Why do guys go cold after a break-up?
Every woman out there seems to be wondering about this, so you, like all of us, are questioning it but you have come up empty-handed.
We’re all aware of the inevitable truth that men and women deal with break-ups differently.
Sometimes it’s about the mindset of one person and other times it’s all about you and your behavior toward them.
When you look back on it, your relationship was worth at least an occasional text or call, simply to check in on each other.
You don’t expect him to come back into your life, but would a message from time to time be too much to ask for?
His behavior after the break-up is what gives you clear signs whether he wants to get back together with you, but being cold is quite a clear message.
Why do guys go cold after a break-up?
What was your relationship like? Was it loving and caring? Was it toxic and abusive?
What are you trying to find out through this article? Do you want me to tell you that he’ll want you back?
What we’re going to look at is the reasons for his cold behavior, so you can get a better understanding of what goes on inside the head of a man after a break-up.
The answers to these questions aren’t as important as his behavior.
If he doesn’t show any kind of remorse for the fact that the relationship is over, these are the possible reasons why:
1. He was always cold
You can’t expect much from a man who’s always been cold toward you. He’s cold now because he doesn’t know any other way to act.
Sometimes it doesn’t even matter whether he loves you or not, the only thing that matters is that he doesn’t express his emotions.
An emotionally unavailable man will never show his interest, it’s that simple.
If he was distant and cold toward you during your relationship, he won’t change once he becomes your ex.
If anything, his cold behavior will just increase tenfold.
2. He is uncertain
Why do guys go cold after a break-up?
Would you believe me if I told you that men feel bad about break-ups just as much as women do if the relationship was loving and caring?
One reason why he’s cold toward you after you two have broken up is because he’s trying to figure things out himself.
He’s questioning the break-up just as much as you are.
He wants to make sure that breaking up was the only option for both of you. He’s probably considering how you’re feeling right now.
Are you doing OK? Are you crying? Does it hurt you just as much as it hurts him?
There isn’t a definitive list of questions that are going through his head right now, but he might be as uncertain about this break-up just as much as you are.
3. He didn’t go cold after the break-up, he just wants to move on
Staying in contact with your ex after you two have broken up just prolongs the process of moving on.
He figured this out and simply doesn’t bother to text or call you because he knows that it’ll hurt.
He wants to move on, even if it hurts to stop talking to you.
His finger has been hovering over your name on his phone one too many times, but he is staying strong.
He wants you both to move on and start a new chapter of your life.
4. He doesn’t want to stay friends
Many people don’t believe that they can stay friends with their ex, so your ex might be one of them.
He might think that there is too much emotional baggage for you to start being friends after breaking up.
You can’t really be mad at him for this one. You two might have even talked about this previously, while you were still together.
If he doesn’t stay friends with his exes, it makes it easier to move on and also any future partner doesn’t have to be paranoid about their friendship.
He simply doesn’t believe that exes can stay friends.
5. He didn’t go cold after the break-up, he’s just enjoying his single life
Why do guys go cold after a break-up? Well, maybe he’s enjoying his single life.
I know not all of us want to hear that our ex is doing better than us.
You are wondering why he’s so cold, and in my humble opinion, I think this is the most relevant reason.
This is especially if you two were in a long-term relationship. He must have missed being single and now he’s fully embracing it.
This doesn’t mean that he’s been sleeping around or even looking for someone new, no.
He’s just doing all the things a guy in a relationship wasn’t able to.
He’s been enjoying himself to the point of simply forgetting to check in on you.
6. He’s moved on to someone else
Maybe it’s not even that deep. Maybe it’s just the most obvious answer of them all – he’s moved on to someone else.
You might still feel the sadness of the break-up and you might still be in love with him, but he doesn’t feel the same.
Your ex is already moving on with someone else and that is the reason why he doesn’t check in on you anymore.
He’s not cold, he just has someone else in his heart, where your place once was.
7. He didn’t go cold after the break-up, he still loves you
Another good answer to the question of ‘why do guys go cold after a break-up?’ is that he still loves you and cares about you.
He doesn’t want to burden you with his feelings. He might not even want to look vulnerable now that you two have split up.
