How to ask a guy out has never been an easy feat. You have to have a lot of courage and more often than not, people will tell you that it’s a guy’s job to do that.
People believe that you should stand on the sidelines and wait for him to make the first move.
Because of that, you end up believing that it’s not your job to approach him at all. You want to wait for him to do it, but it seems to take forever.
You’ve met him a while back and you really do have a huge crush on him. He seems kind, considerate, like someone who knows what he wants. He’s not only attractive, he’s also genuinely a nice person.
You can’t just ignore the fact that you like him. The thing is, he seems a little shy. He doesn’t seem like the type to ask a girl out confidently and that’s made you think that you should be the one to approach him.
You don’t want to embarrass yourself. You don’t want to end up looking like a lovesick fool and get rejected just because you made a move.
So how do you ask a guy out? Especially when you’re shy yourself?
Preparations before you ask a guy out
There are many questions you have to ask yourself before you even think about asking him out.
But please don’t overthink things to the point where you’re not even able to appreciate the fact that you have enough courage to do this in the first place.
We’ve been taught that women should be passive in the dating scene. We’ve been told that we should just sit around and wait because the right guy will find his way to us.
Nothing will fall into your lap, that’s the first thing you need to remember. So right now, let’s talk about what you need to prepare for before you make your move.
1. What’s the worst that can happen?
Before you even think about anything else, ask yourself: What’s the worst thing that can happen?
Because you’re probably more scared of him rejecting you than anything. You’re afraid he might make fun of you for liking him at all, and then you also don’t want to completely lose him.
All of these things are possibilities, but you shouldn’t dwell on them. What’s the worst thing that can happen, really? He says no?
If he rejects you, you were probably just reading the signs wrong. A man will only reject you when he, himself, is insecure or genuinely doesn’t vibe with you.
Neither of those reasons is worthy of your tears or stress.
You also know that if he rejects you, he simply isn’t the one for you. It’s not your fault and it shouldn’t make you insecure or uncomfortable.
The right guy will go out with you, get to know you, and then see where things will lead the two of you. He could be that guy, but there’s no point in stressing if he’s not.
2. Figure out how you want to do it
Preparing yourself for this is probably the one and only thing that’ll make your nerves settle for a moment at least.
If you’ve figured out what you want to do and how you want to do it, then it’ll be much easier for you to go through with it.
Of course, you could wing it, but this way you’re risking completely backing out of this or, even worse, you’ll start stuttering because you don’t know what you want to say.
So ask yourself how you want to approach him. You surely don’t want to ask him out if there are people around you watching you like hawks. You want something a little more private. So ask him if you could talk to him alone.
Don’t be creepy about it and scare the life out of him. Be casual, smile at him, and simply wait a while before he says his response, and then start walking away. Let him follow you away from the crowd.
That’s when you can tell him everything you want to and ask him out. Asking a guy out isn’t that hard when you have a solid plan on how to do it. Which brings me to my next point…
3. Make a plan
The possibility of him saying yes to you is much higher than him saying no. Because of that, you should already have a plan prepared.
That way, when he says that he does want to go out with you, you’re not completely lost. That’s when you can tell him that you thought of going to a concert, restaurant, or whatever it is.
You already took initiative – you’re the one who asked him out on a date. So now you also have to be the one to plan the date. I know that it seems like a lot, but guys do it all the time, so be confident in what you’re doing.
Confidently state what your plan is if he does say yes.
But tell him that it’s okay if he wants to do something else or if he has something else in mind. Don’t push your idea, but rather mention it casually (even though you’re sure of your idea).
This plan will help you to not freak out right then and there. It’ll ground you and remind you that you have something to look forward to. I know that you may feel quite anxious, but you really have nothing to worry about.
4. Prepare yourself for the worst-case scenario
I know that you’re completely smitten with him and that you want things to go right, but he could have other things in mind. He might not like you the way you want him to, but that’s completely fine as well.
What you need to do is prepare yourself for the worst possible scenario, which is that he rejects you. I don’t think that he’s going to make a big deal out of it.
Side note: If you think that he’s going to make fun of you for liking him, then he shouldn’t be the guy you ask out in the first place.
