Think aloud
You think you’re seeing the signs that he loves the other woman more than he loves you and it’s driving you crazy.
It doesn’t matter if it’s his coworker, a married woman, or some other young girl, you keep on getting this weird feeling that something isn’t right.
You might have been together for a while now, but you still think that he loves the other woman more than he loves you.
A man may cheat for so many different reasons. He may have gotten bored in his current relationship and gone looking for something more.
He might be craving a new experience instead of that long-standing, committed relationship you two have been in for such a long time.
A married man knows what he’s putting at stake. He is totally capable of understanding what he’s risking if he decides to cheat.
He’s losing his wife, children, the house he’s living in.
This man is sacrificing everything he has for the other woman.
But he doesn’t seem to care. If he was ready to give up everything simply to be with this new woman, then he wasn’t worthy of you in the first place.
Of course, you know that. You know that you can do better than a man who thinks that cheating is the solution to his problems.
But it hurts to see all the tell-tale signs he’s cheating on you. You feel your heart cracking in your chest.
You can sense and see it in everything he’s doing and you don’t know if you have the courage to stay silent for much longer.
There is only room for one woman. If he’s truly choosing the other woman over you, you should be ready to break up with him.
Don’t stay in a relationship where you are not appreciated enough. No amount of makeup will be able to hide your misery and pain.
The very moment you are able to see the warning signs in the little things he does during the day, don’t hesitate.
Confront him about the issue. Tell him about your suspicion and the reasons behind it.
The very moment your suspicions are confirmed, walk away from him.
Even if it was a long term relationship that you thought would bring you the life you always wanted.
Once a cheater, always a cheater.
That’s exactly what we have been taught our entire lives. So why would you stay in a relationship with someone like that?
If you accept his apology once, he’ll do it over and over again.
He doesn’t deserve you.
But before we jump into talking about breaking up with him, let’s identify the signs that he loves the other woman.
Are you seeing any of these red flags?
1. He gets defensive when you ask him simple questions
Yes, your husband/boyfriend might have been cheating on you this entire time, but he’s also feeling guilty about it.
One of the warning signs is when innocent questions seem like accusations to him and this is because he is hiding something.
Your significant other might break a sweat trying to answer simple questions – one of the clear signs that he loves the other woman.
You ask him what he’s planning to do after work and his entire face pales. It’s actually quite comical.
The question “Who did you watch the game with last night?” is met with a defensive response like “Why are you always so nosy?
Do I have to tell you everything!?”
It’s such a simple question to answer, but he’s making a fuss about it. Does this seem suspicious to you? Because to me, it sure does.
Whenever you ask him anything, make sure you don’t ask him in a tone that is accusatory.
Your questions should sound curious and phrased in a way that makes it seem like you’re just casually asking about his day.
If he is hiding the fact that he’s cheating on you, he could respond in an aggressive or irritated manner.
Your tone isn’t the problem – it’s his guilty conscience.
2. His friends act differently around you
Your man may not show signs that he loves the other woman, but his friends will give you the red flags you’re looking for.
The truth is, he has most likely confided in his close friends and they might have even met the other woman.
In any case, they know more about it than you do.
Of course, they’ll try to stay loyal to him so they won’t tell you directly about it, but they’ll show telltale signs and won’t be able to hide it.
It’s not the easiest way to find out that your man is having an emotional or physical affair. You never wanted this to happen in the first place!
You will see it in the way his friends act when they’re around you.
They exchange weird looks and it always feels like they’re not telling you something.
They might even avoid talking to you at all.
That’s because they feel guilty, too! They know his dirty secret and really don’t want to keep it from you even if he’s their friend.
They’re not going to say a word about it, but they really want to.
His friends know how bad this situation is, but they keep on covering for him.
And even if he hasn’t told them, they’ll most probably know about it despite him trying to hide it. So look for the way his friends are acting.
3. He mentions her at random times
Of course, he won’t mention her to you as the woman he is having an affair with, but her name will come up.
When you fall in love with someone, you think about them every second of your day.
That little fact can also explain the fact that he mentions her at random times.
He doesn’t want to, it just happens.
If he wasn’t in love with her, he certainly wouldn’t talk about her that much.
He doesn’t use that as a stupid little trick to break your heart even further. No, it just slips out and is one of the signs that he loves the other woman.
There might be a moment when he’ll try to gaslight you about this.
When you ask him why he’s always talking about this woman, he’ll deny it.
He might say that you’re imagining things or that you’re just being jealous for no reason.
This takes a toll on your self-esteem because you don’t want to compare yourself to another woman that you probably don’t even know.
The heartbreak is getting worse with every word he utters about her.
