Have you two broken up and you feel miserable because you know it was your fault? You know that he made you genuinely happy and now you’re wondering how to get a second chance with a guy?
Sometimes break-ups can really feel like it’s the end of the world because you’re left alone and scared.
After facing the end of a relationship, many people completely shut down. They build walls around themselves so they won’t be hurt again.
But the truth is that there’s something that’s often way harder than breaking up and that’s getting back together. The best way to describe this is by comparing a relationship with a house of cards.
You know that it takes a lot of time and patience to build it. Once you do, you’re so proud or ecstatic about what you’ve achieved.
You can’t believe that something so beautiful is a product of your perseverance and patience. However, with one quick motion, it can all come falling down.
Rebuilding your house of cards won’t feel the same as it did the first time. You’re aware that it takes a lot of effort to create something this magnificent and you know how easy it is to break.
That’s partly why you’re not going through it a second time with the same level of enthusiasm as you did before and the same can be applied to relationships. Once you let your partner down – someone who was also your best friend – it’s difficult to get a second chance.
The truth about relationships
Before you go all in with your apologies and promises, it’s important to understand that you don’t own him in any way.
You need to be aware that he decided to get involved with you. As such, he has the power to walk away from you and you can do the same thing to him.
So, when a woman is trying to convince a man to give her another chance, she often feels like she owns him and she has the right to stay in a relationship with him just because she was once his girlfriend.
Hoping that he’ll give you a second chance just because you were his partner before would be foolish and immature. The only way that you’ll stay together and have a healthy relationship is when both of you are happy and satisfied.
Even if the beginning of your relationship was beautiful and sweet, that initial spark can certainly fade away if it isn’t being properly taken care of. If at any point in time, your man sees that you’ve changed, in the sense that you have become controlling or jealous, he has the right to break up with you.
And these days, no one sticks around in a relationship just because they feel good at the start. You need to be able to build on your feelings for each other over time.
So, how to get a second chance with a guy?
Being apart from the man who brought nothing but happiness in your life is understandably hard.
I know that you’re going through a roller coaster of emotions right now. Nevertheless, you need to pick yourself up and decide whether or not you want him back.
Are you strong enough to put everything you have into this? Can you wait long enough for him before you get tired and give up on your love entirely?
At the end of the day, maybe your ex and the mistakes you made were meant to prepare you for a future relationship. There’s a possibility that your past relationship is meant to help you become a better or more mature person.
Could it be that you’re better off without him? If that’s the case, why should you even bother getting back together with him in the first place?
But let’s say that you desperately want to make things right between you two. Maybe you truly believe that he’s your soulmate.
Perhaps you made mistakes but you know that you can’t live without him and the big fight that you two had meant nothing to you.
You need to see whether the two of you have a future together, so you’re wondering how to get a second chance with a guy? Here’s what you should do.
1. Don’t ask for a second chance too soon
If you want to get him back, the first thing you have to do is move away from your ex-partner for a bit. You can’t suffocate him with dozens of messages about how sorry you are for a lot of things and say that you can’t live without him another minute.
He’ll only think of you as being a desperate and lonely woman who has lost her mind and now doesn’t know how to live on her own.
I see a lot of women rush back into their relationship, begging and pleading with their ex-boyfriend to just give them one more chance. They think that if they act fast and turn on the waterworks, he’ll open up his heart and let her back in.
However, you would be wrong if you think this way. You see, your partner left you for a real reason.
He was probably hurt by some of your words or actions and he needs time to contemplate whether or not you’re the one for him. You have to give him some time and space to process what happened.
It could very well be that he’s torn over what he wants. Part of him wants you back but he could still also be upset and angry at you.
So, don’t rush him into anything but rather let go for a moment and make a plan of what to say to him when he finally does decide to talk to you.
Remember, men have emotions too. Just because society often portrays them as cold and distant human beings, it doesn’t mean they can’t be hurt.
Trust me, he’s going through a roller coaster of emotions just like you are.
2. Forgive yourself first
When you’re trying to get him to give you another chance, you need to forgive yourself first. That’s why my advice to you is to give him and yourself some space and invest time in self-discovery.
