You may want to take a look at the male psychology if you’re considering using the no contact rule after a breakup.
People tend to think that women are more complicated than men. It’s a stereotype that has its roots deeply carved in society.
It doesn’t even sound offensive anymore but is rather a joke many laugh at. This takes the spotlight off of men and we often forget about their “flaws.”
Men are thought to be simple, narrow-minded, and masculine. On the contrary, women are labeled as overthinkers, sensitive, and all over the place. It’s not just a belief – it’s become some kind of tradition that people just go along with.
But there’s more to the male mind than we’re told.
It’s not just females who experience things in a unique way. For instance, you’re going through a breakup and learning to cope with it. But what about him?
You know you’re not supposed to think of your ex, but you just can’t help it. I believe you’re aware of the fact that you need to apply the no contact rule?
If not, then you should highly consider it. This rule implies a no-contact period where you don’t text or call him. He’s essentially non-existent and you don’t need him.
Regardless of whether he’s the dumper or dumped, this tactic is one of the most surefire ways to get over the breakup.
You’ve spent so much time together so this won’t be easy. Curiosity can get the best of you and you may wonder about the male psychology behind the no contact rule.
In this article, I’ll tell you all about how the breakup affected your man. You’re about to find out whether he feels the same as you do.
What does the no contact rule imply?
If you’ve been through a breakup before, you know just how hard it is. Dealing with the loss of your friend and a lover is tough.
One moment you’re sharing your life and before you know it, you’re off on your own. Unfortunately, breakups happen and it’s up to you how you’re going to deal with them.
You don’t want to look miserable those first weeks, so you’ll want to keep low. The days of no contact will pile up and before you know it, they will become weeks and months.
The goal of the no contact rule is to start off fresh. If you wish to, it can help you get your ex back. But he’s gone for a reason and most times, the past should be left in its place.
The thing is, he was your best friend and you can’t make peace with the fact you’re done for good. This time, you’ll make things right.
From now on, you’re on your own and you must not allow yourself a moment of weakness. His personal belongings can make your heart ache, but don’t give in.
The times you’re at your most vulnerable will make you the strongest. Trust me, after my personal experience, I’ve practically written the book on this.
Do you want your ex back?
Wanting your ex-boyfriend back is always frowned upon but this shouldn’t bother you. The first step is setting your priorities straight.
Relationships are a safe place for many people and something that becomes a habit for most. It involves sets of routines and the same person you get so used to.
We know habits are hard to break, so don’t feel bad for wanting your ex back. It’s not always the wrong thing to do, especially if you happened to have a misunderstanding.
Still, don’t give him false hope if you still haven’t come to terms with yourself. It’s important to make up your mind about big decisions such as this.
If you value that person and think he’s your soulmate, then go for it. Best friends are not worth losing over some bickering.
But you’ve found yourself stuck all of a sudden. It’s the first time you’re splitting up with your partner and you don’t exactly know what to do.
How does he feel and what does he think of you now? Is he regretting breaking up with you or is he relieved and happy?
Now, we don’t want these questions to burden your mind, so we’ll highlight some main points for you. Irrespective of him being the dumper or dumpee, here are some of his thoughts.
Exploring male psychology during the no contact rule
Don’t think you’re the only one crying over your heartbreak. It’s maybe common that girls are the first ones to shed a tear, but it’s not always the case.
The post-breakup period is crucial for both of you. As time passes, you’ll eventually figure out whether you want to get back or not.
Let me tell you, the male mind isn’t stripped of these thoughts either. Believe it or not, he’s also finding the no contact rule difficult.
Male psychology surely differs from a female’s but to what extent? Does the no contact rule work out in the end?
Can the no contact rule bring your ex back?
This is one of the top FAQs that plagues a lot of girls after the breakup. Of course, it’s never easy having the person you loved be separated from you!
But if you stick to the no contact rule and give it enough time to work its charm, it’s highly possible you’ll get what you want.
Men have a different point of view on departures, but in the end, they always come back. After seeing what he’s lost, he’ll probably come running with his tail between his legs.
And if he doesn’t – let’s say he’s a stubborn one – it may take him some time to realize what he’s done.
The most important thing is to not give in to the temptation of reaching out to him. You have to wait and lurk in the silent shadows. In no way should you stalk him though!
The no-contact stages that men go through
Believe it or not, everyone goes through these stages after the breakup. Personally, I didn’t believe that it implies to everyone, but I was wrong.
