Think aloud
Are you looking for signs your ex is miserable? You’ve applied the no contact rule but now your ex-partner has started texting you again for the first time since the break-up.
The only logical thing to think is that your ex now regrets losing you. You may even be considering giving him a second chance.
It’s a good sign if he hasn’t been in a rebound relationship yet, as this is one of the signs your ex is miserable and still cares about you.
At this point, it’s your choice whether you’ll take your ex back and give him a second chance. However, before you do that, make sure that there are signs he misses you after the break-up happened.
Maybe you should consider why you broke up in the first place. Perhaps your serious relationship turned into a long-distance one because one of you had to move.
Long-distance relationships are never easy to deal with and a lot of people break up because of it. That’s why you need to think about why you two separated.
Your ex could be sad without you and the signs are right there if you decide to pay more attention to them. Reflect on whether you want your ex back or not because this is a great opportunity for you to start a new life – with or without him.
24 signs your ex is miserable (and still cares)
When you break up with your partner, there are many unresolved feelings that you need to sort through. Some people are better at this part of separation than others.
There are people out there who need reassurance and closure. They need their friends to be part of this process as well because they need the support.
Nonetheless, there are people out there who can’t simply jump into a new relationship because they’re so miserable. They’re not able to give themselves the closure they need. They suffer in silence and don’t want to let anyone know just how much it hurts them.
If you’re this type of person then you’re likely looking for the signs your ex will eventually come back. You want to make sure that you’re doing everything you can simply to catch his attention.
But what if you don’t know which one of these people your ex-boyfriend is? You don’t know whether he’s going to come back to you or if he even misses you. You’re not sure what to make of his behavior and it’s making you feel uneasy.
For that exact reason, I’m here to help you through this journey. Regardless of whether you want to rekindle the flame between you or not, you need to know the signs your ex is miserable. This way, you’ll keep your options open and you’ll know what you should do next.
1. He talks badly about you
Your ex is showing signs that he’s miserable without you when he talks badly about you. Don’t let him fool you into thinking that he will only trash-talk to his friends. Your ex-boyfriend will talk badly about you on social media, as well as to your mutual friends.
He’ll use passive-aggressive quotes and lyrics to describe you and your relationship. He can’t stand the fact that you’re not his anymore and now he has to convince himself more than anyone else that you’re truly that awful.
This man is using every single opportunity to say something that portrays you as the bad guy. He doesn’t care that he may hurt you with it because he’ll feel better once he knows that you’re both in pain.
But whatever you do, don’t retaliate. Instead, smile and keep your head held high.
All the things he says about you on social media and to others say more about him than you. After all, your mutual friends know the truth and will tell you all about it.
2. He brags about his new relationship
When your ex-partner starts bragging about his new life with his new partner, it’s just one of the signs your ex is miserable and pretending to be over you. So, just because you see their pictures all over social media, it doesn’t mean that they have the happiest relationship in the world.
People in the most contented, loving and caring relationships usually stay very low-key, as they don’t need to show off their love. If you’re just an ex-girlfriend to him now, why would he have the need for your approval?
Don’t give him the satisfaction of acting on your insecurities because it’ll give him validation. You don’t need to do anything at this moment in time. Just stand back and watch the way things start to fall apart by themselves.
You don’t even have to do anything but be a passive onlooker. The truth is that your ex is currently being pathetic. He’s desperate for any sort of reaction from you and he doesn’t know what else to do.
He’ll brag about how perfect his new girlfriend is and how happy he is. He’ll do anything in his power to present his current situation as the most perfect thing in the world and all of this exists to get a reaction out of you. Nothing more.
3. He talks badly about your new partner and relationship
One of the obvious signs that your ex is miserable is that he’ll talk badly about your current partner, as if he’s the devil incarnate.
It’s kind of natural for your ex-boyfriend to talk badly about your new boyfriend. He’s jealous and that’s a completely understandable emotion.
