Think aloud
When a friend ghosts you and comes back, what are you even expected to do? Do you let them walk back into your life like nothing ever happened or do you have the right to end the relationship completely?
Ghosting has become the new reality. From a friendship to a romantic relationship, we’ve got to the point where we can’t ever be sure that some of our closest people won’t ghost us.
When you get ghosted by a friend, the whole experience can feel a bit more traumatic. Someone you trusted the most ends up playing with your emotions and it can never be easy to go through that without feeling the pain of betrayal.
You’re aware that people ghost others on a daily basis. Maybe you’ve done it as well, subconsciously, as you were trying to get rid of a guy who was calling you every day.
Still, it’s never an easy thing once you realize that your best friend had the audacity to ghost you and treat you that badly.
The pain aims straight at your heart and you’re not really sure how to deal with it. You struggle to pick yourself up and work on your mental health as you have the idea that nothing will ever be the same.
And as if they had a radar that warned them that you were feeling better, the moment you moved on, the ghoster decided to come back into your life as if nothing ever happened.
What do you do when a friend ghosts you and then comes back like it was no big deal? And why do they even think that coming back is okay?
When a friend ghosts you, why do they come back? 9 possible reasons
It doesn’t feel good when a close friend decides to end things between you by simply disappearing from your life. At first, you have no idea what’s going on.
You keep sending them messages but all you get in return is radio silence. At one point, you simply give up because you don’t have the energy to fight useless battles.
The moment you decide to move on with your life, you receive a phone call or a text message. “Hey! Are you free to meet up with me tonight?”
All of a sudden, like nothing ever happened, they decide to walk back into your life. I know that you’re trying to figure out the actual reason for that and I’ll make sure to help you get an answer.
Here are some of the possible explanations for their sudden comeback.
1. They feel guilty
When a friend ghosts you and comes back looking for a second chance, the reason could be because they feel guilty. They know what they did was wrong and they’re trying to make things easier for themselves.
Still, they don’t want to admit to their mistakes and apologize for their actions. Instead, they simply sweep everything under the rug and pretend like nothing ever happened.
To be honest, they probably don’t feel a strong need to get back in touch with you. They don’t feel the urge to rekindle the old friendship.
They’re actually only looking for something to ease their guilt. They probably know what they did was wrong but they still don’t feel the need to tell their old friend they’re sorry for hurting their feelings.
So, getting back into your life out of the blue feels like a great way to fix the damage they’ve already caused. At least in their eyes.
2. They’re bored
Honestly, this is one of the most likely reasons why a friend who ghosted you can decide to come back into your life. They played with your feelings once and since they have nothing better to do, they think it’s a good idea to bring some drama into their life.
And knocking on the door of a friend who they abandoned without saying a word seems like the right thing to do again. It must be a lot of fun, right?
If you think the only reason why your ghoster-friend came back into your life is due to having this mindset, then it’ll be best for you not to even open their message. It’s obvious that they don’t care about your feelings as this is just a game to them.
They’ll just break your heart once again and they’ll be laughing in the end. It’s sick and twisted and you don’t need people like this in your life.
3. They don’t think they did anything wrong
When a friend ghosts you and comes back into your life, it could be that they don’t believe they did anything wrong. They’re OK with ignoring your calls and messages and completely disappearing from your life.
To them, it doesn’t seem like a big deal, so they casually want to move back into your life. Even if you let them know how they made you feel, they’d probably tell you to, “Let it go,” and, “Just forget about it.”
When someone ghosts you, you feel like your trust was betrayed. But it all gets even worse when that person thinks that they have every right to walk back into your life like nothing ever happened.
This only shows how ignorant they are and how little they care about other people. The only thing that matters to them is their own happiness, even if it means that their best friend will suffer.
They won’t bother giving you explanations as to why they ghosted you in the first place. But they will expect you to accept them back, without asking questions.
If you realize that your old friend doesn’t think their actions hurt you in any sort of way, then you should reconsider welcoming them back into your life.
4. Their heart got broken
Through some mutual friends, you probably found out that the friend who ghosted you got dumped. Their partner left them and even though you felt sorry for them, you didn’t want to text them after everything they did to you.