You should ask a guy out if he’s kind and considerate, and knows that emotions are fragile and sensitive. If he does say no, he’ll be civil about it.
You’re not preparing yourself for failure just because you’re expecting it to happen. You’re just looking out for your own heart at this point.
Think about how you’ll react if he rejects you. Will you show him that you’re sad about it? Do you want to put on a cool mask and completely dismiss it at that moment? Do you want to laugh it off?
Laughing about it is probably not the best idea, but it might be what happens as your coping mechanism to an uncomfortable situation. So you have to be prepared for that too.
There is a lot of thinking for you to do, but that doesn’t mean that you’re overanalyzing things. It only means that you’re getting ready for whatever might happen.
So how to ask a guy out? Prepare yourself for everything that might go wrong or right.
If he does end up rejecting you, just brush it off, tell him that you understand, thank him for his time, and just let him be. If anything, this reaction of yours will be very mature and he’ll wonder if he should have reacted differently.
He might regret it and ask you out instead, who knows?
How to ask a guy out
After you’ve prepared yourself to ask a guy out, it’s time to think of creative ideas for what you want to propose to him. There are many options apart from the usual dinner date idea.
Maybe he’d feel more comfortable with something less formal?
That’s why in this section, we’re going to give you a few ideas. You can be creative with this, show him that you’re there for a fun time, and still get your message across.
1. Tell him you have an extra ticket
The “extra ticket” method usually works like a charm. You’ve seen it in movies one too many times, but in real life, it also works.
It doesn’t matter if you really do have an extra ticket to his favorite band, movie, or theatre play, or if you straight up buy them for this purpose, you’ll still be able to use it.
Pull him aside and show him the tickets. Tell him that you know how much he loves to watch this sport or band and invite him. It’ll be extremely cute from you and he won’t be able to resist.
If he asks you why you aren’t taking one of your friends, you can be honest and tell him that you want to go with him. Tell him that you’ve wanted to go out with him for a while and that you finally had the courage to ask.
This might seem like a risky move, but everything about this mission is risky. So don’t hold back.
When asking a guy out, this method almost always works wonders, especially if you’ve got tickets to something he loves. And bonus, you’ll get to know him better and see how he behaves.
2. Ask him out to a group outing
When you don’t know a guy well enough, you can’t really ask him out on a whim and expect him to say yes. It’s anxiety-inducing and you won’t have much fun if you don’t even know what you want to do.
So another very good idea is to invite him to go out with you and your close friends. He’ll be around, he’ll be able to see you in your full glory, but you’ll also have time to get to know him.
You can let this question roll off your tongue quite easily, actually. You don’t even have to prepare yourself too much.
When the occasion calls for it, just mention that you and your friends are going out bowling or to get some pizza and you were wondering if he would like to join you guys.
This seems like a casual invite, as if there’s nothing romantic behind this. That’s why it’s so easy to do, because you’re not really putting your feelings on the line.
Also, all the pressure of holding conversation during that outing will be taken off of your shoulders. You’ll be able to be your true self.
Also, if he says that he has other plans or that he doesn’t want to come, you’ll still have time to heal from the rejection by spending time with your friends anyways.
Believe me when I tell you that he’ll probably regret his decision once he hears how much fun you guys had.
3. Ask him to go to a concert with you
I’m putting this here separately because this might be the best option for you right now. Especially if you’re starting off as friends, he won’t seem too suspicious. There’s not a lot of burden on you when you invite someone to a concert.
You can use the extra ticket method but you can also tell him that you genuinely want to go there with him. You want to see the band that’s playing because you know how much he enjoys it.
It doesn’t really matter.
The most important thing is to tell him that you just want to casually get to know him better, enjoy the concert, and maybe go get a drink before it all starts. There’s not much pressure with this option.
The concert gives you a lot of liberty to show him how attractive you are. Dance together, seduce him, show him how much fun you can be.
When you go to see a movie or a sports event, it’s not really the same. You have to pay close attention to what’s happening. But at a concert, you can be yourself and a huge part of his attention will be on you.
