Walking away from a situationship is always hard. You easily find yourself in one, but when it’s time to do the right thing, it’s not as easy to leave the relationship that’s not making you happy.
We’ve all been there. We’ve ended up in situationships because, for some reason, we didn’t know how to enter a committed relationship.
So, you give this person a chance and pray to God that one day the two of you will finally be exclusive.
But instead, you end up in a place where you’re dating, but you’re not really together. You fall for him, but you never end up discussing feelings in the relationship.
And even though you definitely don’t want this relationship to end, it looks like you’re not planning your future either. So, all in all, you are stuck in limbo and don’t really know how to get out of it.
All of the circumstances make you feel that you’re not single, but then again, the thing you have doesn’t look much like a healthy relationship either.
Then, you start asking yourself what’s going on. You like this person a lot and you can see him being your true love. But then again, your relationship doesn’t seem anything like the one you’re supposed to have with your soulmate.
Welcome into the world of situationships. From personal experience, I can tell you that you’re not going to like it.
How to know that you’re stuck in a situationship
It’s clear that you need someone to warn you of the red flags that you might’ve been ignoring all this time. You need relationship advice from someone who knows what situationships look like.
And since I’ve found my way into many of them, I believe that I’m fit for that call. I’m no relationship expert, but I’m certainly a master of situationships. Queen of ending up in the nowhere zone.
Sometimes, you don’t even realize that you’ve been sucked into a situationship. You don’t even notice that the thing you and this guy have will never evolve into a committed relationship.
And maybe you’re fine with that if you’re not looking for something serious. But if you’re looking for romantic love, then here are all the signs that you’re not getting what you wanted.
Instead, you’re stuck in a situation where you’re half in the relationship and half out.
1. It’s more convenient for your partner than for you
Walking away from a situationship can’t happen before you realize that you’re deep into one. And convenience is one of the clear red flags you should look out for.
When I say convenience, I mean that your partner is enjoying all of this much more than you are.
You’re fond of committed relationships and labels because that’s what speaks closeness to you. That’s the first step in which your partner shows you loyalty.
But it looks like this guy’s loving all of the advantages of a relationship without the committing-to-you-fully bit.
So, he gets what he wants without having to give anything in return.
At the end of the day, he’s getting all of his needs fulfilled while yours are being ignored. You can tell why he’s loving the place you’re currently at.
2. Labeling is taboo
Spending time together sounds fun for both of you. But it’s obvious that your partner’s idea of fun isn’t labeling each other.
You don’t call each other girlfriend and boyfriend since those words are off the table. They don’t belong in the dictionary of situationships.
If anyone was to ask you about this guy, you would have no idea how to introduce him.
He’s not your best friend, obviously. But he’s also not a random dude you just met. And then again, you never had “the talk” so he’s not really your boyfriend either.
It all seems so complicated that the first time someone asks you to introduce him, you’ll probably run away as far as you can so you don’t have to make lame excuses or come up with lengthy explanations.
3. You live your lives separately
When you’re dating a guy, at the very beginning of your relationship, you’re still not a part of each other’s lives. Instead, you slowly enter into the stage when you start getting more involved in each other’s lifestyles.
But you’ve been in this starting stage for a long time, and you see no signs of change.
You don’t ever hang out together with each other’s friends, you have no idea about his family members and he’s clearly never shown any intention of introducing you to them.
He has his own life and you have yours, and then at some point they intertwine, you hang out for a while, before going your separate ways again.
This is all exhausting and it’s made you consider walking out on this situationship a number of times. But you always end up giving it one more shot because “This time, things will change.”
Spoiler alert: They rarely do!
4. You’re in a relationship yet single at the same time
You’re not going out with other people because you feel that’s wrong. But then again, your situationship partner isn’t taking you on dates either.
You’re not hanging out regularly, but he invites you out from time to time. And whenever you’re together, you have a great time.
This all makes you feel stuck.
You’re not really single because you feel that you can’t be seeing other people behind his back. But then again, you haven’t gone exclusive in the first place.
Someone could say that it implies that you’re together, but every time this topic comes up, your guy cuts and runs as if he’s been chased by a pack of angry dogs.
5. You’re not moving anywhere
You can easily spot a situationship by the fact that you’re always standing in the same spot.
You’re not having arguments and considering a breakup. But then again, you’re also not planning your future and moving towards it.
Instead, it feels like you’re not going anywhere. And you’re definitely not happy with this.
How long should a situationship last?
I know, I know. Walking away from a situationship won’t happen before you’re one hundred sure that you’ve tried all of the possibilities of turning this pseudo-romance into a serious relationship.
You simply have to be sure that you’ve given your best before you walk away.
Maybe you haven’t given this relationship enough time. Perhaps you haven’t done all you can do to show the guy what you want from him. Or you haven’t put every ounce of your effort in.
You keep looking for excuses because you know that letting go will probably result in heartbreak.
Because even though you weren’t in a committed relationship, you were still deeply in love with this guy. And that means that your heart is going to suffer once you end things for good.
Before you end everything for the sake of your well-being and self-respect, you first need to know when walking away from a situationship is the right move to make.
