Think aloud
Every woman has at least once asked herself: “Why do guys take forever to text back?”
It’s tragic to see it happen so often, but we can’t deny the fact that modern dating has more flaws than just this one. We can argue that texting isn’t strictly a necessity in dating, but it’s true that many relationships start off that way. Not to say that there’s no way around it, but it’s the preferred method of communication for many.
So, whether you are meeting a guy or have been dating him for years, he’ll always take long to reply.
However, we should definitely mention all those gentlemen who understand the importance of this little action and reply super fast. Those men deserve to be treated with respect, as they are a rarity nowadays.
It’s usually so hard to understand a man who isn’t able to communicate properly with you. When you’re able to have a normal conversation with him, you’re also able to see where you stand with each other.
So just by the fact that you’re not able to read his mind over the phone, you’re stuck in the immense cycle of overthinking. You wonder where he’s at, why he’s not replying, and if you’re even important to him.
Why do guys take forever to text back? It’s really not rocket science, right? Can’t they simply make an effort?
Luckily we’ve been able to interview some guys on this topic. They were willing to reveal their own little secrets and give us insights into the male brain.
Why do guys take forever to text back?
1. “She’s simply not as important to me as she thinks she is.”
“I reply in a matter of seconds when I’m interested in a girl. And all my friends can confirm this. When a guy is interested in a girl enough – when she’s important to him – he can’t wait for her to reply so that he can text back immediately.
You can date a girl and just not feel the vibe. You meet up with her every once in a while, you check for signs of whether you’re going to work out or not. But even if all of that’s fine and well, if your instinct says she’s not the right one for you, then you don’t try harder.
Why would I? I don’t see this going anywhere. That’s why I’ll only text back when I really have time to spare.
Why I would text her in the first place, you ask? Well, a guy has to keep his options open. It’s that easy.”
– Marcell, 28
2. “Texting isn’t the only way of communication.”
“I hate texting. It bothers me that people don’t know how to call someone anymore. I really don’t want to spend my days texting a girl when we could just call each other.
Why not video chat? There’s so much magic in that if we’re not able to meet up in person right away. This way we’re both able to see each other. When I see her, even on my phone screen, I still get to see her gorgeous smile.
You can’t really ask why do guys take forever to text back when it’s obvious that guys like me prefer talking on the phone more.
Texting doesn’t give you insight into the person’s mood or intention, it gives the other side more time to think about their response and so on. That’s everything but natural. To be totally honest with you, I hate whenever I get a text notification, so most times, I consciously choose not to reply to it.”
– Aden, 33
3. “I’m just too busy to text all the time.”
“I seriously don’t have time for it. When you’re dating an independent guy who likes to work a lot, you have to be aware that this’ll happen! I have other things to do, for Pete’s sake.
Of course, if I’m serious about the girl, then I’m going to reply to her. But even then, I’ll reply between meetings!
Can you imagine what it’d look like if I took out my phone in the middle of an important meeting and started texting some chick back? That’s so unprofessional.
I’ve had too many girls who demanded I text them constantly. I can’t do that.
The next woman I’ll spend my time on will be one who understands the importance of my job. I’m sorry, but she’ll always come second to my career.”
– Christopher, 34
4. “It’s all just a game.”
“If you give her too much attention, she won’t be as interested. I live in her head rent-free and will continue to do so as long as I play my cards right.
It’s all a game. I don’t want to be the nice guy who replies right away and then ends up with his foot in his mouth. That can only lead to disaster. She’ll think that she’s the one holding the reins, but I’m the one who’s leading this race.
What was the question? Why do guys take forever to text back?
Well, if you and I were dating, what do you think would happen? You better know that not every guy’s gonna run after you like a damn puppy.
We need to keep things interesting for us as well as the girl. I just know that the girl I’m texting has the time of her life when I text her back.
Obviously, I always get a reply back from those chicks, so I don’t see why I should stop.”
– Jake, 21
5. “I’ll reply when I can.”
“I’d love to tell you that there’s an actual reason a guy takes forever to text back, but most times, there isn’t. In my case, I simply don’t see the notification on time.
Sometimes, I don’t take my phone out once the entire day. Be it that I have classes or that I’m working, I simply don’t have time to scroll through my phone and wait for her to text me so I can instantly shoot back a reply.