There is nothing he can do now. You two are not an item anymore and he’s left to fight his feelings on his own.
Contacting you will only make it harder for him to move on and stop loving you.
If he continues seeing you, his emotions will only get worse because he’s looking at you but he doesn’t have you anymore.
8. He thought about breaking up before you actually did
Your break-up didn’t come as a surprise to him because he thought about it long before it actually happened.
You were surprised and unprepared.
Of course, there were a few things that you had to work on, but a break-up wasn’t really how you wanted to deal with it.
So the fact that he’s cold after the break-up just means that he had been thinking about this for longer. He had a plan, an agenda so to say.
He knew that it was coming so he went through the post-break-up depression much quicker than you did.
There is no need to contact you or speak to you, because in his mind, the relationship was over even before you knew it.
9. He’s bad at confrontation
A man who is bad at confrontation won’t even waste his time trying to contact you.
It’ll mean that he has to talk to you and make things clear between the two of you.
It’s easier to run away from the problem than to face it head-on, so that’s exactly what he continues to do.
He may even want to talk to you, he wants to keep you in his life, but he doesn’t know how without being thrown off his game.
This is better for you because a man who’s bad at confrontation is a very dangerous creature.
Otherwise, you both just might end up breaking each other’s heart even more.
10. He didn’t go cold after the break-up, he simply doesn’t love you anymore
You know that he doesn’t have anyone new from all the sources in your life telling you that, but he’s still cold.
He didn’t go cold after the break-up, he just doesn’t love you anymore.
His heart has shut down and he simply doesn’t have a reason to contact you.
It’s a truth no one wants to hear. When you’ve been holding on to the thought that you might get back together, this answer shatters your hopes.
I would love to say that I am joking, but one of the most obvious reasons for his cold demeanor is this one right here.
11. He’s busy
Was your ex always a workaholic? Did he always find something to do even at the weirdest times? Did he use work as an outlet for all of his frustrations?
He simply can’t find the time to check in on you. If you ask me that is not an actual reason, as everyone has five minutes to write and send a text.
He’s just been burying himself in work to the point where he doesn’t even think about it anymore.
He might have even started this workaholic agenda to drown all of his pain in it and not think about the break-up at all.
12. He just doesn’t want you to think he wants to get back together
If your ex reaches out to you after you break up, of course, the first thought is that he wants you back.
You think that he can’t help but check in and ask about your whereabouts and you question if he wants to get back together.
He’s cold after the break-up to give you time to move on, so that if you can be friends one day, you can without feelings being involved.
Even if he wants to reach out to you, he’ll think twice about it, because he knows that you might misinterpret it as him trying to get back with you.
13. Why do guys go cold after a break-up? Because they want to make you jealous!
Let’s stop beating around the bush; he’s not cold, he wants to make you jealous!
He wants his absence to make you believe that he has his life together and make you want him back.
He’s probably posting all of his life on social media. Most of the posts are with other women and he wants you to know that he can and will replace you.
It’s a very petty way of trying to get someone back. Don’t be the girl who falls for this. He just wants you to make the first move.
14. He wants you to miss him
The worst part of a break-up is the fact that you will start to miss your ex.
You will miss him because you know that you have shared a lot of beautiful moments together and all those ‘what-ifs’ are now screaming in your mind.
You want to relive your precious memories and have him back, but he’s being so cold and distant.
This is exactly what he wanted to achieve by not contacting you and ignoring you.
By missing him, you’ll crawl back to him and ask for his forgiveness, and maybe even act better than you ever did to get him back.
15. He wants to finalize the break-up
Breaking up isn’t an easy process, so by being cold toward you, he is ensuring that he doesn’t have to go through the pain again.
He isn’t answering your calls and he isn’t reaching out to you because he wants his message to come across as clear as possible.
You two have broken up and he wants to finalize this decision by making sure you know that he means business.
Reaching out to you would just be painful for both parties and it might just give you false hope. He doesn’t want that. In his eyes, this is it.
What to do when a guy goes cold after a break-up
Now that you have an insight into a male’s mind, you can clearly see why he’s being cold after your break-up.
The worst part about it is that you don’t know how to act now, isn’t it?