How much time does it take to be sure that you’re going nowhere and it’s time to call quits?
And I’ll have to disappoint you as there’s no exact moment in time when you’re supposed to break ties with your situationship partner. It’s more about being aware of your emotions and realizing when the relationship no longer makes you happy.
If you have this feeling that you need more from a relationship yet he fails to give that to you, then it could be the moment to reevaluate the thing you have.
Is it making you happy? Do you really want things to stay the same? What is your relationship status and are you satisfied with it?
If your needs aren’t being met then you know that the time has come and you should end things for the sake of your happiness. At that moment, walking away from your situationship is the only option you have.
7 steps to walk away from a situationship
It may not seem like the easiest thing to do, but once walking away from a situationship becomes the only right thing to do, you’ll have to stick with it.
At first, it won’t be simple. The love you feel for this person probably overcomes self-love and you don’t really want to leave him, even if it’s for your own good.
But through these simple steps, you’ll be able to save yourself from a world of future pain.
At some point in your relationship, he’d probably decide that he’s had enough and moving on without you. And that’s when you’d feel all of the consequences of suppressed emotions you weren’t allowed to share.
You’ve been hurting in this situationship since your wishes aren’t being met, and you’ll hurt even after he leaves you.
So, walking away from a situationship really is the best option in the long term. And here’s how you can achieve it, step by step.
1. Give yourself a reality slap
Sometimes, you allow yourself to live in a world of dreams and ignore the truth that’s everywhere around you. And in most cases, you need a good reality slap to save you from the sweetened lies you’ve been telling yourself.
Walking away from a situationship is no exception. So, you have to start facing the facts.
He doesn’t love you enough to be in a serious relationship with you. He doesn’t want to make things exclusive. And he clearly has no intention of changing that since he never talks about your future.
There’s your reality slap.
After that, you’ll realize that you’re not getting what you want from a relationship. Instead, you’re making a ton of excuses for him out of fear of losing him.
But at the same time, being with him doesn’t make you happy either. If anything, all you feel right now is anxious that you’re stuck in the same place, when you know you want more.
Once you analyze your reality through straightforward truth, you’ll successfully finish the first step of walking away from a situationship. And that’s a great way to start.
2. Admit the bitter truth to yourself
Now that you’re well aware of the reality, you need to admit to yourself the truth about why he’s not good for you.
It could be because you want different things in life. It could be that he obviously doesn’t want to be with you and you shouldn’t be the one to pressure him. Or maybe it’s because he’s not making you truly happy in any way.
Those are the facts that you’ve been trying to hide from yourself for a long time. And now is your chance to be open about them.
I know that the truth hurts and it leaves a bitter taste in your heart, but it will help you get a step closer to the moment of letting go. Also, once you accept the fact that you can’t change anything, it becomes much easier to move on.
Of course, you can pretend that loving him can change him and that eventually, he’ll realize that he needs you in his life.
But it’s not your job to convince others that they need you. It’s not up to you to help him realize that he might end up loving you.
If he doesn’t see your value from the beginning and isn’t afraid to lose you from the very start, then there’s no point sticking around.
Accept the truth that he doesn’t need you in his life and move on from there.
It might hurt now, but as time goes by, all of the pain will turn into the love you’ll feel for yourself.
3. Have a conversation with your not-meant-to-be guy
Walking away from a situationship won’t ever happen unless you talk with the guy about it. Let him know why this thing isn’t working for you and why it’s making you unhappy.
If you don’t officially break up, the chances are that he’ll come back to you and you’ll maybe welcome him in every time he knocks on your door.
So, to save yourself unnecessary pain, don’t prolong the inevitable. Tell him how things are standing.
“This isn’t going to work because I’m looking for something serious.” A simple sentence that will save you a lot of time, energy, and agony.
4. End contact with him
“We can stay friends, and we can keep seeing each other from time to time.” These scenarios must go away.
When you’re walking away from a situationship, you shouldn’t allow this person to stay in your life. If you do, there’s a strong chance that you’ll end up in the same place all over again.
Even though it sounds harsh, you have to break all ties with him.
Don’t wait for him to change. Move on with your life with one constant thought at the back of your mind: He doesn’t like you enough to be with you.
That’s why you shouldn’t keep him in your life because it’s obvious that you see him as more than a friend. And that means that at one point, you might decide to give him another chance.
But if you ever decided to do that, know that you’ll be subjecting yourself to all of those rough feelings all over again.
So, save yourself from all of the unnecessary pain and cut contact with him. That way, it will be much easier to move on.
5. Accept your feelings
Once you’re out of the situationship, you’ll be looking for ways to move on. And all of them will seem too hard to achieve.
But the first thing on your list of personal growth and healing after the almost-relationship is to accept your feelings.
You’ll probably feel heartbroken and that’s okay. Your self-esteem may take a knock and that’s okay too.
These are all obstacles you’ll have to cross on your journey to healing and becoming the person you’re destined to be.
At this stage, you might feel like you caused all of the issues by yourself. But keep in mind that you have nothing to do with the fact that a guy couldn’t give you what you expected him to.
