Think aloud
“When he pulls away, do nothing about it. Let him come back to you.” You’re probably no stranger to these words. By now, you’re even sick to death of hearing them.
I also know that it seems unbelievable that the right step to take when he pulls away is to pretend that you don’t care. It simply seems impossible.
When you meet the one who feels like a perfect match for you, your final piece of the puzzle, the last thing you want is to lose him. You give him everything, you set him as priority number one, and in return, he does nothing for you and pulls away as if you’re his sworn enemy.
I know that you think that it’s all your fault. You shouldn’t fight so hard for him. Your self-esteem is suffering, and this whole thing hurts more than any of the heartbreaks you’ve been through.
But, there’s one thing you need to understand. Every relationship goes through stages.
In those early ones, everything feels perfect. That’s why it’s called the honeymoon stage.
But at one point, you’ll sail into the crisis stage. That’s when things start to get tough.
It’s like you’re flying and the airplane hits turbulence. All passengers buckle up because things are about to get rough.
To achieve a healthy, long-lasting relationship and to get successfully through the crisis stage, both partners need to be on the same page.
They have to be ready to work on their issues.
But this is where your high-quality man may fall into the trap. Maybe he gets scared of committing and for some reason pulls away from you.
You ask yourself what’s going on.
He starts ghosting you, avoiding going out with you, and all of a sudden, he takes a step back.
This feels extremely hard to deal with, especially if your way of loving is an anxious attachment style. You feel like you’re losing your best friend.
Your self-worth plummets because you blame yourself for his behavior and your gut feeling keeps on repeating that something isn’t right.
If you’re currently scrolling online, looking for reasons why your man has pulled away from you and what should you do about it, I’ve got you covered.
I’ll try to make it easier for you and help you go through this experience with your head held high.
You’re a high-value woman and you should never treat yourself differently. Not even when a guy you want so badly doesn’t see that in you.
Why do men pull away in the first place?
If you’re going through a stage where your man has pulled away from you and you feel like there’s nothing you can do about it, I want you to know that you aren’t alone.
Your guy isn’t an exception. Most men come to the point where they simply retreat back into their shells.
Even though he used to tell you that you’re the one for him, it feels as though his feelings have changed.
You keep asking yourself if he’s seeing someone else, if you hurt him, or if he’s doing it because of his own interests that you’re not familiar with.
So, let’s see why men pull away in the first place. Is it rooted deep under the skin? How long does it last and will he come back to you ever again?
1. He’s not interested in you
If he pulls away because he’s not interested in you, then usually there’s nothing you can do about it.
He gave you a chance but now sees that you’re not what he’s looking for. And that’s okay.
Because he realized that you’re not his cup of tea, he’ll start giving you the cold shoulder.
He’ll reduce contact with you and you’ll feel the space between the two of you growing.
But don’t be mad at yourself if you feel that he doesn’t like you anymore. In this case, it’s a good thing that he pulled away from you.
At least you know where you stand. You won’t waste time on a guy who has no intention of creating a long-term relationship with you.
2. He’s playing with your feelings
If you notice that your man keeps pulling away and coming back into your life, then it’s clear that he’s playing with your feelings.
Maybe he likes to be around you yet at the same time doesn’t want anything serious. So, whenever it’s convenient for him, he runs into your arms.
On the flip side, when a new girl appears in his life, he disappears completely.
With a guy like this, you’ll never be able to achieve a healthy relationship. He’ll keep coming and going, and no matter how hard you love him, he won’t change.
So, if you get a hunch that your man pulls away from time to time because he’s a player, there’s nothing you should do.
He won’t change no matter what. Once a player, always a player!
3. He thinks that you’re moving too fast
When you develop strong feelings for a guy, your neediness comes to the surface.
You want to be around him all the time; you constantly call him to see what he’s doing, and you plan your future around him.
To you, it seems like the right thing to do. You more than just like him and you want him to feel that.
To him, it might get scary so he pulls away from you, hoping you figure out you’re pushing things too hard and too fast.
It doesn’t feel right to him when he sees that you’re seriously invested in the relationship while he’s still trying to figure out the pace.
He might see that you’re a genuine and kind person who only wants to be loved.
But at the same time, you’re running far in front of him while he’s slowly walking behind you, afraid of where your relationship is going.
When a man finds himself in a situation like this, he hits the brake.
