When my boyfriend talks to other females online, I can’t help but feel jealous and insecure. It’s like he does it deliberately to upset me.
I mean, he knows that I struggle with low self-esteem and that it won’t help me feel any better about myself, but he still chooses to do this. So how exactly would anyone react in this situation but get upset?
Of course, I’m mad and hurt about it.
Don’t you feel the same way when you catch your boyfriend texting another girl? It doesn’t matter if he’s talking to random girls on Instagram or if he went the extra mile to talk to girls on dating apps. Most people would equate this to cheating.
Do you think it’s cheating? Do you think that he has some ulterior motives behind his actions or is he really so ignorant that he doesn’t realize what he’s doing to you?
Either way, you should have a right to express your concerns about it. You can’t just sit right there next to him while he smiles at his phone.
Someone is getting all of his time and attention when he should be giving it to you. You should be the only girl in his life if you’re in a relationship. So what’s his deal?
What are the signs my boyfriend talks to other females online?
Before we start talking about why he’s doing this to you and what you need to do in order to make him realize the gravity of this situation, you should definitely first make sure that you’re not just making assumptions.
Are you sure that he’s talking to other women? Or are you just assuming based on your own insecurities?
I didn’t want to make this mistake and just assume that my boyfriend was talking to other females online. I wanted to make sure that that’s what was happening before I confronted him about it.
And take your time with this one. You need to do this slowly and rationally because there’s a good chance that he’ll try to make you seem crazy for having thoughts like these.
1. He randomly stops replying to you
When you’re texting, he just randomly stops replying to you and in a matter of a few minutes, he’s back. When you ask him where he went, he always has some random excuse that makes no sense.
He obviously was texting someone else while he left you there waiting for his response.
If this happens every once in a while and he openly tells you who he’s texting, then you have nothing to worry about. But when you can see that he’s online and liking other girls’ pictures, then you have every right to doubt him.
You really need to take your time and determine how often this happens. When he’s talking to other women, then he won’t be able to hide it from you.
He’ll take forever to reply and even when you know that he’s seen your messages, he’ll still take his time before he responds.
2. He’s overly protective of his phone
I know that there should be a little bit of privacy in every relationship. You can’t just expect your boyfriend to give you his phone so that you can look through it whenever you feel like it.
I knew my boyfriend talked to other females online when I wasn’t even allowed anywhere near his phone. He would always keep it in his pocket or in his hands.
If it wasn’t there, then it was surely somewhere in his eyesight where I couldn’t reach for it.
Not that I would do that without his permission, but it definitely didn’t help my paranoia that he thought it wasn’t necessary to ever let me see what he was doing on his phone. Yes, I trusted him, but I obviously shouldn’t have.
His fingerprint could unlock my phone and he had access to all my messaging apps back then. Now that I say it out loud, it sounds absolutely crazy.
At the time, though, it was just the most natural thing to do because I had nothing to hide from him. But he obviously had something to hide and was scared that I was doing the same thing, so he’d constantly be checking my phone.
You’ll know that your man is just as shady as my ex if he constantly hides his phone from you even though he claims that he has nothing to hide.
Even at times when you ask him to just show you the messages, you won’t rummage through them on your own, he still pulls out every reason in the book why he can’t and won’t do that for you.
And in the end, he ends up making you feel like the guilty one.
3. He always keeps his phone face-down
Does your boyfriend always make sure to keep his phone face down when you’re near? He takes it for a moment and then he puts it back down on the table, but in a way that you can’t see what’s on his screen.
So when a notification does pop up on Snapchat (or any other app for that matter), you won’t be able to see it.
He doesn’t want you to see something and that in itself is suspicious. What does he have to hide that’s so important he can’t share it with you?
Of course, you’ll be curious and want to see what’s going on when he puts so much effort into hiding it from you. He’s definitely being too secretive for a man in a relationship. It’s time to get at the truth.
4. He’s always texting someone when you’re together
This is rude as it is and you should never tolerate this behavior. If he really needs to text all the time, then he should’ve stayed home and not wasted your time like this.
I understand that sometimes this is inevitable. You may have to be online because of work or in case of an emergency.
But that’s not always the case. It’s not always about someone who’s desperate for his attention – unless he wants to give them his attention.
