Are you nervous about receiving your ex’s first text after the no-contact rule? Are you questioning whether or not replying to his text messages will really make a difference in getting him back?
Many women will agree with me saying that sending your ex-boyfriend a text first can only make the situation worse for you. Why? Because texting him first will make you look like you’re the desperate one and he’ll know he has you in the palm of his hand.
But one thing is certain: Texting is a very powerful tool in getting your ex back. It can definitely help you rekindle your relationship.
Most people use it as their go-to tactic when they try to reach out to their exes. The reason for that is because it’s easier to type a message and send it than to have a face-to-face conversation with your ex.
So, why is texting so powerful?
Well, with texting, you have all the time and space you need to figure out precisely what you want to say and how to say it. It can also help you create a sense of excitement that raises your ex’s curiosity and feelings.
But that’s true only if you know the proper technique of writing a text message to your ex (which I’ll show you later in this article). Also, it can help you be in control of the conversation.
Keep in mind that subtle body language signs can tell a lot about your intentions. That’s why it’s best to avoid calling him because he’ll know you want him back from the nervous stutter of your voice.
Before you reply to his first text
I understand that you’re here to learn more about the proper technique of texting, but first, you have to go through certain checkpoints to make sure you’re in the right mindset. It’s important to first get back on your feet with the help of the no-contact rule, as well as recognize what went wrong in your relationship.
Getting your life back together using the no-contact rule
If you’re feeling terrible and miserable right now, the best way to deal with those emotions is to apply the no-contact rule.
The longer you hold on to those emotions, the harder will be for you to take back control of your life. And that’s exactly the purpose behind the no-contact rule.
So how long does the no-contact rule last?
That’s something that entirely depends on your emotional and mental state. You probably already know about the 30-day rule, but not everyone deals with their emotions the same way.
If your heart broke into a million pieces, then you may need more time in order to pick yourself up and heal.
The most important thing to remember is that you shouldn’t rush into reaching out for him after a month if you don’t feel like you’re ready. If you need more time, then take more time!
Most relationship experts will advise you not to contact your ex-boyfriend for four weeks.
That includes no texting, calling, stalking, or anything that has to do with your boyfriend. You have to isolate yourself both physically and mentally from your previous relationship.
You’ll only hurt yourself if you do decide to contact him during those four weeks. Besides, he’ll think that you’re being desperate and needy, and use it to his advantage.
The no-contact rule can definitely help you detox from your previous relationship. You should be able to embrace the feelings that you have, mourn, and be better because of them.
It’s a whole process that you need to go through and your ex shouldn’t interrupt you in any way. If he keeps coming in and out of your life, it will only create confusion in your mind and heart.
This period will also give you a chance to put yourself back together. The no-contact rule is the perfect opportunity for you to figure out who you are without him in your life.
Usually, couples lose themselves in the relationship, especially if it was a toxic one. All those fights that you experienced had an effect on your well-being.
Now you have to focus on the most important relationship in your life, and that’s the one you have with yourself. Take your time and work on it.
Once you feel that you’ve created a stronger bond with your inner self, then you’ll be able to give your ex another chance. But if you stay in touch with him during your healing phase, that won’t happen at all.
What went wrong in your relationship?
One of the toughest things to do is admit what went wrong and work on it. It’s unfortunately that elephant in the room that you have to address.
Ask yourself this: What was the cause of your breakup?
Now that you have taken your time to focus on yourself, you can start your healing process by understanding what went wrong.
It really doesn’t make a difference if you were the dumper or the one who got dumped, there were certain issues in your relationship that led to your breakup.
The spark that you once had with your partner is now gone and you don’t feel attracted to him anymore. Being with him felt like a burden to you and you needed a break.
But you should ask yourself what really happened between you two.
Don’t blame everything on him because it’s almost never entirely his fault (unless he cheated on you, of course).
Keep in mind that a relationship is a two-way street and both parties have to put an equal amount of time and effort to make it work.
I get that it’s hard for you to seek the truth – to be honest with yourself and face the bitter truth. But accept your mistakes and learn from them.
If he broke up with you, then you may have heard one of these breakup excuses from your ex: “It’s not you, it’s me.” “I don’t find you attractive anymore.” “I found someone else.”
