After you split up with your ex, the stages of no contact become a part of your new life. You probably didn’t give it much thought until it happened, so what can you expect now? Can you and your ex go on with your lives and how will it look after the breakup?
The worst part about ending a relationship isn’t the breakup itself, but the period that comes after. This is a tricky part for some people, especially those who got dumped because they can’t seem to comprehend what really happened.
It’s hard to deal with it, and if you’re a hopeless romantic, you may still try to work things out. However, this is the last thing you should do, because, let’s face it – the person who left you probably had his own reasons.
If not, then he just doesn’t deserve you and he’s the one at loss. Nevertheless, you should be careful when choosing what your next step is going to be after you separate.
Probably the most effective thing to do is abide by the rules of no contact. Wanting your ex back or just trying to befriend them again is never a good idea.
That way, you can give off the wrong message that you can’t get over him. Truth be told, it can seem almost impossible, but don’t let that discourage you.
What is the no contact rule and its stages?
You know how awful it feels when you’re watching a movie where a girl gets dumped and then starts begging her ex to come back. It’s a heart-breaking scene and now, it feels like you’re reliving it.
You may have told yourself a million times that you’ll never let yourself do that, but it seems that desperate times are calling for desperate measures, right? Hopefully, this article will stop you from going down the same road.
You don’t want a similar situation taking place because you know you’re not going to get anything good out of it. So, applying the no contact rule seems like a great starting point. It has a reputation of helping people get through the breakup with the least amount of damage.
I know you’re feeling terrible right now but here’s a little ray of hope – it doesn’t have to mean that your ex isn’t going through a similar situation. He may be the one that called off the whole thing, but it’s not written in stone he can’t feel the same way.
Your relationship just ended and it’s only normal that you don’t feel your best. No contact rule can help you fix things up; but still, it’s not something that can be done with just a snap of your fingers.
That’s why you need to find out more about the stages of no contact and get yourself ready for a rocky journey. It won’t be easy but learning more about it will give you a clear(er) perspective.
Once you’re done reading this article, you’ll know everything about the ways both the dumper and the dumpee feel once they apply the no contact rule. This will help you immensely on your road to recovery and save you from ending up chasing after your ex like there’s no tomorrow.
Stages of no contact – dumpee edition
1. Retreat
After the breakup, you may feel as if you’ve just lost the battle and you’re going home with your tail tucked under. However, don’t wave your white flag just yet.
This is probably the most difficult stage of all because it happens immediately after ending the relationship. Going home to a bed that you used to share with someone is heart-wrenching and you may feel as if your world is falling apart.
It’s okay to feel like this, but it’s a period where you have to be at your strongest. People who get their hearts broken, oftentimes just want to be left alone and will retreat to their homes where they feel most secure.
You can even start giving your friends an attitude and also block out your family because you’re so mad at the world. While you may perceive them as annoying and pushy, you can’t forget that they’re simply trying to offer help.
It’s possible that your happy memories and the times you shared together may get the best of you, and you might cave in and try to reach out to your ex. However, you must remember that you’re applying the no contact rule to avoid this from happening.
If needed, dodge topics that might remind you of him. Do whatever it takes to ease the pain and stop thinking about the one who broke your heart.
You may hate this stage at the beginning, which is fine. But keep in mind that everything takes time, and at one point, you’ll look back at it and you’ll be able to just laugh it off.
2. Self-doubt
A breakup can put you in a lot of unenviable situations, especially if you’re not the initiator. Having someone who meant a lot to you say goodbye all of the sudden can make your knees buckle.
Things can go downhill from there and all this self-doubt can float up to the surface. You can start to question yourself; whether there was something you could’ve done differently, something you could’ve done better, and so on.
These are all normal responses to being rejected by your ex, and you shouldn’t feel ashamed. But you also can’t allow this insecurity to be a host in your head for too long.
Before you know it, these thoughts can draw you into the enchanted circle. Your brain may just not see the way out. However, it’s important to understand that you’ve done nothing wrong, and focus on your road to recovery.
3. Making peace with it
Although it may seem surreal, at one point, you’ll be ready to accept the fact that your relationship is over. You’ll become aware of the situation you’re in and you’ll finally realize that you couldn’t have done anything differently.
When that realization hits you, a wave of different emotions comes washing over you like a tsunami. Despite being the one that got hurt, you’ll accept the reality and move on from there.
At this point, you won’t think of the no contact rule as a great way to get your ex back. Instead, you’ll see it as an opportunity to get your life back on track.
This is one of the stages of the no contact rule where you, as a dumpee, may feel confused but relieved at the same time.
4. Healing process as one of the stages of no contact
While this may seem like a far-fetched idea, you just have to believe that you’re going to get there. Ending the relationship can take its toll on you and it’s unclear how much time needs to pass until you get better.
Everyone deals with loss in their own way and has unique coping mechanisms. This stage implies you just have to take some time to figure it out. You can even do so by engaging in a new hobby that will occupy your thoughts.
The healing process is one of the stages of no contact where you could use some help. Hanging out with your friends more frequently, going on picnics with your family, or just generally enjoying life can be of huge help.
Do whatever suits you and make sure that it doesn’t have a way to drag you down to the place where you first started. Sure, you can miss your ex, but in the back of your mind, you’ll know the no contact rule is the best decision.
5. Putting yourself first
With all the trouble you’ve gone through having been dumped, you deserve a bit of a fresh start. This includes getting your priorities straight and deciding it’s about time to focus on yourself.
