A “You hurt me but I still love you” letter isn’t an easy one to write at all. You need to convey the right message that comes from the bottom of your heart, without being overbearing.
A letter like this won’t write itself. You have to be extremely careful with your words, but also with your heart.
What if you’re too vulnerable and he simply decides to break your heart all over again? Or he could even take it the wrong way!
Just because you’re ready to admit that you still love him doesn’t mean that you want him back. It just means that you’ve come to terms with your feelings – you’re being honest with yourself and with him.
When you do decide to write and send a letter to him, it just means that you need him to understand what he’s done to you. That you can’t live your life knowing that he believes everything’s fine.
Your heart is shattered and he’s the one at fault. If it was up to you, you would’ve healed it by now, but the wounds run a little too deep to just go on without letting it all out.
So he needs to know what’s going on.
Sometimes, you may even decide not to send the letter at all because it’s too personal and he doesn’t deserve to know your pain. He isn’t entitled to know you’re still hurting after all this time. So you might as well burn the letter.
Either way, you have the right to do with it whatever you please. Because sometimes you do need a bit of inspiration, here are some letters that may help you on your quest and inspire you to write your own.
“You hurt me, but I still love you” letter for closure
At what point did you decide that it was okay for you to break my heart like this? After everything that we’ve been through and after all the sacrifices I’ve made. Just know that you hurt the one person who was ready to love you unconditionally, forever.
Over the past years of our relationship, I only knew of you. I never put you second to anyone.
You were always my highest priority. I believe that you knew that as well, just by the fact that I would drop anything and everything to talk to you and be there for you.
Do you remember that time you called me overbearing? You said that I tried too hard, did too much, that I didn’t give you enough space.
You said all those things because I would fuss over you. I’d spend hours upon hours wondering if you were alright, but you just put it down to me being overly obsessed with you.
Your words hurt me. You hurt me, but I still love you and that’s why I’m writing you this letter.
One day you stopped replying to my text messages. That’s when you decided it would be okay for you to leave me with my own thoughts for huge periods of time and give me absolutely no warning why.
You know how my mind tends to consume me whole! I overthink things to the point of insanity.
Whenever you’d decide to ignore me, my mind would convince me that something bad happened to you. I’d feel the tears running down my face before I even knew I was crying.
Can you imagine the torture that my mind put me through every single time you didn’t answer my texts or my phone calls? I cared about you, but the issue was that you didn’t return the sentiment.
But it didn’t matter how much you hurt me, I would still feel my heart overflow with love for you whenever I laid my eyes on you. Even when I knew they shouldn’t, my hands begged for your touch. My body ached to be in your gentle embrace.
So, can you imagine just how terrifying it was for me to imagine a life without you? Without the person I loved most in the whole world?
Nothing could prepare me for the excruciating pain that I had to endure the moment I realized that you didn’t love me. That you didn’t want to be with me anymore. That you wanted to be with someone else.
Even if nothing ever happened physically, I still know that your heart belonged to someone else. That still counts as cheating, even if you don’t want to admit it. It still means that you betrayed me and I will never be able to look at you as anything more than a traitor.
You betrayed my love and my trust. You looked at everything that I did for you and simply decided that you didn’t want me anymore. How am I supposed to feel about you and your little escapades when we both know I did everything in my power to keep you by my side?
You hurt me, but I still love you, and this letter serves as your reminder that you lost the best woman you could’ve ever had.
I’m not saying this because I believe that you won’t be happy without me, I’m just saying that no other woman would go to the same lengths to make you happy. And now that I look back at everything, I don’t even think she should.
I loved you more than I loved myself. How bizarre is that?
My friends thought that you were just taking advantage of me, but I knew how much effort I was putting into the relationship. I also knew you’d never do the same in return. But I was willing to stay quiet because the love I felt for you was so undeniably strong.
But when you said that you loved and wanted to be with another woman, there was nothing I could’ve done to change that. I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to.
There was enough self-love left inside me to pack my things and walk out of your life forever. I cried for days and no one was able to console me for long enough to hear what happened. I would sob through the entire night, trying in vain to stop my chest from aching.
