When your boyfriend stops making an effort, it’s totally understandable to feel neglected.
Not only do you feel like he doesn’t love you anymore, but you also consider it to be a red flag. Why would the man who made you so happy at the beginning of the relationship suddenly decide to step on the breaks?
He was so sweet and caring a while back. That’s why you fell in love with him in the first place. It finally seemed like you met someone who matches your own energy.
You’re not someone who just stands around and waits for the guy to do all the work. You put so much effort into every relationship in your life and this one isn’t any different.
If anything, your romantic partner gets the best treatment out of all the people who are part of your life right now.
But he stopped doing the little things for you. He doesn’t call you anymore just to tell you that he loves you, and he doesn’t take you out on date nights. You feel deprived of love and affection.
Especially, if he’s neglecting your love language. When you recognize love through quality time and you’re not getting that, of course, you’re going to start questioning everything.
Thankfully, there are a few rather easy explanations for his behavior.
This is what’s going on when your boyfriend stops making an effort
Before you start to panic, let’s just go over the possible explanations for his behavior. Sometimes, your mind won’t let you see things clearly because you’re overthinking it all.
That’s why it’s so scary to you right now. You feel like you’re seeing things for what they are, but it doesn’t really have to be that dark.
There could be a very simple reason behind everything, but your nightmares could also be true. So, to take that burden off of your shoulders, you need to get to the bottom of his lack of effort.
When your boyfriend stops making an effort, there could be more to it than you might initially think. So let’s dive into it, shall we?
1. He likes the chase more
You’ve probably heard that guys simply adore the chase. They love the challenge of getting the girl so that they can prove themselves and everyone around them wrong.
The chase gives a guy an adrenaline rush that he can’t get elsewhere. That’s when he’ll go above and beyond just to knock you off your feet.
He’ll do all the things he knows you love and remember every single word that comes out of your mouth. This is when he won’t even feel like he’s doing too much because he’s only wanting to make you his.
Then, when you get into a relationship, things don’t seem as pretty anymore. The chase is over, he won the game, and he doesn’t have to lift a finger from this moment onward.
Of course, when you’re used to a certain treatment from a guy and for some reason you don’t get it anymore, you’ll feel like he just wasted your time.
2. He’s just lazy
Is your boyfriend simply too lazy to actually put effort into the relationship? When your boyfriend stops making an effort and becomes a couch potato, you have to face facts: He’s simply lazy.
You can make sure that this is the case if you look at his usual behavior regarding other things.
Does the most basic task seem to exhaust him? Do you have to listen to him complain about any small inconvenience simply because he doesn’t want to deal with anything? Do you get the impression that everything’s too much work for him?
Well then, your boyfriend is plain lazy. In this case, there’s not much you can do, but we’ll talk more about that later on.
3. He’s met someone else
What are the chances that he’s met someone else? Is it possible that he has someone occupying his time and energy, so as a result, he doesn’t have anything left to give you?
If that’s what’s going on with your guy, you might want to look into signs he’s cheating on you.
He may seem indifferent to you because of it. He hides his phone from you, you never know where he’s at, and he doesn’t even bother to fill you in. You can even hear him mention one particular woman a little too often for it to be innocent.
No woman wants to hear that her boyfriend might be cheating on her, but the possibility is too real for it to be just a coincidence. The very moment he starts to act oddly is also the very moment he puts less and less effort into the relationship? Sounds like a huge red flag to me.
4. He takes you for granted
An issue that many women face is being taken for granted by their partners. In a healthy relationship, you feel loved and appreciated, not that you’re just a burden to your boyfriend all the time.
When your boyfriend stops making an effort, there’s a good chance that he’s taking you for granted. He thinks that he could never lose you because you simply love him too much.
The issue with this is that you’re probably more aware of his behavior than he is. He doesn’t even understand what your problem is. You’ve got him by your side, shouldn’t his mere presence be enough for you?
This is none other than a man who obviously believes you’ll never leave him simply because you should consider yourself happy for having him in your life.
5. He’s just really busy
Does your boyfriend work a lot? Is his schedule packed with meetings and appointments that you know are taking too much of his time and energy away?
Then you shouldn’t worry too much. Of course, that’s an issue in itself. You should be able to talk to your boyfriend about this, but his job and his career are probably too important to him to just dismiss them.
So at the end of the day, there’s not much you can do.
In a healthy relationship, people find a reasonable balance between work and their private lives. So, spending time together isn’t just something that’s completely out of the question, just because he has too much work to do.
