You’ve really started to like a guy and you can see yourself being in a serious relationship with him. But while you’re aware of your feelings for him, he doesn’t seem to be, so you start looking for the signs a guy doesn’t know what he wants.
You’ve confessed your emotions to him, you’ve already had ‘the talk’ about where things are going between the two of you but you’re still unclear of his wishes. All that he’s said is that he doesn’t know what he wants.
Maybe he simply doesn’t know what he’s looking for right now, which is why he’s unsure whether or not he wants to date you. Consequently, you feel confused and don’t know what to do next, as you’re unaware of his feelings for you.
Is he trying to hide them from you or is he just shy and doesn’t know how to express his emotions? What is he trying to imply?
You’re completely bewildered by this whole situation as you don’t know how to interpret what he’s been telling you this whole time. You’re a mess and you don’t know whether or not you have a future with this guy.
Should you wait for him to make a decision and if so, how long should you wait? And is he the one for you after all?
The bottom line is that you are sick and tired of mixed signals and break-ups. You want to have a committed relationship and you don’t want to spend a lot of time on the wrong guy.
However, every man is different. Sometimes it’s a bit difficult to decipher what a guy wants in his life and the frustrating thing is that what you do next depends on his decision.
Is there something that he’s trying to tell you?
I’m sorry to be the one to break it to you but there’s no straight answer to this question. Even if you recognize the signs a guy doesn’t know what he wants, it may be his way of trying to express many different things.
Maybe he’s trying to avoid being honest and breaking your heart in the first place. After all, he may even be unsure of what’s going on inside his own head.
Perhaps he isn’t emotionally mature enough to process the feelings he has for you. He may have a pretty good idea of what he wants but he’s unable to share it with you.
When a guy says to you, “I don’t know what I want,” this sentence can mean different things. In my experience, there are a few reasons why he may say that he doesn’t know what he wants.
1. He’s awful at expressing his feelings
It’s a well-known fact that men have a difficult time expressing their emotions. From a young age, they’re taught that showing your feelings is a sign of being weak and not ‘manly’.
That’s why many men struggle to let other people know what they feel about them as they didn’t properly learn how to verbalize their emotions.
I know this because I’m one of them. I’m the same as the rest of the guys and it just isn’t natural.
The truth is that he may want a relationship with you and he may have strong feelings for you but he’s terrible at expressing them.
Maybe he had some bad experiences in his previous relationships when he got rejected and now he’s unable to openly show what he feels about you.
It’s a pretty common scenario for a guy to be awful at expressing his feelings. I know that it may sound like a stereotype but it’s true.
If this is the case, then you have to give him a certain amount of time so that he knows he can trust you. That’s when he’ll start to open up to you.
You have to understand that male and female brains are wired differently. I won’t go into every single detail of how they’re different but essentially, men struggle to process their emotions and really commit to a relationship.
You can certainly try to get him to commit to you by walking away but this can be a double-edged sword. He may commit if he’s really into you or he may lose interest and leave you forever.
2. He’s scared of commitment
You may think that your guy is unique because he’s scared of commitment but that’s not the case. It’s actually more common than you think.
You may be wondering why this happens? Well, some men are really afraid that once they get into a relationship, they may lose their freedom.
Maybe your man is young and wants to test out the other fish in the sea before going steady with someone. Or perhaps he enjoys the thrill of the chase and thinks that having a healthy relationship is boring.
But now that you’ve moved to the next level, beyond the attraction stage, he simply doesn’t know what he wants. So, what’s the problem?
The issue is that many men fail to realize that you can have a stable relationship and your freedom at the same time. And if you’re in a real, meaningful relationship, then you’ll have both.
Most men don’t know that one of the pillars of a healthy relationship is not losing the freedom that you had before committing to your partner.
If this describes your man, then you have to help him realize that if he decides to be in a relationship with you, he won’t have to compromise his freedom. Prove to him that he can trust you and that you’re not needy or clingy.
Show him that you want to be part of his life but that you can still both live your own lives. The true meaning of a relationship is creating something beautiful together and yet not losing your freedom in the process of doing so.
3. He wonders whether he needs to prioritize his dreams first
Being in a real relationship can be scary to some guys. After all, creating a future together is a big decision.