I’ve experienced days of no contact on my own, so trust me, it works. If you’re concerned about male psychology, don’t be.
It works practically the same, but with slight differences. The stages won’t be an exact copy of a female’s, but the end result is the same.
1. The state of oblivion
If your ex-boyfriend was the one who dumped you, he may be thrilled about his decision. It’s easy for his mind to trick him into thinking that he’s finally free.
It’s the first days of no contact rule that he will enjoy this so-called freedom as he feels fit. The male psyche in this sense is sometimes hard to understand because feelings are fleeting and are bound to soon change.
The first place he may visit after your departure could be the club. It’s a way of assuring himself that this is what he needed – a break from everything.
You might see a lot of his recent posts on social media showcasing him having the time of his life. But he’s completely oblivious to the fact that things are going to switch up shortly after.
On the flip side, if he’s the dumpee, insecurity and questioning will start to kick in. He won’t know what he’s done wrong (as many guys don’t).
He’ll feel lost and find himself wandering around thinking of you. The day the no contact rule starts will perhaps be a turning point for him.
Men usually don’t look into details and some parts of the breakup will be foggy. It might be unclear to him as to how it’s gotten to this point. Ex-boyfriends are known to not take things such as breakups seriously. At this point, he might be unaware of the fact that you’re done for real.
When he notices you haven’t contacted him even after a few days, it will spark his interest.
2. The wandering stage
After some time has passed, your ex wants to know what’s up. Why aren’t you sending him desperate text messages? Don’t you want him back?
This is the stage of no contact rule in male psychology where he starts to lose his self-esteem. He thought you were going to be the one crawling back to him in no time. But guess what? He was wrong!
He got deceived because he thought he was going to either be in a new relationship by now or getting back with you.
The days of no contact have started to take their toll on him. The feeling of anxiety has kicked in and he can’t help but wonder about his ex-girlfriend.
Be patient because he isn’t going to make that phone call just yet. It’s out of his mind to contact you because it would be a sign of weakness.
We know how sensitive men are when it comes to their egos. So let him wander for some more until the realization hits him.
At this point, he’s still not willing to lose his self-respect by contacting you. He’s made up his mind, but his convictions are starting to get wobbly.
3. The panic stage
The long-distance that’s now separating you two in every aspect is starting to dawn on him. At this point, he’s starting to comprehend you’ve set your foot down.
The radio silence period isn’t going by the book for him. He’s completely unsuspecting of the reverse psychology you’ve been applying this whole time.
Men can be childish so that’s why we sometimes treat them like kids. If you want them to do something, simply tell them otherwise.
Eventually, their spite will do all the work for you. That’s why male psychology during the no contact rule is simple to understand.
A lot of people will feel panicked at this time. The realization that you’ve probably moved on hits him like a ton of bricks.
For instance, your ex wants you to feel the same way, but there are no signs of you hurting. Moreover, he doesn’t see you having a new relationship, so it’s even harder for him to understand.
4. The feeling of remorse
When your ex finally realizes he’s not getting a hang of this single life, he’ll become desperate. He starts reminiscing about the past and his previous love life.
In other words, he misses you during the no contact period. The feeling of anger and sadness entangle and his inquisitiveness may double.
He’s beginning to feel sorry for what has happened but still resists the urge to get back to you. This is where he may get himself involved in a rebound relationship.
It’s simply a cry for help and something he wishes to bring him relief. These relationships are usually short-lived and nothing really good comes out of them.
One day he’s having the time of his life and the next, regret comes knocking. Soon, he realizes it’s not worth it.
Besides the feeling of regret, anger usually follows. His ego is hurt because he sees you have no problem being away from him.
It’s a big problem for him when he sees you having fun without him – or worse: with someone else. He may even feel humiliated and convince himself that this whole situation isn’t fair on him.
He might even try to convince you of this too…
5. Reaching out to you
When all his resources are drained and he has nowhere to go, he remembers he still has your phone number.
Your ex-boyfriend may not hit you up immediately. He could start by following you on social media and liking your content. Some comments may follow and before you know it, there’s a ding on your WhatsApp.
He’ll try to play it cool by simply asking about your well-being. You can interpret this in different ways and you may think he’s sending you mixed signals.
Does he really care about how you’re doing? Is he trying to get back to you? Just wait and see. As of now, that reverse psychology is doing the trick.