This person is obviously much more important to him than you are. It’s a huge red flag, especially if this keeps happening over and over again.
Sure, there are times when you need to tolerate it because of something important, but this isn’t the case.
He keeps smiling at his phone as if you weren’t even there. He obviously forgot that he was having a dinner date with you, because when you clear your throat, he seems to snap out of a daydream.
What else are you supposed to think other than he’s texting another girl?
5. He never answers questions head-on
When I started to think that my boyfriend talks to other females online, I would always ask him questions about it. I asked him who he was always texting and I just wanted to make sure that I was still safe in our relationship.
He’d never give me a straight answer.
When I talked to other women who experienced the same thing with their men, it was the same story. They would ask questions and get the vaguest answers.
How many times will this happen until you realize that something really is going on? He should be able to give you straight-up replies to your questions, without any long explanations that only sound like lies.
You can see the way his eyebrow twitches and how he scratches his nose when he has to reply to you. It’s even more suspicious when he struggles to get the words out of his mouth. He’s hiding something, that I can promise you.
Why does my boyfriend talk to other females online?
Before we even start this chapter, I need to say one thing: These reasons explain his behavior, but they don’t excuse it!
Just because you have an explanation for something, doesn’t make it okay. You could probably figure this out on your own before you make up your mind what to do with the info you’ve gathered.
You and I both know that you need to analyze these things on your own. You’re an overthinker, so don’t hold back. Let me just help you along the way.
1. He’s unhappy in your relationship
Why would someone go and randomly text other women online? I thought that it was my fault when I found out that my boyfriend talked to other females online.
I genuinely believed that I must’ve done something and that I wasn’t enough for him. But you see, that was completely up to him at the end.
He could’ve come to me and talked to me, he could’ve broken up with me first before he downloaded Tinder. But he didn’t. He went behind my back.
He was obviously unhappy in our relationship for whatever reason and instead of finding the respectable way out, he chose to be sneaky about his chats with other girls.
Do you believe that your partner is unhappy in your relationship, too? Do you feel like he wants out of it without having an actual escape plan? If this is the case, then it’s an obvious reason for his behavior.
2. He’s always been like this
Take a moment and think about it. Was there a girlfriend in the picture when you two first started chatting? Did he stay in contact with other girls even though you two got into a relationship?
You’ll know that this is the most probable cause if you started talking to him while he was with another girl. He’s just keeping the trend alive by doing it to you too.
If you know for a fact that he’s always been like this, then you have nothing to question anymore. You know that he’s done this before and that he has this very bad habit.
You thought that he’d change, but he won’t, no matter how long you wait for him to get things right.
It’s definitely one of the reasons why your boyfriend talks to other females online, at least in my opinion.
3. He doesn’t want to commit yet
Sometimes we self-sabotage beautiful things when we’re afraid that it’s getting a bit too serious for us.
He knows that he has a forever home next to you, but it’s a scary thought and he may feel like he’ll be missing out on something.
He’s scared to commit to you because that would mean that he has to let go of all the other women in this world. In his head, he’s just not prepared to do it.
He probably doesn’t believe that you really are such a perfect match and that you could give him everything he wants.
This doesn’t mean that he wants to lose you, just that he’d be happier if he could see what’s out there in the world while you wait for him at home.
This is an absolutely awful mindset and you should never be okay with it. It’s horrible to contemplate, but it’s quite possible that he really does think like this.
4. He’s insecure
At one point or another, a man will start to feel insecure about himself when he gets to a certain age and he feels like he doesn’t have anything to offer the world anymore. That’s when he’ll go out and search for validation elsewhere.
Just like women tend to search for validation from other men, which they get from their attention and compliments, the same thing goes for men. They may decide to text other women online just for a little sense of validation.
The issue with this is that it’ll most probably never stop. How can you be secure in yourself when you fail to address the issue and just continue making the same mistakes over and over again? You can’t.
True security and self-esteem come from within. Any type of outward satisfaction is fleeting.
What should I do if my boyfriend talks to other girls online?
After you’ve caught up to the signs he talks to other women online and you found out the possible reasons behind it, it’s time to figure out what you can do about it.
