Think aloud
Taking power away from a narcissist is one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do in your life. At times, it’ll feel like the greatest battle you’ve ever gone through but you have to win it in order to give yourself the future you deserve.
Narcissists are a dangerous breed. They shake up your world and put you under their control without you even realizing it.
Once you finally figure out what’s going on, it feels almost impossible to escape their clutches. You get the feeling that you’ll be stuck with them forever, even though their presence in your life doesn’t make you happy – not even in the slightest.
When you’re dealing with a narcissist, you’ll often get the feeling that you’re going through an emotional roller coaster. They will play with your feelings until you finally lose the last bit of confidence.
That’s exactly when you become their perfect victim. After you no longer know how to stand up for yourself, a narcissist sees the opportunity to control you and make you do whatever he wants.
Even though you know that you shouldn’t allow him to treat you this way, escaping a narcissist is easier said than done. Sometimes, you see no way out and you simply accept the fact that you shouldn’t even bother walking away as you know this narcissistic person will find a way to lure you back.
So, can you escape from a narcissist? Can you successfully find a way out without harming your own mental health even more?
Can you take the power away from him and finally gain control over your life? You certainly can, as long as you know what to do to save yourself from a narcissist and break free from his shackles.
How to succeed at taking power away from a narcissist
Narcissists are manipulators who have this need to control everyone around them. They live in denial and think that they’re the best thing the world has ever seen and this belief is deeply rooted inside them.
Even if he keeps hurting you over and over again, a narcissist won’t know how to stop as he’s not affected by the pain he inflicts on you.
They’re known for a lack of empathy and that’s why it’s often impossible to show them how much harm they cause.
The only thing that matters to a narcissist is his own happiness, which is why he will keep using you for his own gain. Don’t even bother pointing out his mistakes, as in his head, he’s perfect and doesn’t see the need to change.
A narcissist will play with your mind, put you down to bring himself up, and make you feel as if he’s better than you. And in those moments, he will feel his best because your subordination feels like a victory to him.
For all of the reasons above, it’s obvious that you’ll think about taking the power away from a narcissist. You’ll want to free yourself from his chains but by this point, you probably think it’s impossible.
Even though it won’t be easy, there are still some things you can do to escape a narcissistic person and leave him in the past.
These next steps will help put the power back in your hands. Even though it’ll take you some time to achieve, I guarantee you that it will be the best decision of your life.
1. Avoid engaging with him
Taking the power away from a narcissist has nothing to do with sitting down with him and having a talk. An honest conversation doesn’t affect a person like this, so you shouldn’t even bother trying.
That’s why the best thing you can do is pull away and avoid any type of communication. Even if you want to show him all of your anger that’s been accumulating for a long time, the best choice would still be to walk away.
If you decide to have a talk with a narcissist, the chances are he’ll try to convince you that he’ll change.
He’ll keep telling you he’s sorry. He’ll keep making false promises that will help him keep you around for longer.
This is a tactic a narcissist uses when he feels like he’s losing control. Since he can’t allow you to be the one who walks away from him, he must react and do something to stop it.
That’s why he’ll give you all these false promises that things will be different from then on and that he needs you in his life. He’ll try to buy you with a few acts of kindness and pretend that he’s a truly good person.
But in the end, it all comes back to the usual problem and you still end up hurting, maybe even more than before, which is why your best move is to pull back and avoid any communication with this narcissist.
At first, it won’t be easy for either of you. You’ll miss the person who used to be around you all the time and on the other side, he’ll be angry that you had the audacity to leave him.
A narcissist usually thinks that he’s the only one who has the right to walk away and he won’t let you do that until he gets bored of you.
So, once you take a step back, to him, it feels like a personal attack. It feels as if you went against him, even if you knew you shouldn’t.
Don’t even bother explaining yourself and calmly keep walking down the path you’ve chosen. This is your first step toward taking the power away from a narcissist and you shouldn’t stumble right away at any cost.
2. Set the boundaries and be clear on what you want
Even when you walk away from a narcissist, you’ll still feel the consequences of his previous deeds. It’ll take you some time to figure out what’s going on and what you should do next.
The first step to successfully do that is to realize what it is that you actually want. Right now, you need to set some boundaries for yourself, as they’ll help you stay on the right path.
