Is he using me or can we actually have something real? There’s not a woman in this world who hasn’t asked herself this question at least once in her life.
While you want to give your heart to a man, he often wants something else from you instead. He ends up using you for his own needs and leaving you heartbroken and you can’t help but wonder why.
The most common reason a guy would use you is for physical intimacy. After he gets what he wants, he’ll be on his way because a committed relationship is out of the question.
Sometimes, a man may be after your money instead and other times, he just wants to use you to boost his ego or to make another girl jealous.
This is terrible but it happens to every one of us at some point in our life.
Is it happening to you right now? To find out, read these signs that show he just wants to take advantage of you.
Is he using me? 22 signs he just wants to take advantage of you
1. You only hear from him late at night
Why would this guy only want to get in touch with you or see you late at night unless he’s using you? He probably isn’t a vampire so the only explanation is that he wants to hook up and leave.
Texting only late at night is a classic hint that a guy just wants to use you but you can easily test him to find out whether this is true.
If he only wants to see you at night, text to ask him to see you during the day and wait for his answer.
What did he reply with? If he only listed a number of fake excuses, like being too busy, that’s exactly what they are – excuses.
It’s actually simple; he doesn’t want to see you because he’s after only one thing.
2. He acted like a gentleman at first and then stopped
Maybe he used to pick you up and take you on romantic dates. He opened doors for you and pulled out your chair.
Maybe you even got roses and other small and thoughtful gifts. Now, you’re left wondering, “Is he using me?” because he stopped doing these things for you.
Sure, if you’ve been together a long time, the honeymoon phase may have passed. On the other hand, if you’ve been together only a short time, something else is going on.
A gentleman doesn’t stop being a gentleman for no apparent reason. It’s much more likely that he was just trying to win you over and once he got what he wanted, he didn’t feel the need to trick you into being with him anymore.
Soon enough, he will either act like he’s not interested in order to make you leave or ghost you.
3. He doesn’t want to talk about himself
The truth is, most guys aren’t really talkative by nature but are they really that secretive about themselves? If this guy doesn’t want to talk to you or open up, he clearly has ulterior motives.
You can test him by asking him some personal questions, such as where he grew up. Ask him whether he has any siblings and whether they get along well.
You can ask him anything you want as long as you pay attention to what he tells you afterward. If he answers with just one word and avoids going into detail, it’s a bad sign.
Maybe he tries to avoid the subject altogether, as he’s actually avoiding growing closer to you. If simple questions like the ones I mentioned get him to shut down, just run and don’t look back.
4. He’s not interested in learning more about you
How much interest does he show when it comes to you and your life? If he’s truly interested in you, he’ll want to learn more about you and he’ll ask you personal questions about your life.
What kinds of questions does he ask you? If he doesn’t ask you about your friends and family, your hopes and dreams, or your childhood, he’s just a player.
Maybe he’s not even interested enough to ask you what you were up to while you were apart.
This lack of interest is a warning, so you shouldn’t wonder, “Is he using me?” because all the signs point to it. Maybe you’re trying to ignore them because you like him but take care of yourself and let him go.
5. He doesn’t refer to you as his girlfriend
When a guy avoids ‘putting a label on things’ and referring to you two as girlfriend and boyfriend, it’s your cue to run.
For some reason, we always find excuses to trust guys who do this but we definitely shouldn’t. The harsh reality is that when a guy doesn’t want to call you his girlfriend, he doesn’t want you to be one.
How can you know for sure? Ask him and wait for his answer.
If he says something like “Why rush things?” or, “I’m simply not in that place yet,” or, “Let’s take things slow,” know that these are all classic excuses guys use when they don’t want to commit.
Don’t ever torture yourself with the question, “Is he using me?” when a guy avoids calling you his girlfriend. Unless you’re really not in a relationship, he doesn’t want to be in one.
6. He’s not affectionate when you’re around other people
Sometimes, a guy is just not that into PDAs but in those situations, you’ll already be familiar with this preference. However, your guy is simply not affectionate when you’re around friends or anywhere in public and it’s a bad sign.
It’s very suspicious when a guy acts this way and often it’s because he’s already involved with someone else. He doesn’t want his girlfriend to find out about you so he avoids being loving in public.
Maybe his friends don’t even know that he’s dating you. Sadly, when a woman wonders, “Is he using me?” she often finds out that the guy she’s with is just a cheater.