I know a long-term relationship becomes a habit, but don’t worry. The door has two knobs, from either side. This means that the same way this relationship became a part of your life, it will be equally as easy to get over it.
Having a partner can be great, but it doesn’t imply that you’re incapable of enjoying life without one. Don’t feel pressured to rush into a new relationship, and take your time to heal properly.
What are the stages of no contact for a dumper?
It’s not always easy being the one who has to end the relationship. Dumpers also have a hard time finding their way around after spending time with a partner. If you think your ex is having a great time just after he left you, you’re wrong.
It may seem like he’s now living the life he always wanted and you were just standing in his way. However, don’t beat yourself up about it. It’s usually just a mask they put on to further confirm their decision.
Your ex can also have a difficult time after the breakup, even though it doesn’t seem so. Therefore, he also goes through certain stages once the no contact rule is applied. Don’t think this involves partying all the time and having the time of his life.
1. Breakthrough
Deciding to end a relationship with someone can be hard as well. However, he was the one that first brought it up, so he’s held accountable for it. This can put a lot of pressure on him because it’s not an easy choice.
It doesn’t matter if the relationship was short-lived or you were both in for the long run. Either way, a departure can leave some consequences behind for both of you.
Your ex probably gave it a lot of thought before making this decision. This is probably the reason why he feels that this was such a breakthrough for him. At this point, he’ll act relieved and be filled with this feeling of reassurance.
But trust me when I tell you that this stage doesn’t last for a long time.
2. Inquiring mind
After dealing with the realization that he ended things with you, the feeling of freedom may start to wane. Your ex could seem clueless as to why you aren’t trying to reach out to him.
He may be curious about your new life and whether you already found someone to share your sorrows with. This could take him back to those good times you shared together and invoke a plethora of emotions.
However, he will probably proceed to keep up his facade because showing interest is a sign of weakness. While this may hurt his ego, he can’t allow himself to wonder about you because he was the initiator of the whole thing.
3. Confusion
Confusion is a great part of the no contact rule because you’re both really trying to figure things out. Everything’s new to you and this life you have now doesn’t even resemble the one you shared when you were in a relationship.
One moment you’re happy together and the next, out of the blue, you’re both on your own picking up the broken pieces. Heartbreak is complicated and everyone experiences it in different ways.
However, by the time you manage to recollect yourself, the dumper will still be stuck in the same place. This could be puzzling to your ex and he may start to question the decision he made.
Moreover, it just doesn’t make sense to him why you’re not calling or texting him. After all, he’s the one who dumped you and expects you to be hurt and miss him tremendously.
4. Disbelief
A mix of emotions might start to surface once he sees you doing fine without him. He didn’t think you’d get over him that easily and that’s something he finds hard to accept.
Moving on takes a lot of courage, especially if you’re the one who got dumped. This could even make him a bit jealous because he doesn’t feel as bold as you. Furthermore, he may be angry at you or even at himself for how things have turned out.
Never in his wildest dreams would he dream of being the one who handled the breakup harder than you. He may even try to reach out to you at this point because he simply wants to see if you’re faking it or if you’re really moving forward.
The realization that you’re slowly accepting his choice and learning to be happy again can be daunting for him. Also, he can start panicking and rethinking his choices, but it’s too late now.
5. Realization
Your ex can expect your call every hour of the day. However, when he sees that it’s not going to happen, that’s when he’ll start getting worried. He’s in disbelief and just can’t wrap his mind around it.
It’s interesting how people come to the realization of what they’ve done only after some time passes. The stages of the no contact rule include the period where the dumper almost reconsiders his decisions.
This is where he decides to occupy himself and not let himself show any signs of weakness. After all, he’s the one that cut you off!
It sounds silly that someone is getting worked up over leaving their partner, but it happens often. A big part of it is due to the jealousy that arises when he sees you living your life to the fullest without him.
He’s simply used to being your center of the world and can’t grasp the fact that you’re dashing ahead of him. If he tries to reach out to you, don’t give in.
Who gets the short end of the stick?
It’s a common misconception that the one who got dumped should be the one grieving more. This doesn’t have to be the case and it also depends on a lot of things.
If he left you, you’re not at any more of a loss than he is just because he had that, let’s call it, surprise element. Making these kinds of decisions is never easy, especially if you sincerely cared for that person.
Sometimes, things just don’t work out and it’s better to acknowledge it sooner than later. How would you feel if you found out that your partner didn’t love you anymore but didn’t have the guts to break it to you?
Either way, departure can be the best solution, and while you may be hopeless, remember how many benefits the no contact rule brings. It allows you to clear your mind and set your priorities straight.
The stages of the no contact rule are periods that both the dumper and the dumpee go through. They’re inevitable, and the sooner you understand what you’re going through, the sooner you’ll embark on your journey to recovery.
I wouldn’t say anyone pulls out the short end of the stick because both people struggle on their own. We’ve seen it best through the above-mentioned stages of the no contact rule.
Sealing the stages of no contact
If you had your heart broken, it was probably a terrible experience. But you know how the saying goes – “every bad comes with a little bit of good“. So, if you ever felt this void in your chest, remember that something’s coming to fill the gap.
Breakups are hard on both ends, but they may impact the dumpees more. It can be hard having to listen to someone break down the news to you.
However, we made sure to offer you some good advice on how to deal with departure. The no contact rule is the best option since it gives you the time to think and progress.
Some of the stages of no contact rule might look harsh or perhaps extreme, but once you heal, you’ll be able to shrug it off as if nothing happened.
Don’t underestimate the power of self-love as it’s the thing that will get you through it all. Remember to love yourself and put yourself first no matter what.
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