“I have a boyfriend but I like someone else. Should I feel bad about it? And what am I supposed to do about it?”
Once you realize that you’re catching feelings for someone else while in a relationship, you instantly start to feel bad. But even though you think this behavior is rare, you must know that it’s something that happens more than you can imagine.
And once it happens to you, the whole situation gets more serious. You want your current boyfriend to be the only person you’re attracted to, but right now, you’re starting to catch feelings for this other man.
It may be your co-worker or a new guy you met at the gym, but the idea that you actually start to like him begins to haunt you.
It doesn’t feel good when you know that you’re in a long-term relationship but you still ended up falling for someone else. For a moment, it all seems as if you’re emotionally cheating on your significant other.
But before you freak out and make any irrational moves, take a deep breath and let me help you solve this issue. You first need to understand your feelings better in order to realize what’s actually going on.
The difference between crushing on someone and finding that person attractive
A lot of time, you’re actually not experiencing the kind of feelings you think you are. Maybe you’re not falling for another guy but actually feeling the initial infatuation as you find him very attractive.
Being in a committed relationship, you believe that you won’t ever like anyone else besides your boyfriend. You think that you won’t ever find someone else attractive.
But just because you’re taken, it doesn’t mean that you won’t spot a good-looking guy. It doesn’t mean that you’ll walk around with your eyes closed because you’re not allowed to look at other men.
What matters the most is the actual background of your feelings.
There’s a difference between liking someone and finding them attractive. When you have a crush on someone, you fall for both their beauty and personality. You start to imagine yourself with them.
But when you find someone attractive, it happens because you appreciate their physical appearance. You spot a guy who looks great and your brain processes him as attractive.
This feeling is short-term and it doesn’t last long. It will happen throughout your relationship many times and it’s not a sign that you don’t love your partner.
So, how do you know if you actually like someone else besides your boyfriend or if it’s just a simple attraction?
Questions to ask yourself first if you have a boyfriend but think you like someone else
The moment you start to think that you like another guy while in a relationship, you immediately start panicking. You know it’s wrong to have feelings for two guys at the same time, so you feel awful about it.
But maybe you’re exaggerating. Maybe you’re actually in a healthy relationship and only experiencing basic attraction for another good-looking human being.
If you want to be sure of your feelings, you must ask yourself the following questions. They will help you figure out what’s actually going on inside your head.
1. Do you find yourself thinking about this person a lot?
Maybe you think that you like this new guy who just started working with you. Whenever you’re working the same shift, you have a great time with him.
He’s fun to be around and he treats you with kindness. That’s why you keep thinking about him all the time while you’re together.
But do these thoughts follow you after your shift is over? Do you think about him constantly even when you don’t see him for weeks? Or do you simply forget about him when he’s out of sight?
Maybe you don’t like him the way you think. You’ve simply convinced yourself that you do since you have such a great time with him.
But whenever you don’t see him for a longer period of time, it’s like he evaporates from your mind and you forget about him completely.
This goes to show that you don’t actually have a crush on him. You simply enjoy working with him since is fun to be around.
In this case, it’s all good and you have nothing to worry about.
2. Are you developing strong feelings for this person or do you simply enjoy the attention he’s been giving you?
Let’s be honest. We all love to be the center of attention. We love it when someone takes care of us and puts us first.
But more often than not, we mix these feelings up with affection, which then makes us think that we’re starting to fall for the person.
If you have a boyfriend but think that you like someone else, you must first make a distinction between liking someone and loving the attention they give you. Trust me, the line between the two is thin and it’s easy to make a mistake in deciphering your feelings.
Maybe you’ve been craving attention and this guy has been giving it to you. He’s made your wishes come true, which then makes you feel like you’re falling for him.
You instantly start to worry because you feel like you’re crushing on him. But in reality, you probably like him just as a friend and enjoy the attention he’s been giving you.
Again, you don’t really like this guy romantically. You simply like the way he’s been treating you and that’s all.
3. Can you imagine yourself with this person?
When you think about two of you together, do you feel joy or do you instantly know it could never work?
Your gut can tell you a lot about your feelings if you learn how to tune into it. It knows what’s best for you and what can make you happy.