It doesn’t matter how much work you have, you should still be able to meet your partner’s wants and needs. If you’re not able to do that, then do yourselves both a favor and break up with him.
When your boyfriend stops making an effort because of his work schedule, you can’t just demand his attention. You know that he’s been working hard to get to the position where he’s at right now.
He’s working so hard because he wants the best life for you both. But how are you supposed to live your life next to the ghost of a man and a promise that one day he could be next to you?
You’re having a hard time regardless of his income. So he might as well just put you into his schedule.
6. It got too real for him
When you’re with a man who has issues with commitment, then you can’t really expect him to put effort into your relationship and be consistent about it.
Especially when things get too real for him.
He probably thought that you were just going to date for a while, but now you guys are months or years down the road and he feels like he’s stuck. It’s not even about the commitment as much as it’s about the fact that he didn’t really think this through.
He wanted to see where things would go, sure, but he didn’t think he’d be having conversations about moving in together or marriage with you.
You can know that this is the issue with him if you’ve just started talking about your future together. When you make plans with someone who wasn’t sure about this in the first place, then he will emotionally retract in a matter of seconds.
7. He misses his single life
When someone has a lot of friends who are single or who are newly single, then they start to believe that they’re missing out on something.
They feel like their only way to enjoy life is by getting rid of every single obligation that they may have in their life. This also includes you.
To him, it feels like you’re hindering his full potential because he has to give you so much of his time and attention. He could be using that to live his own life to the fullest.
During the honeymoon phase, both parties are extremely happy to finally have found someone who understands them. However, after a while, some people realize that they were happier being single.
This doesn’t mean that you’re at fault here. You’ll think that you’re a bad girlfriend to have a boyfriend who thinks like this, but it doesn’t have to do anything with you. Most of the time it’s just the man trying to live out a life that he obviously can’t while he’s in a relationship.
You can know for certain that this is going through his head if he behaves as if he’s not in a relationship. He doesn’t reply to your texts, he tells you that he doesn’t have to let you know when and where he’s going. He even may go as far as to not post pictures of you anywhere on social media.
8. He got what he wanted
When a guy gets all the things he wants, then he simply stops trying. That’s why when your boyfriend stops making an effort, it could easily be because he doesn’t feel like he has to pursue you any further.
He could’ve wanted many different things. I guess those depend on one guy to the next.
One example could be that he simply wanted you two to move in together so that you can do all of the laundry and dishes for him. Another example is definitely if he wanted to get married to you or if he simply wanted to get engaged.
Many people fear being alone more than anything. He may think that by marrying you he put some sort of claim on you. That’s why he’s been so adamant in getting to this point of your relationship.
However, if he’s just a douchebag who has no regard for your feelings, this could also involve physical pleasure. If he got you to sleep with him then he’s done trying to win you over.
This is what you can do when your boyfriend stops making an effort
After we’ve talked about all the possible reasons why he’s acting the way he is, you could try to find a way to fix this. I know that you shouldn’t be the one to work on this, but you need to take the wheel for at least a while.
Especially if you want the relationship to work out.
I understand that your mental health is at risk now. The amount of time you’ve spent thinking about this has put you in a very bad mood. However, you feel like your relationship is worth fighting for.
Your whole life you’ve waited for someone like him. So let’s make this relationship work!
1. Define the problem
Before you make any step towards fixing things, start by defining the problem.
When your boyfriend stops making an effort it’s mostly because there’s an underlying issue that you should look into. Your past relationships all had issues that led to a breakup eventually. If you were able to fix those issues then you might have been able to save the relationship.
Your new partner and your new relationship have potential, so you can’t just give up on them because of a few bad things.
To define the problem. He doesn’t put effort into the relationship? All he does do is initiate physical touch but he doesn’t seem to care about your love language at all.
This is when you should think about all the things that you’re asking for in a relationship. Do you give them to your partner as well? Do you put effort into your relationship? What are you doing differently, if anything?
After you define the problem, you’ll be able to talk about these things much easier.
2. Accept that you can’t change him
If your boyfriend doesn’t put effort into your relationship, there’s a chance that you won’t be able to just change him. At the end of the day, it’s his choice to make. When you spend a lot of time trying to change your partner, you forget about the man you fell in love with in the first place.
The last time you tried to talk to him about his behavior, he probably told you that you don’t love him for who he is. He also might’ve said that you wouldn’t need all that extra stuff, that love would be enough for you.
