Love is a complex thing. But is love enough for a relationship to last? What does putting effort in a relationship really mean?
Are flowers and chocolate what make a romantic relationship special?
We tend to have very high expectations from the relationship we are in, and we often forget about the little things that indeed make it special.
As we get older, we slowly realize that fairy tales do not exist. We also realize that the passion we experience at the beginning of a relationship slowly fades away and then love takes its place.
You cannot expect romantic dinners every night with flowers and for your partner to run you a hot bath all the time because at some point, reality is going to set in. You will eventually realize that everybody can buy you flowers, but can anybody put effort into your relationship? That’s the question.
I had some relationships in my life with different types of men. Some of them had a lot of money and some of them didn’t. I came to the conclusion that money definitely can’t buy love. No matter how expensive the jewelry is, if he doesn’t put in the effort to conquer me over and over, it is useless.
So, the main question is: What does putting effort in a relationship really mean?
Effort can be seen in the little details. Because at the end of the day, the nice smell of the roses he gave you cannot hide the stinky smell of your relationship.
Effort is when he asks you if you need help in the kitchen, not him waiting for you to set the table just because he bought the food.
Effort is when you’re sick and he makes you some tea and covers you with a blanket. When he tries to cheer you up when you had a bad day.
Effort is when you are annoying but he keeps ignoring it and still loves you.
Effort is when he shows you the way when you don’t know where to go.
Effort is when he makes you breakfast in bed on a lazy Sunday.
Effort is when he protects you from yourself and others.
Effort is when he pays attention to your needs.
Effort is when he turns off his phone to spend the afternoon with you, and only you.
Effort is when he makes something for you with his hands, because anybody can go to the store and buy you what you want.
Effort is when he is genuinely interested in how your day went.
Effort is when he doesn’t want to go to work until you give him a goodbye kiss.
Effort is when he proudly introduces you to his family.
Effort is when he brings you your favorite lunch while you’re at work.
Effort is when he takes you out, even to a park, just so you can enjoy the sun that day.
Effort is when he doesn’t forget your anniversary or your birthday.
Effort is when he loves you when you don’t even like yourself.
Effort is when he makes you feel wanted in the morning when you feel like nothing.
Effort is when he listens to your problems and tries to help you fix them.
Effort is when you both try to make each other happy.
Effort is when he hugs you when you’re sad.
Effort is when everyone is against you but he is still there.
Effort is when he supports you with your dreams and ambitions.
Effort is when he trusts you.
Effort is when you know you have each other.
Effort is when you still try to look good for your partner no matter how long you’ve been together.
Effort is when he tries his best to be with you, not only when he is bored.
Effort is when you’re working out your issues instead of just running away from them.
Effort is when he tries to make you feel special.
Because love isn’t about the money we spend on each other—it is about the little details. Those little details are what make a relationship long-lasting. Flowers will fade away, jewelry won’t be interesting forever, and expensive dinners will stop being fun. But the little details will stay. The little details matter.
At the end of the day, effort in a relationship shows in all the little things you do for each other. Every relationship coach will tell you that spending time together is crucial but they will also explain to you the meaning of love languages. Making an effort in a relationship is the only way for it to be healthy.
As for love languages, Dr. Gary Chapman made it popular in his book The Five Love Languages. Love language is about knowing what a person needs to feel loved. The five love languages are words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, the act of service (devotion) and physical touch. All of those things are what putting effort in a relationship is all about. You can turn your real life into a fairy tale by doing the little things that mean something to your significant other as they will show them that you love and appreciate them.
Happy relationships are those in which partners aren’t afraid to say, “I’m sorry,” when they make a mistake. Don’t neglect the little effort it takes to say you’re sorry to your significant other. When all is said and done, it matters for your partner to see you as their best friend who cares about their well-being. All those text messages and date nights are what make a romantic relationship happy but your reality can become a fairy tale if you learn what effort in a relationship is and how important equal effort is in a relationship.
A lack of effort in a relationship is a serious problem. On the other hand, putting too much effort in a relationship that simply isn’t working is just avoiding an inevitable break-up. Do you always have to initiate communication and affection? Is it necessary for you to work hard to get your feelings acknowledged? Do you always work around their schedule? These are the clearest signs that you are putting too much effort in a relationship, and you will most likely break up as both partners need to put equal effort in a relationship.
Now that you know why effort in a relationship is important, you should learn how to show effort, which is what makes a relationship happy. Without it, you would have a bad relationship, one which neither partner really cares about. So let’s first talk about the red flags and the clearest signs that you’re not putting enough effort in.
Here is how you can recognize a lack of effort in a relationship:
1. Just the thought of putting effort in a relationship leaves you exhausted
If even thinking about effort in a relationship is enough to leave you exhausted, you aren’t really interested in having a healthy relationship. Unless you don’t care about the person you are with, you should learn how to show effort in a relationship but you also need to know what effort in a relationship is in order to recognize and appreciate it.
2. You no longer make any effort to impress your partner
Remember how you had special nicknames, songs and foods when you first started dating? It seems like all those things have disappeared now that you have been together longer. Don’t you care anymore about creating memories and connecting? That is a red flag, and it might mean that you are in a bad relationship. Understand that effort in a relationship is necessary if you want it to be healthy.
3. You think that you already know everything about your loved one
Just because you have been in a romantic relationship for a long time doesn’t mean that you should stop finding out things about your partner. Be your partner’s best friend. Learn how to put effort in a relationship if you care about their well-being. You can have a great relationship if you just think of creative topics to discuss with your loved one.