When you go out, he randomly points out what her favorite drink is, or if you’re home, he suggests the two of you watch her favorite TV show.
4. He’s on his phone all the time
In this age when social media is a huge part of our lives, we forget how much time we spend on our phones.
Sometimes, hours go by without even realizing it.
But your man is exceeding even the socially acceptable limit (if there is such a thing).
He’s constantly on his phone and doesn’t seem as remotely disturbed as he should be about it.
He must be enjoying it, judging by how much he’s smiling at his phone.
Your man is always either texting or checking his social media and doesn’t share anything about it with you.
He’s always on his phone and you catch him grinning while texting.
Who do you think those text messages are from? Why don’t you ask him and see what he says? But don’t pay so much attention to what he says – it’s how he says it.
Notice his reaction and how the expression on his face changes.
If his expression falters for a moment, it’s one of the warning signs that he loves the other woman.
5. He doesn’t let you near his phone
Following up with the fact that he doesn’t let his phone out of his sight or out of his hands, another obvious warning sign is when he doesn’t let you near his phone.
I know that it’s very bad to go through your partner’s phone without their permission.
But if you don’t have anything to hide, then why not let them see who you’re texting?
He’s probably keeping his phone from you because you’d get extremely mad and disappointed with him if you saw what he was up to.
Usually, partners don’t keep text messages from each other unless there is something to hide.
If you two are in a long-distance relationship, just notice how much time he has for texting you now.
Notice how fast he responds compared to before – he may be texting someone else at the same time.
If you see him always online yet he doesn’t reply to your texts for hours, it’s really one of the signs that he loves the other woman and is busy chatting with her instead.
6. He avoids eye contact
There is so much in his body language that can tell you all the signs that he loves the other woman.
You can’t take your eyes off of the person you love, even if you’ve been together for years.
So if your partner is avoiding eye contact, something’s up.
This is a common sign of an emotional affair, which we talk more about in our other article.
Basically, it means that he doesn’t yet have a physical relationship with this woman, but that doesn’t make much difference.
At the very least, he has feelings for her. And that’s sometimes worse than being physically intimate with someone.
An emotional affair is very slow and is followed by a long list of unmet expectations, while also breaking your heart very slowly.
Whether it’s because he’s so focused on her, or because he feels guilty, he won’t look at you at all. Especially not in your eyes.
Instead, he will always try to avert his gaze like he’s hiding something. Well, that’s because he is.
7. He constantly locks eyes with her
If the other woman is part of your friend group, you’ll see them lock eyes constantly.
You need to be a little more observant about this particular sign that he loves the other woman.
He will not only avoid making eye contact with you, he will lock eyes with her constantly.
Even if she’s on the other side of the bar you’re sitting in, you catch them exchanging glances.
They’re both aware of the fact that they can’t do any PDA while you’re right there with them, so they opt for the next best thing.
They know that you’ll grow suspicious if they talk too much or use their own little inside jokes.
These situations are extremely risky for both of them and they don’t want to expose themselves.
When you look closely, you’ll see that they’re exchanging little messages through their eye contact.
They’re in their own little bubble and they can’t help it.
8. He dresses differently
A woman will often comment on what her man is wearing and, naturally, he tries to wear what she likes.
He is in love, so he wants to look attractive to the woman he cares about. But which woman is he doing that for?
Is it you or someone else?
If he’s suddenly dressing differently than how he normally does, it’s a clear sign that he loves the other woman.
She’s likely commented on his clothes, so he will try wearing the ones she has complimented.
He will start dressing differently because he will want to please her.
And the change doesn’t end with his clothes.
Maybe your man has always been clean-shaven but is now growing a beard.
Maybe he never wanted to wear the color red and now, out of nowhere, he wants to “switch things up.”
Did he suddenly decide change his hairstyle, too?
It’s hard to think straight when you start suspecting that he’s cheating on you.
But you shouldn’t get carried away by this. Be very careful – because he might be doing it all for you.
He might want to dress differently to impress you. That’s why you shouldn’t accuse him unless you’re absolutely certain.
9. He suddenly needs a lot of privacy
His personal life has now become too personal to talk about.
Where does that leave you? It leaves you wondering what he’s doing and why he’s acting so cryptic.
There is a difference between healthy boundaries and secrecy.
It’s perfectly normal if your man needs some privacy, but extreme privacy that seems more like secrecy is something else.
Even when you want to spend time alone, you still tell your partner about what you did.
Does he lock himself in a room in his free time? Is his computer password protected? Does he freak out when you touch his phone?
If he is secretive and overly protective of his privacy, he is hiding something from you.
When did he start needing so much privacy? If you can pinpoint that exact moment, then you might even find out when he started his affair.
