It’s never easy to know what to say when you confront the other woman. You don’t want to seem too aggressive but you also want to get your point across.
Your husband had an affair. This woman was bold enough to seduce a married man and she’s part of the reason that you’re now stuck with a cheating spouse.
In many cases, the other woman is a good friend, someone close to you both who simply took advantage of a vulnerable stage in your marriage.
The reality of the situation comes in waves. You feel like you’re stuck with a man who never respected you enough to stay loyal to you.
He made a conscious decision to throw everything you had together into the trash. He showed you that he didn’t care about you enough to hold on to his wedding vows.
Your husband’s a cheater. He’s the one at fault here.
However, some women still want to confront the other woman. In retrospect, she should’ve known that he was taken.
Do you genuinely believe that things can work out in your favor here? I can only tell you with certainty that you have to be careful about how you move forward from this point and what you should do when you’re considering confronting the other woman.
You have to take care of yourself and be prepared for resistance.
Things you should consider before you think about what to say when you confront the other woman
There are many questions that you have to ask yourself before you make the move to talk to this woman. You can’t just go into it head-first and expect things to end up okay.
If you want the best result, you should definitely consider some things beforehand.
I mean, you could always go on a rampage. In a fit of rage, call her up and tell her that she’s nothing more than a homewrecker who doesn’t have an ounce of self-respect in her.
But will that really satisfy you? Will it truly answer all of your questions?
You could also go crazy on your husband and throw some things around but at the end of the day, you’ll only make things worse. You’ll just confirm to him that he should’ve left you a long time ago.
Now that’s an awful thing to consider. So let’s take a few steps back and think things through.
1. Use the facts that you’ve gathered
You don’t want to go into this with just a hunch. You need evidence and facts on your side.
Did you see when he texted her? Did you find their messages and their pictures together?
Whatever it may be, gather the facts.
You’re a woman. You’re better at these things than the FBI and you know it.
We can find things online that people try to hide with all of their might. You can probably dig up things that will be indisputable.
Neither of them will be able to say that it didn’t happen or that it was some faker who wrote all those messages. Get your facts straight and make sure to have everything in order by the time you decide to talk to her.
This way, neither of them will be able to manipulate you into believing anything else. If they’re good at deception, they’ll make you believe in their little schemes and you’ll only be gaslighted.
You deserve better than that, so make sure to gather all the facts you need.
You can even talk to his friends or contact her directly from his phone. He may disguise her number under someone else’s name, so you may as well call it to check who’s on the other end of the line.
2. Ask yourself whether you want to confront your husband
This is a very important question to ask yourself. Do you want to play dumb and act like you know nothing of this?
When you’re thinking about what to say when you confront the other woman, you may want to ignore your husband in general. He won’t know of any of this if you decide to keep quiet.
However, if I may add my own two cents, I believe you should talk to him before you do anything else. He’s the reason that all of this happened.
If this woman is really a part of his life, he was the one who chose that. He’s the one who made the decision to throw your entire marriage away in favor of her.
Even if it was just an emotional affair, you have to understand that you have a cheating husband in front of you. Your husband’s affair is something that can’t be ignored.
You may not want to confront him because you’re scared that he’ll leave you but you have to consider the fact that he’ll only continue to cheat on you with other women. I believe that it’s worth finding a way to talk to him before you contact this woman.
3. Ask yourself whether this is a good idea
Whatever you’re planning to do, ask yourself whether it’s a good idea. When you’re thinking about what to say when you confront the other woman, you’re actually meddling in your husband’s life.
Even though you two are married, he still has the right to make decisions for himself, even though this time, he chose to deceive you, cheat on you, and disrespect you.
It’s not something that happens just in the heat of the moment, nor is it something that happens by accident. He made a conscious decision to ruin your marriage.
This whole time, he knew that what he was doing was bad. So, do you want to go through with this?
You could just as easily file for divorce without making a huge deal out of it. You could simply walk out of his life and show him that you’re above all of his little charades.
This may be hard to do if you two have young children at home or you suffer from low self-esteem. That’s when you’ll overthink this to the point of insanity.
