Whether you want to get rid of your ex-boyfriend for good or want your ex back, one thing is certain: The no contact rule sure works. But why do men come back after no contact?
The truth is that breakups are tough. There’s no way around it. You feel hurt, your heart is aching, and you’re emotionally broken. The pain doesn’t seem to go away. It certainly doesn’t get much tougher than that.
The no contact rule can help you relieve that pain. It’s where you break off any type of communication with your ex-boyfriend even if you’re the dumper.
I’m sure that you’ve heard about the no contact rule before and that’s for a good reason – it works every time!
After a breakup, it’s difficult to get rid of the thoughts surrounding your ex.
It’s like you’re addicted to him and you’ll do anything you can to heal the pain you’re experiencing after parting ways.
Perhaps he broke up with you and you’re in agony right now. You’re waiting for him to text you back so that you can feel that dopamine rush once again. Certainly, there are other ways to achieve that.
First, you have to give yourself time to heal. When a relationship ends, all the reasons it ended are still present.
The issues still exist – they don’t magically repair themselves.
That’s where using the no contact period comes in handy. It gives you the opportunity to clear your mind from toxic thoughts.
What exactly does no contact mean?
Well, it literally means no contact at all, in the amount of time you set for yourself. It can be a couple of weeks, a month, whatever.
It’s all up to you. The focus is on you and not him.
And it certainly works if you work it. So during the no contact period, you have absolutely zero contact with your ex.
That means no texting, no phone calls, no Facebook messaging, no Tinder stalking, no Whatsapp.
Absolutely nothing! No stalking on his social media accounts either!
Your wish is to break off from anything that reminds him of you in the first place, remember? It might seem tough at first, but trust me, it will certainly pay off.
It will require a great deal of willpower and self-control on your end, but you have to be persistent if you want to get him back or to get rid of him for good.
Whether you succeed or not will largely depend on you and the choices that you make.
Also, it depends on how you measure your success. Maybe you think about reuniting with your loved one, but that’s not always the best idea.
Maybe your love life will get better once you cut him off.
Also, you have to remember that some relationships can’t and shouldn’t be repaired!
If you were abused in any shape or form, yet you can’t stop thinking about him, the no contact rule will help you detox of anything that reminded you of him.
Does no contact rule work on men?
The obvious answer is yes.
Men and women think differently. Men’s behavior is different and so is their mindset.
Men respond differently when experiencing heartbreak. First, they cut off all connections with their ex-girlfriend only to try to get back together later.
The male mind usually responds well to reverse psychology.
In a nutshell, you have to do everything opposite to what he expects and you’ll make him beg for you to come back to him.
Don’t text or call him, don’t look for closure. Just disappear from his life and give yourself enough time to process the breakup.
It will be hard to ignore your ex the first time you receive a message from him.
But if you’re persistent in your intention, you’ll make him question why he ever broke up with you to begin with.
As I mentioned before, it’s important that you shift your interest from him to you.
As much as you want him to be, he’s not that important anymore. YOU ARE!
Try to use those days of no contact rule to improve yourself.
Try to become the best version of yourself and focus on your own happiness. Work on your self-worth and self-esteem and try to do something for yourself for once.
So, why do men come back after no contact?
What’s the secret – why do men come back after no contact? Why do you have to use this method to get him back, if that’s what you want?
Well, the long and short of it is that men love the thrill of the chase.
They want to feel alive and they love the adrenaline they get from chasing after something.
They feel most alive when they’re presented with a tough goal and they need to make an effort to achieve it.
So, no contact provides the perfect circumstance for a guy to realize what he truly wants. And if he comes back, he’s realized he wants YOU.
1. They know that you’ve moved on
One of the benefits of the no contact rule is that you finally have time for yourself.
You can do whatever you want to do and go wherever you want to go. You can finally move on from your toxic relationship and focus on yourself.
The worst thing you can do is to sit alone and cry all night.
Instead, regain your power, hang out with your friends and start dating other people if you feel like doing it.
Only then you’ll find your inner peace and you’ll finally move on and get over the whole thing.
And once you implement the no contact rule and stop texting or calling him, that’s when he’ll come back to you.
You’ll see that in a couple of weeks he’ll try to contact you either by sending you a text message saying that he’s sorry or by calling you and asking can he meet you again.
When you move on with your life, your ex will see that you can do better without him.