However, your mutual friends will tell you all about it because he’ll go out of his way to mention your relationship and talk trash about it. He’ll comment on your partner’s looks, his job, his choice of words… literally anything and everything.
Of course, he doesn’t have a clue about your boyfriend’s true personality, which is why he’ll talk badly about things like his financial situation and your choice in men. In any case, you should just ignore him.
If you want to stand up to your ex about your partner, then I truly do recommend doing that. Your boyfriend needs you to show him that you don’t care about your ex anymore and if you let him talk trash, then both of them may think that you agree with the awful things he says.
Nonetheless, you’ll score points if you decide to protect your boyfriend. He’ll be forever grateful to you.
4. He’s obsessed with his dating life
Don’t be surprised if your ex-boyfriend suddenly appears on all dating apps and jumps from one partner to the next in a matter of days.
You’ll see that he spends all of his time on dating sites and he completely changes the pictures he posts on other social media platforms.
This is one of the clear signs your ex is miserable without you. He’s marketing himself by posting pictures of himself that are getting better by the day and then he posts songs that make him seem cooler than he is.
This just shows that he’s trying to find a substitute for his relationship with you. As you can see, it’s not going that well because he’s having trouble finding someone like you.
5. He’s doing drugs
Your ex will do anything he can to get his mind off of his current situation and a lot of people who want to forget about these things turn to drugs.
This man regrets losing you. He didn’t just lose his girlfriend; he also lost his best friend. So when you’re wondering how you know when your ex is miserable, well, there you have it.
Your ex is doing drugs because it relaxes him and makes him believe that everything’s okay again. If anything, they numb the pain he’s feeling.
Even if it’s not drugs, he may turn to alcohol for a solution. In either case, if your ex wasn’t using when he was in a serious relationship with you but has started to now, it’s a warning sign.
He’s even more miserable than you may have thought at first and this is especially true if his first time trying anything like this was after you split up. He’s trying to forget about you and these substances help him pretend like everything’s fine.
6. He’s depressed
Let’s be honest here and admit that we all fall into a depressive state when we go through a break-up. But some of us take it a little bit harder and we end up a complete wreck.
You can know your ex is depressed by the way his friends talk about him. They’ll say that he hasn’t gone out with them for a while now, that he’s not taking the break-up well, and that they don’t know what to do.
His friends won’t think too much about it and they may tell you that he’s not eating or that he’s binge-eating. All your ex is doing here is show you that he’s incapable of living without you.
There’s a chance that even his social media accounts are filled with sad songs and depressing quotes, which is another of the signs your ex is miserable.
If you want your ex back, this is your opportunity. Make a phone call and arrange for you two to meet.
But you need to be prepared to see him depressed and beaten down. He cares so much about you and he didn’t know how much this entire situation would shatter him.
Someone who wasn’t miserable would just bounce right back on their feet after a break-up but your ex is much more broken from it.
7. He’s always getting into fights
One of the signs your ex is miserable is when he picks fights with others. His ego is broken and to him, this is the only way for him to feel like a man again.
Once you two broke up and established the no contact rule, he got involved in more and more drama. Maybe he even isn’t on good terms with his close friends anymore.
The thing is, he’s angry and even if he apologizes the next day, he’ll get into a new conflict soon after. His temper is awful and he doesn’t understand that there’s anything he can do regarding this issue.
He just wants to get his frustrations out. If his fists hurt then his heart won’t feel as painful anymore.
I mean, guys understand this logic, I guess. Women have other, better ways to cope.
8. He’s envious of your success
People who are envious of the success of others are the worst. The next time you do well at something, you’ll hear your ex bad-mouthing it.
He should be happy for you if he ever truly felt anything for you. But now, he just feels like he’s threatened by your accomplishments.
This is because he’s miserable. There’s no way in hell he’s over you if he takes every opportunity he has to say something atrocious about you.