Most of the time, I’m with my friends. We have this silent agreement that we won’t use our phones when we’re together. It’s super disrespectful – I believe that we shouldn’t have our phones out when we’re in the company of others.
I like to have a genuine connection with people. So texting and face-timing isn’t my bag.
That’s why I’ll reply when I have the time to do so. I can’t even say that I’m sorry about it.”
– Darnell, 25
6. “I genuinely forget.”
“My exes never understood this, but I do forget to text back, for real. I forget to text my mom, my teachers, my boss. So why would that be any different with a girl?
I see the notification, scroll past it and make a mental note to text back, then end up not doing it. It sounds like I’m lying, but I swear to God, it’s true.
Even if I scroll through social media and a text pops up I just brush it aside for the time being. After a while, I get this nagging feeling like I forgot to do something. That’s when it hits me.
I promise I’m not stupid, my brain just doesn’t remember to reply. If I did it right away, I’d never have this issue.
I should remember that. But I probably won’t.”
– Marco, 24
7. “Depends on where we’re at in the relationship.”
“I always put my girlfriend above anything and everything. But if we just met or if we’re not that serious, I don’t need to text her right away.
There has to be a difference between someone I’m just casually seeing and the girl I’m seriously dating. When she upgrades to that level, I’ll put effort into keeping her around and showing her that I care.
But a girl who’s nothing more than someone who keeps my sheets warm? Why would I reply to her immediately?
You could argue that a girl can’t know that I’ll change my behavior in the relationship, but she has to have trust in me. I guess that’s extremely selfish, but I simply need to make that difference between these stages of a relationship.
I’ll do anything and everything for my woman, but if she’s just another girl, then she may as well wait for a reply.”
– Liam, 29
8. “I reply right away!”
“My girlfriend is very important to me. Call me a wimp or whatever, but I could never let her wait for my reply. I wouldn’t want her to keep me waiting either.
Sometimes, I take a bit longer to reply, but she knows why. I’ll explain that I have something important to do or if I didn’t get to explain it beforehand, I’ll apologize and tell her later on.
I don’t know why most guys take forever to text back. If you like the girl, then you should text her back right away.
She can’t know if you’re interested or not if you text her every once in a blue moon. That’s so selfish and I feel like there’s no good enough reason to keep her waiting for hours.
Every girl out there, if she knows it or not, can find a guy who’ll do this for her. But we can’t just blame the guys either – they saw that this game is fruitful. If the women of this world raised their standards, things would be different.
My girlfriend set this boundary and I respect her enough to do this for the both of us.
I love her and I want her to know that.”
– Benjamin, 39
9. “I don’t even know why this is a question.”
“Can we just stop with these questions already? It’s like girls want to be more obnoxious by the day.
So what if he takes longer to reply? He has the right to reply to you whenever he feels like it.
I don’t have to explain myself to anyone. That’s my thing to decide how long it’ll take me to reply.
Take it or leave it.”
– Jason, 26
10. “There’s someone else.”
“I have a message to every girl who’s asking herself why guys take forever to text back and the answer is simple: There’s someone else in his life.
A guy who genuinely wants you will do everything to have and keep you. Think about it, why would he want to pursue you if there’s someone else in his life?
He takes so long to reply because he’s focusing on the other woman. He’ll reply to you when he doesn’t know where he stands with this girl.
She’s taking up all of his time and effort, to the point where she’s a constant resident in his mind. She doesn’t need to beg for his attention when she knows that she has it. Unconditionally.
I mean, in my experience, there’s no other reason. When I’m interested in a girl, she becomes the center of my world, so if there’s a girl waiting on me to text her back, she’s probably not that girl.
This is especially true if I’m constantly online, but I don’t reply to her. I’m online because I’m texting the actual center of my attention.
Oh, God, I outed myself with this, didn’t I? Great.”
– Archer, 34
11. “I don’t reply when I’m not getting the same energy back.”
“I can’t tell you why guys usually do this, but I know my personal reason for ignoring texts. Sometimes, I don’t get the same energy back. I don’t feel the same vibe in return.
This means that most of the time I’m the one who’s texting first or I’m the one who’s continuously flirting with her. She can act cold all she wants, but I can’t deal with that. I’ll continue to reply to her, that’s not the issue, because I want her to know that I’m still interested.