He hopes that you’ll realize that there’s no point if your and his relationship views don’t match.
If both of you keep doing your own thing, you won’t end up at the same destination.
4. He’s afraid of commitment
A lot of the time, men pull away because they’re afraid of commitment.
Thinking about that word feels like a nightmare, so he takes a step back and tries to clear his mind.
He can’t feel good if “commitment” keeps hanging in the air every time you two are together.
It makes him seriously doubt whether he’s ready for a serious relationship.
Maybe he feels that he’s too young for it, doesn’t feel that the timing is right, or simply doesn’t want to settle for one woman when there are so many options out there.
If he’s the right man for you, he won’t be second-guessing that you’re the right one for him because he’ll feel it in his bones and every atom in his body.
His heart won’t let him move away from you.
So, if you notice this guy’s scared of commitment, it’s better for you to do nothing when he pulls away.
You can use tactics to make him come back to you, but sooner or later he’ll be gone. Once again you risk ending up heartbroken.
5. You did something wrong
No matter how hard it is to admit that you made a mistake, sometimes a man pulls away as a result of something a woman did.
One wrong word, one wrong action, and he feels like he’s not respected enough in his own relationship.
Sometimes, it’s not even about the fact that you wanted to hurt him. Your intention might’ve been far different from what it turned out in the end.
You misunderstood each other and things went too far. Because of that, your man pulled away and you feel like you can’t do anything about it.
So, if you’re thinking about the reason your relationship ended in a dead-end, be honest with yourself and question your actions.
Did you do something that possibly hurt his feelings? Did you say something that sounded wrong the moment the words left your mouth?
It’ll be better for you to admit your mistakes because it’ll stop you from making the same ones in future.
What to do when he pulls away?
All of us would love to press that one button and erase all of the wrong actions, misunderstood words, and scary feelings that stop us from moving forward.
But sometimes, life gets harder than we want and we have to go through different obstacles to arrive at our final destination.
And in this case, your final destination is probably winning your man’s heart and showing him that you’re the one for him.
But what can you do when a man pulls away from you? Is there a way to get him back and find a way to his heart?
If you want to make all of the right moves when a man retreats, there are a few steps you should follow.
Don’t judge them before I explain to you why these moves are right for you.
1. Do nothing about it
You’re probably thinking I’m deranged. That there’s no way you should do nothing when you want to get your man to come back to you.
But give me a second of your time and let me explain.
When a man pulls away from you, he wants to have time and space for himself.
He wants to think things through, and he can’t do that if you keep calling him 24/7, asking him what’s wrong and if you did something wrong.
So, before having a conversation about what actually happened between the two of you, first, let time do its thing.
Let him clear his mind and get a better idea of what he wants. Let him realize if he truly wants you back or if your time together is over.
Every relationship expert will tell you that you shouldn’t pressure a man to make a decision.
If you do, chances are he’ll always feel like he’s being controlled.
Plus, sooner or later, he’ll have had enough and his cup will overfill. That’s when he’ll be gone forever.
So, if he pulls away from you, do nothing about it and give him enough space and time.
It will only help you because absence makes the heart grow fonder.
While you’re not next to him, you should show him that you’re able to live your own life, doing your own thing.
This will make you more irresistible, and he’ll want to get you back in his life.
If he can have his space, then you should have it too. And you should shine in it, like the brightest gem there is.
2. Stop taking things personally
I know that it’s hard to turn off your emotions when a man you had (or still have) feelings for decides to pull away from you. I don’t blame you.
Still, you need to realize that it doesn’t mean it’s your fault that he took a step back.
When it comes to a relationship, both of you bring things to the table.
It means that both of you will make mistakes, say wrong words, and from time to time, hurt each other.
But as long as you’re willing to fix it all, things will be fine.
So, just because he pulled away from you, it doesn’t mean that it’s your responsibility.
Go through the reasons I listed above why men pull away. Read them once again and try to figure out the root of the problem.
Don’t try to blame it all on yourself when you still have no idea what happened.
To know that, you need him to openly tell you the reason he’s pulled away in the first place.
Only then will you be sure that you aren’t jumping to conclusions without any reasonable explanation. This brings me to my next point:
3. Talk to him and look for the explanation
Once you feel that enough time has passed and that the two of you can calmly sit down and have an honest conversation about what happened, that’s when you need to call him.