Those who are truly successful don’t envy other people for their success. But in his head, he’s constantly competing with you because he has to be the one who’s better off without you.
He can’t live knowing that you’re doing great without him, which is why he’s gossiping behind your back. This man is as miserable as they get.
When he does praise you, it’ll sound extremely insincere and that’s because he celebrates your failures more than anything. It doesn’t stop there either because he’ll go out of his way to mock your passions.
9. He’s gained or lost weight
A clear sign (and probably the biggest one that your ex is miserable) is when his weight suddenly changes. It doesn’t matter whether he gains or loses weight, this change is out of the ordinary.
The thing is, when people are under stress, they either eat more or less, depending on their coping mechanism. They also tend to let themselves go due to their depressive state.
He may not feel hungry at all because he’s constantly sad. He doesn’t have the energy needed to get out of bed and do anything but cry his eyes out.
Your ex could also try to cope by eating too much because that’s the only control he has in his life. He wants to fill the void that your absence has created and this is his way to fill up his time when you’re not around.
Either way, these kinds of changes can be very detrimental to his health. If he didn’t have these issues before, then his newfound eating disorder is a sign that he misses you a lot. He can’t cope with the knowledge that you’re happy without him when he’s so absolutely miserable.
10. He pretends to be happy
One of the signs your ex is miserable is that he acts like he’s completely fine and happy when you know he isn’t. The trouble with something like this is that it’s extremely easy to hide but not to you.
He doesn’t want you to know how miserable he is so he’ll pretend he’s okay but you know your ex better than anyone else. You know that he’s not okay and that he’s faking all of it.
Your ex has a fake persona at all times because that’s so much easier than admitting that he’s the reason why your long-term relationship fell apart. You can see that his smile never reaches his eyes and that he always looks like he’s in pain.
Someone who’s genuinely over you won’t act like that. If anything, someone who’s over you will tell you that they were sad for a while but now they’re fine. Someone who can’t be honest with you about their feelings is extremely miserable.
11. He calls you when he’s drunk
Have you already received a drunk phone call or text message from your ex? If not, don’t worry – they’re on their way. Whether he keeps texting you that he misses you or calls to say he wants you back, your ex will do this soon.
You know that he’s always been very affectionate when he’s drunk so now that you’re not there with him, he needs to remind you of his feelings. He’ll also use alcohol as liquid courage.
All those misspelled texts are just signs your ex still cares about you and is desperate to get you back. However, even if you want the same thing he does, you shouldn’t text him back when he’s intoxicated.
Wait for him to sober up and talk to him about all the things he said when he was under the influence. He probably won’t even remember those texts when he wakes up in the morning but hey, drunk words are sober thoughts, so don’t let him get away with it that easily.
12. He doesn’t leave the house
One of the signs your ex is miserable is if he has locked himself up and refuses to leave his house, which is how depressed people often act. He would probably try to socialize with people again but he simply doesn’t have the energy to do so.
It could also be because he doesn’t want to bump into you by accident. He doesn’t have the motivation to leave the house and it’s making him anxious to be outside.
What’s more, he doesn’t have many friends left to drag him out. Even if those loyal few try to do something together by inviting him out, he always finds a reason to avoid them. Sometimes, he’ll even pretend like he’s lost his phone or he didn’t hear it ring.
He needs some time to grieve but after a while, he’ll snap out of it and get himself together. You could try to help him out during this time and ask him if he wants to spend time with you. However, you’re not obligated to be there for him anymore.
13. He doesn’t have ambitions or goals anymore
A life without any ambitions or goals is a truly miserable life, so if your ex has chosen this path, it’s one of the signs he still cares about you. He simply can’t pull himself together after the break-up.
People without goals and ambitions simply exist in the moment without a long-term destination in mind. To him, you were his plan. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with you and it doesn’t matter whether he was ready to admit that or not.