Dance with him, sing along to the songs with him and maybe, if all goes well, you’ll end up kissing by the end of it. That’s the best-case scenario here.
Even though you may think that I’m just throwing daydreams around, you know just how accurate this is.
4. Use a cute note
Do you go to school together? Or perhaps you work together? Either way, cute notes are always a winner.
Stick a post-it on his notebook asking him to go out with you. Sign your name under it and your phone number.
This is a safe bet and it isn’t as anxiety-inducing as asking him straight to his face.
You’ll put the little note on his desk and even if he doesn’t want to go out with you, you won’t have to see his rejection. You also won’t have to school your own face into indifference.
This isn’t only an effective method, but it’ll also remind him just how absolutely adorable you are.
If you want to take it to another level, make things even more romantic and cheesy, write him a letter. You can do it in the form of a poem, telling him how you feel and that you’d like to take him out sometime.
When you leave a letter for him, you have the freedom to describe your emotions, how he makes you feel, and why you’re doing this.
You’re showing off your writing skills, you’re making him feel special, but you also have enough space to remind him that you’re genuine about this offer.
Who’d send a letter and make it a joke? He’ll know that you’re serious about this.
5. Ask straight away
Depending on your own confidence levels, you might also ask him straight away. Ask him in a sense that leaves him blushing.
Come up to him, confidently, while you look absolutely stunning. Tell him that you need a word with him and then take your shot.
Explain everything to him and tell him that you would love to take him out on a date. Tell him that you’ve been thinking about this for a while now, but he doesn’t seem to take the hints, so you took matters into your own hands.
A confident woman, like yourself, would probably be intimidating to a little boy. But how do you ask a guy out when he isn’t ready to handle a confident woman?
If he says that you’re coming off too strong, that only means that he’s not strong enough or confident enough to handle you. It has nothing to do with your personality, he’s just intimidated and probably too insecure.
Asking him straight away only means that you don’t have any time to lose pining over a guy who isn’t able to make up his mind. So, if he’s really intimidated by your straightforward approach, you know that he’s not the one for you.
6. Ask him over the phone
If you want to ask a guy out, how about you try texting him?
Do you have his phone number? You probably do. You might have even exchanged a few text messages in the time that you’ve known each other.
Do you follow each other on social media? I have a feeling you do.
It’s quite easy to hit someone up, slide into their DMs, and just start a chat. Even if you’ve never talked before, he’ll share something interesting about his story that’ll give you an idea about what you could send him.
When you start that conversation, you can easily ask him if he wants to meet up. It’ll take you a lot of courage, of course. But it’s easier than walking up to him randomly and asking him if he wants to go out with you.
Text him, feel the vibe, and then drop the question on him. You can even ask him if he wants to go out in a group setting if he doesn’t feel comfortable.
Who knows how shy he actually is. Don’t assume anything.
You’ll probably have a little anxiety attack when you send him this crucial text message, but you’ll feel relief once you actually do it.
If he does say no to a date, thank him for his time. You can hide your embarrassment easier this way. It’s definitely the best way to do this if you don’t want to put yourself out there too much.
How to ask a guy out over a text message?
You might have trouble figuring out what to actually send him, but here are a few good examples of the texts you can send him:
“This is actually very unexpected, but I’m going to be in your area later. Would you like to grab a bite to eat?”
“Yes! I love that artist too. I saw his exhibit last week actually. It’s still in the museum. If you haven’t gone yet, we could go see it together.”
“I’m just going to be direct. Would you like to go out with me? We could grab some coffee.”
“The next season of that show is coming out! Do you want to binge the last episodes at my place this weekend?”
Sure, these text messages are straightforward, but they’re also covered up by the fact that you’re always talking about mutual interests. You can ask him out over text messages without seeming as if you’re too interested.
If you have the same interests, you can invite him to come over and watch the season-finale of the show you’ve been following for so long.
This gives you an amazing opportunity to order some delicious food, open up a bottle of wine, and snuggle up.
If anything, this must be my favorite way to ask a guy out. That’s why you shouldn’t hesitate. Maybe he wants to see you just as much as you want to see him.
Just go for it and see what happens.