4. You no longer have date nights
This is a red flag. You aren’t putting enough effort into making your intimate relationship work. After all, you can’t have an intimate relationship if you don’t put aside time to be intimate with your partner. When was the last time you went to a restaurant together or recreated your first date? It doesn’t matter how long you have been in a relationship, you have to keep the spark alive.
5. You don’t spend time together
To have an intimate relationship, you have to spend time with your partner and when that is the last thing on your list of priorities, you have a problem. The only way for you to have a great relationship is to learn how to put effort in a relationship.
6. You forget about important dates
One of the signs that a person has stopped caring about the relationship is when they start forgetting about important dates. Make the effort in a relationship to remember things, including dates that are important to your partner. After all, that is how you show that they matter to you.
7. You’re not as polite as you used to be
All of us try to be our best when we start to date someone, so we try hard to be on our best behavior. Still, if you have noticed that you aren’t as polite as you were before, it’s time for you to make the effort in a relationship. Be nice to your partner if you want to have a great relationship.
8. It’s hard for you to apologize or say you love them
Good relationships are about being open and vulnerable with your loved one. Saying, “I am sorry,” and, “I love you,” shouldn’t be hard for you. Still, if you find it to be hard, it means that the connection you two have is not as strong as it was before. Try texting these things to practice saying them.
9. Your partner is considering leaving you
An obvious sign that you must learn how to put effort in a relationship is when your partner is considering leaving you, which is most likely because you haven’t been making an effort. You have a choice now; either you will make an effort to stay in the relationship, or you will let them leave you.
10 ways to put effort in a relationship to make it last
Let’s get to the point and see how to put effort in a relationship. These little tips will really make a difference in your relationship if you choose to use them. You and your partner need to show each other how much you mean to each other every single day. Are you ready to improve your relationship? Take my advice and see the difference for yourself. Here’s what you need to do:
1. Be each other’s best friend
Good relationships are those in which partners are also friends with each other and I don’t mean just on social media. They aren’t afraid to get silly and laugh with each other and it’s also important to be there for each other during hard times.
2. Speak well to others about each other
You should never talk badly about the person you are in a relationship with. Instead, always try to speak highly of them to others. Don’t be afraid to share your love on social media as well. Your partner needs to know that you are proud to present them as your loved one. Of course, they aren’t perfect, but you can tell them directly what’s bothering you; you don’t have to involve other people in your relationship.
3. Be affectionate with one another
Whether in private or in public, you need to show affection toward each other. Don’t hesitate to hold hands, kiss or hug in public. This is another way to show how proud you are of your relationship, and that can only be good for it. You have to show affection to let your partner know how much he means to you so don’t let being in public stop you from doing so.
4. Communication is the key
Communication is one of the most important factors of a successful relationship. What it really means is talking to your partner about everything. There’s nothing I can’t talk about with my husband… and it made me really understand the power of communication. It makes your bond so strong that nothing could ever break it. Don’t keep secrets from one another and talk about everything instead. If you aren’t so good with words when you are speaking, there’s always texting. A heartwarming text message could start a meaningful conversation and show you how great it is to be open with each other.
5. Be a priority to each other
To have a meaningful relationship, you have to put your partner first. You can’t be selfish or self-centered if you want your relationship to succeed. Put your partner’s needs first, and they will meet your needs as well. I’m not saying that your partner should be the center of your universe, but you have to be a priority to each other.
6. Have new experiences
If you want to be happy in a relationship, it’s understood that you two need to go out and do things together. Cuddling under a warm blanket while watching TV is great, but you have to have new experiences as well. Find a common interest and do things together. How about getting horse riding lessons or going apple picking? Anything you would find interesting can work, as long as you do it together.
7. Believe in each other
You need to believe in your partner and encourage them to reach their goals. You’ll be surprised how far a person can go with just a little encouragement from someone who believes in them. Most people who haven’t succeeded in life were actually just lacking encouragement from their loved one. When you have someone who believes in you, there’s nothing you can’t do.
8. Give each other compliments
Your partner needs you to tell them how amazing they are, so do so frequently. Never miss a chance to remind them of how hard-working they are, as it will make them think that they can take on the world. Just think about how you would feel if someone told you all the time that you are beautiful; surely you would start thinking that you really are beautiful. That can make a significant impact on your self-esteem and how you see yourself so why wouldn’t you want your partner to feel good and think that they are amazing?
9. Surprise each other from time to time
Surprises are what keep things interesting in a relationship. You don’t have to spend too much money, just a simple romantic gesture would serve the purpose. Check out the love quotes that we have chosen in our article and leave your loved one a romantic note with one of them before they go to work or you can surprise your boyfriend with anything from sexy lingerie to a home-cooked meal… and those are some of the things that men love the most.
10. Say the L-word more often
There shouldn’t be a single day in which you two haven’t said, “I love you,” to each other. I want, “I love you,” to be the last thing my husband hears before going to work as well as before going to sleep. If you end every argument with these words, that can truly make a difference. Your partner needs to feel loved and appreciated and you can help them with that with these simple words. There can’t be too many times you say to your partner that you love them so be sure to use every chance you get. Don’t let the romance disappear from your relationship. Plan a special night for just the two of you, make it romantic and end it by telling them that they mean the world to you.