7. You’ve never had an actual date
Maybe you meet this guy at a bar, go to his place, or he comes to yours. Regardless, you don’t actually go on dates and this often indicates that a guy is not serious about you.
He may be using you for show or for physical intimacy but it could even be both! Some guys boost their ego by walking around with a good-looking girl in front of their friends.
They aren’t interested in actually being in a relationship, though, so don’t trust a guy who doesn’t take you out on dates.
Think about it; can any of the times you met him count as actual dates? If not, you should get away from him because he just wants to use you.
8. You pay for everything
You’re into this man, so you don’t mind covering a few of his expenses. Maybe you pay for dinner and drinks but those small expenses start to pile up.
You may even find yourself in a situation where he’s crashing at your place or you’re paying his rent. A guy who acts that way is not your boyfriend, he’s a friend with benefits and the benefit is your money.
As I already mentioned earlier, a man may use you for your money and not physical intimacy. It doesn’t happen as often but it certainly happens.
We live in modern times and there’s nothing wrong with a woman picking up the check but when a guy is never willing to pay for anything, there’s something very wrong.
A man who’s into you would want to treat you sometimes. Even if he’s broke, he would be able to at least buy you coffee to go or popcorn at the movies.
Your guy is perfectly happy with you paying for everything and it’s because he’s using you.
9. He never does anything for you
You drive this guy to work, pick up the tab, walk his dog for him, or anything else. What does he do for you?
Think about it, does he ever actually return the favor? You just want to rely on him the same way he can rely on you but that’s not possible, is it?
Instead of doing the same for you, this guy does nothing to reciprocate your efforts. He’s clearly taking advantage of you and you shouldn’t ignore it any longer.
Don’t keep wondering, “Is he using me?” and kick him to the curb before you fall for him even harder.
10. Is he using you? If he’s never there for you, he is
The right man for you would drop everything to be there for you when you need him. Is this guy there when things get tough?
When you have a flat tire or need a shoulder to cry on, does he show up for you? You’d expect to see him with a spare tire or a box of tissues but he’s nowhere to be found.
This guy is never going to be there for you and by now, you’ve realized that you can’t count on him. If he refuses to give you a helping hand even when you ask for it, you should definitely leave him.
He’s not interested in having a romantic relationship with you and he’s just taking advantage of you.
11. He hasn’t introduced you to his friends
A guy who likes you will want to show you off and brag about you to his friends. Meeting the family usually takes longer but meeting his friends should happen early on in a relationship.
You haven’t met this guy’s friends, though, and when you ask him about it, he avoids giving you a straight answer. He just comes up with excuses and avoids talking to you about them.
Maybe he even said that he’ll introduce you to them but he keeps putting it off, so why is that so? Most likely, he just wants to use you, so you should leave the jerk.
When a guy doesn’t want you to meet his friends, he surely isn’t serious about you.
12. He only sees you when it’s convenient for him
The two of you only get together when it’s convenient for this guy to see you. Basically, he never makes time for you and you have to fit into his schedule, which just shows that he considers you an option, not a priority.
Even when he calls to meet up, it’s just because no one else was available and he was bored.
If a man sees you only when it’s convenient for him, he’s not that into you. He’s probably just using you, even if it’s just so that he can have someone to hang out with when no one else is around.
13. He ghosts you
Is there anything worse than meeting a cute guy just to have him disappear on you after you started liking him? It’s perfectly understandable if you’re frustrated because this guy ghosted you.
You don’t hear from him anymore but after a while, he may come back, and naturally, he’ll bring his excuses with him – but you shouldn’t listen to them!
If he ghosts you and comes back whenever he feels like it, don’t wonder, “Is he using me?” because this proves it. He comes back only when he wants or needs something from you, so he’s clearly taking advantage of you.
Maybe he’s even seeing someone else or just doesn’t want anything serious with you. Either way, don’t let him walk in and out of your life as he pleases.
14. He ignores you
Maybe he ignores your texts or just acts distant when you’re around or perhaps he doesn’t pay attention to you when you’re talking. Whatever way he’s ignoring you, it’s definitely a bad sign.
Ignoring someone shows a lack of emotional investment, compassion, and respect, and if your guy’s doing this, it’s very likely that he’s just using you for some reason.
Even if he’s not, a guy who ignores you is definitely not a guy you should be chasing.