This is one of the glaring signs that he loves the other woman.
It becomes even more obvious when you realize that he wasn’t like this from the very beginning of your relationship.
Back then, he didn’t need a lot of time to himself and he didn’t keep secrets from you.
But as things stand right now, things have shifted and you’re starting to become suspicious.
10. He makes excuses about anything and everything
Why does a man even get into a relationship if he won’t have time to spend with the woman he loves?
There is always some reason why he doesn’t have time for you today, tomorrow, or the day after.
He’s making excuses left and right about why he couldn’t reply to your text messages.
If your man is really cheating on you, be prepared for a lot of lame excuses as to why he’s been unavailable or late.
So, maybe he has a busy life, but if he covers up his absence with really lame excuses, take it as a sign that he loves the other woman.
Are his excuses unsubstantiated or feeble? Does he sound panicked and rushed when he explains where he has been?
Try to catch him in one of his many lies and watch how he’ll wiggle his way out of the situation.
If he really wanted to reply to your text messages, he would’ve. A man who’s head over heels for a woman would never leave her waiting.
But he’s making all of these excuses because of someone else. He’s coming up with all these crazy cover-ups in order to hide his little affair.
11. One of the clearest signs that he loves the other woman is if he’s not happy when he’s with you
At first, you thought that he must be having a bad day, so naturally he’ll be a little bit grumpy.
Then afterward, you reckoned you must’ve done something wrong. That he didn’t like your new perfume or you said something wrong.
None of those things are probably the case.
He doesn’t seem thrilled to be with you and it’s most likely because he would prefer to be with someone else.
It’s not easy to hide the fact that he would much rather be with someone else right now.
He’s there with you, but his mind is drifting to where he imagines his true love is.
Whenever you see him in person, he’s always extremely rude or constantly complaining about something. Your soulmate wouldn’t do that.
This man right here can’t stand being near you because he knows that he’s doing something so bad behind your back.
Whenever he looks into your eyes, the only thing he sees is his own betrayal. That’s why he gets so agitated.
12. He doesn’t make small gestures anymore
Maybe he used to bring you flowers twice a month just to make you happy.
Or he used to make you pancakes on Sunday morning, just the way you like them.
Small gestures are something all couples do and it makes the relationship healthier and happier.
That’s why it’s so concerning when a man stops doing the things he used to do.
This is an obvious sign that he’s distancing himself from you for some or other reason.
It can also be recognized as one of the signs that he loves the other woman.
Of course, you shouldn’t jump to conclusions because he could be getting lazy with time. Consider the other signs.
If you see many different things that reinforce your suspicions, then you need to take this one seriously as well.
However, if he doesn’t show other signs, but he’s really slacking when it comes to your relationship, then that’s another problem.
If he used to make things more interesting for both of you and now just abruptly stopped, then you need to talk to him about it.
13. He doesn’t share things with you anymore
Does your boyfriend still share important moments of his day with you? Can you two still have a serious conversation?
If your boyfriend isn’t willing to share anything about himself or his life anymore, it’s because he has someone else to talk to.
You two have probably built your entire relationship on trust and you have always talked about anything and everything.
There wasn’t a topic between the two of you that wasn’t discussed.
He would go into detail about the things that went wrong at work or even the praise he got from his boss.
That’s what you’re used to, but now he’s being so weirdly distant.
He sticks to short answers that leave you feeling cold and rejected.
If you’re not used to this behavior from him, then you can interpret it as a sign that he loves the other woman.
14. The chemistry is gone
There’s no spark in your relationship anymore, which happens after the honeymoon phase of your relationship.
It happens so fast because you get settled into a long-term relationship. However, there should always be some chemistry between the two of you.
You two couldn’t keep your hands off of each other, now you can’t even get him to hug you.
Even the kisses you exchange are just brief little pecks. There is no passion between the two of you anymore.
If you’ve noticed that there’s no chemistry between the two of you lately, there’s definitely something going on.
There’s something wrong and a good chance that he’s getting that chemistry somewhere else.
One of the possible explanations is that he has fallen in love with another.
If you recognize this as one of the signs that he loves the other woman, then there’s nothing more you need to search for in his arms anymore.
15. You catch him lying to you
If your man is unfaithful, he is going to start lying to you. And the lies will start even before he actually does something wrong.
As soon as he starts feeling things he shouldn’t feel, he will try to hide them. And he’ll use his lies to conceal the truth.
Have you caught him in a lie?
Did he tell you he was going out with Dan, just for Dan to post a picture an hour later on a date night with his wife?
Well, that isn’t a small lie you’ve caught him in.