This can go many different ways – you could easily be single at the end of this. However, you need to remember that you have a right to your own boundaries, and no one’s entitled to break them – not even your boyfriend.
And especially not if you’re working so hard on your relationship and he doesn’t respect you.
So do something about it and don’t stay silent. You deserve so much better than that.
1. Ask yourself if you consider this cheating
We all have our own definition of what we consider to be cheating. There are people out there who are even able to forgive their cheating partner and give them another chance.
That’s why you have to be honest with yourself right now. Make sure you know where your boundary lies. If you consider this to be cheating, then you have to take the route that makes the most sense to you.
Cheating doesn’t always have to be physical. Just the fact that he keeps hiding this from you means that he’s doing something behind your back and that should be considered cheating right away.
2. Find out if he’s guilty or innocent
If you see the signs and you know that he has a reason to do this, then you have to get some actual proof. You can’t just go off of a bad gut feeling.
I know that it’s an awful idea to invade someone’s privacy like that, but you could search his phone without him knowing. Or you could ask him to show you the messages.
The former is probably a bad idea because the guilt will eat you up, but obviously, there are only so many ways you can get confirmation. And even if you do get it out of him, who’s to say he’ll tell you the truth?
So to make sure that he won’t gaslight his way through this situation, go through his phone. Just do it. I’m very much aware that it’s morally bad, but you need to start somewhere.
You can deal with the guilt later. If he’s really guilty, then you won’t have to feel guilty in the first place!
3. Consider how you’ll react if you find out that he’s guilty
Sometimes we go into things not considering our possible reactions to them. Think about how you’ll react if you find out that he’s truly guilty of this.
Imagine, you take his phone and find all the current dating apps installed and many different conversations and explicit photos on there.
When you imagine these scenarios, you’ll go through the emotional response as if it’s happening right then and there.
That’ll prepare you for the actual situation. You’ll know how to behave and what you can truly expect from yourself.
You need this in order to rationalize the way you’ll confront him. Before you do anything, think about what you would say to him.
This way you can also prepare yourself to avoid any possible blame-shifting.
4. Would you ever forgive him?
This is one of those questions you really have to think long and hard about before answering. Don’t just rush to a conclusion, but rather sit down with yourself and think about it.
Would you forgive him? When you take his phone, look through it, and see those pictures and messages, would you truly be able to forgive and forget?
Because most girls wouldn’t. There are a few who’d still try to fight for his love.
Do you want that for yourself? Do you want to compromise your own boundaries and standards for a man who obviously doesn’t respect you enough?
If you do choose to forgive him, then you have to realize what comes after that. You’ll never trust him again fully.
You’ll have to keep a tight rein on him, and you’ll always doubt your decision and his actions. He’ll plead and beg for you to stay and you’ll forgive him even though it breaks you and, deep down, you know it’s not the right decision.
Do you really want that?
5. Don’t go off on him
The minute I found out that my boyfriend talked to other females online, I really wanted to go off on him. I wanted to yell my broken heart out and to tell him all the awful things I thought of him at that moment.
But that wasn’t productive. That definitely wouldn’t have shown him just how hurt I was. He would find a reason to yell back at me and the situation would just escalate much more than it needed to.
So I decided to wait and isolate myself for a while to think about the best way to go about it.
I really do believe that you should do this, too. Don’t let your emotions get the better of you. Take all the time you need and prepare yourself for that conversation.
If you decide to yell at him, he’ll just get defensive and tell you that’s exactly why he’s been going behind your back all this time.
He doesn’t deserve the satisfaction of knowing that this situation got to you this much. He should believe that you’re more than happy to let a cheater go.
6. But confront him
Whatever happens, you need to confront him about it. You could easily ignore the situation and carry on as if nothing happened, but in the long run, it would break you into pieces.
You have to talk to him.
Even if you end up not finding anything on his phone, you should talk to him about how you feel. Communicate your insecurities, tell him how it makes you feel when he ignores your texts.
Don’t just hold everything in, when you know that you’re aching on the inside.
If you do find things and you want to confront him, do it matter-of-factly. Show him that you’re a strong woman who won’t tolerate a man’s games.
Pack your things and walk away from him. Tell him that you deserve so much better than he’s offering you.
That’s how you’ll regain your power.