But I’ll do my best to match her pace. How long does she take to reply? Does she just reply with a few words? Is there never any effort from her side?
Well, if the answers are obviously negative, then I don’t need to do too much either.”
– David, 25
12. “I’d much rather meet up in person.”
“What? Why do guys take forever to text back?
Now that’s a funny question. How should I know? For me personally, I only use text messages if we’re going to meet up so that we can plan things in advance. I’ll send the first text when I want to see someone in person.
Any other reason seems like a waste of time. If I can’t meet up with that person, I wouldn’t want to text for months first. That seems exhausting, if you ask me.
I hope you get what I’m saying, it’s just that we can talk better when we’re face to face. I feel like I come across too sarcastic and cold online, but in person I’m fun to be around. At least I hope so.
But that’s my personal reason. I don’t know what’s going on with other men.”
– Ahmad, 30
What to do when guys take forever to text back?
After talking to these men about their own reasons for not texting girls back right away, we’ve also compiled a list of things you can do in order to save you from heartbreak.
There’s always a reason for this, as you can see. So you could always find a way to get him to text you more often or simply get yourself out of a toxic situation.
1. Match his rhythm
There’s a good chance that he’s just playing games with you because he doesn’t think you’re worthy of his attention. Because of this, you need to match his rhythm. Show him that two people can play that game. Don’t just text him over and over again, while he doesn’t bother to text you even once.
This also means that you should match his rhythm if he’s putting more effort into things than you are. Don’t just let him eventually go cold because you’re afraid of showing too much interest.
Always make sure to be on the same page. Flirt with him if he’s flirting with you. Text him right back if he always does that for you, too.
But if he doesn’t and he thinks that you’ll stay by your phone, waiting for his text, then match that, too.
2. Figure out if it’s just his texting style
It could just be his texting style. It could be frustrating to you, but he simply doesn’t know how to change this. He probably doesn’t even realize there’s something wrong with this.
So at the end of the day, maybe he’s just too busy to reply to you, so he takes a little while longer. Or if he’s focused on other things, he doesn’t feel the need to text you all the time.
You can’t really get mad at a guy who’s been texting this way his entire life. You knew what you were getting yourself into.
3. Focus on something else
If you have issues keeping yourself away from the phone, then try to focus on something else. Instead of checking your screen all the time, try out some new hobbies to take your mind off him.
Focus on your job, your friends, or your own self-improvement. This way, you’ll not only keep yourself away from your phone, you’ll also me more interesting to him by the day.
No guy wants to talk to a girl who’s only interest is him.
4. Don’t text him first
Why would you text him first if he’s never bothered to do the same? You shouldn’t have to always be the one to initiate a conversation.
Guys often take forever to text back when girls come off too strong. So don’t text him first. Show him that you respect yourself enough to not run to him all the time.
When he does text you first, show him that you’re interested and you may want to text him first the next time. But that’s completely up to you.
Just make sure that you’re not always the first one to text, because I can promise you he’ll get bored with you pretty quickly and lose interest. You seem too invested and easy, as we all know, guys love the chase and challenge.
5. Confront him about it
After a while, you may want to confront him about it. I know that it’s scary to talk to someone about something like this. You’re afraid that you may be asking for too much, but you’ll never get what you want if you don’t ask for it.
Talk to him. Tell him how his absence from your life makes you feel and that you don’t want that anymore. He makes you feel worthless and lonely.
If he’s going to stay in your life, he has to put some effort into things. He can’t just expect you to wait for his replies for hours or days on end.
6. Make sure your expectations are met
You, like any other person in this world, have expectations and boundaries. If those expectations aren’t met and your boundaries aren’t respected, you shouldn’t continue to compromise them.
When a guy doesn’t meet them, then he doesn’t deserve to be in your life. This may sound like something you’ve heard one too many times, but you know that I’m right. I’m telling you this as a reminder.
There are so many men out there who won’t make you wonder “Why do guys take forever to text back?”
You saw in those replies we got from men that if they care enough about someone, they make that effort. Don’t allow any guy to play cat-and-mouse with you.
You deserve a man who puts everything aside to talk to you and shows you how important you are to him. There’s someone out there who’ll give you what you’re looking for. And if you’re not getting that from this particular man, then walk away.
It is that easy.
