We all have that one relationship and that one ex we’ve learned so much from.
I guess it’s true that we learn from our mistakes, after all. But in the beginning, when the breakup is still fresh on our minds, it doesn’t feel like it. Heck, it feels like someone cut a hole through your chest and dug your heart out.
To me, probably the most painful experience wasn’t the breakup itself. It was more the period that comes after that. Oh, those pathetic days when I used to search for his name in my contacts or wear the old T-shirt that smelled like him.
This all sounds so lame, but don’t tell me you’ve never been there. Splitting up is never easy, no matter how hard we try to convince ourselves otherwise.
There are no rules, destiny is unknown for both the dumper and the dumpee. This might feel like the hardest part of your life.
You think you’ve lost everything, which isn’t entirely true. Perhaps you gained something from that experience but you’re still not ready to accept the fact that’s the end.
People are different and we deal with things in distinct ways. Your partner may have moved on quickly, while you’re still stuck in the grieving stage.
You can’t see past your pain, and that’s understandable. Especially if you’re the one who’s been dumped. It’s never easy to get over that fact.
However, the more we give in to the memories, the more they drag us down. It’s not a bad thing to remember the past, but you shouldn’t have to live in it.
1. I’m wasting precious time
This implies that lamenting over a certain period of our lives or a particular person just isn’t worth it. No matter how badly it hurts, it’s essential to break free and move on with your life.
You’re even more disappointed when you see how quickly your ex moved on. I know you didn’t think you’d be the one to take harder or it’d take this much time to come to grips with what’s happened.
But maybe you can learn something from that experience, just like I did. My ex moved on quickly and this is what it taught me.
It showed me that person was not worthy of my precious time. It’s okay to grieve – it’s an inevitable process.
In fact, it’s really healthy when you accept the breakup and the realization hits you from the start. The worst part is denying the fact and postponing the grieving stage.
My friends told me that my ex was devastated for the first few weeks. He couldn’t hang out with them because everything reminded me of him.
I, on the other hand, became the life of the party. I did everything I could to delete those memories that included him from my mind.
I was hurting, I just didn’t want to accept it. Well, this came back to bite me in the face. The healing process afterward took much longer than I thought.
This taught me to not ignore my feelings, but rather accept them. On the contrary, if I continued to sweep them under the rug, they would all just pile up.
This behavior didn’t get me anywhere. When he finally moved on, I let my guard down and I broke down.
2. Make myself a priority
When we first broke up, I was all about loving myself and hacks on how to improve the quality of your life.
I didn’t want to let anything drag me down, I just wanted to get it over with.
Well, you see, a breakup isn’t as simple as taking off a bandage. And it sure isn’t a pleasant feeling. It’s rather painful and you may even be left with deep scars after that.
Every person will see it differently, but here’s how my ex saw it. While I was preoccupied with going on with my life and obliging to my every wish, he wasn’t. He took his time to process what happened.
My ex moved on quickly because he had the strength to accept the truth. Something that I didn’t have and it cost me.
All along I thought that I was on some type of road to recovery, which wasn’t true. I missed one of the important steps on that road – dealing with the breakup.
On the other hand, my ex was pretty much desperate. He did put himself first eventually, but not after he properly mourned us.
This taught me that you can’t just wish for some magic to make it all disappear. You won’t be happy with yourself if you don’t do it properly.
It’ll eventually catch up to you and you’ll regret not crying when you had to. You’re no less of a person if you show you’re hurting.
3. Own up to my mistakes
Here comes the worst part. When things finally ended, I took matters into my own hands to try and console myself. Or at least I thought so.
I didn’t need any family or friends as comfort. I thought I could do it on my own and look where it got me.
The thing is, I started pointing fingers at others. Mostly at my ex who, by the way, never said a bad word about me after the split.
I blamed him for the breakup, I blamed him for every mistake we made while together. He seemed like the only person who was at fault.
This was the worst thing I could’ve done. I only continued to deceive myself further. I pointed fingers at my ex even when it wasn’t his fault.
My ex moved on quickly and it seemed suspicious to me. He never once told me it was my fault we broke up.
No, he simply made peace with it. He accepted it how it simply was, no questions asked. It taught me that once things are over, you’re only wasting time trying to pinpoint the mistakes.
It taught me that life is too short for trying to mend things that can’t be glued back together. Also, I learned to own up to my mistakes.
Therefore, whenever you think an experience was a complete waste of time, remember there’s always something to gain from it.