You need to know that you’ve done this to me and that I’ll forever carry this hurt within myself. But you will have to live with the fact that you will never have me again.
Because I know you. You’ll get bored of her at one point or another, you’ll call her overbearing, and you’ll leave her as well. Or your stupid little games will be too much for her and she’ll be the one who decides to leave.
That’s the same moment you’ll decide to crawl back to me. But I won’t be there.
These past few months of asking myself over and over again if I wasn’t enough for you to love me have taught me that it’s not my decision. You were the one who didn’t see me as enough, but I am more than enough to myself. So I will choose myself and finally give myself closure.
You don’t have to reply to this letter. If you do, I’ll choose not to read it. I shouldn’t have to know about your reasons. But just know that I won’t listen to you when the time comes that you regret your decision.
I’m giving myself closure. I just wanted you to know, that even though I still love you, you hurt me, so this letter is my final goodbye.
Have a wonderful life.
“You hurt me, but I still love you” letter for when you want to get back together with him
We don’t have to go through this. You know that, right?
We don’t have to throw away years of loving each other because of some stupid mistake we’ve both made. I don’t just want to forget about everything that happened between us and continue my life without you. I feel like our love deserves more respect and we deserve a second chance.
Before you close this letter and burn it, please hear me out. Don’t just dismiss my arguments because of your ego. Put that aside and give me chance to redeem myself. Give me a chance to forgive you as well.
When we first started dating, we knew we had our differences. You were the life of the party, the guy everyone loves, while I was the quiet girl in the corner. You thought that I was interesting, while I thought that you were a bit too loud for my taste.
How could we have known that our differences were going to get in our way? One day, we’ll understand that we made a crucial mistake by not addressing these differences right away.
Especially when it came to how much time and effort we were prepared to give each other. You didn’t think that someone as crazy in love as I am would ever stand up for themselves. So when you started to act differently, that’s when I matched your energy.
I didn’t want to become the girl who lets her boyfriend walk all over her. So at the smallest sign of disrespect, I would flair up and fight you. I thought you were just like my ex – that every single time you wanted to talk to me about our problems, you were accusing me of something.
Of course, I know that I shouldn’t use my past trauma as an excuse for my behavior. But you and I both did that. We would say that our past experiences were at fault for our current bad moods. You would get triggered whenever you saw me talk to another guy, even if it was an innocent bystander who asked for directions, because your ex cheated on you.
I felt your eyes burn a hole in the back of my skull with your unwavering gaze. You couldn’t fathom a girl being faithful to you. So you’d give me the silent treatment or argue with me for hours.
I did the same thing to you, I wasn’t any better. The issue in my case was that I was so afraid of going through the same things again, that I completely shut you out. I didn’t want to be vulnerable around you because I always believed you’d use it against me.
So how do two people, who are broken by their past lovers, become good for each other? I thought that we’d understand each other’s trauma, but we didn’t. We just made it worse.
I can promise you that I didn’t mean any of those horrible words I said to you. Everything I said was out of anger and frustration. You know that I love you more than anything in this entire world.
Your words hurt me as well. You hurt me, but I still love you, so this letter should give you a better understanding of how you actually made me feel.
You said some awful things to me. Those words echoed in my mind for days, but I know I shouldn’t dwell on them. Just like the things that I said, I’d like to believe that you didn’t mean any of it.
When you called me clingy, boring, annoying, and a brat, I was so angry that I just wanted to insult you more. Until the point where you called me stupid and I simply lost it. I completely shut you out and didn’t want to talk to you anymore.
There was a fleeting moment of pure hatred for you in my heart. You could say that my heart broke at that moment. I didn’t want to look at you anymore. I just wanted to be as far away from you as possible.
Now I see that I was wrong. We should’ve stayed together and worked through this. Let’s be honest: It was such a stupid fight over an extremely stupid issue.
I’m so sorry. I’d love the opportunity to apologize to you in person if you’ll let me. Just don’t ghost me anymore. I need to talk to you and make things right.