Staying with him would only hurt your self-worth and you don’t want that. You don’t want to end up broken because you let a man treat you undeservingly.
Right now, the only thing you’re supposed to do is to listen to your emotions, accept them, and learn how to grow from there.
6. Focus on yourself
Being in a situationship for too long can make you struggle with low self-esteem. It usually happens because you blame yourself for the place you’re in.
You think that you could’ve done something differently and changed your destiny. But once you realize that walking away from a situationship is the only option you have, you’ll then come to learn that you can’t change anything.
But you can certainly change your present, and your future. And you can do that by shifting the focus onto yourself.
All this time, there’s only been one thing on your mind – your situationship.
Will it turn into an actual relationship? Will you become exclusive? How do you tell him what you want from him?
And these relentless thoughts have made you only a side character in your own movie. Now it’s time to change that.
You’re out of the place that didn’t make you happy and you’re ready to move on. Make yourself a priority and focus on all of the things that make you happy.
It’s time to replace all of the worries with enjoying everything life has to offer.
You deserve to remind yourself of how special you are and how much you deserve in life. And you’re about to do that right now!
7. Remind yourself of your needs
After walking away from a situationship, you might get to a relapse stage.
You might feel the need to call your ex-situationship partner, asking him to take you back in his life and give your relationship another chance.
But whenever you feel this wave coming, you need to take a deep breath and remind yourself of your needs. You have to remind yourself of everything you want in life.
You want a serious relationship and not a fleeting fling. And he can’t give you that – he’s already proved it to you.
You want a guy who knows that you’re the girl he wants to grow old with. He can’t give you that either since he had his chance and failed to use it the right way.
You definitely want to feel happy in your relationship. Remember, the only emotion you felt was anxiety that you’re not getting everything you wanted.
You have your needs and you should never put them aside just because someone isn’t ready to meet them.
The standards you set for yourself are there for a reason. They’re there to bring you happiness and fulfillment.
And the moment you ignore them for the sake of someone’s else happiness, you’re doing yourself harm.
None of the things that happened to you is your fault. And no matter how hard you try, you’d never be able to change any of them.
Your situationship partner would never see you as the one he wants for the rest of his life and that’s why walking away was your only option.
Remember that you’ll never be good enough for the wrong person. And maybe he was wrong for you the entire time.
You were infatuated by him, but it’s not long before infatuation fades away. And once it’s gone and you realize that you didn’t truly love him, you only beat yourself up because you realize that you made all of the wrong moves.
That’s why walking away from a situationship is the best move you can make. It may not seem like it right now, but in a year’s time, you’ll be grateful to yourself.
Wow, this article was so spot on. The only thing different in my situation was that from the start he came on strong pretty early and wanted a relationship and I was the one who wasn’t ready because I felt I didn’t know him well enough. As time went on, things reversed and then I wanted more from him, and he had decided I wasn’t his “forever person”. I was upset when he told me that but we decided to still see each other and go out with other people. This was a mistake because he gave me much less of his time, and I couldn’t deal with knowing he was out on dates. He also told me I was not a priority and while true, it really hurt to hear it. I decided I just can’t do this and broke it off yesterday for good. He was making me really unhappy and killing my self esteem so I ended it. I told him that in time maybe we can be friends, but I really don’t think that is possible. I want to move on, and like the article says, I don’t want to be back in the same situation again! I really don’t understand why these men try to keep us around if they are dating 3 and 4 nights a week! I guess they seek comfort in. The tried and true white going through the awful process of dating.
This has helped me so much Thankyou for writing this article I didn’t even know I was in a situationship uNtill now… I’ve been in this relationship for 6 years now for a while it seemed like we were making progress but now it’s gone back to the beginning and I have no idea why.. but I can’t handle how it’s making me feel I’ve even told him i loved him and his making me feel insecure he said he will stop but now his trying to tell me what I can and can’t do, everytime I try to call it off he won’t allow it and I crumble everytime
I needed this, I honestly did. I’ve been in one for over a year, relapsed twice. Even started dating someone for real before the 2nd relapse. Broke up with the person I was dating and rushed back to him. I didn’t even understand that I’ve relapsed until I saw it in writing n this article.
I’m struggling so much to walk away, this article has helped me see that i’m not alone
Thank you for this article. It is exactly what I have been going through for the past 6-7 months and now I’m finally letting go and starting my self love journey to attract a fulfilling connection but also be at peace with my own company and enjoy my solitude. It’s not worth it to stay in a place that makes you feel confused, empty and insecure. For everyone that’s reading: you’re not alone, love yourself first, value yourself, respect yourself and let go of that unhealthy attachement that is not allowing you to move forward. Stop lying to yourself saying you can handle your emotions, being true to yourself is an act of self love. The sex might be good but the feelings of emptiness and unfulfillment that comes afterwards it’s not worth it.
This is amazing and exactly what I needed. You articulated every single thought, emotion, anxiety, frustration and insecurity I’ve had over the last four months. Thank you for this. I really, really needed it.
@Roxanne, I could so relate to this article as well. I posted about my situation. Wish I would have read this first. But I think we have to make our own mistakes and suffer the consequences to learn the right lessons.