But at the end of the day, you can either go with a huge boom or silently, letting the silence speak for itself. Whatever you do choose, just know that it’s completely up to you to make that decision.
4. Choose your method of communication
When you’re preparing what to say when you confront the other woman, you should also make sure to pick your method of communication.
How do you want to go about this? Would you rather write a strong-worded message and send it via a social media platform or would you rather talk to her in person?
You still have to contact her somehow in order to initiate that meeting, so how will you do that? Do you want to call her, if you found her phone number?
This is if you even believe that she’ll pick up the phone or want to meet with you, that is. Sometimes, your husband’s lover may not even want to know that you exist.
What I do recommend though is to hit her up and pick a public place so that she can feel safe but which also gives you a reason to be civil and calm about everything.
If she doesn’t even want to pick up any of your phone calls, then I believe that messaging is the next best thing you can do. Either send her a text and ask to meet up or message her with everything you have to say.
5. Will you be able to stay calm and collected?
This is a very important thing to ask yourself. Will you be able to stay calm in this entire situation?
If you think that you may lash out at her, make a huge deal about it and then go crazy on her, then you probably shouldn’t confront her. When you’re thinking about what to say when you confront the other woman, you should always think of saying it clearly, without too much emotion.
I know that you’re probably too emotional at this point, which is completely understandable. The love of your life chose another woman over you and your marriage and maybe even your kids.
He chose to be unfaithful and throw away everything that you built together. You can’t really stay calm!
But you have to. You won’t be able to get anything out of it if you refuse to calm your nerves.
You’ll only look like a mad woman trying to attack someone innocent. She may even tell you something like, “It’s no surprise that he chose me,” if you throw a temper tantrum.
Don’t let your broken heart get the better of you. Show them both that you’re the bigger person.
If you don’t believe that you can stay calm when you confront her, then wait a while until you’re able to breathe without getting angry at either of them.
6. Think about the reasons why you want to do this
What’s your motivation for this? I know that this may seem like a funny question to you right now but it could help you get through this chaos much more easily.
Are you doing this because you want some justice for yourself and your children? Do you want to confront her to make sure she knows that she’s not the only woman in his life?
What’s the motivation behind what you want to say to her? I know that the answer may seem obvious to you but by defining everything, you’re actually giving yourself a mission.
You’re giving yourself a reason for your behavior. So if he decides to have an angry outburst or she decides to make a big deal out of everything, you’re already armed.
Your reasons behind this little act are personal and authentic. Do you want to find answers to the questions that have been roaming around your mind?
You probably want to know how long everything’s been going on and whether they ever thought about the hearts they were breaking and so on. So go ahead and get your own closure.
7. Write down everything that’s been on your mind
Now that you’ve answered all of the aforementioned questions and you now only have questions that you want to ask her, you should write it all down.
This may seem like a stupid thing to do considering that it would only prolong the period until you talk to her but when you write down what to say, things will seem much easier. You’ll have all of your thoughts structured out and you won’t be as confused anymore.
If you choose to skip this step instead, you may forget to say something once you do go to talk to her. You’ll be left with a cluster of things inside your mind that’ll only keep on making things more difficult for you.
However, once you write everything down, those two won’t be able to confuse you any further. You’ll know exactly what you want to say and why you want to say it and it won’t just be a moment of confusion that’ll leave you guessing everything.
Once you write it all down and go through it, you may even realize that you don’t want to say something because it may make you sound desperate. That’s why it’s always the best idea to put everything on paper.
What to say when you confront the other woman?
Now that we’ve established all of the things that need to be done beforehand, I’ll give you a few examples of what you need to say. If none of these resonate with you, you can think of your own but make sure to create a list of things that will make you feel good about this endeavor.
Just ensure that it comes from your heart, however hurt you may be, and don’t hesitate to ask anything you want, as long as you keep yourself calm.
1. “I don’t blame you, I just wanted to meet the woman who’s the reason for my divorce.”