However, you and I both know that love isn’t enough to keep a relationship going.
Do you like the person he is right now? You should really think about it. Without any guilt-tripping, just rationally speaking. Would you like to spend the rest of your life the way he is right now?
Of course, you can try to work things through and create new habits for you both, but if he doesn’t want to, then you shouldn’t even want to change him.
3. Change your own stance on things
Change the way you look at these things. You may think that it’s okay for now so you don’t bring things up, even when he forgets special occasions and doesn’t even try to make things special for you.
You just keep quiet because it’s easier than to talk about it. You’re probably a people pleaser, an empath, who understands everyone’s feelings and where they’re coming from. So you tend to believe that it’s all your fault and not his.
You need to change your stance on these things. You have to understand that you don’t have to explain his behavior instead of him. Stop pretending like it’s not a big deal.
You need someone to put effort into the relationship. Don’t just let him get away with it because you love him.
4. Make sure that you’re not settling for less
Are you sure that you’re not settling for less just because you’re scared of being alone? Good luck answering this question.
The first time he took you out on a date, you saw that you could the same amount of effort that you’re willing to give. However, that first date was definitely a one-time thing. You wanted someone to give you all of that and be consistent about it.
Not someone who’ll pretend to be someone they’re not just to impress you.
The very moment you feel like you’re settling for something that you didn’t sign up for, you have to make sure that you know where your priorities stand.
Would you rather stay with a man who obviously doesn’t give you what you need just because you don’t want to feel lonely, or be alone and wait for someone to treat you the way you deserve?
5. Look at things from his perspective
If he’s someone who genuinely does have a lot of work and still tries to maintain your relationship, then you should really cut him some slack. He’s doing things for you both by earning so much money.
You don’t have to settle for this, but you should definitely try to understand his standpoint. Especially if you’re in a long-distance relationship and you don’t really have enough time to see each other because of his job.
He’s probably trying his best. When your boyfriend stops making an effort, you should take a few steps back and look at things from his perspective.
When you’re too focused on yourself and your own needs, you forget to take care of the man who probably needs you just as much as you need him.
6. Talk to him about it (calmly)
This may sound a little bit weird, but don’t yell at him or get angry at him because of his behavior. You have the full right to feel all of those emotions, but when you’re talking to him, do it calmly.
If you decide to yell, he’ll just become defensive and you won’t get the result that you’re hoping for.
Instead, sit down with him and calmly explain what’s going on. Tell him how his behavior makes you feel and that you need to see some changes in the relationship.
If he’s truly one of the good men out there, then he’ll work with you on this. He won’t just throw away all the great things you’ve gone through together, just because of this.
If anything, he’ll try to work on it with you.
7. Introduce new and interesting things into your relationship
Is there something you’ve always wanted to try together? Do you have a certain place you always wanted to eat at yet never got around to it?
From now on, you have to be the one to take control of the situation.
Try to create activities around his schedule that will help your relationship. Let him know in advance that you planned something and tell him the time and date.
Don’t just act like you’re entitled to his time. Make sure he knows when you want to do something together. You can surprise him with the activities, of course.
You can even do this for all of your loved ones, even your best friend if you think that the relationship needs something new.
8. Stop texting him
This one probably goes against all of your instincts at the moment. You feel like you should text him all the time and even give him a few phone calls during the day.
But this way you won’t seem too clingy and he may even get a little panicky because of your lack of interest. That’s when he’ll start to question you and want to make sure that everything between you two is okay.
If he doesn’t do that and rather just ignores the fact that you’re not texting him, then he’s probably texting someone else and he doesn’t even need you at all.
If you don’t see any change in his behavior, then you should definitely see that as a red flag. You’re not obligated to stand around and wait for him to remember that he needs to text you first from time to time.
9. If the lack of effort continues, then it’s over
When your boyfriend stops making an effort, he gives you space to bottle up a huge amount of resentment.
Especially if he doesn’t even try to listen to your needs. That’s when you know that everything’s going down the drain and there’s no coming back from that.
You’ll start to hold on to those bad emotions and there’s no way you’ll be able to shake it off. Even if he does change over time, those emotions will fall around you like fog. It won’t let you see clearly.
It’s said that women get over a relationship before they even consider breaking up. When you get to that point, there’s no way you can heal your relationship. So let’s hope that it doesn’t come to that point.
And if he does, then you know that it simply wasn’t meant to be. You can’t be the only one to hold on to this relationship when he’s given up on it a long time ago.