He tied such a huge part of his personality to you and he doesn’t know what to do now that he’s lost you. Your ex was picturing a future with you in it so now that you’re gone, he doesn’t see a future at all.
He doesn’t want to work on himself, nor does he want to further his career and all of that is because he doesn’t have you in his life right now. You were his biggest motivation and his biggest supporter. Now that you’re gone, all of that has gone with you.
14. He hasn’t returned your things
If your ex is still holding on to the stuff you left at his place, he’s still hoping that you’ll need it again. He wants you to go back to him.
Someone who wants to forget about their ex will return their stuff immediately because they don’t want to have any reminders of them in their house. If they have any gifts from them, they’ll burn them or throw them in the trash.
So the fact that your ex is still holding on to everything is a sign that he doesn’t think that it’s over between you two. He’s still attached to every one of your things and it hurts him to part with them.
It could also be that he’s holding on to a small amount of hope right now. He believes that you’ll go to his house to get your things, which is his way to make sure that he’ll see you at least one more time before you completely break ties.
15. He’s taking responsibility
Has he started to take responsibility for his actions? Does he understand the things he did wrong when you were together? Does he see all the bad things that he did that led to your break-up?
This is one of the obvious signs your ex is miserable. He’s starting to overthink everything and it’s making him extremely insecure. He’s spent so much time going over everything that happened and now he’s just destroyed because of his own stupidity.
Don’t be surprised if he starts promising you that he’ll change and that he’ll never make the same mistakes again. If you want your ex back, this is the perfect time to consider your options. However, you need to see whether he’ll back up his words with actions.
16. He asks around about you
When a man feels miserable and wants to get back together with you, he’ll start asking others about you. He’ll ask everyone he thinks may know a thing or two about where you are right now.
You and your ex broke up but that doesn’t mean that he’ll stop caring about you. That’s just not going to happen any time soon.
Your friends will come up to you and tell you that he frequently asks about you. They’ll tell you that he was trying to make small talk and then it just turned into a conversation about you.
He’ll even stalk you on social media but that won’t be enough for him. All of your friends will hear from him because he wants to find out what’s going on in your life but he’ll mainly want to find out about your love life. He wants to know whether or not you’ve found someone to replace him with.
17. He says it outright
This only happens in rare cases; it’s uncommon but it’s not impossible. Most men aren’t going to show you any signs that they’re miserable because of breaking up with you, so most exes will pretend that they’re happy.
That’s why it’s so important to acknowledge the fact that your ex is ready to admit that he’s miserable after the break-up. You have to give the man some credit for saying so.
The best thing about this is that you can be sure that he won’t lie about it. Maybe he won’t tell you directly but he may tell your mutual friends about how unhappy he is with this whole situation. Nonetheless, he knows that these friends will go to you with this information.
He’s sending you a message through your friends, which just means that he’s waiting for some sort of reaction from you, but this definitely could happen face-to-face as well. When you bump into each other and you simply ask him how he’s holding up, he may well pour his soul out to you.
18. He makes excuses to see you
Have you noticed how much time he spends in your presence without ever being invited? He’s always around you and you’re not even sure whether you’re imagining things or not. He appears everywhere you go, even if you didn’t tell him where you’d be.
When someone’s desperate to see you, they’ll come up with all sorts of excuses. They also won’t hesitate to stalk you a little if needed, so don’t be surprised if he comes up with all kinds of things he allegedly needs from you.
If you notice your ex doing this, you can be sure that he’s miserable and you’re seeing all the signs. He’s not even trying to hide it at this point. He’s just hoping that you’ll eventually take him back.
The reason why he keeps popping up at all these random places is simply that he wants to see you. He may also believe that some sort of emotion will be triggered within you if you see him again.
19. He’s dating your polar opposite
Everyone has a type. We all go after the people that we find attractive physically, as well as mentally and emotionally. We go for people who fit our standards and for that exact reason, it’s so weird to see him with a girl who’s anything but his type.
