To be in a situationship is like dooming yourself to a very painful heartbreak. You wait for him to realize that you actually are the perfect girl for him but he doesn’t seem to catch on to that.
That doesn’t mean that you’re able to hold yourself back from falling head over heels for that man. I made that same mistake before, more times than I’m ready to admit.
It’s said that everyone comes into your life for a reason. They come to teach you a lesson or to stay forever.
If you’re not ready for that lesson, it hurts much more than you were ready to endure. That’s why I’m here to share my experience, which is a warning that I have for every woman out there who’s experiencing the same thing.
It could save you from a lot of pain because you shouldn’t have to endure this from anyone, especially not a man. So the next time you get stuck in a situationship, just remember these things, so that you don’t get entangled into it even more.
1. Believe people when they talk about themselves
We tend to ignore people when they tell us what they think of themselves. We believe that they’re just exaggerating, that they have low self-esteem, or that they want to frighten us.
However, why don’t we believe them? Women tend to dismiss it when a man says that he doesn’t want something serious, or when he says that he has commitment issues, we just look past it as if he never said it.
We believe that we can change them, that we can talk them into a serious relationship, or that they simply haven’t found the right girl. If he got to know you, he’d change his mind, right?
Wrong. You could be the most amazing woman in the world but if a guy says that he doesn’t want a relationship, you can’t change him.
That can happen in the movies but not in real life. So please, learn this lesson and trust people when they tell you something about themselves.
2. Never get into something just to feel validated
When you need someone to validate you and fill the void in your heart, you tend to settle for any type of relationship, just so you don’t have to be alone. This is the worst thing you can do for yourself.
When I was in a situationship, I did it so that I wouldn’t spend my days in my room, all by myself. I settled for an agreement that I knew would break me into pieces but I stayed for convenience.
I was there to feel like I mattered, even though the impact was even worse when he decided to break things off. For some reason, I thought that I wouldn’t catch feelings, or even if I did, that he would stay.
It was the complete opposite.
If you’re not happy with your life or yourself, then don’t get into something like this. It’ll only be even worse once you have to pick yourself back up again.
3. Always ask about someone’s past relationships
There’s so much you can learn about someone just by asking them what happened before you came into their life. When you get involved with a guy, ask him about his past relationships and listen carefully.
If you’re not ready to hear it, then you’re not ready for a relationship. This is a conversation we should all have before even considering developing feelings.
Find out what happened and why it didn’t work out. You don’t have to get into those gruesome details that will only make you feel jealous; you can simply ask for the facts.
Of course, each experience is unique and you shouldn’t think less of him if he chose to break up with his ex for a stupid reason. However, this could give you a clear insight into what he’s looking for in a relationship and why he’s so adamant about keeping things casual.
4. Expectations will ruin you
This is a lesson we all need to learn the hard way, I guess. I hope you’re better than the majority of us and that you manage to learn this right away.
When you expect texts and phone calls from a guy that you’re in a situationship with, then you’re going to get disappointed. He doesn’t owe you anything, he’s not your boyfriend, and he knows that you’re not his girlfriend.
Your situationship will proceed according to the rules that you’ve set but you’re not actually together so he doesn’t have to provide any boyfriend type of behavior. However, this also means that you don’t have to accommodate his expectations either.
You can decide when you want to see him and when you want to text him. It’s up to you – completely.
You’re not obligated to fulfill his emotional needs because the very moment you do that, you’re already in a relationship and you’re emotionally involved in this catastrophe.
5. When you feel like you’re getting attached, don’t wait around, just leave
Stop gaslighting yourself! The very moment you start to feel that you’re getting attached to him, realize your emotions and acknowledge them.
You may want to ignore the fact that you’re developing feelings for him but you definitely shouldn’t because it can only cause you harm. That’s why I’m telling you that you should talk to the guy about it once they start occurring.
Yes, he’ll probably cut ties with you but that’s better than to get completely attached to him and then get your heart mercilessly shattered. You should walk away from him the very moment you feel like you miss him or love him.
He’ll be grateful to you, even if he may seem a bit annoyed. But that’s still better than getting entangled in a loveless relationship.
6. It’s another lesson that you can use to grow into the perfect partner for your forever person
A situationship is a painful little thing when you think about it. You’re left wondering whether you were anything more than someone to warm his bed when he couldn’t find someone better.
You also end up completely broken and bruised inside if you catch feelings. However, there’s something good to find in this situation as well.
You can learn a lot, you can grow, and you can become the perfect partner for a man who will love you forever. You will be able to use these blessings and become the best version of yourself.
Don’t just dismiss the pain that you’re feeling right now but transform it into something beautiful instead.