Knowing what those excuses are can help you get a better idea of what went wrong in your relationship.
And if you feel like you can’t go through the process alone, then ask a close friend or family member to support you.
If you face the breakup pain now, you’ll have a better shot at creating a stronger bond with your ex-boyfriend if you do decide to give him another chance.
The first text after the no-contact rule
Interpreting and responding to the first text after the no-contact rule can be nerve-racking and exciting at the same time.
Your nerves shoot through the roof since you don’t know exactly why he’s contacted you, but deep down in your heart, you’re glad he did.
But despite feeling nervous, don’t let your emotions govern your actions. If you rush things, you may scare off your ex and lose your chances of getting him back. You may just say something he isn’t prepared to hear from you.
So, do your best not to be thrown off by his first text, and don’t let him see that you’ve been dying to hear from him again. Instead, your best option would be to pretend as if it doesn’t bother you one bit.
Be confident and portray those alpha traits that you have. That way, your ex won’t regret contacting you in the first place.
I know that it sounds simple, but the first text after the no-contact rule matters a lot.
While it may take him just a couple of weeks to send you a message, others wait for months or even years before sending their ex a text.
Either way, you won’t see it coming and you’ll definitely switch to anxiety mode. What does that mean? Well, you’ll start overanalyzing every word he’s typed.
Be careful not to drive yourself crazy trying to understand your ex’s intentions and why he’s decided to contact you first. No matter how hard you try, you’ll never be able to read his mind.
If you continue scrutinizing his messages, all you’ll succeed in doing is losing sleep over it.
Things to keep in mind about that first text
Don’t panic when you receive your ex’s first text. Keep a cool head and try not to obsess about it. He isn’t too nervous or stressed to contact you first, so there’s no need for you to be either.
Don’t rush things. You have all the time in the world to respond back. You can always take a couple of hours before figuring out what to reply to him.
Since your ex took his time to contact you, feel free to use the same tactic on him. Reply to him when it’s convenient for you.
I know that you’re feeling confused now, but you have to approach his messages with logic rather than with your heart. He doesn’t know that you’re on the edge of your seat, so try to understand what his motives are.
Look for the signs he isn’t just a regretful ex. Maybe he dated someone else during the no-contact period and suddenly decided to text you.
Remember, you have to control your conversation at all costs. If you let him gain power over you, then you’ll never know what’s going on with him internally.
Now that you’ve taken your time to calm down and to think of what you want to write, it’s time to reply to his first text after the no-contact period. Don’t threaten him in any way as he’ll only pull away from you.
How to text your ex back?
Learning how to talk to your ex again is a process and you must be careful how you handle the situation.
You’re stepping into completely new territory since both of you have taken some time to work on yourselves. You’re not the same people as you were before.
Watch out not to fall into the same trap again. Your goal isn’t to revert to the old ways of communicating with your partner.
That’s what led to your breakup in the first place. You need to try to establish something new to create a stronger bond with him.
Portray yourself as confident because most people value safety. Confidence will show your ex that you’re not ready to give up on your relationship so easily and he’ll appreciate you more for that.
Another thing to keep in mind is to sometimes be unavailable – after all, it’s one of the keys to seduction. Why is that?
Well, you’ve might have heard it before, but men like the thrill of the chase. They want to know that there’s a reason why they’re fighting for something or someone.
Despite all the obstacles that may come in their way, knowing that they got what they wanted is the most important thing to them.
And in the context of relationships, this same strategy applies to texting your ex.
This doesn’t change at any point in your relationship, whether you just dating or learning how to respond to his text message. People who seem unavailable are indeed more desirable and attractive to others.
The art of learning how to reply to your ex’s first text after the no-contact rule is divided into five parts. Keep in mind that you want your conversation to be as natural as possible while you’re testing the waters.
1. Start with a gentle text
While you may be super nervous and excited about receiving the first text after the no-contact rule, you have to remember that the first part is all about breaking the ice.
Don’t jump the gun here because you still don’t know his intentions or context for contacting you.
Be careful here. You don’t want to make the same mistake twice.
So, how do you reply to his first text after the no-contact rule? Well, the key is to be gentle at the very beginning.
Keep your texts light and simple. You must withstand the urge of letting all your emotions loose and spilling your heart out to him.
