When a guy says he needs time to think, those words instantly stab you in the heart. Is it over between the two of you?
You are confused and in a panic, just like most women would be in that situation. Trust me, many of us have been.
When a guy says he needs time to think, he’s basically asking for time away from you.
This hurts because when people love each other, they often want to spend every minute together.
Does needing some time to think mean he doesn’t love you anymore? If he loves you, what does he have to think about?
How long is he going to think and what will happen when he’s done thinking?
Is he going to decide to break up with you and just doing this to prolong the torture of not knowing for sure?
Has he already decided and is just trying to avoid saying that it’s already over? What does it mean when a guy says he needs time to think?
All these questions are torturing you, and not knowing the answers is killing you.
I understand how you feel, but you need to take a deep breath and try to calm down.
The first and most important thing you should know is that you shouldn’t panic. If you do, you won’t give him the time that he needs.
You might even think about begging for his time, and you definitely shouldn’t do that.
When a guy says to the woman who loves him that he needs time to think, she’ll freak out, but this is a big mistake all of us tend to make.
I’m here to help you realize what it means when a guy says he needs time to think and what you should do.
I know that you can’t wait any longer, so let me tell you the thing you really want to know right away.
Is it over between the two of you? Maybe, but not necessarily.
Yes, often, when a man says the dreadful, “I need time to think,” sentence, he’s thinking about breaking up with you. He isn’t sure though and wants to think about it.
Maybe you’ve been pushing him to move things forward in the relationship. He might have gotten scared and needs to think about what he really wants.
This hurts too because he should always be sure about wanting to be with you.
“I need time to think,” somehow seems to have the word ‘breakup’ in it. We all hear it loud and clear, even when it isn’t actually said.
Sometimes, he actually is breaking up with you by saying that, because he doesn’t want to hurt you.
He thinks that it’s a compassionate and kind way to let you know that it’s over and that you’d take it better that way.
Doesn’t he understand that it hurts even more this way? Perhaps not.
Maybe he’s just a coward who doesn’t want to face your reaction and plans on ghosting you.
I know that you think that I’ve just confirmed your biggest fear, but remember the ‘not necessarily’ part?
A lot of times, when a guy says he needs time to think, the word ‘breakup’ is hidden there, but it’s not a rule.
It could actually mean that he just needs time to think. Maybe he just needs space to decide on his own what he wants out of his life.
The point is, whatever the true meaning of his words, he does, in a way, need time… and you need to give him what he needs.
When a guy says he needs time to think, he’s probably pulling away. Don’t push him even further by trying to force him not to pull away.
Maybe your relationship isn’t so serious or committed but you expressed that you want it to be and he reacted by telling you that he needs time to think.
Often, needing time to think means considering all options. Should he commit to you or break up with you?
If you clearly showed that you want a committed relationship, those are his only options. He probably doesn’t want to waste your time but isn’t sure whether he’s ready to commit.
Important decisions shouldn’t be made in haste, though, but when you truly love someone, there shouldn’t be much to think about.
You want to be with them forever, plan to and that’s just it. It should be that way, but, unfortunately, love isn’t always so simple.
Actually, maybe love is simple but people aren’t. Either way, let me explain everything about the painful, “I need time to think,” words.
I’ll give you all the possible explanations, and tell you exactly what you need to do, regardless of the reason why he needs time.
What it means and what you can do when a guy says he needs time to think
It happens all the time and it hurts like hell. You think that you’re in a great relationship with an amazing guy and you simply can’t get enough of him.
Yesterday, everything seemed fine. You went on a date and shared precious time together.
Yesterday, you thought that your love would last forever. Today, you woke up to hear him say, “I need some time to think.”
Is he joking? What’s going on and how did this happen?
Is there something wrong with you or have you done something wrong?
There’s nothing wrong with you and you probably didn’t do anything wrong.
“I need some time to think,” can happen out of the blue, as I described.
Sometimes, on the other hand, there are clear red flags, which a woman in love will most often ignore.
When you’re crazy about a guy, you want to believe that he feels the same way about you, so you do.
Sometimes, “I need some time to think,” happens as a reaction to something you did but it still doesn’t mean that you did anything wrong.
Maybe you just talked to him about getting married. Unfortunately, a lot of men find ‘marriage’ to be the scariest word.