It’s difficult to fix the broken cracks if you don’t know where to start. What’s important is to realize the things you did in your relationship that caused your partner to not trust you.
Don’t think much about whether or not he’ll give you another shot. The focus is not on him now but on you.
The only path to self-improvement is when you know you made a mistake and you forgive yourself for doing so. That way, you’ll realize your shortcomings and you won’t repeat them again.
You should learn from your errors instead of running away from them.
The truth is there’s no person in the entire world who hasn’t made a single mistake. However, not everyone has the courage to accept theirs and learn from them.
Then, you’re halfway there. You’ll have the opportunity to show your ex-boyfriend that you’ve accepted responsibility for what you did wrong.
However, the worst thing you can do is dwell on the past and beat yourself up. If you really want to get a second chance with this guy, pull yourself together.
Aim to move past your mistakes. Face your fears and make real improvements in yourself.
This is a crucial step in the ex recovery process and if you skip it, you’ll never get him back again.
3. Stop making him feel like you want a second chance
Perhaps your ex-boyfriend is someone who doesn’t believe in giving second chances. In that case, he won’t respond well if you try to convince him to give you one.
This is something that’s pretty common, so keep it in mind. Otherwise, you may make the mistake of begging and pleading with him to reconsider.
As I said before, you’ll only look desperate or he could see you as emotionally weak. Maybe instead, you’ll give him unrealistic promises about how you’ll change completely and do whatever he wants just so you can get back together.
Perhaps you’ll even shower him with a long series of text messages and letters, where you pour your heart out and tell him how much he means to you. But this will then turn him off even more.
You need to keep in mind that he doesn’t care about your feelings that much anymore because he broke up with you. And due to that, he’s only focused on how he feels and what he wants.
So, how to get a second chance with a guy? Well, rather than pushing for a second chance, you should focus on making him feel attracted to you the next time you get an opportunity to talk to him.
Maybe your ex has told you that it’s pointless to keep talking to each other because nothing’s going to change. The worst mistake you could make here is to get angry and start yelling at him.
Instead, you could say that you accept his decision because you respect him as a person. You can even suggest to him that you stay friends, even if you’re never getting back together.
By saying things like that to him, he’s going to drop his guard a bit. And that’s because you’re not pressuring him for a second chance any longer.
3. Apologize for your role in the break-up
One of the things that’s essential when you’re trying to get a second chance with a guy is to apologize for your mistakes. Let your ex-partner know that you’re taking full responsibility for your actions.
To be honest, both of you are in pain right now and he may also be somewhat defensive or confused as to what happened. But a sincere apology (without excuses or begging) can go a long way.
As I mentioned, though, you first have to take some time and think about the reasons why you broke up in the first place. Once you’ve done that, ask him to sit down with you and share what you actually learned from the break-up.
Perhaps you feel like your love became stronger but do you know why? Are you convinced more than ever that he’s the love of your life and that you can’t imagine your future with anyone but him?
What do you regret most about the break-up and how can you use that wisdom to convince him to take you back? When you have answers to these questions, you can tell him that you need to talk and confess to him everything that’s been bothering you lately.
In the end, explain that you’re genuinely sorry for your mistakes and promise him that you’ll change for both your sakes. That’s the only way he’ll see that you really regret hurting him and that you’ll work on improving yourself.
4. Practice patience
If you think it’s going to be easy to push your ex-boyfriend to give you a second chance with him, think again. Don’t believe that you’ll be able to sweet-talk him or pour your heart out and assume he’ll come back because that only happens in those Hollywood movies.
If he broke up with you for a stupid reason, then there’s a possibility that your path to success will be somewhat easier. But if he left you because he couldn’t cope with all the pain you inflicted on him, then you’ll need to step up your game and work hard if you want to get back on his good side.
In the process of doing so, the most important thing is to be patient. You can’t let your emotions get the best of you and call him in the middle of the night, saying how you miss him like crazy and that you deserve one more chance.
You don’t want to blow this by trying to rush the process. He won’t give you another opportunity to prove yourself if you’re all over him.
Remember, you can’t force him to take you back. It’s a process that takes time.
