“Am I overthinking or is he losing interest?”
That’s quite a valid question to ask. Our mind tends to play games on us.
If you have anxiety, your mind is probably not your best friend. It tells you that the way his voice has changed is actually a direct attack on you. Your mind makes sure to analyze every little detail simply to protect itself.
You’re scared of the things it’s telling you. It’s not fun to constantly see things that no one else pays attention to.
Your boyfriend probably doesn’t even realize that his demeanor has changed. He doesn’t pay attention to every single move he makes because, according to him, you know he loves you. That’s why he also stopped affirming your importance in his life.
But you being you, you end up questioning his every action and word.
Is he genuinely losing interest in you or are you just overthinking everything? Is he really being distant or is he just taking you for granted at this point? Or does he believe that you’re assured of his love for you so he stopped telling you as much?
All of these questions are totally valid. But it feels like you’re going crazy at this point.
That’s why I’m here to help you out a bit. We can go through all the things that you’re noticing that make your anxiety spike to extremes.
In this article, we’ll talk about the signs he’s actually losing interest, but also what you can do to stop your overthinking mind. It may not cure your anxiety altogether, but it could put you a little at ease.
Am I overthinking or is he losing interest?
More often than not, a woman’s gone through so many bad experiences while dating that she doesn’t know how to trust a guy. So, we say he’s interested, you still feel like he’s lying, just to keep you around.
This may also be the case with women who have abandonment issues. When you feel like you’re about to be alone again, you cling to that one person for safety. It’s not because you wouldn’t know what to do without them, but because you’re so tired or afraid of being lonely all the time.
With this in mind, it’s understandable that you’re asking yourself whether you’re overthinking or he’s losing interest.
You feel like you’re so used to disappointment that you unwillingly overanalyze the smallest changes in your boyfriend’s mood.
But what if? What if he’s truly losing interest in you and your brain is trying to help you see things clearly?
Either way, I’m here to help you because I know how scary it is to be left alone with your mind. You’re not alone in this.
1. He doesn’t make you a priority anymore
The first thing I’d notice that would make me question if I’m overthinking things or if he’s actually losing interest is if he doesn’t make me a priority anymore.
A guy who’s interested in you will always put everything aside to spend more time with you. He won’t be the type of guy to cancel plans just to go out with someone else.
If his friends need him, he’ll be by their side, but never if that means that he has to leave you in the lurch. You’re definitely the one he’s interested in.
However, you may start to overthink things when he starts to have more work than usual and you feel like you’re not spending as much time with him as you did before.
You feel anxious whenever he tells you that he has something else to do, yet still makes sure to make plans with you. This just means that he’s trying to adjust his busy schedule to your relationship.
You’re important to him. That’s why he wants to keep you updated.
But he’s losing interest in you if everything’s more important than you. If he hasn’t just stopped making you a priority, but also doesn’t even try to spend time with you, then this man probably doesn’t want to be with you anymore.
2. He doesn’t want to see your friends and family anymore
He makes it seem as if it’s a burden to hang out with your family and friends. This man rolls his eyes at your suggestion to meet up with your parents and doesn’t even bother to be friendly and polite.
If he’s had a fight with one of them or if they don’t approve of him and that’s why he doesn’t want to put up with that stress, then it’s understandable. You may still be unsure if you’re overthinking things or he’s losing interest, but this is not something you can control.
He has the right to tell you when he doesn’t like someone. That said, a guy who’s genuinely interested in you won’t exclude your close ones because he knows just how important they are to you.
I definitely do understand how this may seem like an issue. You feel like you’re forcing him to do things he doesn’t want to and then you feel like you’re losing him.
If he simply doesn’t like some of them and gives you legitimate reasons for it, you’re just overthinking things and he’s the same old guy. He has a right to protect himself from toxic people and situations if he feels like it won’t benefit your relationship.
3. He doesn’t pay attention to the little things anymore
He used to thank you and kiss you every single time you made coffee for him, but not anymore. Your boyfriend hasn’t noticed your new haircut or the fact that you’re putting more effort into looking your best just for him.
At the beginning of the relationship, he would always notice these things. But you don’t get compliments from him anymore. You don’t even think that he sees how beautiful you are.
If his behavior has truly changed and you can pinpoint when and how, then I’m sorry to say, but your fears may be justified.
You’re definitely overthinking if it’s only happened once or twice, but you’re right for worrying that he’s losing interest if he doesn’t pay attention to anything anymore.
