Think aloud
Facebook secret conversations are a thing these days, and it can cause you to suspect that your partner is cheating on you.
What I’m talking about are hidden Facebook messages that can be seen only on the phone or other device on which the conversation was created or opened, which are automatically deleted after a certain amount of time.
This basically means that only the two people having the conversation can see these hidden Facebook messages.
If someone is using a Facebook secret conversation, does it mean they’re cheating on you? Well, not necessarily, but they could be.
In these modern times, everyone is on Facebook and using the Internet, including social media, has become a part of our everyday life.
We use the Internet at least three to four hours every day, and we can’t imagine what life would look like if we didn’t have this possibility.
The opportunities the digital era gives us are countless, but one of them is that cheating is a lot easier now.
It’s never been easier to meet new people and start a conversation with someone you have never met, and Facebook secret messages allow you to hide this.
Are you worried that your partner might be using Facebook secret conversations to cheat on you? Let’s look at the facts.
Just because someone uses Facebook secret messages doesn’t have to mean that they are a cheater; however, it does mean that they’re hiding something.
Even if your partner isn’t cheating on you, why would they feel the need to hide something from you?
Hiding things from your significant other isn’t okay, and it shows that the relationship isn’t as healthy as it should be.
Of course, this doesn’t mean that there should be no privacy in the relationship.
No matter how much you’re committed to your partner, they don’t have to know about everything you do.
You probably don’t show your partner your Facebook messages and they don’t know about everything you do online.
However, it’s one thing to not show or tell your partner everything, while deliberately hiding things is a whole other thing.
Trust is important in a relationship, so you shouldn’t violate your partner’s privacy by going through their phone without them knowing.
On the other hand, honesty is equally important, so they shouldn’t hide their phone or refuse to let you take it either.
In a healthy relationship, your partner shouldn’t mind when you take their phone for a justified reason, such as to make a call.
You shouldn’t go through their messages, but they shouldn’t mind if you have the possibility of accidentally seeing something.
It should be perfectly normal for both of you to leave your phone lying around, and not log out of your Facebook account when you leave the room.
The point is that both partners should have access to each other’s accounts but not use it to spy on each other.
That is how things work in a relationship where you’re honest with each other and trust each other as well.
Does this mean that you should never spy on your partner? Again, not necessarily.
If you know that your partner is hiding something from you, and you have reason to believe they might be cheating, what else are you going to do?
You should still be aware that if you’re wrong, spying on them could cause big problems in your relationship.
Being curious about what your partner does online and who they chat to on Facebook is perfectly normal and understandable.
It’s something you should be able to talk about openly with them.
What happens when you ask your partner who they’re talking to when they’re using Facebook Messenger?
Do they tell you and even show you or do they act weird about it?
What about their phone? Do they always keep it close and freak out if you touch it?
If your partner is secretive when it comes to his online conversations, there is a reason to be worried.
Maybe they aren’t cheating on you, but they are giving you a reason to think that they are.
What should you do about it? First, read these signs of Facebook secret conversations and cheating that will help you realize whether you are overthinking things or if there’s something fishy going on:
1. All of a sudden, he’s more interested in Facebook
Your partner never really cared about Facebook until recently.
He never used it a lot before, and he wasn’t interested in liking or commenting on anyone’s posts, including yours.
Now, that has changed, and he has started to use Facebook a lot.
In fact, he is using it constantly lately, which is a huge difference from the way he behaved before.
That’s not all, because now you notice that he is liking and commenting on someone’s posts and that someone is of the opposite gender.
Maybe he recently got a new Facebook friend, someone of the opposite sex, and ever since then, he can’t seem to put his phone away.
Of course, this could all also mean that he simply met someone he really likes as a friend, but it’s not that hard to tell the difference.
Simply ask him about it, and see how he reacts and what he tells you.
If he met someone he likes only as a friend, he’d have no problem telling you about it, and you’ll be able to let him know if it bothers you, so that he would stop.
2. He is getting a lot of messages on Facebook Messenger lately
His phone is constantly vibrating, and he seems to be receiving a lot of messages lately, which is unusual since it didn’t happen that often before.
Are all of the texts from the same person as well? Maybe he didn’t even use Facebook Messenger before, but he has started using it a lot recently.
These messages come at night as well, but whatever the time is, when his phone vibrates, your partner instantly wants to read it and respond right away.
This doesn’t have to be a problem, but that depends on how he reacts when you ask him about it.
Simply ask him who’s texting him so much and pay attention to his reaction.
3. He hides his phone
Is your partner careful not to leave his phone lying around? Does he always keep it close or even hide it when you walk in the room?