He used to tell you that you were perfect for him, which is why this is one of the obvious signs your ex is miserable without you. He’s trying to do everything in his power to forget you.
To tell you the truth, he still cares about you deeply but it’s hurting him and that’s why he’s trying to replace you with someone different. It’s his way of trying to forget about you.
Still, this will only work temporarily. He’s forcing himself to be with someone else when all he wants is to be with you. This can’t last forever, however, and he’ll realize it any time now.
20. He’s still single
Many people need time alone after they’ve gone through a painful break-up. It makes them feel safe to finally have control again.
But let’s be honest. How long has it been since the two of you broke up? If it’s been quite some time and he still hasn’t found someone new, then he’s waiting for you to walk back into his life.
That’s why he hasn’t started dating anyone else! Every woman he encounters is just mediocre and boring compared to you.
He doesn’t just want to have someone by his side so that he can have someone to spend his days with because he has nothing better to do. He doesn’t just want someone who’ll make him feel good about himself.
Your ex is always thinking about you because you’re the girl who always makes him feel the best. He doesn’t want to hold another girl, he wants to hold you. He wants to sleep next to you and cuddle you.
If you could talk to him right now, he’d probably tell you that he’s disgusted by the thought of being with another woman. He just doesn’t see the point of it because there’s only one you out there in this world.
21. You two broke up on good terms
If infidelity or mind games wasn’t the reason why you broke up, then there’s still hope for your relationship. You split up on good terms and that’s why you could still rekindle the old flame. It’s not so damaged that it can’t be fixed.
Many couples stay friends after they end their romantic relationship. If you’re one of them, it could simply be a matter of time when you’ll get back together.
Your ex is miserable because he knows that you’re the girl he’s always wanted to be with. You two parted ways like two mature people so he sees that you’re above anyone or anything else.
He wants that type of energy around him again. So, are you going to get back together?
22. He still treats you really well
Your ex may be miserable but it’s not stopping him from treating you like a princess. This man tries his best to make you feel special even after you’ve broken up.
It seems like you didn’t have that big of a reason to break up with him but now you do have a reason to take him back.
Even if it hurts him to be anywhere near you and he feels so bad, he still finds it in himself to be kind and caring toward you.
If the problem in your relationship was that he didn’t give you attention, he’s trying to fix that right now. He’s showing you that he can be better because he desperately wants you back.
23. He answers your calls right away
Sometimes you wonder whether he spends his time looking at his phone and waiting for your call because whenever you’ve dialed his number in the past couple of months, he seemed to pick it up right away. But he’s been hoping that you’ll call him.
He doesn’t want you to get cold feet and hang up on him and he also wants to hear your voice. He’s still excited to talk to you.
Even if you try to end the conversation, he’ll still find topics to talk about regardless of your escape plans. It doesn’t matter whether you still talk daily, he just wants to feel like he hasn’t lost you yet. He wants to know that you’re not mad at him and that you’re willing to listen to what he has to say.
I can tell you that in this case, there’s a huge chance for you to give your relationship another go. I hope you’re aware of just how much this man’s suffering because of your absence from his life.
24. He stayed the same
A lot of the time, when someone goes through a break-up, they change somehow. They change their hairstyle as well as their attitude.
A person may think that this is the perfect time for them to start anew and to begin a new life that gives them space to reinvent themselves. But it’s also because they want to somehow erase the past and everything that reminds them of their ex.
That’s why it’s so important to see whether your ex is the exact opposite of that. Has he changed even a tiny bit?
A person usually stays the same because they want to remind their ex of the time when they were together. He wants to be the person you remember and the person you love the most. If he changes, you won’t recognize him.
The reason why he hasn’t made any big changes in his life is that he doesn’t want to create a life without you. He would much rather have his old life back, with you in it.
Living in the past is better for him than choosing to live a life without you by his side. It sounds sad but it’s one of the signs your ex is miserable.
So… Will you take him back?