Write them down and have them in front of you so you never forget what made you escape a narcissist in the first place.
Even in those moments when you feel like going back to him, reading what’s written on the paper will help you stick to your goal.
Also, if this narcissist reaches out to you, you can always message him about why you decided to walk away. Let him know the boundaries he’s crossed but always make sure to do that in written form.
That way, you have more control as you’re sure that your words won’t be ignored. You’re also sure that the narcissist won’t interrupt you talking, since you can easily type everything in one message and press send.
This also allows you to stop the conversation whenever you feel like it. You simply stop replying and you take the power back into your hands.
So, some of the guidelines you should follow are to establish your boundaries, make sure to stick to your goal and be realistic about what you should do if this narcissist decides to cross the line.
3. Don’t even think about apologizing to a narcissist
A narcissist wants to see you apologizing. It gives them power and negatively affects your self-esteem.
When you say that you’re sorry, they hear it as if you told them that they’re right.
They think of it as a sign that they’re perfect and that certainly isn’t something you want to evoke in a narcissist once you’re trying to take the power back into your hands.
That’s why you should stop apologizing at all costs. There’s no reason why you should express remorse, as you didn’t do anything wrong.
The narcissist is the one who made mistakes and you still don’t see him apologizing to you.
Even though you want to be nice and admit your part of any blame, you really shouldn’t try to do that with a narcissist. He’ll only see it as his victory, which will make him even stronger.
So, when you’re taking power away from a narcissist, you must learn when to stop paying attention to him. Realize your worth, know that you deserve better, and simply move away from him as if he means nothing to you.
Once you do that, you’ll finally gain control over your life, and it’ll be much easier to keep walking.
On the flip side, if you shower a narcissist with apologies, you’ll only prolong the amount of time it’ll take you to free yourself from him. He’ll see your excuses as a sign of weakness and he’ll try to win you back one more time.
That’s why you shouldn’t even think about saying you’re sorry, as you have nothing to apologize for.
4. Have an if/when list to be extra prepared
A narcissist has it all planned. He knows what to say to gain his power back and he surely knows when to say it.
This is why you always have to be one step ahead of him.
Even if you think that you have it all organized, you can easily end up in a place where you have no idea how to respond, especially if it’s your first time trying to take the power away from a narcissist.
On the other hand, he’s been through the same with others many times before. So, to be sure that you stay ahead when messaging him, you should come up with a winning scheme.
The best way to do this is to have your answers prepared. For example, when a narcissist says this, you’ll reply this way. If he says something like this, you’ll say this.
By having it all planned, you allow yourself to be more confident. It prevents the chances of slipping up and falling into a trap that the narcissist certainly has prepared for you.
This way, you’ll be able to efficiently shut him down as you already have it all set out.
Maybe he knows this game better, as he’s been playing it for a long time. Still, you must show him that you’re not just a pawn in his game, and instead, you’re more powerful than he thinks.
5. Accept the fact that you can’t change a narcissist
At some point, you may feel the need to give the narcissist a second chance. You may look for excuses that explain his behavior and think that you shouldn’t reject him right away.
But no matter how much you give yourself into it, you’ll never be able to change a narcissist.
His behavior is a part of who he is. That’s not something you can affect, especially when he doesn’t see a reason to evolve.
It’s not you who brought out the worst in him. And it certainly isn’t you who can change him for the better.
There’s no need to try when there’s no way it’ll work. So, the best thing to do is simply accept that you can’t change him.
Even if it doesn’t seem like a big move, this will actually help you with taking the power away from a narcissist.
Once you realize that you can’t do anything to improve him, you’ll give up on him. And the moment you give up on him is the moment he fears the most.
As long as you care about him, he has a chance to control you. Even if there’s only a slight chance, he still has something to hold on to.
But once you finally cut him out of your life, there’s nothing that can help him gain you back.
Once you realize that he’s a bad influence, you won’t want to have anything to do with him. That’s when he loses his power and you get to be the one who’s in control.
6. Don’t blame yourself
Taking the power away from a narcissist isn’t easy. This means that you’ll stumble upon some obstacles from time to time.
One of them appears the moment you start blaming yourself for the way the narcissist treated you. This happens as you get used to having this person around.
