Think aloud
The million-dollar dating question, the one that’s kept bothering us for decades. Why do guys come back when you ignore them? Have you figured it out yet?
Every time you stop talking to a guy, he suddenly becomes more interested in you. He looks for ways to get back into your life and save your relationship from completely falling apart.
It could be your ex, a new guy you just started dating, or one you’ve been trying to impress for months. The moment you stop reaching out to him, he suddenly decides he wants to give you a chance.
They say that we shouldn’t play games with men, but it looks like the only thing they love to do.
Every time you show a guy you like him or would like to go out with him sometime, he vanishes into thin air. He sneaks into a mouse-hole and you squeeze in to reach him, no matter how hard you try.
But when you act all cold-hearted and ignore him completely, pretending that you’re not getting his twenty texts a day or ten calls in a row, he suddenly decides that he likes you. His interest in you shoots through the roof and he’s hellbent on contacting you.
So, you have to ask yourself why guys come back when you ignore them. Why does this apply to every man there is?
If you keep reading, you’ll find out the hidden reasons behind guys’ behavior.
Why do guys come back when you ignore them?
If it was only one guy who kept doing this, we could call it isolated behavior. Something that attracts him and makes him reach out to you every time you ignore him.
But since we’re aware that most of the guys do this same thing, then there must be a reason for it. There must be something rooted deep inside of them that makes them act this way.
And actually, there are different reasons why guys won’t stop dialing your number once they receive complete silence on the other side.
Here’s what happens in the mind of a guy once you ignore him and why he can’t stop coming back for more.
1. He despises losing
No one likes losing, and men are especially sensitive to it. If you’ve been going out with him and things have been just fine, he won’t be able to admit the fact that you’re ignoring him.
To him, it sounds like he’d lose something that was his and he can’t let that happen.
This thought applies to every possible scenario.
If your ex reaches out to you and you ignore him, he’ll try to find a way to come back to you.
It’s not necessarily that he still has feelings for you, but just the fact that you ignored him makes him feel like he’s lost something that used to be his.
Meet a new guy and go on a couple of dates with him. Then, when he reaches out to you, ignore him. The chances are that you’ll see him running after you because he can’t accept the fact that he lost you so soon in the dating game.
Maybe he just needs to try his chances with you and find out why you ignored him in the first place. Or maybe he’s willing to stick around forever. Who knows what will happen when he comes back.
But the fact is that once he feels like he’s lost something, he won’t be able to stand it. So he’ll have to come back and try to win you over.
If you were his once, then how could you act like he doesn’t exist anymore? That question will be roaming in his mind and he won’t be able to settle until he gets the answer.
2. He likes the fact that you gave him space
Most times, men and women don’t actually understand each other. They see things differently and it’s easy to see that once you pay attention to different couples and their relationships.
So, when you ignore a guy for some reason, he might not actually get what’s going on. Instead of thinking that you’re ignoring him, he might think that you’re giving him space – which he loves.
Guys are afraid of needy girlfriends. Or I should say, guys are afraid of dedicating all their time to one girl only.
So, if you get mad at him because of something and decide to ignore him, he might see that as your way of giving him space. And men love that!
They love having time for themselves where you’re not bombarding them with messages and calls. To them, it feels like a breath of fresh air.
Then after some time, a guy will reach out to you, unaware of the fact that you might be mad at him or that you ignored him on purpose. In his eyes, things are perfectly fine and your relationship has never been better.
If only things could stay this way forever, he would be the happiest man in the world.
So, when you ignore him, he actually feels like you’ve given him some “me time” which he appreciates.
Then, once he’s gotten his breathing space, he comes back to you, blissfully unaware that you ignored him or that anything is wrong with your relationship.
Who would’ve thought that misunderstanding was one of the reasons?
3. It’s in human nature to chase
Why does it feel that guys come back after you ignore them? Well, it’s because it’s his innate human nature to chase. Or more specifically, it’s in man’s nature.
We’ve established that guys hate losing and hate when you’re the first one who stops reaching out. They feel the need to have the final word and they’ll do anything to get that.
So, when you ignore him, you’re actually flipping the switch to activate “chase” mode that’ll make him come back to you.
