My mind won’t stop working. It’s like one thought chases the next and they are all fighting for my attention all at once. Does that make me hard to love?
My brain doesn’t have a pause button, not even when I really need a break.
It exhausts me and keeps me awake at the same time. I hope you understand what I mean, even though it’s so hard to fathom sometimes.
You don’t see the chaos that lives inside my brain. You don’t see how much it breaks me to know that you have to deal with me because of it.
When you send me a one-word answer, my entire body loses its composure.I read the hidden meaning behind the word and my mind won’t let go of the assumption.
That, right there, is why it’s so hard to love me. You make it seem so easy, but I know that you struggle with it.
When you call to tell me how much you love me, my mind goes wild. You can’t just call me and tell me you missed hearing my voice without making me go feral.
My brain makes up a long list of horrible scenarios that could have led you to make this call.
The truth is that there aren’t many things in this world that can stop me from thinking of the worst scenarios.
I know you understand this isn’t your fault, but the fact that my mind is protecting my heart.
I have learned to protect it from a very young age. There was no other option but to be cautious.
So when boys came into the picture, I’d still guard my heart, but I was also blinded by that childish type of love.
I would love unconditionally and give everyone my everything.
That’s why I had my heart broken one too many times. It would break under the influence of these men who never deserved me in the first place.
Or was it my fault?
I’d like to believe that it wasn’t me, but my brain can’t keep quiet.
Despite my best attempts at stopping these thoughts, it says that I must’ve been at fault somehow.
My heart simply can’t endure more pain. That led me to this coping mechanism and its constant nagging.
There’s no good reason for me to doubt you. You’re everything I ever wanted and more!
You are kind, generous, loving and caring. Yes, we have our issues, but it doesn’t keep you from staying by my side.
However, I can’t stop my mind from telling me that you’re going to leave me one day.
That’s what led me to overanalyze every little thing you do. I’m always looking for clues that point toward a potential breakup.
I don’t want to lose you, but I have a feeling my overthinking is making me hard to love.
You’ll choose to leave me at one point and then I won’t know what to do.
I promise you that I’m not trying to create drama where there’s none!
You may think that I’m sensitive, I know I come across that way, but it’s only because I make a big deal out of everything.
My mind has already conducted a long list of problems to any solution that you might have given me.
Even if our relationship is going well, my mind is coming up with ways it could fall apart.
What if you cheated on me? What if you walked out on me and wanted to do nothing with me?
I’m not saying these things to turn this conversation into a pity party. I don’t need you to always swoon over me. But I do need your affirmation.
You may find it excessive, but I need you to show me and tell me that everything’s going to be alright.
Because if you don’t, I’ll make up arguments inside my head that will inevitably lead to a breakdown.
I know that those thoughts and problems are only in my head. Believe me, I do.
That doesn’t change the fact that my emotional response to them is very real.
The pain I feel while thinking about a potential argument is as real as if it were actually happening right now.
It makes me hard to love. Sometimes, I feel like you’re exhausted to watch me crumble under the weight of my own thoughts.
When I see your pleading gaze, it doesn’t help to set my mind at ease, no.
I just think of all those women who would be easier to love.
I think about how you could be so much happier to have someone other than me by your side.
You could have another woman – one who wouldn’t mind your one-word answers and your random calls.
She’d be easy to talk to and you wouldn’t have to think so hard about what you can and can’t say around her.
I don’t think that you could ever have that with me.
That’s why I’m always so alert – I’m just waiting for you to realize that, too.
I’m so sorry that my overthinking makes me so hard to love!
You just need to know that even though my mind is filled with the worst-case scenarios, my heart is filled with unconditional love for you.
There is no one else in this entire world that I could love more than I love you, and that right there isn’t debatable.
I just need you to be patient with me. Don’t be harsh on me whenever I ask you a question that seems strange or might make me seem crazy.
You are the one person in my life who’s seen my worries and still stayed for so long.
Because of that, I beg you, please understand that my overthinking doesn’t make me love you less.
If anything, it makes me love you more with each day that passes.
Even if my overthinking makes me hard to love, you do it so well.
If you choose to stay, I can promise you that, eventually, even my mind won’t be able to find anything bad about us.
At some point in the future, it will go silent and only my love for you will remain. Until then, it’ll guard my heart.