Once you realize he’s a bad seed and you cut him off, you get this feeling that maybe you did something wrong. Perhaps you triggered his toxic behavior and that’s the reason he acted the way he did.
But even if it seems like a reasonable explanation, you must trust me when I tell you it’s wrong. You have nothing to do with the fact that you ran into a narcissist.
Even if you were the most perfect person, he would still find something to blame you for. He would still find a reason for his manipulative behavior.
So, when you’re trying to take the control back into your hands, you must keep in mind that you shouldn’t blame yourself for anything that happened. None of the things is your fault and you couldn’t avoid them even if you had changed yourself completely.
7. Stop explaining yourself
Explaining yourself to a narcissist shouldn’t be applied when you’re taking power away from him. In that case, you shouldn’t even have to explain the reasons why you had to leave or provide him with excuses.
The point is that he was bad influence and you needed to free yourself from his chains.
The more you explain yourself, the less control you have. He then ends up being the one who can push you to do something you weren’t planning.
He may also start to play the pity card.
When you let him accuse you of doing something bad to him, you actually let him decide what your next step should be. And that’s not something you want to do.
So, instead of giving him the reasons why you must walk away, the best thing to do is remain quiet. If you want, you can share with him all of the boundaries he mustn’t cross but that’s as far as you should go.
You should feel free to leave behind you all those who hurt you. And you should never feel the need to explain the reasons that made you commit to that.
If they had been willing to treat you better, they would have done so earlier. It’s too late to make any changes in their behavior now, as the damage is already done.
What if you really need to have a talk with the narcissist?
As I stated earlier, the best way toward taking power away from a narcissist is to simply walk away, without saying a word. But in some cases, this won’t be possible and you’ll have to face him.
Maybe you’re living together and it’s not that simple to pack all your things and leave without making a noise. It’s simply impossible to walk away without him noticing that.
In that case, you’ll probably have to have a talk with the narcissist. So, the question is how can you have a discussion with him while still being the one who’s in control?
Is there something you can do that will allow you to keep the power on your side? Here’s what you should do in case you have to have a verbal conversation with a narcissist.
1. Always have your goal in mind
Taking power away from a narcissist is still possible, even when you engage in a conversation with him. But you must always keep in mind your goal.
Think about your boundaries, all of the propositions you must reject, and all of the things you must say.
If you don’t plan your conversation, the chances are that the narcissist will use some of his manipulative techniques on you and he’ll then gain his power back.
But if you’re one step ahead, then you’ll know what to expect and how much you can handle. In that case, you also know when it’s the right time to leave and never go back.
2. Don’t expect that you’ll find a compromise
A narcissist doesn’t want to talk to you because he has something to offer to you. He doesn’t want to look for a compromise that will work for both of you.
It may seem like that but it’s just an illusion that will help him lure you in.
The real intention of his conversation is to manipulate you to trust him. It’s his last attempt to lower your confidence so he can control you the easy way.
If you give in this time, the chances are that it’ll be almost impossible to walk away from him in the future. He’ll tighten the shackles and you won’t be able to do anything unless he plans it for you.
3. Learn more about the tactics narcissists use
Taking power away from a narcissist is all about being one step ahead of him. If you know what he may be doing, it’ll be easier to spot his manipulative tactics and let him see that you know.
When he changes the subject because he needs to take control back in his hands, you should call him out on it. When he acts like a victim because he needs you to empathize with him, you should call him out on it again.
Every time he does something that helps him stay in charge, point out that behavior and let him see that you know what he’s trying to achieve. That way, you remain in control, even though he doesn’t like seeing you there.
4. Don’t let him change your mood
Narcissists are manipulators and they will do whatever it takes to get you to play by their rules. This means that they will make you emotionally dizzy so that you lose track of your own moves.
Think of it the way a child throws a tantrum because they want you to change your mind about buying a new toy. They distract you, emotionally confuse you and in the end, they get what they wanted in the first place.
Well, that’s exactly what a narcissist will try to do. He wants you to get angry because that’s when you stop thinking rationally.
By that point, you’ll be at your weakest and he’ll be able to control you much more easily. But if you control your mood and do everything as you planned, the narcissist won’t be able to do this.
In that case, you’ll be taking power away from a narcissist by slowly walking away whenever you feel like it. And he won’t be able to do anything to stop you.