He may resort to using the same old tricks you once fell for. He’s questioning and studying the environment if you’re ready for his comeback.
Also, it’s possible he’ll tease you and ask you about your love life. If this is what you wanted – your ex reaching out to you – then congrats!
Seems as if the no contact rule is working its male psychology magic!
6. The improvement stage
So, your ex thinks he’s back in the game. Now, he knows you’re not going to fall for the same thing once again, so he needs a change.
This is the part where ex-boyfriends always end up being cliche. It’s the “I’ve changed.” Like, how can you be a different man after just a couple of weeks!?
He’ll try to persuade you that he’s improved since your breakup and is ready for a long-term relationship. He may even get your mutual friends involved and tag along with them.
It’s possible he’ll appear out of the blue or you two will just accidentally run into each other. This can seem sketchy and it should.
If he starts bragging about how he’s changed for the better, how he ditched his old friends, or that no girl is good enough for him… hello, narcissist alert.
Right now, he thinks of himself as the best version ever and there’s no one who could burst his bubble. He may even come off as pushy, which will only make you drift further apart.
Exes can be hard to deal with, especially when they’re in this stage of the no contact rule. If you don’t decide to give it another go, then it’s some sad story for him.
7. Fear during the no contact rule
If you decide to turn him down, this can affect him greatly. He’s been mustering up the courage and taking all the needed steps to reach out to you.
It can be hard for him to grasp the fact that you’re done for good this time. If you’ve been on and off for some time, this is completely new to him.
He might not realize you’re serious, so it’s possible he will nag you some more. Until he recognizes that you’re not messing around anymore.
This is where the fear of loneliness rears its head and it’s similar to the oblivion state. He’s all alone and doesn’t know anything but you.
He’s not even interested in those rebound relationships anymore because he doesn’t want just a fling. Your ex wants you back because he remembers all the good times with you.
You were his safe haven and the person he shared the happiest memories with. Now, it’s hard to live without those.
If you don’t get back together, things will start getting gloomy for him. He may shut down and distance himself from you and your mutual friends.
You won’t see him living his life to the fullest on social media. Also, he’s likely a bit confused about why you’re not taking him back but he won’t question it further.
8. Facing the truth
The final stage of the no contact rule as it relates to male psychology is facing the truth. Your ex, whether he was the dumper or dumpee, has come to terms with himself.
He fully accepts the fact that you’re his ex-girlfriend now and it’s probably going to stay that way. This is where he completely gives up and stops trying.
You may not notice him posting that much on his social media and there certainly won’t be any text messages or missed phone calls. He respects your choice and is leaving you alone.
You may feel confused because you weren’t expecting this. But once again, you’re relieved because it has finally all come to an end. No more breaking up and getting back together, no more “what are we” questions.
This is the part where you may both feel to some extent depressed. It’s sad knowing you won’t share your life with that particular person anymore.
However, you’re glad at the same time. You’re happy that both of you get the chance to heal properly and move on with your lives.
What if you eventually get back together?
If this is what you want, then congratulations. After you get a better understanding of male psychology behind the no contact rule, you’ll realize that it actually works on men.
Your ex wants to get back with you and you’re more than eager to say yes? Then I guess the stars have aligned for you today.
However, there are two possibilities after mending things with your ex-boyfriend:
- You’ll come back as a couple stronger than ever.
- You’ll remind yourselves why you broke up in the first place.
When it comes to the first option, it happens often. People tend to think it’s something only seen in movies, but it’s not.
I know a lot of couples who have gotten back together and strengthened their relationship. It may take some time, but you can get there eventually.
It may be a shaky start and you may be doubtful or, at the very least, cautiously optimistic. However, if you decide to work as a team, you’ll be back on track in no time.
The second option is a bit sadder, yet still possible. Many couples who split did it for a solid reason. Once they try to pick up the broken pieces, they just end up cutting themselves.
It’s because of certain issues that have deep roots. The breakup was just a final straw on a pile of hidden problems.
Also, that second departure may be even uglier than the first one. It’s because now you can see the bigger picture once you’ve had the time to look back on it.
He told you he’d change but he didn’t. You’ve repeated the same mistake once again and you’re angry at yourself.
Whatever you decide and whatever the outcome, make sure you don’t force it. If you’re meant to be together, your paths will cross again sometime.