But days later, you receive a message from them and it’s the first time they’ve contacted you after completely disappearing from your life. You’re shocked so you have no idea what to reply with as you still can’t figure out what made them come back into your life.
Then it hits you! When a friend ghosts you and comes back right after a break-up, it’s usually because they need someone to talk to.
They just went through a heartbreak and if you used to be their shoulder to cry on, they will want to have you around again.
They don’t really care that they treated you poorly and disappeared from your life so suddenly. Since they now need someone to listen to them, they don’t mind knocking on your door.
5. They think you’ll appreciate them coming back
Ghosters are usually narcissists. So, it won’t surprise you to hear that when a friend ghosts you and comes back, it could be because they assume you’ll love to see them back in your life.
They’re highly ignorant so they truly believe that you’ll be thrilled to see them, even after everything they put you through. In their head, their presence in your life is one of the best things that can happen to you.
They’re not bothered about whether they will upset you, since they don’t think that your feelings matter. They expect you to welcome them back with a smile on your face, as they don’t think that you could ignore them.
When you’re dealing with an egocentric person, this is the kind of behavior you can expect from them. Their well-being is all that matters and they don’t even consider whether their behavior will negatively impact you.
When they want something, they think that they must get it, no matter what.
Be careful when this happens, as it’s obvious that they don’t care whether they hurt you. If they could do it so easily last time, the chances are they will repeat their actions once again.
6. They’re too lazy to meet someone new
When a friend ghosts you and comes back, it could be because they’re feeling lonely. But instead of meeting some new friends, they would rather crawl back into the lives of their old ones.
If you were close friends before they ghosted you, then it’s no surprise that they chose to walk back into your life. A simple message through WhatsApp and they feel like everything will be like in the good old days.
The moment you see their name on the screen after not being present in your life for a while, don’t expect that you’ll be able to create a healthy relationship with them. Once your friend decided to ghost you, the whole dynamic of your friendship changed.
They decided to be in control, which now makes them feel like they can still predict your moves and why they expect you to accept them back. They need a friend and you used to be best pals so why would you then decide to not open the door to them?
This is controlling behavior and your old friend is applying it to you because it could never work on a person they just met. They still feel like they can manipulate you into doing whatever they want but you must prove to them how wrong they are.
If you don’t do that, you may witness a repeat of the story that already happened in front of your eyes.
7. They need you to boost their ego
Ghosters are immature and they think that they’re the center of the world. The fact that they played with your feelings made them feel like they’re more powerful than you, which is why you seem like a perfect boost for their ego.
Now, they need to remind themselves of their worth. They need to prove to themselves that they still have control over you and that they can get whatever they want.
In this case, coming back into your life is their way of saying that they’ll always be able to have things their way. Once you let them back in, they’ll feel like they’re on top of the world.
Their self-esteem will skyrocket as they’re showing themselves they’re still pulling all of the strings. But if you decide to crush their dreams by completely ignoring them, you’ll give them a reality slap they didn’t expect to get.
And that’s when they will lose all of their power.
8. They don’t want you to move on
When a friend ghosts you and comes back, they’re trying to tell you that they don’t want you to move on. This is a common tactic all ghosters use because they need to feel like they’re the one in control.
The moment they see you feeling better and preparing to let go of past traumas, they instantly decide to prevent you from living a happy life. They can now opt for breadcrumbing and feeding you with pieces of love.
They may try to remind you of everything you’ve been through just so they have you on a leash. It’s twisted but their goal is to be in control of your happiness and they can’t allow you to move on if they still haven’t found their next victim.
Be careful, as they’re playing a sick game with you. Know what’s best for you and don’t let them convince you otherwise or you may end up suffering once again.
9. They miss you and want to apologize
Honestly, this is the least likely reason but when a friend ghosts you and comes back into your life, it could be that they miss you. Maybe they feel bad for treating you the way they did and they feel the need to sincerely apologize.
At this point, it’ll be hard to figure out whether what they’re telling you is true. You’ll need to pay close attention to see whether there are any red flags that show through their actions.
If you don’t notice any and realize that they’re truly sorry for what they did to you, then you should accept their apology. Forgive them for what they did and make a careful decision about whether you’ll let them come back into your life.