It doesn’t necessarily mean that he still loves you – perhaps he simply wants to find out why you decided to end things. Also, he’s trying to prove to himself that he can win you back, whenever he wants.
Look at things this way. When someone tells you that you can’t do something, there are two possible reactions you might have:
Firstly, you lose your confidence completely and agree with them. In that case, you don’t even bother trying because you’re so assured that you won’t be able to do it.
Or secondly, you focus wholeheartedly on the task and do everything you can in order to prove to them that you’re capable of achieving whatever you want.
Usually, the second case applies when you ignore a guy. He gets so fixated on the idea that he has to win you back that he puts all of his efforts into it.
The fact that you’re ignoring him no longer matters – he’s in “chase” mode, remember? He just wants to prove to himself that he’s still got it and that he can get you back in his life whenever he wants.
4. He didn’t get closure
Usually, women are the ones who need closure in order to move on. We need the exact reason why our relationship failed so we can close the chapter and make sure it never happens again in the future.
But sometimes, a guy will want the same thing. He’ll want to know what he did wrong and what made you cut him off completely.
Right now, your relationship feels like a cliffhanger to him. There was no breakup conversation – all of a sudden, you just started freezing him out.
So, the same way women ask themselves why guys come back when they ignore them, men need to know why women end things all of a sudden, without any warning.
That’s why he’ll rather reach out to you to see what went wrong, maybe even to fix your relationship if possible. It sounds easier and better for him than to spend the rest of his life asking himself why you disappeared on him.
He needs closure so he can be sure the thing you had is completely over. He needs to know that there are no words left unsaid, otherwise, he won’t be able to move on.
Once you give him closure, the chances are that he will leave for good and won’t bother coming back into your life anymore.
5. He’s attracted to the mystery
How many movies have you watched with this plot?
A guy is torn between two girls. The first one is a girl he knows well and who suits him in every way possible. They finish each other sentences and know each other best.
The second girl is like a mystery to this guy. He doesn’t know anything about her and every time he tries to get to know her better, she builds up a wall around herself.
He has no idea if she likes him or not, while he knows that the first girl has feelings for him.
So, which one does he always end up choosing? The one that he knows everything about or the one that’s a complete mystery?
If you said “the second one”, you’re probably right. Guys are usually attracted to those who are complete enigmas around them.
So, when you ignore a guy, your lack of reasoning acts as a mystery to him. He wants to know why you’re hiding from him and to get that done, he needs to come back into your life.
He needs to win you over in order to find out what you’re thinking about. Why did you ignore him? Is there a particular reason behind your actions?
He needs to know the answers and he’ll do whatever it takes to get them.
Your cryptic behavior compels him to reach out to you, so it’s no wonder that guys come back when you ignore them. It looks like mysterious behavior is the way to go if you want to make a guy chase after you.
6. It makes the end result more rewarding
If your relationship looks like a straight line, a guy won’t find it satisfying. He won’t see the challenge in it the same way he’ll see it when you throw some obstacles in front of him.
When you make things a little harder for him, he puts more energy into it, which makes the end result more rewarding.
Think about it this way.
When you go to a restaurant to have a meal, you feel happy after a delicious dinner. But when you made it yourself, from scratch, and you hear everyone complimenting you on it, you feel even better.
You know that you put a lot of effort into it and because of it, the results were all the more satisfying. That’s what makes it so special.
Same happens in a relationship.
If you keep going from date to date, moving smoothly, your guy will feel happy. No questions asked.
But if you make him put more effort into you, overcome some of the obstacles, he’ll feel proud of himself when he finally gets to hold you in his arms.
So, the fact that you’re ignoring him right now, only makes him chase you harder. It makes him put more effort into your relationship because he knows that he’ll appreciate the end result even more.
7. He loves competition and sees this as one
Have you ever thought that your guy might see this whole thing of you ignoring him as a competition? And he definitely wants to win it!
When you stop replying to his messages and keep avoiding his calls, he might think that you’re only upping the stakes and testing him. You’re playing a game with him – and he needs to show himself in the best light.
Maybe he doesn’t actually realize that you’re ignoring him. Maybe he thinks that you’re only playing hard to get.
Because of that, he thinks that he needs to step up his game.