No matter what you decide, being with someone will take up a certain amount of your time.
Men are usually much more careful before stepping into a serious relationship and many of them will have a checklist of things they want to accomplish first.
This can mean that a guy doesn’t know what he wants because he may be focused on his career right now and wants to achieve certain things before committing to you.
He prioritizes his dreams, which is why he’s unsure that he wants to get involved in a relationship with you.
It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like you at all. Unfortunately, he has different plans right now and that’s it.
The worst mistake you can make right now is pressuring him to commit to you, as he doesn’t know what he wants.
4. He’s not into you
The scariest reason why he doesn’t know what he wants is that he’s just not that into you. This is something that no one likes to hear but it’s better to be hurt by the truth than protected by a lie.
There’s a strong possibility that he doesn’t know what he wants because he wants to break it to you gently.
He’s probably aware that you have feelings for him, which is why he isn’t straightforward with you because he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.
On the other hand, if a guy is a player, he may use this hurtful strategy to keep you around until someone ‘better’ comes along.
A lot of women fall into this trap and stay by a man’s side even though they’ve noticed some of the signs a guy doesn’t know what he wants.
Whatever the case may be, it’s never good to be strung along. I know that you have strong feelings for this man but you need to watch out for the red flags he doesn’t want a relationship with you.
5. He genuinely doesn’t know what he wants
Have you considered the fact that he may be telling the truth and he genuinely doesn’t know what he wants?
Every one of us has been in this situation before. You finally found someone who suits you and yet they have no idea what they want.
The truth is, you have to invest a lot of time and effort to make a relationship work, which is why it’s hard for someone to commit. The choice that you make can have drastic consequences on your life.
That’s why he wavers between being in a relationship with you or seeing any girl he wants. The fact is that he honestly doesn’t know what he wants and that’s why he’s being hesitant.
Now you know the possible reasons why he doesn’t know what he wants. His indecisiveness is making you nervous as you don’t know whether or not the feeling is mutual.
Signs a guy doesn’t know what he wants
If you recognize any of these signs, then the guy has to make up his mind about whether or not he wants to be with you, or else he’s going to lose you.
Keep in mind that time is precious and you don’t want to spend yours on someone who doesn’t feel the same way as you do.
You can always choose to walk away if you see that he’s keeping you as his second choice.
1. He sends mixed signals
If the guy you’re into to doesn’t know whether or not he wants a relationship with you, then he may feed you with enough breadcrumbs so he can keep you around.
He will call you first from time to time and send you good morning text messages just so you won’t leave him for good. On top of that, he’ll be sweet and caring toward you so that your feelings for him don’t change.
He may even enjoy talking to you. However, his indecisiveness doesn’t come from the fact that he doesn’t love you.
He’ll send you mixed signals because he doesn’t know what he wants. That’s why he may act cold and pull away from you even if he has no reason to do so.
You also won’t hear from him for a couple of weeks at a time but if he doesn’t make time for you in his busy schedule or if he’s hesitant to invite you to hang out with his friends, then what’s the point of you two dating?
This push-pull strategy of his will only make you feel anxious and uncertain about each other.
2. He bails on you
If the guy is constantly making excuses for not seeing you, that’s a telltale sign he doesn’t know what he wants.
Ask yourself this – Does he often bail on you?
If he does, that shows you that he isn’t invested in getting to know you better, as he isn’t worried at all about whether he’s going to mess things up and lose you for good.
On the other hand, a guy who’s certain that he wants to be in a relationship with you will do anything he can to spend time with you. He won’t string you along or cancel your plans to even begin with.
Such a guy will treat you with respect as he knows that everyone’s time is precious. An understanding man will keep his promises and he won’t bail on you.
Additionally, he won’t say that he can’t make it when something ‘better’ pops up. Even if his schedule’s hectic and he has work to do, he’ll make sure to make time for you or at least give you a heads up that he won’t make it in time.
Ignoring or avoiding you is a good sign a guy doesn’t know what he wants.
3. He rarely talks about himself
If he knows what he wants, then he will open up to you and let you into his inner world. He will share himself with you.
His hopes and dreams won’t be an enigma to you, as he’ll do anything he can to create that deeper bond with you.
However, an obvious sign a guy doesn’t know what he wants is if he rarely talks about himself, which means that you mean zero to him. Basically, you’re like everyone else he has a physical relationship with.