Even if you haven’t said that exact word, you might have mentioned ‘commitment’, which is less scary, but some guys still have the need to run away when they hear it.
Maybe there’s something else that’s going on. I wasn’t there so I can’t tell you for sure, but you can find out by reading the possible reasons.
Just make sure to try your best to look at your relationship and your boyfriend objectively.
It’s borderline impossible since you love him, but you can try and you may see things more clearly.
I will also tell you what you can do, and I highly recommend that you take my advice.
The perfect response to, “I need time to think,” is, “Okay, I understand.” Anything other than that could make things worse.
You have to give him the time that he needs, but let’s first see why he needs it in the first place.
When a guy says he needs time to think, it could be for one of these reasons:
1. He isn’t sure what he wants
This doesn’t have to be a bad reason. We always need to make choices in life.
He may have a stressful major decision that he has to make, like deciding the next step regarding his career or attending college.
Maybe he just needs some time to be able to make such a decision on his own, in peace.
Of course, he could be unsure about the relationship and need to think about that.
If there have been problems in your relationship lately, maybe he needs to think about whether he wants to stay in it.
When he is always around you, his judgment can easily become clouded.
He needs to distance himself a little bit to think clearly about what he wants without you affecting his decision.
This sounds selfish, but it’s actually okay. You don’t want him to stay with you just because you’re somehow forcing him to.
He needs to stay because he wants to, and he wants to be sure that he does. This is a big decision and he’s taking it seriously so he needs time to think.
2. He needs to ‘feel like a man’ again
Now, this may seem a little silly, but it actually could be very important to him.
A man who falls in love lets his guard down.
All the lovey-dovey romantic things he does turns him into a different person… a person who freely expresses his feelings.
Some men will be bothered by this once they realize it, because it makes them feel like they’ve lost their masculinity.
Most men care a lot about being strong, macho, and impressing women. Suddenly, he feels like he can’t be like that because of your relationship.
His feelings are stronger than him and he feels weak because he gave in to them, so he starts feeling the need to take a step back and ‘feel like a man’ again.
Regaining his testosterone levels is very important to him, and it could be what him needing time is all about.
3. He’s under a lot of stress
Being under constant stress makes it hard to balance a relationship with work, family, and friends.
It can be overwhelming, so when a guy says he needs time to think, it could be because of this.
If your boyfriend has been under a lot of stress lately, he needs time to himself to sort things out.
It’s impossible to do everything all at once. He just needs a few days to himself and he’ll come back.
Even if this isn’t the reason, it’s important to pay attention to how much time he needs.
Don’t freak out if it’s just a couple of days because there might be nothing to worry about, but if you’ve been waiting for a week and haven’t heard from him, he probably doesn’t want to be with you.
4. He isn’t interested
This is the worst-case scenario.
Sometimes, saying, “I need time to think,” is code for, “I’m not interested in you and I might even already be interested in someone else.”
Unfortunately, this often happens and it hurts like hell.
As I said before, your man could want to let you down gently or be avoiding facing your reaction.
In my opinion, it’s much better when a person just comes out and says it.
“I’m not interested in you,” would hurt, but at least you wouldn’t have to go through the torture of wondering and hoping.
If this is the reason your boyfriend says he needs time, you have to move on.
Don’t ever think that there’s something wrong with you or that you caused this to happen.
Sometimes relationships just don’t work out. The spark sometimes dies out, and sometimes it wasn’t even there to begin with.
That’s just life and no matter how much it feels like the end of the world now, it’s not.
If this is his reason, he clearly wasn’t the right man for you and he gave you an opportunity to find the right one.
The pain you feel now will pass, and you’ll be happy again with someone else.
5. He’s scared of his feelings for you
Maybe your man feels like he’s falling in love with you and you’re constantly taking up his thoughts and time, which can make him feel overwhelmed.
Not all men actually search for love or even want it when it happens. Who knows, maybe he hasn’t ever been in love before, or at least not this much.
Sometimes when a guy says he needs time to think, it’s because he’s falling for you hard. It sounds crazy but it’s true.
He needs to think about love, what it is, what it means, what it requires him to do, how it will change him… Is he ready for all that?
Should he let his feelings overtake him and give up his single lifestyle to dedicate almost all of his time to one woman?
He could be thinking something like this.
Most men aren’t as great with emotions as women are. They sometimes don’t know how to understand them or deal with them.
Falling in love often makes them confused.