He’ll feel worthless, so that’s why he’ll try to come back to you.
2. They see you as a challenge again
You know that nothing worth having comes without a fight. You’ve heard this before and it’s definitely true.
Sometimes, men act weird, and you can’t explain why they behave that way.
One such example is when they know they have you in the palm of their hand, their emotions for you will begin to fade.
That’s why the key is to keep the challenge going once you two are no longer together anymore.
The more you focus on yourself, the more he’ll be attracted to you.
Try to do something crazy and fun. Break your routine. Stay true to your best friends and start new hobbies.
Once he sees you as a challenge, he’ll come back running to you.
In addition to that, the no contact rule helps you break off any communication with him, so you don’t have to remind yourself that he even exists.
You can focus solely on yourself and your happiness alone. That is what keeps a man on his toes.
When you present yourself as a woman who is hard to get, he will put in extra effort to prove to you that he can win you over.
3. Their conscience is eating away at them
One thing is certain, conscience doesn’t age. It doesn’t go away over time.
He’ll come back after no contact because his conscience is eating away at him.
He’ll start to feel guilty about something he has done to you or because he said something wrong.
He’ll start thinking about all the bad stuff he did that hurt you when you were together.
The no contact rule only intensifies the pain since he can’t directly ask you for forgiveness for what he’s done.
He’ll finally see that he took you for granted and that he didn’t deserve you.
The next day he’ll say to himself that those emotions mean nothing and that he shouldn’t worry about them.
But deep down he knows that his guilty conscience is making his life unbearable. And once he realizes that, he’ll try to do something about it.
But he won’t succeed because you won’t reply to him. You stick to your no contact rule and you resist the urge to respond!
Only then will you succeed in your intentions to get him back or to get rid of him once and for all.
4. They’re single and desperate
This is when men realize they messed up big time.
Once you stop sending them good morning texts and telling them you love them, reality will hit them.
But, why do men come back after no contact? Because they may be desperate and single.
It’s when he comes home drunk and notices that there isn’t someone waiting for him.
That the house is empty and cold, with no one like you who gave him affection, love, or attention.
Being single isn’t the worst thing in the world, but the realization that you’re all alone for the first time in a while definitely is.
You should protect yourself with radio silence. Give him the silent treatment and he’ll definitely feel your absence.
He’ll come to the realization that being with you was far better than being single. That’s why he’ll come back running to you.
5. They truly miss you
Why do men come back after no contact? Because they realize how much they miss you.
Sometimes he’s not desperate or anything else, he just genuinely misses you. He reminisces on your good old memories of when you were together.
And everything around him starts reminding him of you.
When he sees a couple eating ice-cream together, he immediately thinks about the time the two of you were did the same thing.
That’s when the guilt and pain intensifies.
There’s a chance that he might keep all the gifts he received from you.
He might even look at them from time to time to remind himself of how great a relationship he had with you.
Those gifts or things will instantly evoke memories of you.
When you use the no contact rule, your ex will become aware of how valuable you were to him and he’ll start to miss you.
6. They want to see if you miss them as much as they miss you
When you give them the silent treatment and don’t contact them for a couple of weeks, they’ll definitely start wondering whether or not you miss them as much as they miss you.
So, their urge to call or to text you grows even stronger than it was before.
And when they finally muster the courage to contact you, they say something like, “I really miss you and I wish you were with me…”
And the first thing that pops into your mind is that they’re lying to you.
For them, messaging you is completely normal, but to you, it’s only confused your feelings even more.
It’s difficult to believe that once you use the no contact rule, men will try to come back to you. But they won’t just do that, they’ll change their game.
However, that shows how effective the no contact rule is.
Even if you were in a long-term relationship, the no contact rule can give him the opportunity to see how valuable you truly are.
7. They realize the grass isn’t greener on the other side
Despite having your share of arguments and fights in the relationship, you thought that he was the one for you.
But sometimes men leave their partner because they think the grass is greener on the other side – that there’s someone better out there for them.
They fear that they’re missing out on something and that’s why they leave to explore other options.
This type of behavior is really toxic and you should never settle for a guy who thinks this way.
So, now that you’ve implemented the no contact rule, why does he come back to you?
Well, the truth is he explored other options and he realized that that the other side isn’t greener after all.