If he has any feelings for you and if he knows that he wants to be with you, then he’ll show you his true self.
Try to remember what happened on your first date. Did he talk about himself and his family or did you have to drag answers out of him about his past?
If he gave you vague answers and if he quickly changed the subject, then that’s an obvious sign a guy doesn’t know what he wants.
4. He goes hot and cold
Let’s say you’re in a relationship with this guy. How can you notice whether he’s uncertain about his commitment to you?
Well, if he’s in and out of the relationship, then you can be sure that he doesn’t know what he wants.
Maybe he was really into you for some time but then you caught him disappearing for a couple of days at a time, saying that he needed some time alone. That’s an obvious sign a guy doesn’t know what he wants.
Many women believe that a man being hot and cold can mean different things but in this case, that’s not true. His message is clear – he’s unsure how he feels about you and he’s not worried about losing you.
It can be devastating being with a guy who plays the hot and cold game all the time. Being in that vicious cycle of waiting for him to make you feel better again can really damage you emotionally.
You feel bad all the time even when things seem great and deep down, you know things won’t last forever.
You know that he’s not serious about you if he plays this childish and immature game with you.
5. He avoids talking about the future
A man who rarely talks about his future plans is a guy who doesn’t know what he wants.
He won’t make any plans for the future because he doesn’t see one with you and this isn’t in reference only to distant plans but for ones happening soon as well.
If he avoids talking about when you’re going to meet up again and doesn’t have anything planned once you get together, that means he doesn’t know what he wants from you.
This applies even if you’re in a relationship with the guy and not just if you’re dating. He basically sees your relationship as a day-to-day adventure that can end at any moment.
However, if he buys tickets for you and him to go on vacation months down the line, that means that he knows what he wants from you and that’s a serious relationship.
6. He refuses to make it ‘official’
Picture this situation. The guy you like has been hanging out with you for a couple of months and you really got to know each other but for some reason, he doesn’t want to make it ‘official’.
So, you wonder whether or not his feelings for you are genuine or if he’s just playing with you. Well, let me tell you straight away that if he’s prolonging his decision, that means he doesn’t know what he wants.
The truth is most guys know what they want from the very start. If he avoids making it official, that means he’s okay with some other man trying to sweep you off your feet.
He’s unsure about you, which is why he won’t call you his girlfriend.
7. He flirts with other women
If you see your guy flirting with other women, then he certainly doesn’t know what he wants. It’s one of the biggest signs and yet many women fail to see it.
This is especially true if he continues to see other women. Some men like to play the field and they’ll keep you around until they finally find someone ‘better’.
If you’re uncomfortable confronting him about it, that means you’re prioritizing his emotions over yours but don’t do that. Your emotions do matter and you have to put them at the top of your priority list.
You should never play with someone else’s feelings and if he flirts with or dates other women, that’s exactly what he’s doing.
What can you do about it?
I’m sure that you’re still quite confused about his behavior toward you but you need to work with what you know. If he still doesn’t know what he wants, then you should start thinking about yourself.
This is how you can continue with your life, with or without him in it.
1. Give him space
Even though your instincts are telling you to stay with him, the best thing you can do is give him some space.
His mind is in chaos right now as he doesn’t know what he wants, so it would be a mistake to try pulling him in against his own wishes.
If he needs some time to heal from a previous relationship or to think about his feelings for you, then give it to him.
2. Think about what you want
The most important thing that you should do is think about yourself for a second.
What do you feel? What do you want?
Do you really believe that he’s the one for you? Can you see your future with him or are you tired of waiting for him to make a decision?
Take a step back and think about yourself. Write down your wishes if you need to, as it may help you slow down your thoughts.
3. Always trust your gut
Generally speaking, gut feelings are mostly accurate. So take a moment, relax, and try to work out what your gut feeling is telling you.
Do you really believe that the feeling is mutual and that he just needs time to process his? Or do you have the feeling like he’s stringing you along?
Sometimes your best move is to listen to your instincts. He may have been playing with you and your feelings this whole time but you failed to see that until now.
Remember, you’re the grand prize and if he doesn’t know what he wants, then maybe it’s time for you to decide whether he’s worth your time or not.