Love Relationships

What Does Putting Effort In A Relationship Really Mean

Love is a complex thing. But is love enough for a relationship to last? What does putting effort in a relationship really mean?


    Are flowers and chocolate what makes a romantic relationship special?

    We tend to have very high expectations from the relationship we are in, and we often forget about the little things that makes it indeed special.

    The older we get, we slowly realize that fairy tales do not exist. We also realize that the passion we experience in the beginning of the relationship slowly fades away and then love takes place.

    You cannot expect romantic dinners every night with flowers and hot baths because at some point reality is going to catch up. You will eventually realize that everybody can buy you flowers, but can anybody put effort into your relationship? That’s the question.

    I had some relationships in my life with different types of men. Some of them had a lot of money and some of them didn’t. I came out with the conclusion that money definitely can’t buy love. No matter how expensive the jewelry is, if he doesn’t put in the effort to conquer me over and over, it is useless.

    So, the main question was: What does putting effort in a relationship really mean?

    Effort can be seen in the little attentions. Because at the end of the day, the nice smell of the roses he gave you cannot hide the stinky smell of your relationship.

    Effort is when he asks you if you need help in the kitchen, not him waiting for you to set the table just because he bought the food.

    Effort is when you’re sick and he makes you some tea and covers you with a blanket. When he tries to cheer you up when you had a bad day.

    Effort is when you are annoying but he keeps swallowing it and still loves you.

    Effort is when he shows you the way when you don’t know where to go.

    Effort is when he makes you breakfast in bed on a lazy Sunday.

    Effort is when he protects you from yourself and others.

    Effort is when he pays attention to your needs.

    Effort is when he turns off his phone to spend the afternoon with you, and only you.

    Effort is when he makes something for you with his hands, because anybody can go to the store and buy you what you want.

    Effort is when he is genuinely interested about how your day went.

    Effort is when he doesn’t want to go to work until you give him a goodbye kiss.

    Effort is when he proudly introduces you to his family.

    Effort is when he brings you your favorite lunch while you’re at work.

    Effort is when he takes you out, even to the park, just so you can enjoy the sun that day.

    Effort is when he doesn’t forget your anniversary or your birthday.

    Effort is when he loves you when you don’t even like yourself.

    Effort is when he makes you feel wanted in the morning when you look like nothing.

    Effort is when he listens to your problem and tries to help you fix them.

    Effort is when you both try to make each other happy.

    Effort is when he hugs you when you’re sad.

    Effort is when everyone is against you but he is still here.

    Effort is when he supports you in your dreams and ambitions.

    Effort is when he trusts you.

    Effort is when you know you have each other.

    Effort is when you still try to look good for you partner no matter how long you’ve been together.

    Effort is when he tries his best to be with you, not only when he is bored.

    Effort is when you’re working out your issues instead of just running away from them.

    Effort is when he tries to make you feel special.

    Because love isn’t about the money we spend on each other—it is about the little attentions. Those little attentions are what make a relationship long-lasting. Flowers will fade away, jewelry won’t be interesting forever, and expensive dinners will stop being fun. But little attentions will stay. Little attentions matter.


    About the author

    Kirsten Blackwood

    A mental health writer and advocate. Currently I write about depression. My work has always been centered around health as I previously worked at a variety of healthcare-focused agencies. I wanted to help people who were struggling with an illness or disability, but often times didn’t feel the work I was doing was providing the right voice to the people I was trying to help. Here, I can connect to you in your journey by encouraging you to share the good, the bad, and moments in-between.