4. He takes forever to respond
Messaging has become standard practice in all relationships. We look at how long someone takes to respond, how they respond, and if they use any emojis.
That’s why you’re so anxious, you feel like you may be overthinking it all.
He has so much work to do that it takes him ages to reply to you. But at the beginning of the relationship, things weren’t like that. He used to reply to you right away, and if he couldn’t, he’d tell you if he’s too busy and when he’d be available again.
Now, he doesn’t do any of those things. You’re skeptical because there’s no reason for him not to respond to you.
You’re not overthinking anything, he’s losing interest in you. Believe it or not, you’re being reasonable. So he’s obviously doing this, fully aware that it’s important to you for him to reply in a timely manner.
5. Physical intimacy has become a rare occurrence
Physical intimacy isn’t the most important thing in relationships. Nonetheless, it is important.
Some couples establish a relationship without it, but you’re not one of them. You’re someone who needs physical affection to show your love for someone as well as know that they love you in return.
This may have nothing to do with you. He could just have a lot of stress in his life because of work or issues totally unrelated to you. When he’s stressed, he needs more time alone and that makes it seem as if he’s not interested in you anymore.
But if it genuinely seems like he’s lost interest in you, he won’t make a move on you at all anymore. And when you’re the one to make a move, he gets so aggressive about the fact that he doesn’t want to do anything right now, you’re always on the verge of crying.
6. He makes too many excuses
You don’t have to wonder if you’re overthinking things or if he’s losing interest in you when he’s never made this many excuses before. He’s become so unreliable – he’s super fast at coming up with some new excuse to get out of a situation.
You know for sure that this isn’t the man you fell in love with.
I can guarantee you that you’re not just overthinking it. He may try to gaslight you into believing that you’re just imagining things, but you can clearly see all those excuses for what they are.
There’s always a reason he can’t go out with you, can’t text you, and can’t do something for you. He has millions of excuses up his sleeve.
He’s definitely losing interest if you’re seeing more of this behavior as time goes by.
7. He includes you less in his plans
You’d always be invited to wherever he was going. It doesn’t matter if it was a family gathering or if he and his friends were going out for drinks. He always made sure to include you so that you’re not alone at home.
Now, you feel like you haven’t gone anywhere with him in such a long time. He goes on trips by himself or with friends, without even thinking about bringing you along. You’re always left out of everything and it’s starting to seem like he doesn’t want you around anymore.
No wonder you’re wondering to yourself, “Am I overthinking or is he losing interest?”
Of course, you won’t ask him to take you with him. He’d probably say no regardless.
So, are you overthinking? Probably not. A guy who’s not losing interest in you wouldn’t forget to invite you to places. He’d try his best to include you in everything.
If he used to do that and now has simply stopped, then he’s definitely losing interest.
8. He isn’t jealous anymore
Jealousy can be an extremely toxic trait if it’s taken to the extremes. However, a little bit of jealousy simply means that someone’s scared of losing you.
Your boyfriend was always a tiny bit jealous. He would joke around whenever you’d dress a little more revealing than usual that other men will try to take you away. Or he used to look agitated with every guy who tried to talk to you.
But now he stopped. He’s simply not as jealous as he was before.
This could mean two things. The first possibility is that he’s losing interest in you and the second one is that he trusts you more than ever. Unfortunately, we won’t know which it is unless you go out of your way to ask him.
Things you can do if you’re just overthinking
You’re not seeing any of these signs, are you? You’ve been so sure that he’s losing interest in you and now that you look back at it, you can’t seem to see these signs anymore.
You’re overthinking things and he’s not losing interest in you. He’s probably just busy with a lot of work right now or he’s stressed because of some other personal issues. His behavior could also change because you’re out of the puppy love stage and things are getting more serious.
So, if you know for sure that he’s not losing interest in you and you’re just overthinking things, then you should try to calm your raging mind. Your anxiety is through the roof and you know that if you let things continue like this then your relationship might be in actual danger.
Is there something you can do? That he can do?
Well, there sure is.
1. Seek the help of a therapist
When your mind is continuously making you question “Am I overthinking or is he losing interest,” you may have an anxious attachment style, where your anxiety prevents you from enjoying your relationship.
You focus so much on these little things that you’re making everything worse. At this point, you’re probably not even able to be yourself. You’re just fixated on keeping him interested in you.