If he gives up on you now, he’ll see himself as a loser. He’ll think that you’ve won the game and he can’t let that happen.
But if he comes back into your life and succeeds in winning you over, then he sees himself as a winner. After that, if he wants to end things with you, he’ll do it the way he wants it.
This often happens if you’re dealing with a narcissist and a manipulator – those who hate when things end before they say that it’s over. So, they do whatever it takes to win you back just so they can be the ones to break it off with you.
Maybe this whole time your guy was a narcissist in disguise and you couldn’t tell that. But, the moment you ignored him, you actually made him show his real face.
Just make sure that you don’t end up hurt. Guys like that will do whatever it takes only to call themselves winners.
8. He’s jealous
The green-eyed monster that knocks on the door of every relationship. We all try to convince others that we aren’t the jealous type, but at some point in your relationship, you’ll most likely feel jealous.
Even if it lasts for just a second, the point is that you’ll think of others as a threat and those who can snatch the person you love.
Of course, in the next moment, you’ll realize that your thoughts are completely unnecessary and you’ll go back to your old self and stop worrying about what could potentially happen.
But, your guy may be incapable of doing that. The moment you ignored him, jealousy took over him and he started thinking that you may have someone else in your life.
So, right now, he has to come back into your life to get some answers from you:
Why did you comment on that guy’s picture? Why do you keep liking other guys’ posts? Are you already going out with someone new?
He needs to know it all and he needs to know it now.
Of course, this behavior isn’t acceptable and you shouldn’t let him get away with it. But it’s one of the possible reasons why guys come back when you ignore them.
And from this point of view, it looks like men are prone to jealousy the same way women are. They can’t blame us for being possessive when they obviously tend to behave even worse.
9. The “too good to be true” story
Every time things are running smoothly and there’s nothing to complain about, you somehow start thinking that something must be wrong. There’s no way that things will end well when there are no obstacles on the horizon.
So, most of the time, you give up before even trying because you’re certain that there’s no chance that it will all work out the way you hoped it would.
The same applies to the way guys see relationships. If he doesn’t have to fight for it, then there must be something wrong. He thinks that he’ll receive a surprise at the end that he’s not going to like.
But when you ignore him, you show him that you’re not easy to get and that he’ll have to fight for you. And that’s exactly what he wants.
So, he comes back to you because he feels that you could be his dream-come-true woman. And he decides on that based on the fact that you ignored him.
Of course, this doesn’t apply to every guy, but some men still go through life with this state of mind.
Should you ignore a guy just to make him come back to you?
Sometimes, when you’ve tried everything and nothing seems to work, you think that you could perhaps make the guy come back to you by ignoring him. It seems like the best solution – one that can save you a lot of pain.
But is this a good idea? Should you actually start ignoring a guy only because you want him back?
While giving him space to live his life is something acceptable and healthy, ignoring a guy doesn’t really belong in the same category.
If you think that playing games will get you what you want, then you’re doing the whole relationship thing completely wrong.
If you want to build a healthy relationship, you should know better than to manipulate your way into it. Sooner or later, it will all backfire on you and you’ll realize that you’ve made a huge mistake.
Yes, you might actually get your guy back, but do you really want to do it by playing games with him? Do you really want the only reason he’s back in your life to be because he’s afraid of losing you?
When you want to show him that you’re mature and that you’re not here for the games, then you better show him that from the start.
If you like him, let him know that. And if he’s unsure about his feelings, let him take some time to think.
Even if he doesn’t come back, you’ll at least know you didn’t play dirty to get what you want. If he’s not meant to be yours then it’s pointless trying to force things.
By ignoring him, you’re building your relationship on childish games and immature behavior.
Plus, you’re also torturing yourself as we all know how hard you want to hear his voice. We know how hard you want to text him and let him know how your day went.
So, instead of regretting your decision in the near future, you better do something that won’t stain your conscience. Do something you won’t feel ashamed of in a year’s time.
Keep in mind that ignoring a guy only to make him come back to you isn’t the best thing you can do for both yourself and for him. His motives for winning you over will be wrong and you’ll feel sorry for playing games with him.
No matter the end result, none of you will be as happy as you could be if you were honest with him from the start.