He saw that every girl he met has her own flaws and that there’s no such thing as a perfect girlfriend.
His pursuit for greener grass ends up in disappointment and that’s why he wants to come back.
All of sudden, he became aware that he took you for granted once he saw that no other girl was prepared to accept him as he is.
8. They become jealous
With today’s technology, it’s never been easier to become jealous of someone you’re desperately trying to forget.
Everything is one click away. And the thing is, your ex-boyfriend isn’t that much different than other men.
Once you give him the silent treatment and refuse to contact him in any way, he’ll turn his attention to social media.
And he may become jealous once he sees how great you’re doing without him.
This is especially true if you post a picture of yourself with another guy.
Your ex will become jealous of him and try to find out whether or not he’s your new boyfriend.
He might contact you by sending you a text or giving you a call saying that he wants to see you again so that you can try to rekindle the old flame.
You won’t fall into that trap! You’ll stay strong and resist the urge to reply!
9. They want the chase
Why do men come back after no contact? Because of the chase, of course.
As I previously mentioned, men love the thrill of the chase. They live for it, they praise it, and they come back for it.
They were born for it. Eventually, it becomes so much embedded into their life that they can’t live without it.
Try to picture this: You meet this guy at the bar and instantly you hit it off.
You like each other a lot and you start a relationship, but after a while, he grows tired of it and decides to leave you. Sounds familiar, right?
Well, the best way to attract him again is to give him the silent treatment and not to contact him at all.
Why? Because he’s got another opportunity to chase you, that’s why!
I know it sounds ridiculous, but it’s the truth.
Believe it or not, most guys will always try to prove something to themselves and everybody else because they need that confirmation.
They feed off of it.
It must be said, though, that a real man will chase his woman long after she’s already his!
10. They changed
There are instances when men need a break to figure things out.
Some guys have a problem accepting their feelings because they are still immature and haven’t emotionally grown up.
By no means am I saying that’s a deal-breaker – many men have issues they need to fix, and many do just that.
So, why do men come back after no contact?
Well, after not hearing from you for some time, they come back because they realize they made a mistake.
He’s realized that he was the one to blame for your breakup, and the no contact rule gave him an opportunity to figure that out.
Being ever-present in a man’s life will get you nowhere. A man will want you back the moment he fears losing you is an option.
He won’t be curious about what you’re up to and why you look so happy if you’re always around.
But if you apply the no contact rule, he’ll see that you are emotionally independent and have grown from your breakup.
That’s when reality will hit him and he’ll start putting in the effort to get you back.
He’ll want something that he can’t have. That’s the ultimate goal, remember?
Avoid these most common mistakes after no contact
It’s easy to get caught up in your own feelings and break the no contact rule by yourself.
Here’s what you shouldn’t do after you followed through with the no contact rule.
It’s difficult to maintain the 30-day no contact rule (or whatever number you set for yourself) when you love that person.
I know that. And now that the time has passed, he still hasn’t contacted you.
Did you do something wrong? Has your ex found someone else?
Remember to keep calm and not overreact. Have you learned anything during your period of no contact?
You have to have patience and persist in your intentions.
You must remember why you implemented the no contact rule in the first place. It was because you wanted to recover from your breakup.
You should be looking forward and not dwelling on your past.
You should be keeping yourself busy enough so you don’t have time to think about your ex-relationship.
2. Pausing your life
The goal of the no contact rule is to help you get your wits together.
Don’t look at that set period of time as an interruption, but rather as an opportunity to remember how your life was before you were in a relationship with your ex.
When you were a couple, you put your life on hold, but now is not the time to do the same thing.
After those set days over, you have the power to decide if your life has truly improved.
3. Demanding answers
It’s natural to want to demand answers once your relationship is over.
You want to know the reasons you two broke up, whether he cheated on you, or something similar.
But that’s one of the biggest mistakes that you can make after no contact.
Don’t demand any explanations from him because he’ll feel as if he’s under attack. The last thing you want is to be pushy when emotions are involved.
Your goal is to demonstrate to him that you’re perfectly capable of living without him. Don’t break down!
Having a rebound relationship never fixes anything.
You may believe that focusing on other guys will make you forget about your ex, but you have to find something else to do rather than chase other boys.
It may boost your self-esteem a bit, but only for a short period of time.
Give yourself time to work through your pain and open up your heart to the possibility of finding true love.