Trust me, you won’t get a decent explanation if you make conclusions based on the things he posts on social media. That’s a story for the audience.
Instead, you need him to sit in front of you and openly tell you what went wrong. Let him share with you his side of the story.
Let him explain what made him take a step back in the first place.
When he pulls away from you, there’s nothing you can do about that. But you can always listen to him explain to you what made him hit the brake.
Still, remember to follow a few rules if you want to have a meaningful conversation.
Don’t call him with the intention to throw words in his face and tell him how he hurt you.
Don’t put your ego first and ignore the words that come out of his mouth.
If you do that, instead of a conversation, you’ll find yourself in a fight and you won’t get what you came for – an explanation for what happened.
Another important thing. Don’t push him straight away and tell him that you want to have a serious talk.
If you do that, he’ll feel too tense to even start up a conversation with you.
Instead, hit him with a simple “Hi” and ask him how he’s doing. See if he needs help with anything and tell him that you’re there for him.
If he bothers to keep the conversation going, then it’s a sign that he’s open to chat with you.
But if he gives you short replies that make you feel that you’re bugging him, stop bothering.
If you see that he’s pulled away and has no intention of coming back, then why should you bother proving things to him?
If he does nothing for you, mirror his actions, and do the same for him.
4. Focus on yourself
It may be a cliche, but if a man retreats and does nothing to show you that he wants you, you should do the same.
That means when he pulls away, do nothing too.
Instead of fighting for him, rather start focusing on yourself.
Do you want to spend days thinking about him when he’s out in the world having fun, not even bothering to think of your name?
Do you want to let life pass you by while you’re stuck in time, waiting for him to come back?
No one deserves to be stuck in one place while the other person makes no effort for them.
So, instead of wasting your time waiting for him, get out of your four walls and do something for yourself.
Explore the world, climb outside your comfort zone, and learn to love yourself.
When he pulls away, there’s nothing you can do to get him back.
But there certainly are some things you can do for yourself that’ll help you realize your worth.
Give your friends a call and have a blast with them.
Sign up for that course you’ve always wanted to take. Focus on the hobby that you used to love before you met him.
It’s better to spend your time happy with who you are than to waste it on a man who doesn’t see your worth.
If you keep doing that, chances are you’ll end up stuck in a toxic relationship with a guy who’ll never appreciate you.
He’ll keep walking in and out of your life and you’ll be a bystander who has no idea what to do next.
Everywhere you go, you’ll look for the red flags and you’ll become too scared to live your life.
Anxiety will overtake your body and all because you’ve given generous chances to a man who showed you his real intentions the moment he pulled away from you.
To save yourself from all of that, be real and admit to yourself if you see that he doesn’t want you in his life.
If he pulls away not because of the stress at work but because he has no serious intentions with you, don’t bother with him.
Focus on yourself, because life is so much more than chasing after a guy whose feelings for you aren’t real!
5. Move on with your life
When he pulls away and you hear nothing from him for a long time, there’s only one thing that you can do: Move on with your life.
You can’t spend your whole life waiting for him to show you mercy and give you a few of his precious words. If he wanted to talk to you, he would.
End of discussion.
Don’t keep other guys on hold just because you’re waiting for the one who doesn’t seem to care about you.
If you keep doing that, you will never attain personal happiness.
You never know what’s hiding behind the corner.
Maybe there’s a guy waiting for you, but you’ll never meet him if you keep waiting for the one who’s not worth your time.
So, move on with your life and stop chasing after one who pulled away from you without even offering an explanation.
6. Take your time to get over him
It’s never easy when you invest your time, energy, and feelings into someone who decides that nothing you give him is enough. It hurts more than we’d like it to.
That’s why I understand that you’ll need some time to get over the one who pulled away and gave you nothing but a false promise.
But the best thing is to take your time and do whatever needs doing in order to get him out of your system.
When he pulled away from you, you gave him space and time.
You showed him that you won’t chase after him, but also that you’ll be there if he wants to talk about anything.
If that didn’t work out, you showed him that you can live your life without him and that you’re not afraid of moving on.
Now, give yourself enough time to process all those emotions and look at this experience as a lesson.
But never give it power and never let it take control over your life, thoughts, and decisions for the future.
We learn from these life lessons and then we move on after them.