Let’s be honest here. She does have a lot of fault in this situation but not nearly as much as your husband.
He was the one who should’ve been loyal to you for the rest of your days. She doesn’t owe you anything.
She may not even know that he’s married, so you shouldn’t even start with the assumption that she does. A cheater will try to hide the truth in order to have both women at the same time.
Your gut feeling is probably telling you that you can’t blame her. The text messages that he sent her were his and he made the decision to send them.
You can just remember all the times when you asked him who he was texting and he would always tell you that it was just a ‘work thing’. Now you know the truth.
You should confront her about everything but you shouldn’t blame her from the get-go.
2. “You should be ashamed of yourself. Do you even know what you’ve done?”
At times, the best strategy is to make her feel guilty for everything. Make her feel like she’s the worst person in the world and show her that you know everything.
When you go for this tactic, you’ll probably end up making her cry. This way, you’ll get her to tell you everything that you need to know and more.
She’ll likely feel so guilty that she’ll want you to know everything. She won’t just sit around and wait for you to ask all the questions but they’ll just run out of her mouth like a waterfall.
So, the very moment you start to talk to her as if she should be ashamed of herself because everything’s her fault, that’s when you’ll win the game.
However, there could also be another outcome to this, one that includes a woman who’s too proud and has an inflated ego that won’t let her be ashamed of herself.
If she’s one of those people, then you won’t be able to get to her. She’ll do nothing other than laugh in your face and your plan could backfire.
So do some digging about her before you use this technique. You don’t want her to be the one who wins this.
3. “Did you even know that he was married? What did he tell you about me?”
As stated before, you should be aware of the fact that she may not even know that he’s married. By asking these questions, you’ll be able to get more information about who your husband actually is.
I know that you thought that he was the love of your life but a man who thinks or acts like this can’t be someone you’d want to sleep next to anymore.
Whenever his cell phone would ring, you never thought that he could be cheating on you but he obviously is. So, use her answers as fuel to confront him.
Ask her what he told her about you and if he went about telling her that he was already with someone.
Did he tell her that he was going to leave you for her? That could make the entire divorce process much easier.
I mean, you probably shouldn’t want to stay in that marriage either way. This situation could simply put everything into perspective for you so that you don’t end up doubting your decision to leave him.
4. “How you get them is how you lose them.”
Why are there women in this world who believe that they can change a cheater? They believe that someone who cheated with them won’t cheat on them.
It’s the same principle as it was back in high school. You’d think that we grow out of it but we really don’t.
To me, it’s a deal-breaker to hear from a man that he cheated in the past. She should’ve known the first time that she met him that he wasn’t someone to be trusted.
Your significant other betrayed you for the company of another woman. It’s so romantic, isn’t it?
When you think about what to say when you confront the other woman, make sure to mention this. Whatever way the conversation goes, you can always throw in this comment.
If she thinks that she’s special for some reason and that she’s able to change him, then she’s obviously delusional. No one can change a cheater, no matter how hard they try.
You can wish her good luck with that, though. It may sound sarcastic (because it is) but at least you’ll save your own mental health from further detriment.
Let them have each other. They deserve this and you deserve someone better.
5. “Leave my husband alone or else!”
There’s one thing we haven’t considered until now and that’s that you don’t really want to leave your husband. Even though we both know that you deserve better than that, you could still be able to forgive him and work this through.
There are many options, like marriage counseling and other things that could help you out, but in order to get there, you have to get her out of the picture first.
What do you say when you confront the other woman to make her leave him alone? If they spent a lot of time together without you knowing, then I really don’t believe it’s possible to just move on like that.
Your best friend and family members may say the same. They want you to be happy and he’s obviously not the guy who’ll give you that.
But at the end of the day, the choice is completely yours.
When you talk to her face-to-face, tell her that she needs to back off because he has a family to take care of. Tell her that if he wanted to marry her, he would’ve done that by now.
Even if you have some kind of evidence that she may not be the only woman he cheated on you with (even if that may break you), tell her. Show her that she’s nothing special and that’s what’ll make her move on and leave your family alone.