Your only intention must be to initiate contact and create a safe environment in which both of you can share your thoughts freely. You’re just setting up the foundation for future steps.
The worst mistake you could make right now is to let your emotions dictate your actions. Don’t ask him to meet up with you or talk. And refrain from mentioning your past relationship altogether.
As I said before, keep the initial replies lighthearted and positive. Don’t bring up any negative things in your conversation, especially your past arguments.
Your goal is to start over and you won’t achieve it if you send bad text messages that are filled with blame and anger.
Don’t just send boring, meaningless texts to him either. Many women make the mistake of bombarding their ex with messages – you should definitely avoid doing that.
Take your time and figure out what you’re going to say to him. Try to intrigue him a bit so that your conversation has a natural flow.
Whatever you do, do not ask him to get back together with you.
Remember, you’re not looking for a fling nor will you be able to fix the problems you had with those first texts. You’re just setting up a foundation for a stronger and healthier relationship with these texts.
Replying to your ex’s first text isn’t as hard as you think. He may contact you to check up on you or to see if you still have the gift he gave you a while back.
After you see that the conversation is continuing with a positive tone, then you can start sending him texts that bring up positive memories, such as:
“I invited my friend to go see the latest Marvel movie with me. Remember when we had to wait in line for hours to see the first one!”
“I’m taking a roadtrip to the Grand Canyon this weekend. I sure hope I don’t get lost on the way there like we did last year!”
But be careful only to send them if he responds in a positive way to your initial messages. Don’t bring up any sensitive memories, for instance, your anniversary.
2. Texts that prove you still care
This part is very important as your aim is to show him that you still care about him. At this point, your nervousness with receiving the first text after the no-contact rule should start to wear off.
That’s why you can send him a text message that goes like this: “Hey, don’t forget that you wanted to help your dad with his car tomorrow,” or “I know that you have a lot of stuff to do today. Just wanted to remind you that I believe in you.”
You never know what your ex is going through, so you want to let him know that you’ll always have his back, come hell or high water.
It’s important that you make these texts all about him and not you. Show him through your messages that you’re rooting for him.
At the same time, don’t reveal too much about yourself while cheering him up. It will only make him wonder if you’re playing some mind games with him.
3. Texts that show him how you feel
Now that you received the first text after the no-contact rule and everything is going well with the follow-up chats, it’s time to let your heart speak.
It’s the perfect moment to lay all your cards on the table and openly tell your ex-boyfriend how you feel about him and your future together.
Don’t hold anything back or beat around the bush. Now’s the time to see if he wants to get back together with you.
You must take your time to prepare for this part because it’s a big move on your end. I know that you’re afraid to mess things up, but your chances aren’t over even if you make a mistake.
Present the new version of yourself to him and see if he’s willing to give your relationship another chance. There are a couple of ways to do this.
You can try by sending him appreciation text messages, telling him what you really appreciate about him. Or you could compliment him – just be sure to be confident about it, else it may come across as merely lip service.
Here are a couple of examples:
“I’ve always appreciated you for prioritizing me over everyone else.”
“I really loved the way you’d look at me while I’m talking to my friends.”
I understand that it’s tough for you to open up to him. But you can’t win him back if you’re not honest about your emotions. He needs to know your true feelings.
4. Texts that make you more attractive
Now that you said everything that’s on your heart, you have to turn those emotions into attraction. And how will you do that?
Well, with a bit of jealousy, of course, but in a positive way. Your goal is to get his attention and not upset him.
Bring up a topic that your ex is interested in. That way he’ll be curious and continue sending you texts to keep the conversation going.
If you want to pique his interest a bit, then try sending this: “I just watched The Notebook with a friend and he actually enjoyed it.”
With a simple text message like this, you can be sure that he’ll be asking who that friend is and why you’re watching it with him. Making him a bit jealous will definitely revive his attraction for you.
5. Seal the deal texts
Since you’ve established basic communication with your ex-boyfriend, now’s the time to step up your game. Remember to keep it as casual and simple as possible.
Maybe you’ll be in his vicinity the next morning, so you can ask him if he’d be down for meeting up and grabbing a cup of coffee before work.
If you notice that he’s hesitant about it and having second thoughts, you can always make an excuse that it’s just coffee and nothing else. But if he’s game, you’re well on your way!
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