Maybe he’s even been hurt in the past and doesn’t want to let himself care about someone in order to protect his heart.
You know him best, so I’ll let you be the judge of that.
Still, make sure not to fool yourself into thinking that it’s something like this if he clearly wants to break up.
6. He’s scared of commitment
As I already said, maybe you wanted him to commit or talked about marriage.
This is perfectly normal in a relationship, and you have done nothing wrong.
You might have gone too far if you tried to pressure him to commit, though, but that’s understandable too.
After all, you love the guy, so why wouldn’t you want to have something serious and meaningful?
Maybe he loves you too, but men can be terrified of commitment.
He needs to decide whether he’s ready for that or if he should walk away and let you find someone who is.
If this is the issue in your relationship and he’s not ready, don’t wait for him to be.
Maybe he’ll never be ready and you’ll just waste a lot of your time only to get hurt in the end.
He could actually be aware of that and that’s why he needs time to think about it. Give him some time, but don’t wait for him forever.
You need to be brave enough to leave a guy who won’t commit to you.
7. He feels caged
Maybe when you fell in love, you wanted to spend every second together.
You were infatuated and it made you want to be with your partner all the time.
This can be fine in the beginning but it’s not really sustainable. At some point, he may have started to feel caged.
He missed hanging out with his friends and having time for his hobbies.
When you’re in a couple, it’s healthy for you both to have a life outside of the relationship.
If he feels like he doesn’t, it could be why he said that he needs time to think. Let him have some time to be himself again and relax.
If he loves you, he’ll understand that you only left him no room to breathe because you’re crazy about him.
So, he won’t leave you because of it but you need to make sure to let him have a life outside of the relationship from now on.
Encourage him to spend time with his friends and be understanding when he needs some alone time. It’ll be good for your relationship.
8. He’s into someone else
Naturally, it’s a nasty situation when you’re with someone and you start having feelings for someone else.
When a guy says he needs time to think, it may be because of this, though sometimes he’ll say this because he has cheated on you.
Still, being into someone else doesn’t have to mean that he has done something about it.
Maybe he’s just confused because he caught himself wanting to.
He needs time to think about who he really wants to be with or how to tell you about it.
It’s bad, but it happens. Maybe he feels like he already cheated on you simply by being interested in someone else.
He could need time to think about whether he really loves you if he can have feelings for someone else.
If he hasn’t cheated on you yet, there’s still hope.
He’s only human and the fact that he started liking someone else is bad but normal, and it doesn’t have to mean that he doesn’t love you.
He could be having an emotional affair, which is still cheating in a way, but not as bad.
If he hasn’t done anything about it, the feelings somehow appeared which made him question everything.
9. He doesn’t think that he can have a future with you
We talked about when you’re the one who wants to get married, but what if he is?
Maybe he’s really looking for someone he can spend the rest of his life with.
He could care about you but still think that he can’t have a future with you.
This doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with you, you’re just not the one for him.
Just like a woman looks for the right man, a man can look for the right woman too. Sometimes two people can be great but not right for each other.
Maybe he likes being in a relationship with you but doesn’t think that you’re the girl he’ll marry, which could be the reason why he needs to think.
However, perhaps his family doesn’t approve of you or yours doesn’t approve of him, which can be a very big problem for the future of the relationship.
10. He simply needs some alone time
Maybe he just wants to be alone and likes solitude. He could say that he needs space but still text you.
Give him some time, and after a few days, it could all be great again. Whatever his reason is, here’s what you need to do:
1. Stay calm
The way you react is crucial. Don’t let him see that you’re like all the other women who would panic.
Show that you’re strong and independent. It’s a lot more attractive when you stay cool than when you freak out or even beg him to stay.
Don’t text him a lot and don’t call him. He needs to reach out to you first.
2. Let him be
Don’t make him think that you’re desperate. Let him see that you can be fine without him, and he’ll want you more.
Leave him alone and try to get over him. Take care of yourself and do the things you love.
Hang out with friends, pick up a hobby, go out, or pamper yourself in any way.
If he isn’t sure about you, there’s someone else out there who wouldn’t ever be unsure of his love for you.
3. Don’t chase him and let him chase you
Maybe he’ll want everything to be the way it was. He’ll need to work for it, though, because you won’t be sat around waiting for his call.
It’ll only make him want you more because men love the chase.