Just put yourself in his shoes and tell me, would you give him a second chance immediately after you two broke up? Obviously, you wouldn’t, so why would this situation be any different?
So, don’t push too hard or show signs that you’re a desperate or needy woman. Such behavior is a major turn-off for guys who value their freedom over everything.
Keep in mind that you want him to be attracted to you again and you won’t succeed if he perceives you as emotionally fragile or weak.
5. Discuss the reason your relationship broke up
Now that you’ve taken responsibility for your actions and said that you’re sorry, it’s time for you to discuss with your ex why your relationship ended. This move is one of the hardest when you’re trying to reconcile with your ex.
If you were the one who cheated on your ex-boyfriend, then he deserves some answers. Promise that it won’t happen a second time and give him some details as to how and why the affair happened.
Talk about how can you improve your relationship not just as a couple but as friends as well. Try to pinpoint the exact reasons why your love life broke apart and find a solution together in order to protect each other from it happening again.
Don’t just focus on your happy moments and don’t avoid talking about the heavy stuff. Those painful experiences are also worth mentioning because they can teach you a lot about yourself.
Don’t brush off his questions either, even if they’re uncomfortable or scary. It’s always difficult to be completely honest and transparent but you have to if you want to get a second chance with a guy.
If you don’t know what to say, then tell him that. Share what’s on your heart and don’t hold back.
That’s some of the best relationship advice that I can give you.
6. Make him feel like he has something to lose
Truthfully, right now, you’re the one who feels like you have everything to lose. He probably thinks that he’s better off on his own and you’re here crying yourself to sleep every night.
But that won’t happen again if you fight your way out of that darkness and make him feel like he’s the one who has something to lose. And how do you achieve that?
Well, by being confident in yourself and showing your ex that you’ve changed. And that’s because no man can resist a confident woman.
If he senses that you doubt your attractiveness or value or are insecure in any way, he’ll naturally feel turned off by you. That’s why you need to maintain your confidence, no matter what he says or does.
If you really want to attract him, try to add some humor to get him smiling and feeling good when talking to you. Eventually, once his old emotions for you resurface, those negative ones will disappear and he’ll give you one more chance.
Even if he doesn’t immediately suggest to you that you get back together, he’ll be forced to think about it when he’s alone because he’ll start missing you. He’ll reminisce about the good old times when you were happy together.
He could be imagining himself moving on from you but then the thought of you being with another man would hurt him. He’ll know that not giving you a second chance would be the worst mistake of his life.
7. Let him see that you’ve changed
When you do finally meet up, he has to experience the new and improved you for himself. He needs to realize that he feels different around you now.
Basically, you need to allow him to figure out that what he wasn’t getting in the relationship, such as being listened to or feeling respected, is now available to him since you’ve taken your time to improve yourself.
What you really need to change will depend on why he really broke up with you. As a result, he’ll suddenly stop feeling negatively toward you.
Instead, he’ll realize that you now make him feel different in a good way and that’s how to get a second chance with a guy.
8. Listen carefully to what he has to say
I understand that you feel like you’re walking on eggshells but try to hear out your ex. Listen to his thoughts and perspectives and don’t let your emotions govern your actions.
Don’t even try to convince him to feel differently because you’ll only make things worse. Actively listen to what he has to say and don’t interrupt him.
Put aside your feelings of remorse and guilt and give him your attention. Your regret or apology shouldn’t be put to the front when you’re trying to rekindle your relationship.
The only way you’ll get a second chance with a guy is to set aside your own viewpoint and see things from his instead. Look at how he feels about the whole thing.
If you’re not sure what to say, just be honest with him and don’t hold anything back.
Remember that this is someone who shared both beautiful and bad moments with you. There’s no reason for you to be afraid to tell him anything but before that, you need to actively listen to him.
9. Don’t betray his trust in you
When you finally do manage to break through that wall your ex-boyfriend has built for you to climb, then you need to be careful not to say or do anything foolish that may betray his trust.
You’ve come this far so why would you jeopardize your connection in any way? If he does give you a second chance, then accept it with humility.
And even if he doesn’t, you need to respect it because there’s little you can do to change his mind. Actually, he already made his decision, it’s just that he was waiting for the right moment to tell you.