Even if you think that this is irreversible, it’s really not. We can make it work! I’d love to hear your heart and side of the story, and I would love to do the same while looking into your eyes.
Because I truly do love you. A stupid little fight can’t change that.
So please, don’t throw everything away because of one mistake. We can work on this. We can strengthen our relationship even more. Just give us one more chance.
All my love,
A letter you’ll write to him yet never send
Unfortunately, you’ll never read this, but some things need to be written down before we let go of them. That’s exactly what I’ll do after I write this letter. I will let go of you.
I don’t know if I’ll end up burning this letter or simply throwing it into the trash, but I know for sure that I don’t want to send it or keep it. You don’t deserve to know what happened and I deserve to continue my life in peace. Obviously, I can’t do that until I completely let go of the pain and misery you put me through.
When we fall in love, our eyes get clouded by it. We see through those rose-colored glasses and every red flag just looks like confetti that makes each day more enjoyable. I never saw your bad behaviors or your disrespect as something that was worth getting angry over.
Someone had to understand you and be there for you, so I gladly took on that role. I was always the girl who’d excuse all of your behavior in front of my friends. The girl who always tried to make sense out of your words.
No one knew how much effort that took, not even you. But I did it because I knew how lonely it must be for you.
You’ve been through a lot. Life has hardly been kind to you, so I wanted to be that little spark of joy you could hold on to.
But you never asked how much of a toll it took on me to always smile around you, to simply ignore every single time you made me feel awful. I didn’t want to be like all those other people in your life who’d always tell you that you’re doing something wrong.
I wanted to be special to you. There’s not really a reason behind it other than the fact that I wanted to be adored by you.
If this was a letter I actually planned to send, I would never write stuff like that. It’s too embarrassing to admit that I wanted someone to love me that much.
You hurt me, but I still love you and I’m writing this letter to try to convince my heart to stop entertaining this foolish hope.
I want to push you away just to see you fighting for me. When I scream at you to leave and never come back, I want you to hold me tighter in your arms and show me that you’ll stay no matter what.
But I know that I deserve better than that. I deserve more than a man who will treat me well only in the times I threaten to leave. You panic in times like that and simply love-bomb me into believing you’re capable of change.
How stupid was I to believe your little outbursts of love! I was so blinded by that small moment of understanding that I disregarded all the other signs you weren’t right for me and would never be!
But my heart still aches for you. Sometimes, it stops me in my tracks and makes me remember the way your hands would feel against my skin. The hurt makes me think of the way your lips felt against mine.
That’s why this letter exists, to send a message to you about the hurt you made me experience, but also the fact that I still love you.
I don’t want to love you anymore. I think that I’ve suffered enough and that I don’t need to go through any more of your torturous treatment anymore. This is it. The last straw that’s going to make me leave you forever.
I know you’ll always be a resident in my heart. You live there, rent-free, to always remind me of the love I thought I deserved. Never once did I think I’d go through so much trouble just to make someone love me, but I did. With you, there was nothing else I could’ve done.
Your words hurt like daggers. Your actions made me feel like a complete loser for ever trusting you. There wasn’t a moment where things didn’t seem hopeless for me, but I ignored my own gut in the hopes that it was wrong.
But intuition has never deceived anyone. Whenever I felt like something was suspicious, I was usually right.
I guess it shouldn’t have come as a surprise that you turned out to be the person everyone warned me about.
But you know what? I don’t even care anymore. I’ll keep lying to myself and eventually I’ll convince myself that I’ll be able to continue with my life without you. If I don’t do that, then I’ll never be able to move onward and live the life that I deserve to have.
For the record, I truly wanted to love you until the end of our days. I wanted to see you grow old and be there for you even in the toughest of times.
I guess you didn’t share these same ideals and feelings.
That’s why I’ve decided not to bother with you anymore. I hope you’re doing well with your new life, I hope you’ll find someone who will show you that love is more than just a game.
And I’ll meet someone who will make me forget you ever existed. This letter will burn together with the love and hurt you made me feel.
With love and regret,