Did he tell you that he’s going to work late, but his phone location is showing a place that isn’t even near his workplace?
These are all signs that he may love another woman.
He’s prepared to lie to you just to spend some time with her.
He’s risking so much just to be with her and you know that no one would do that for a person they didn’t love.
The lies are going to pile up before you get him to finally confess – and they’re going to eat him alive.
He’s either going to get tangled in his own web of lies or you’ll confront him and he’ll break.
This is really scary, especially if you thought of this person as your soulmate and best friend.
16. He finds excuses to touch her
If this woman is someone you know, you will notice him making excuses to touch her in any way possible.
Be it a hug or a high-five, he will definitely make an effort to engage in physical contact with this woman.
When he’s reaching for something over the table, his hand might brush against hers.
Even when he’s talking to the group, his arm will instinctively go and touch hers.
He might even put his arm on her shoulder if he’s feeling brave enough.
A guy gets like this when he likes a girl. He wants to touch her, even if it’s in the most “innocent” way possible.
That’s why it’s so scary when you catch your boyfriend with his hands on her. He can’t seem to keep them to himself.
He’s fallen for her and you can’t do much about it.
17. He avoids going to gatherings where she’ll be present
As said before, this only applies if you are in the same social circle as this other woman.
If he doesn’t want to go anywhere where he might encounter her, without discussion, this is a serious issue.
He doesn’t want the two of you to be anywhere near each other, so he avoids these gatherings at all costs.
Things could escalate very quickly.
Something might slip out of his mouth or he may even accidentally touch the other woman suggestively, revealing his big secret.
Also, bringing you anywhere near the other woman means that it’ll just be more painful for him.
Because he’ll be heartbroken that he has to stand next to you when all he wants is to hold her instead.
18. He unintentionally compares you to her
When you two met, you were his entire world. He thought of you as the most perfect woman out there.
You could always see the adoration in his eyes.
He would never wait for long to compliment you. Those compliments were always about how attractive, sweet, and smart you were to him.
However, you have seen him change for the worse.
You’ve caught him comparing you to that one particular woman – more times than you’d like to admit.
He just says things like: “Why can’t you watch this show with me? When I mentioned it to Amber, she immediately wanted to watch.”
Or something like: “Amber told me that she’s been hitting the gym the past few months. She’s looking good. You might want to think about it yourself.”
How much of this can you suffer through until you get a full-blown tantrum attack?
You shouldn’t have to go through this.
You might have thought that you were just imagining things and didn’t want him to think of you as the jealous type.
So you didn’t say anything, even though you should have.
He obviously can’t stop comparing you to her and that’s a clearcut sign he loves the other woman.
19. One of the clearest signs that he loves the other woman is if he accuses YOU of cheating
This is actually an indication of his own insecurities. He’s projecting them on to you.
If your man starts accusing you of cheating or being in love with someone else, even though he has no valid reason for it, then it’s time to think things through.
Why would he say that if he didn’t have any evidence? Because he wants to mask his own wrongdoings.
He doesn’t want you to see what he’s doing.
So by accusing you of cheating, he’s actually shifting the blame off his shoulders onto yours.
Especially if he says that you must be in love with someone else, chances are it’s him who’s in love with another.
20. He stopped talking about a certain woman in his life
When he first started his job at this new company, he would talk about anyone and everyone.
He would tell you everything he knew about them. But now he’s suddenly not talking about a certain woman he mentioned quite often before.
Did Linda from accounting just disappear or is there something more going on?
From your point of view, he avoids talking about her altogether. You’ve tried to ask him about her, but he’s just brushing your questions off.
Do you get a weird feeling even when he does talk about her? They seem to be a little too close.
If this is actually one of the signs that he loves the other woman, then he’s doing it to avoid letting anything slip out of his mouth.
What if he admits to their affair by accident? That wouldn’t be fun.
That’s why he just avoids talking about her in general.
To summarize…
If you see most of these signs that he loves the other woman, then you have to face facts: He’s cheating on you.
He’s been having an affair for God knows how long. Even if it’s just something emotional, it’s still an affair.
And as I’ve said, an emotional affair is often far worse than a physical one.
The pain of catching your partner in a physical affair is like ripping off a band-aid.
The pain is instant. Your heart breaks right then and there – it shatters you to the core.
But when it comes to emotional affairs, you go through a painfully slow heartbreak that can last years.
Don’t forget to appreciate yourself either way. Don’t forget your own worth.
You shouldn’t just wait around for a man who has already made his choice.
You deserve so much better than a cheating boyfriend.
The moment you realize and confirm the truth, pack your bags and leave.
Because the signs that he loves the other woman are all there. Why would you want to stay with a man who loves someone else?
