“My boyfriend doesn’t make me feel special and has stopped putting in effort. What do I do now?”
It doesn’t matter if you’re in the wrong relationship or in the right relationship that’s been neglected for a while, the truth is people take love for granted sometimes. But you can’t have a healthy partnership without love, and on top of that, not feeling special in your relationship can really damage your self-esteem and mental health.
Although saying “my boyfriend doesn’t make me feel special” can be really tough because you’re basically pointing fingers at him, it can also further cripple your already shaky relationship.
Saying those things out loud could potentially hurt your partner if he doesn’t share the same opinion. Perhaps you’re in a bad place right now and it’s all just inside your head.
Whatever the reason, if you’re feeling disconnected from your partner, you should be able to talk about it honestly.
If he does agree to have a chat, then you can follow up with something along the lines of “I remember how you’d kiss me good night and tell me how much you love me. Can we bring that back again?”
Stuff like this will help to significantly improve your relationship because, at the end of the day, everyone wants to feel special in their own romantic love story.
Truthfully, when you find the right one, he’ll know how to make you special. He’ll do everything in his power to prove to you that you’re a valuable gem who makes up a huge part of his life. A man like that will put in the effort every day so that you don’t forget you’re worthy of being loved.
My boyfriend doesn’t make me feel special. Why is that so?
We’ve all been there – the beginning of every relationship is amazing and perfect. The guy makes an effort to make you feel special, buying you flowers, opening doors for you, and surprising you at every chance he gets.
But as you probably already know, the honeymoon stage doesn’t last forever. Eventually, things start changing and you no longer feel the same way as you did when you two started dating.
He stops sending you cute messages and long texts where he confesses his love for you.
So, why does this happen? It’s not like your relationship wasn’t great a short while ago. You begin wondering why you didn’t notice the signs he’s getting distant and cold toward you?
Here, you’ll find the reasons guys stop putting effort into a relationship and stop making you feel special. And I’ll also share exactly what you can do when you’re not feeling loved enough by your partner.
Pay close attention to the list and see if any of these sound familiar.
1. You’ve become too dependent on him
This is often an overlooked reason guys stop putting in the effort to make you feel special. They start pulling away once they realize you’re trying to control them and you’re too dependent on them.
He feels pressured by you and doesn’t have the freedom to express what he genuinely feels. This is a major turn-off for a guy as he doesn’t want his independence to be taken away.
If he can’t handle the pressure, then he’ll start to perceive you as being too clingy and controlling, and no one wants a partner like that by their side.
And it’s not just that. He may even become resentful and aggressive toward you.
The best way to avoid this is to reserve some time for yourself and let him have his space. Self-love is equally as important as the love you have for each other. The worst mistake that you can make is to make him your world and start neglecting other people because of your relationship.
Hang out with your friends and visit your family often. Don’t just dedicate every minute to your partner and avoid spending quality time with the other important people in your life.
Once you take care of yourself and your emotional state, then your boyfriend will put in the effort to make you feel special again.
2. He’s emotionally insecure
You know what people say, “There are two sides to every coin”? Well, the same applies to love.
It might be a weird thing to say, but hear me out on this. Romantic relationships give you a sense of emotional fulfillment that you wouldn’t be able to experience on your own.
Those types of relationships provide you with an opportunity to love and be loved in a way that you thought was impossible before. Plus, love boosts your overall happiness and makes you even healthier than you were before.
But there are also downsides to being in a romantic relationship. One is that many people start a relationship with a lot of emotional baggage and you end up having to deal with it together.
And not every man has had enough experience to face those powerful feelings. That’s why they would rather stop putting in the effort and not make you feel special, because it’s easier for them.
Such a man needs to go through an emotional journey on his own before finally deciding to commit to a woman. He won’t be able to love her genuinely without processing those emotions first.
3. He’s losing interest
“My boyfriend doesn’t make me feel special. Is it because he lost interest in me?”
Well, that could be true. Many men will stop putting in the effort once they realize the relationship has hit a dead end.
It’s sad, but it’s all too common, so you shouldn’t feel like you’re alone in going through this.
After all, many people will come and go out of your life and you never know what God has in store for you next. Starting a relationship with someone is always risky.
Also, it can be very stressful and upsetting for women because they usually have a hard time knowing what a guy’s intentions are and what he’s thinking. Unlike men, women are generally verbal human beings – they know how to express their emotions through words.