So if you start to think about this guy and you right away know that you would never actually be with him, then you’ve got your answer.
You’re simply attracted to him for any of the different reasons, but it doesn’t mean that you have a crush on him.
4. Is your current relationship going through a rough patch?
If you have a boyfriend but feel that you like someone else, your relationship might be going through some rough stuff.
If this man is treating you nicely while you desperately need someone to be there for you, you may get the feeling that you like him more than you should.
In reality, he’s only giving you the treatment you want to get. He’s treating you the way you need to be treated right now and that’s exactly why you’re confused about your feelings.
If your relationship hasn’t been thriving, then he may act like a bandage to an open wound. He may temporarily heal you and give you everything you need at this exact moment.
But that doesn’t mean that you have a crush on him or like him more than your boyfriend. It only means that he walked into your life at the time you needed someone to be there for you.
I have a boyfriend but I like someone else! What do I do now?
Now that you have all of the answers, you may realize that you don’t like this other guy the way you thought. And no, you haven’t had an emotional affair with him.
But you may also figure out that your feelings are actually real. You finally see all of the red flags and you now have no idea what to do with this whole situation.
Maybe you’ve just called up your best friend in a panic: “I have a boyfriend but I like someone else. What am I supposed to do right now? Please help me!”
First off, calm down. You have to take this one step at a time. There are many different things you can do when you realize that you’re catching feelings for someone other than your boyfriend.
It’s not the end of the world and you’re not the only one who’s ever felt this way. Many other women have been in a similar situation and they’ve found their way out. You’ll be able to do the same.
These are your options:
1. Ignore your feelings and leave them as a fantasy
When you have a boyfriend but you like someone else, you end up walking on slippery ground. And you know what that means – it’s easy to fall.
So, if you don’t want to act on these feelings, then the best thing is to peg them down as fantasies will never happen. Put them in the same drawer as where you keep your crushes for celebrities.
On the flip side, if you want to give this other guy a chance, then the only option you have is to first end your current relationship before you’re free to give your fantasy a shot.
But if you decide that you don’t want to change anything as you’re perfectly happy with your current partner, then dismissing it is the best thing to do.
Trust me, after some time you’ll realize that you haven’t been thinking about this other guy for a while. Your feelings for him will evaporate into thin air and things will all go back to the good old times.
You’ll stop being hard on yourself for feeling this way and your relationship won’t be affected.
2. Try spending less time with this other guy
Spending time with a guy you like while still being in a relationship isn’t the right thing to do. Even though you enjoy his company, it’s morally wrong to do it to your boyfriend.
In a way, this can count as an emotional affair and you must stay away from it.
So, if you’re going to keep your feelings locked up then you should also try spending less time with this other guy.
The first time you decide to say no to his invitation out, you’ll feel like you did the right thing and it will get easier after that.
You’ll realize that you’re not supposed to be crushing hard on someone while you have a boyfriend, as he doesn’t deserve that. Let this be your motivation, something to keep you going when you feel like caving in.
3. Stop flirting with this other guy
When you have a boyfriend but you start to like someone else, one of the first things you have to do is stop flirting. Trust me, it will save you a lot of unnecessary moves.
Flirting with a guy you’re crushing on feels good. But it’s also completely wrong when you’re in a relationship.
If you want to stay with your partner and don’t plan to break up, then you should treat him respectfully no matter what. And flirting with other men is disrespectful to the bone.
In this case, it may even count as cheating because you know what you’re doing.
So, take a step back and rearrange your priorities. If your relationship truly means a lot to you and you don’t want to hurt your boyfriend then you shouldn’t even think about flirting with any other man.
Don’t give me an excuse that flirting is harmless and you’re not planning to do anything after it. Trust me, once you get caught up in it, you’ll only keep sinking deeper and deeper.
The best thing to do right now is to stay away from him and avoid any kind of unnecessary contact. That way, you won’t get an opportunity to flirt with the guy and enter dangerous territory.
4. Lightheartedly tell your boyfriend about your feelings
Your boyfriend should know about your feelings for this other person and maybe the best way to do that is to tell him about it through a joke.
Make fun with it and let him see that you’re not going to act on your feelings. Talk to him as if you were telling him about your crush on a famous movie star.