You would love to reach out at one point and talk things through with him but he seems very certain in his silence.
So what does a woman do when the man is being cold after a break-up?
1. Don’t fall for it
He’s playing games and you know it. He’s playing his games and trying to be distant and cold so that you will miss him or be jealous and go back to him.
He wants you to be the first one to reach out. He wants you to be aware that you’re powerless when it comes to him.
This is your moment to show him that you don’t need him.
This is your time to make him realize that you are a strong woman who doesn’t need him to complete her.
I know that it hurts, you want him back and you do miss him, but if he doesn’t feel the need to reach out first and show you that he cares then you shouldn’t be the one to do it first either.
2. If he does reach out, look at how he does it
It’s not much fun when you get a ‘You up?’ text from your ex while you’re going through an emotional roller coaster.
If he does reach out at one point and stops his crazy games, you can determine whether he should get a chance to redeem himself.
Definitely don’t be the first one to reach out because he doesn’t deserve that kind of sympathy.
But if he does make the decision to show interest again, make sure you know his true intentions.
3. Enjoy your single life
He’s the one who’s cold after the break-up? Well, two can play that game.
You are not obligated to lock yourself in your house and stop communicating with the rest of the world just because he is ignoring you.
You have a whole life to live and do all the things on your bucket list.
Enjoy your single life and don’t just jump at the opportunity to get back together with him.
You don’t have to do anything crazy, take it at your own pace, but enjoy it.
4. Heal from the break-up
You deserve to move on and heal from your break-up. You deserve to find happiness.
Make a list of things that can help you heal and work on yourself to achieve that.
I know that healing is not always the easiest process and I know that you will go through a lot of ups and downs, but don’t let yourself stay stuck in the past.
Rather than that, work on yourself and heal.
Why does a guy go cold after a break-up? Who knows. And you shouldn’t care.
5. Keep yourself busy
If he’s doing everything he can in order to avoid seeing you, texting you, calling you or interacting with you in any way, that’s his loss.
You should keep yourself busy. Do everything in your power to think about him less and do all the things you always wanted to.
Your precious memories will not disappear with him.
You are allowed to revisit them and think about all the wonderful time you spent together, but you really shouldn’t want him back.
I’m saying that you should keep yourself busy because it might help you fill the void in your heart for a little while.
Keeping yourself busy might help you heal from the break-up.
In my honest opinion, you should try it, but always at your own pace.
6. Don’t go back to your ex
If he was really the one, he wouldn’t be an ex. That’s what people always say, don’t they?
You broke up for a reason that is known only to the two of you and that reason should be motivation enough for both of you to stay away from each other.
Don’t go back to your ex because that is just like re-opening old wounds and no one can guarantee you that you two won’t make the same mistakes you made before.
Your ex is an ex for a reason. It doesn’t matter how many times you find reasons to take him back, don’t.
Look at the situation right now – he’s being so cold toward you.
He’s provoking you into going back to him because you want to know why he’s being so distant.
7. If he wanted to be with you, he wouldn’t be so cold after your break-up
The hot and cold game is still a game men play when they don’t know how to express their true emotions. It’s still a game and your heart is not a toy.
His actions speak louder than any words ever could, so stand your ground.
If he wanted to be with you, he would reach out to you, he would try to contact you and make it up with you, but he hasn’t.
Simply because he doesn’t care enough.
Why do guys go cold after a break-up? Conclusion
There are so many reasons why but they’re all very unique, depending on the individual.
If he doesn’t want to talk about why he’s being like this, then you shouldn’t force him.
There is someone out there who will be there for you when you need them.
There is someone out there who will never make you question their love for you.
You will simply know that you are the most important person in their life.
Right now, you think that a cold ex is the biggest issue in your life, but you won’t even remember him once the right man comes around.
So don’t beat yourself up about an ex who can’t even call to see if you are doing all right, because no matter how many times you’d give him a chance, he would never change.
You are worthy of someone who won’t play games with you. You deserve someone who will give you all the love and affection you deserve.
That someone will never let you question their intentions with you and you’ll always know that you’re their biggest priority!
So don’t waste your time on a boy who’s cold and distant after your break-up, when there is a man out there who will give you all the warmth you desire.