If you see that he’s losing interest in you, it’s quite easy to fill your mind with anxious and awful thoughts. But you need to remember that him losing interest in you has nothing to do with how well you treat him or how good of a woman you are.
This is something that has to do with him and him only. At the end of the day, those are his feelings.
Once he starts losing interest in you, it means that his heart is elsewhere and not by your side.
For example, he might stop replying to your messages. Or you might see him talking about another woman with his friends. But he wasn’t like that at the beginning. He was careful not to hurt your feelings in any way.
That’s why it’s crucial for you to act appropriately when you finally do start noticing these signs.
4. He doesn’t have enough time for you
“My boyfriend doesn’t make me feel special anymore. Perhaps he’s just really busy and doesn’t have enough time, right?”
While you may think that he’s losing interest because he’s falling out of love with you, in many cases that’s simply not true. You’re probably overthinking it and he’s merely preoccupied with work and other commitments.
Maybe he doesn’t make you feel special because he doesn’t have enough time to dedicate to you. Perhaps a friend is in need and he’s busy helping him out. Or he’s working on a big work project and can’t give you his utmost attention.
Either way, this shouldn’t be an excuse for him not making you feel special. In fact, you should always be his number one priority.
And after he’s done with whatever responsibility he has, you should definitely talk to him and try to solve the problem together. Reach out to hear his side of the story so that it’s easier for you to understand why he’s busy.
After that, tell him that you feel neglected and unloved as a result. Be honest about how you feel and you’ll soon see if he’s actually losing interest in you or genuinely busy.
5. He’s met another woman
I know that this particular thought is crawling through your mind. You’re probably thinking your boyfriend isn’t making you feel special because he’s met another woman. And that may just be the case.
It’s one of the most common reasons a guy stops investing his time and effort in you. There is a strong chance that he’s met another woman somewhere while he was away from you.
And since there’s another woman in his heart, he’ll no longer give you his time and attention to make you feel special.
Obviously, it’ll be difficult for you to notice this at first. He may even flat-out reject the idea of having someone else.
But after a while when you see that he’s changed and become distant and cold, you’ll have to dig a bit deeper to find out if some random girl is occupying his thoughts.
Watch out for the clear signs he’s been cheating on you, such as him spending a lot of his time on his phone or being evasive about his whereabouts.
6. He’s a commitment-phobe
Sometimes a man may stop making you feel special because he’s too afraid to settle down. In most cases, this happens because he’s not sure if you’re the right woman for him.
Perhaps he hasn’t figured out how he feels about you. Or it could be that he thinks he’s too young to be in a committed relationship right now.
Whatever the reason, he’ll want to keep his options open because he’s a commitment-phobe. And the worst thing is, the more you pressure him about committing, the more he’ll pull away from you.
For example, he could be ghosting you because he’ll rather spend his time with someone else. Or he doesn’t hold your hand anymore whenever you two go out on a date.
Whatever it is that he does or doesn’t do anymore, it certainly frustrates you and makes you feel like you’re just another woman in his life.
It won’t be long before you start developing feelings of resentment towards him and your relationship further deteriorates as a result of these emotions.
7. Something turned him off
“There must be a reason why my boyfriend doesn’t make me feel special. I must’ve done something wrong!”
What you need to keep in mind is that men aren’t emotional creatures. They don’t act on their feelings but are way more cold and rational.
That means if you did something that turned him off, he won’t have any problem quickly cutting you off from his heart.
So, before you unleash your anger on him and start blaming him for his behavior, really have a good, hard think about whether you made a mistake.
It could be that he got irritated because of something you said. Or perhaps it was something you did that made him feel like he’s less of a man.
My boyfriend doesn’t make me feel special anymore. Is there anything I can do to change it?
While it may be hard for you to accept the fact that he’s changed, there is a way to turn the tables around and make him chase you again.
But know this: It can’t happen overnight. You need to be patient and persistent in achieving your goal.
1. Accept him for who he really is
The thing that many women tend to forget is that no matter how hard you try, you can’t change your man. You can’t make him want you more if his heart isn’t in the right place.
I understand that you’re frustrated he doesn’t treat you the same way he did at the beginning of your relationship, but there’s little you can do about it. You can’t force him to love you more.
The sooner you accept that, the better you’ll adapt to the entire situation.