Maybe he’s started using it in the bathroom more often, or somewhere else where you can’t see him.
If your partner hides his phone from you, be sure to read our article on what it means when a man hides his phone.
4. He recently changed his privacy settings on Facebook
Has your partner recently changed his privacy settings? For example, maybe he made sure that you can’t see his friends list.
Did this change come out of nowhere? Then there could be a reason for you to get worried.
On the other hand, however, if he recently started to worry about his online privacy, maybe this change isn’t something alarming.
You already know that people can hide things on their Facebook profile so that specific people can’t see them.
If you know that your partner has changed his privacy settings so you can’t see something on his profile, that is suspicious.
5. He doesn’t let you use his phone
How does your partner act when you try to use his phone? Does he act weird and refuse to let you use it?
It should be perfectly normal for you to use your partner’s phone when you need to.
If he lets you use it, does it look like it’s never been used? What I mean is when someone deletes all calls, closes all apps and browsers, deletes all texts…
A person who does that either cares too much about his privacy or is more likely hiding something.
If your partner always carries his phone with him and never lets you touch it, that is shady.
6. He has more than one Facebook account
Does your partner have a few Facebook accounts instead of just one?
Of course, many people do, so this doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s cheating, but it is suspicious if he’s not open about it.
If you discover that your partner has a secret Facebook account he never told you about, that is a major red flag.
What does he use it for? Why is he hiding it from you?
On the other hand, if you know about your partner’s accounts, and he explained to you what he uses them for, it could be nothing to worry about.
7. He prefers using Facebook Messenger
As you know, Facebook Messenger allows for Facebook secret messages, and this could be the reason why your partner prefers to use this app for conversations.
Does he avoid sending texts or chatting on other apps, and would rather keep the communication with other people on Facebook Messenger?
This doesn’t have to mean anything, but it could be because of Facebook secret conversations.
If you happen to see his messages, and there’s very few of them, which doesn’t make sense since he has been texting a lot, he probably uses that option.
That is a sign that he’s hiding something, but you won’t know what unless you ask him and carefully watch his reaction.
8. His Facebook messages have become a priority to him
If texting on Facebook is suddenly his number one priority, his priority is actually the person he’s texting.
Of course, it could be just a friend, but then he’ll have no problem telling you about it and explaining why texting that person means so much to him.
Are you feeling left out lately because your partner spends more time texting someone on Facebook than he does with you?
That is a reason for concern, even if he’s not cheating.
Let him know how you feel, and ask him about it.
You should be a priority to him, and if he texts someone in the middle of a conversation with you, he’s not giving you his full attention.
Who is he giving his attention to? He needs to tell you about it and explain why.
9. His relationship status isn’t visible
Now, this doesn’t have to be a bad sign, because a lot of people simply don’t care enough about Facebook to update their relationship status.
Maybe your partner just doesn’t think that it’s important to have a visible relationship status, but it could also mean that he doesn’t want others to know that he’s not single.
How will you know? Well, it’s really simple. If it bothers you that your partner’s relationship status isn’t visible, you need to tell him about it.
He shouldn’t make a big deal about it and he should make it visible if that means a lot to you.
Keep in mind that he could make sure to make it visible just to you, so that’s something you can check by looking at his profile from someone else’s.
10. He acts defensive and refuses to answer when you want to know who the messages are from
This is the most important and the clearest of all these signs.
It all comes down to how your partner reacts when you ask him directly about whom he’s texting.
If he isn’t hiding something, he should tell you right away, without making a fuss about it.
He could say something like, “Jack wants to know when we’re playing poker again,” and just keep doing what he was doing.
If your partner doesn’t react that way, but acts defensive and refuses to answer, that’s a major red flag and it’s also very suspicious if he reacts by trying to change the subject.
Anything other than giving you a direct answer to your direct question is actually a bad sign.
Let me tell you something; I had the same worry you have now, and instead of asking my partner about it, I simply read his Facebook messages on his phone.
I didn’t find anything suspicious, so I simply tried asking him who he was texting when I saw him doing it.
At first, he answered right away, but when I kept asking him, he sat me down to talk to him.
He asked me what the problem was, and I told him my worries and came clean about going through his phone.
We talked about it, and I realized that I have trust issues because I had been cheated on before.
He was a little mad that I read his messages, but he understood why I have trust issues and wanted to help me.
We ended up agreeing that we wouldn’t hide anything from each other and that we’d be free to look at each other’s phone whenever we wanted to.
Soon, I didn’t have to anymore, because I was finally able to trust him.
Who knows, maybe you could improve your relationship the same way!
However, if you discover your partner is cheating on you, don’t let him trick you into thinking it’s your fault.
Good luck!