15. He doesn’t want to talk to you about the future
Talking about the future is a part of every healthy relationship. Whether it’s planning the next date, a vacation, or your life five years from now, future plans are important.
Couples naturally talk about these things from time to time and they don’t freak out about discussing where the relationship is going either.
If your guy instead avoids discussing the future with you, it’s very likely that he’s just using you.
Maybe he just answers with, “I don’t know,” or, “I’m not sure,” which are equally alarming. He’s not unsure, he just wants to avoid the subject to hide the truth.
The truth is that he just wants to take advantage of you and walk out of your life as if nothing happened.
16. He’s a selfish lover
Your lover should care about your pleasure but this man thinks only about himself. Instead of cuddling with you, he only wants to get what he’s after.
His needs are the only ones that matter and he doesn’t even care whether you enjoy the intimacy.
Maybe you even tell him that you would like him to kiss you more or something like that but he ignores it. Instead, he just wants you to please him and then he’s on his way.
“Is he using me?” If you’re asking yourself this question, think about whether you want to lie to yourself.
It’s pretty clear that this man is just trying to use you, so why are you denying it? Don’t let your feelings for him fool you into taking his selfish behavior.
He’s just going to break your heart anyway, so you’re better off without him.
17. He won’t see you unless physical intimacy is an option
If a man’s just using you for physical intimacy, he won’t be around when that’s not an option. When you just want to take a walk or grab a cup of coffee, he’ll say that he’s busy.
Test his intentions by inviting him to some event. Let him know that you’ve made plans with your friends afterward so you won’t be able to go to his place or yours at the end of the night.
Is he still interested in going to the event? Or does not being able to spend the night with you change things?
This is the easiest way to find out whether he’s using you and if he is, don’t let him hurt you. Notice the signs he doesn’t like you and walk away from him.
18. He doesn’t make you feel special
Sometimes, the best way to know whether a guy’s using you or not is by how he makes you feel. How does he treat you?
Is he considerate and kind? Does he care about your feelings and thoughts and does he try to make you feel cared for and comfortable around him?
A guy who likes you would do these things because he’d want to make you happy. If he doesn’t, he’s probably just using you and isn’t that into you to begin with.
Always keep in mind that you deserve better than that, so don’t settle for a guy who doesn’t make you feel special.
19. He has a bad reputation
Maybe you tend to have the hots for bad guys but you know that they’re just going to use you. Dating this kind of guy has its allure but it doesn’t come without a price.
If he has a bad reputation, don’t fool yourself into thinking that you can change him. Maybe you just want to have fun with him and that’s okay but are you falling for him?
Don’t get your heart broken just because a guy knows how to get inside your head.
Bad boys can be fun but they never change and you have to accept that. They just use women and you’re not going to be the one who makes him change his ways.
Ask around about a guy before dating him. If he has a bad reputation, know that you’re only going to end up in tears if you fall for him.
Keep an eye on him if you’re already involved because you’ll notice major signs you’re dealing with a master manipulator.
20. He hides his phone from you
A guy can get overly protective of his phone even if he has nothing to hide. When he doesn’t let you anywhere near his phone, though, he’s definitely hiding something.
Maybe he even takes his phone with him everywhere he goes and there’s probably something on there that he doesn’t want you to see.
He may be using you and even lying to you about something important and there could be signs he’s using you to get over a heartache, like still texting his ex.
A guy who isn’t hiding anything wouldn’t even bother to think about where he leaves his phone but a man who just wants to use you won’t let it out of his sight instead.
Maybe he’s seeing someone else or is even already in a relationship with another woman. Either way, don’t trust a man who always hides his phone from you.
21. He constantly crashes at your place
This guy always turns up uninvited and crashes at your place. He comes and goes as he pleases and he treats your home as if it’s his own.
You may like that but it’s actually a bad sign that he could be using you for stability and money. If you’re okay with that, you still need to set some boundaries and make this arrangement work for both of you, not just for him.
If he’s officially living with you, you should talk about it and he should chip in for rent and bills.
22. He’s seeing someone else
Last but least, you may discover that your man’s already involved with someone else. If you have any suspicions that he’s seeing someone else, trust your gut and run away from him, whether he’s cheating on you or cheating with you.
You deserve a man who wouldn’t show any of these signs that he’s taking advantage of you. Stay strong!