Even if you do so, you must remember that nothing will ever be the same.
Things you can do when a friend ghosts you and comes back
When a friend ghosts you and comes back, you don’t really know what’s the right thing to do. You’re afraid to take the wrong step and cause your heart another bout of pain.
But then again, this person used to be your friend and you can’t treat them like they’re a stranger. So, here’s what you can do.
1. Figure out whether they’re worth responding to
The first thing you should consider is whether they’re worth responding to. Is the pain they made you feel impossible to get over and should you even open their message or answer their call?
If you realize that they broke your heart a way it has never been broken then maybe you shouldn’t even think about giving them the time of day. They had their chance and they decided to play with your emotions.
That’s why you’re free to ignore them the same way they ignored you. You have no reason to explain your actions as they already did the same to you.
However, if you realize that you want to give them another chance, feel free to do so. You know what’s best for you and you shouldn’t ignore your feelings.
2. Call them out on what they did
Even if you give your friend a chance to explain their actions, you should still call them out on what they did to you. Don’t let them think that just because they’re back in your life they can get away with it.
Their behavior impacted you in a serious manner and they must be aware of that. They need to finally realize that what they did was wrong on so many levels.
Maybe there was a real reason as to why they had to disappear from your life. Give them a chance to explain themselves and make it clear to you why they acted the way they did.
But if you realize they’re lying straight to your face, giving you excuses that don’t hold water, then they probably don’t even deserve this second chance. In this case, you can expect to see the back of them relatively soon since they probably won’t be able to stay in your life much longer.
Ghosters are a weird breed. They often disappear from your life just so they can prove to themselves that they can get you back whenever they want.
3. Explain to them how their behavior made you feel
When a friend ghosts you and comes back, you must show them how their behavior made you feel. You need to let them see how much pain they inflicted on you.
Let them see the truth so they can stop convincing themselves that it wasn’t a big deal. If you act like they didn’t hurt you, they will feel free to disappear from your life whenever they want.
If you keep pretending that you didn’t have trouble getting out of bed after your best friend decided to ignore you out of the blue, you’ll only give them a reason to do it again.
So, this is your chance to open your heart. Share your feelings with them and let them see what they did to you.
It won’t be easy but at least you’ll know that you were honest with them and you gave them the opportunity to improve themselves. If they ignore this chance, then it’s their fault and you shouldn’t try any harder.
4. Don’t bother getting revenge on them
I know that you think it’d feel amazing to do the same thing to your friend as they did to you. Ghosting them would feel like giving them a taste of their own medicine.
But honestly, the pleasure would be only temporary and after a while, you’d realize that you’re actually a better person than that. You shouldn’t lower yourself to their level as you’re way above that.
Getting revenge wouldn’t help either of you, so you should ignore the need to do it. You’re an amazing person who got back on her feet after being ghosted by a great friend but you don’t want to put yourself in their position and act like them just because of the pain you once felt.
Find your own closure, let go of the resentment and move on with your life. That’s the only way you’ll be able to feel happiness once again.
5. Set some boundaries
When a friend ghosts you and comes back, you need to set some boundaries. The last time, they betrayed you and crossed a line that wasn’t supposed to be crossed.
This time, things must be different. You must establish some rules that won’t allow your friend (or should we call them your ghoster?) to disrespect you.
To do that, there are some things you should consider first. Do you even want to let them come back into your life?
Do you plan to have a conversation with them or will you simply decide not to reply, no matter what? Is there even a chance for them to rebuild the trust they’ve lost?
Also, if you decide to give them a chance to talk to you, would you be willing to do that through messages or do you want to meet with them face-to-face?
If they ghost you again, what’s your plan? Would you cut them off completely?
These are all questions that will help you establish some boundaries. Once you know what you want to get from your old friend who once ghosted you, it’ll be easier to stay on the right track.
This way, you won’t allow them to impress you with their sweet apologies just to see them leaving once again.
The bottom line
When a friend ghosts you and returns, it’s important to consider why they disappeared and why they want to reconnect. It could be a sign that they value your friendship and want to make amends, or it could be a red flag indicating that they only want something from you. Be cautious and communicate openly to determine if the friendship is worth repairing.