Issues like that can be solved with therapy. Your anxiety is obviously taking over and you’re unable to manage it easily.
Who’s better for this task than an actual professional? Someone who went to get a degree to help people like you out?
Your therapist will help you get rid of the anxiety surrounding your relationship, as well as cope with everything else in your everyday life that’s stressing you out. It may take some time, but you’ll be fine.
2. Check in with your partner more often
Your anxiety won’t let you address issues anymore. You’re so scared of what you may hear that you don’t want to talk about anything anymore.
But you have to.
You have to check in with your partner more often. Ask him all the questions that you have on your mind. Don’t just assume the answers, but rather be prepared to talk things through. This way, you’ll know your partner’s actual thoughts.
If he doesn’t want to answer your questions, then that means that he doesn’t care about you feeling safe around him. You’ll only be left with even more questions when he becomes cold and distant.
You deserve someone who won’t mind talking to you for hours just to make sure that you don’t feel anxious anymore.
3. Tell him that you need more reassurance
We all need reassurance in relationships. I’ve asked myself one too many times whether I’m overthinking things or if he’s losing interest, simply because I was afraid to ask for reassurance.
Reassurance and validation can come in many different forms. It can come in the sense of quality time and date nights spent together, or it can be a hug and physical intimacy. It doesn’t matter what it may be for you, you have the right to ask for it.
Your partner should be able to give you that sense of security by providing the words of affirmation that you desperately need.
If he doesn’t want to, it just means that he’s not that interested in you to begin with. It means that you’re just a burden to him and giving you this small act of kindness is nothing more than a chore that he doesn’t feel like doing.
It’s sad, but you know as well as I do that it’s the truth.
When your anxiety takes over, the best thing you can do is self-sooth. Sometimes, you won’t have your partner around for whatever reason. He’ll be at work or at a club with his friends and you simply feel like you’re suffocating in your thoughts.
In situations like this, you should be able to soothe yourself and make yourself feel better. This includes things like going for a walk for some fresh air and taking deep breaths.
You also have to learn to silence your mind when it goes on hyperdrive. Look at the evidence and think rationally.
Does he seem less interested? Has he said something to make you think like this? Have you told him that you’re anxious?
You can always talk to your partner about this, but when he’s not around and you can’t just barge into the therapist’s office, you have to take out the big guns. You’re the only person who knows what can calm you down, so look for those things.
You could paint, watch a movie, call him just to hear his voice. Just don’t let your thoughts fester.
5. Focus on the solution
When you focus on the problems, you’re bound to end up spiraling into a more anxious state of mind. You won’t be able to get yourself out of it and will end up having a panic attack.
He’s your boyfriend and he can help you. He could sit by your side and help you make a list of solutions for all the problems that your mind is coming up with. He’ll be the voice of reason in these situations.
Your anxiety is piling up more and more questions that break your own heart. You can feel the pain rise in your chest and you’re breathing becomes more labored.
This only happens because you’re losing control over your thoughts. But remember, you’re the one who controls them, not the other way around.
Focus on the solutions. Whenever your brain comes up with an issue, focus on what it’ll take to resolve it. There’ll probably be more questions as you go along, but always answer them.
You could do this by writing everything down. It’ll be out of your head and on paper. So now, you can go back to this whenever you feel like you’re spiraling again.
6. Understand your emotions and don’t be afraid to express them
When you don’t understand your own emotions, you may end up becoming agitated and aggressive towards your partner. You’ll face more and more problems while you’ll deal with things internally.
You’ll avoid expressing your feelings, which won’t help your relationship at all. He’ll want to know what’s going on, but all the questions will only keep on snowballing inside of you.
That’s simply a lose-lose situation. No one can come out a winner when you’re both so out of tune with your feelings and with each other.
Let him know what’s going on. Don’t be angry just because he can’t read your mind. He can only know as much as you tell him.
If he doesn’t make a move to change, that’s when you should leave him. It’s not about who can keep quiet for longer, because tolerating each other can only lead to disaster.
When you’re wondering if you’re overthinking or if he is really losing interest, I believe you’ll know the right answer when you sit down and have an honest conversation with him. You both deserve that.
You can learn how to express your thoughts and emotions together. That’s what partners are for, right?
You’ll be fine. Just don’t let yourself get so consumed by your mind, you reach a point where you lose a good guy because of your anxiety.