The worst mistake you can make is to let your wishes control your emotions and thoughts. If you surrender to your feelings and to your dream of having your old boyfriend back, then you’ll find yourself manipulating him, or even worse, begging him to make an effort in your relationship.
You think that’s how he’ll step up his game and make you feel special again. But you need to accept him for who he is right now. And if that doesn’t suit you, then I guess he’s not the right one for you.
2. Discover your love language
Another thing to do is figure out your “love language.” After all, there are different love languages and not everyone shares the same one. Perhaps yours includes receiving gifts, words of affirmation, or physical touch.
Whatever it be, you need to think about it first before confronting him about his behavior. If your love language is “receiving gifts,” then him buying you flowers or sending you a cute birthday gift will make you feel special again.
On the other hand, if your love language is “words of affirmation,” that means you enjoy it when your partner says that he loves you or that you mean the world to him on a regular basis. So no matter how big the bouquet he gives you, it won’t matter because gifts aren’t what shows you love.
Knowing each other’s soft spots can significantly improve the relationship if you’re both willing to cooperate and solve the problem together.
3. Communicate with each other
If your boyfriend doesn’t make you feel special anymore, then one of the first things you need to do is to confront him about it. Ask him to sit with you and evaluate the current state of your relationship.
Try to think about the moment you two lost your spark and what was the reason your relationship changed.
Sometimes, something as simple as a conversation can really be enough to solve the issue. Tell him you wish he treated you in a more special way.
But be careful to not take things too far and let anger get the best of you. Don’t accuse him of anything before you hear his side of the story. Rather, explain in a calm voice what bothers you and work together to find a common ground.
Remember, men don’t notice so easily when you’re sad or unhappy.
4. You always have a choice
Don’t be disappointed by the fact that you can’t change your man’s feelings. The thing that you can adjust is how you respond if he doesn’t make you feel special anymore.
You have the power to change something very important in your life. You might not be able to control your feelings, but what you can control are your actions and words.
Adjust your expectations but don’t change your personality. If you depend on him for your self-respect and self-image, then you have to learn how to be a high-value woman in your relationship.
My advice to you is to write down a set of qualities that you think a high-value woman needs to possess, then tick off one by one which you believe that you have. Writing down stuff like this will help you gain clarity and insight into yourself.
It will also help you see if you need to change what you expect from your boyfriend. After all, you always have a choice – remember, you can leave if you see he doesn’t love you anymore.
5. Create new relationship traditions
Once you get out of the honeymoon stage, everything changes. The most thrilling part of the relationship is over and you’re trying to adapt to the new relationship dynamic.
Usually, the attraction and attention levels decrease a little, which could be the reason you’re feeling less special than usual.
Maybe your man doesn’t take you out on as many dates as he did before, or he forgets to call you on his business trips. That can certainly feel like a letdown.
But this change offers you a chance to figure out what the next stage of your relationship should look like. That’s why you need to create new relationship traditions that’ll strengthen your bond and help you regain some of that attention.
Sure, you can always go out on dates, but maybe you can spice things up a bit from time to time and have a movie night instead. Or do whatever it is that you think might bring you two closer together.
The goal of these new traditions is to invest more energy and time into your relationship so that both of you feel special to each other again.
6. Focus on yourself
If your boyfriend doesn’t make you feel special anymore, it very well may be a sign that you need to invest more time in yourself. You’re responsible for your own happiness and emotional fulfillment. Don’t let any man tell you otherwise.
And you can achieve that through friendships, physical exercise, or being creative.
Once you start focusing and prioritizing yourself over everyone else, you may realize that it wasn’t your relationship or boyfriend who made you feel ordinary, but the lack of investment in yourself.
By doing so, you’re actually taking some of the pressure off your partner.
7. Take a break
“My boyfriend doesn’t make me feel special anymore. Does it mean we should take a break?”
Sometimes the best solution is to take some time apart and just have a bit of fun. This could be organizing a road trip with your friends or just trying something new and exciting.
If you two aren’t too keen on spending some time apart, then think of an activity that you did in the early days of your dating and try to recreate it.
8. Sometimes it’s just not meant to be
If you’ve tried everything under the sun and still he doesn’t make you feel special, then it may be healthier for the both of you to admit it’s just not working.
If you tried the tips I listed above and still feel miles apart from each other, then take it as your sign to move on and find someone better for you.