The most important part is that he knows how insignificant that is. He must know that you have no intention of doing anything about it as you already treat it as a fantasy and nothing more.
As time goes by, your feelings for this other man will disappear completely and you’ll be happy that your partner knew about it all from the start.
5. Don’t be too hard on yourself
You started to develop feelings for someone else while you were still in a relationship, and I get that you’re bummed about it.
You’re aware that you shouldn’t feel this way, but there’s literally nothing you could do differently. No matter what, you’re still experiencing the same emotions.
That’s why you shouldn’t beat yourself up about it. As long as you know how to deal with the situation properly, without hurting anyone, you’re golden.
Bear in mind that your partner deserves to know the truth, no matter the outcome. He also deserves to be treated with respect, no matter what. So, as long as you’re willing to do that, there’s nothing you should blame yourself for.
When you make all of the right choices and don’t do something to sabotage your relationship, then you have no reason to be so hard on yourself.
Take some time, figure out the best option for both of you, and then make a decision. Even if you decide to end the relationship, it’s better than cheating on your partner.
6. Consider breaking up
Maybe you have a boyfriend but you like someone else and you truly believe that you should give him a chance. But then again, you’re not single and you don’t know what your next step should be.
In this case, maybe your best call is to break things off with your current boyfriend. If you think that this other guy would make you happier, then it’s only fair not to play with your current partner’s feelings.
When you know that you don’t feel the same way about him as he does about you, there’s only one thing left to do. In the end, you may end up being happier in a relationship with this other guy.
Or you maybe realize that you made a mistake. But you won’t ever know unless you give it a shot.
If your current boyfriend isn’t making you happy anymore then you should let him know that. Don’t string him along if you know your feelings have changed.
If you stay with him while your feelings for this other guy keep growing, you’ll make it harder for all of you. Your boyfriend will realize that something’s wrong and you’ll be upset at yourself for not doing anything about this situation sooner.
Sometimes, it’s best to walk away. Even if you make a mistake, you know that it was your decision from the start and you have no guilt hanging over you.
7. Don’t even think about cheating
You’re not in high school – those days where you thought it okay to play with someone’s heart are over. If you have a boyfriend but like someone else, you shouldn’t even think about cheating.
It’s definitely not the way to go.
Also, keep in mind that in order to cheat on your partner, you don’t have to kiss the lips of some other man. Cheating can be emotional as well.
So, as long as you know that your partner would get upset at you if he found out what you were doing, know that it still counts as cheating.
If you use your social media profiles to communicate with this other guy while your boyfriend is away and you delete the messages the moment he gets home, it’s cheating. If you meet up with this other guy for a drink and casual talk while you lie to your boyfriend you’re out with the girls – cheating.
Things don’t have to become physical in order to be considered cheating. So, if you don’t want to hurt your partner and betray his trust, then you must pay attention to what you’re doing.
If you want to give this other man a chance, then there are better ways to do that. And cheating definitely isn’t one of them.
8. Figure out what you actually want
The best possible move you can make is to be honest with yourself and figure out what you actually want.
To do this, you don’t need a relationship expert to tell you what you’re supposed to do, nor do you need advice from your close friends. Instead, you must listen to your heart.
Maybe you haven’t felt happy for a while and deep down, you know that your current relationship isn’t going anywhere. But you kept ignoring it because you believed it would all change for the better.
If you’re still dwelling on the same feeling then maybe it’s time for you to finally react.
When life gives you all of the warning signs that you’re stuck in an unhappy relationship, at one point, you must do something about it. And this could be the right opportunity to escape from that which doesn’t make you happy.
On the flip side, if you don’t want to be with anyone else except your boyfriend, then you have nothing to worry about as those feelings for someone else will go away.
Eventually, you won’t even think about this other guy as he’ll be out of your head way earlier than you expected it. That’s when you’ll realize that all this time, you never had a crush on him. You were simply attracted to him, that’s all.
No matter how you feel, you should always choose to be honest with yourself. Your feelings are there and you can’t ignore them forever.
If something isn’t making you happy today, trust me, it won’t make you happy tomorrow. So, listen to your heart and figure out what it wants. Then act accordingly.