly do is try to get him to change. If you do that, he’ll feel pressured to be something he’s not. You need to accept him as he is, and who knows, it may get better over time.
And if this was the reason you two broke up in the first place, then you definitely need to talk to him about it before giving your love another chance.
8. He’s interested in you, but he’s also dating others
Sometimes it’s tough to accept that some guys make priorities in accordance with how difficult it is to get you.
The more effort they need to put in to sweep you off your feet, the better catch you are. At least, that’s what many men think.
Maybe the other girls aren’t texting him and that’s why he’ll make them a priority and take you for granted. Instead of focusing on you, he gives his attention and energy to those who are ignoring him and playing hard-to-get.
He subconsciously multiplies his efforts in trying to win them over and that could be the reason your ex responds to texts but never initiates them.
Even though you had good conversations, he’ll never be the first to send you a message because he knows that you’ll do it anyway.
But this doesn’t mean he’s not interested in getting back together with you. It’s just that other girls also have his attention and it will take some time before he realizes what he’s doing and how he’s treating you.
9. He’s an introvert
Your ex might just be an introvert and unable to text you first because of his shy nature. Unlike extroverts, introverts have a difficult time opening up to other people and taking the initiative.
That’s why your ex chooses not to text you at all until you are the one who sends him a message first.
You should never blame him for this because it’s not his fault at all. He simply lives in a world where he isn’t in control of a lot of things and he fears that he’ll be judged for everything he does.
So, he decides to wait for you to contact him first because he’s too anxious about it. He’s afraid you’ll think that he’s annoying and boring, and that you’d outright reject him.
He wants to give you a second chance but he has issues opening up to people – and in this case, you.
If you really want to decipher the real reason he never texts you first, you should pay attention to his body language, intentions, and personality traits. Those things can really help you see if he’s still interested in you or if he wants to move on with his life with someone else.
What to do when your ex responds to texts but never initiates
1. Stop being always available
The number one thing that you can do to turn the tables around and get him to chase you is to stop being available whenever he reaches out.
If you are waiting for him to reply to your message, he’ll think of you as a desperate and needy woman who doesn’t have anything better to do. You know that’s not true, but that’s not the impression you’re giving him.
The more time he thinks you dedicate to him, the less likely he’s going to initiate conversations with you and you’ll likely never receive a good morning message from him ever again.
So, your best option is to keep your distance and be patient. I’m not suggesting that you avoid or ignore him, but don’t be there whenever he wants you to be.
He needs to see that you have other things to do besides texting him all day. If you ever want to get him back, then he has to miss you.
2. Identify what your ex feels emotionally connected to
Each of us is drawn to our significant other because of something. It may be that we can’t get enough of their smile or the way they talk about the things they’re passionate about. It’s different for everyone.
I know that it’s tough to have your ex respond to texts but never initiate. But you can turn the situation in your favor, by using the very thing that attracts him to you.
If you were actually present in your relationship then you already know how to keep his attention. Use that to build emotional momentum so that he starts missing you.
3. Give him a reason to text you
Try to remember the reason your ex contacted you the first time. Perhaps he saw that you were planning a trip to his favorite destination and that’s why he messaged you first? Or he was amazed by your artwork?
Whatever the case, your goal is to get him intrigued by posting something online you know he’ll want to see.
You want to recreate the same feelings he had the first time he saw you. And if he sees that you’re sharing things he’s into, then he’ll be more likely to reach out and initiate the conversation.
Don’t just post pictures of you having the time of your life without him. If you do that, then he’ll think he’s just being a nuisance and not even bother sending you a message.
If you don’t know what he’s into you because your relationship was short, then you can always ask your mutual friends.
Find a way to give him a reason to text you and he’ll be yours again in no time.
4. Fix the things he dumped you over
Sometimes in a relationship, a woman can get into the habit of behaving in a certain way that is unattractive to her man. Perhaps she starts being needy and clingy, which are things that are rather unappealing to a man.Â
So, if you want him to initiate conversations, then you need to make certain changes about yourself first.
Every relationship is different, so you need to stop for a moment and think about your ex’s real reasons for breaking things off.
When you finally do get a chance to talk, he needs to see that you’re not the same person as you were before and he’ll then experience new feelings for you.
5. Give him a reason to remember you
If you want to get him back, you have to make yourself memorable. He has to think about you when he’s at work and even randomly throughout the day.
In order to achieve that, you need to make a really good impression on him. Show him that you’re spontaneous and you have a great sense of humor – make some jokes or laugh at his. The more you stand out from the crowd, the more he’ll remember you.
6. Have a great time with him
Just think about it for a moment. What will get him to initiate conversations first? It’s when he starts missing you more than he is now.
So, you need to show him that you can still have fun even though you’re not in a relationship anymore.
Next time you talk to him, send him a funny video or start reminiscing about the time you were happy together. Make him miss you and the good times, and you’ll probably have a text waiting for you when you get home from work.
You’ll see how quickly things change in your favor and he won’t get enough of you. Soon, he’ll ask you to meet up with him and to give him another chance.
7. Call him out on it
If your ex responds to texts but never initiates, you can always call him out on it and say what’s really bothering you.
Maybe he doesn’t even realize what he’s doing. On the other hand, he could also be expecting that you’ll always text him first, so he doesn’t make any effort to send you a message.
If this really annoys you, then just ask him why he does that. Tell him that you don’t mind being the one who starts the conversations, but you aren’t sure whether he’s free or has something else to do.
Either way, you’ll know if he’s interested in getting back together or just playing games with you.
8. Accept that he might not be into you anymore
Unfortunately, there’s a possibility that your ex is leading you on and isn’t interested in you anymore.
Perhaps he’s simply bored and is using you to pass his time. If you think this is the case, then you should accept it and stop texting him altogether.
Don’t waste your time on a man who has no intention of being serious with you. But you never know, your absence may reignite his feelings and he could start chasing after you.
Just don’t be the one who does the chasing, ever! You’re just wasting your time on a man who isn’t worthy of your love.
Take that as a sign and focus on yourself. Give yourself enough time to heal and quit thinking about whether or not you’ll get back together.
Accept whatever happens between you two and if you don’t feel like always starting the conversations, then just don’t. By doing so, you’ll see how much (or little) he cares for you.
