In a world where everyone’s trying to feel like a winner, being the bigger person may seem hard to achieve. Sometimes, you do your best to deal with things in a mature way but others still find a way to drag you into their drama.
While trying to protect your reputation, you can end up doing things that you won’t be proud of. You can fall for the lies of others and maybe even follow their lead instead of doing things that make you happy.
Right now, you may be upset with your ex who’s spreading lies about you. As a way of getting your revenge, you may opt to act the same way as he has.
Or you may feel angry that you got fired just because someone else blamed you for mistakes you didn’t make. That’s why you’re looking for a way to sabotage their position to show them how bad it feels when someone else plays with your destiny.
But if you take a step back and reconsider, you may realize that playing dirty isn’t the right way to go.
Do you really want to feel like a winner even though you know you’ll regret your choices sooner or later? Or will it be better for you to walk a different path to show others that being the bigger person will always be your decision, no matter what?
What does being the bigger person actually mean?
Often, we may think that being the bigger person means letting others walk all over us. We believe that it allows others to do what they want while we stand aside and watch what’s going on.
Even though most of us have negative opinions about dealing with things this way, it’s important to know that if you choose to act maturely, you’re not allowing anyone to play with your feelings.
When someone mistreats you, you won’t offer them your everlasting forgiveness. You won’t constantly make excuses for them.
Being the bigger person isn’t about giving people second chances even after they’ve wasted all of their opportunities. It’s not about letting them take advantage of you as if you’re nothing.
So then, what does it mean when you choose to be the bigger person?
1. It means you’re not allowing your anger to take control of you
When you find yourself in a situation that makes you upset, you could easily choose to take a path you usually never would. All of the anger accumulates within you and the only thing you want to do is win the argument.
In this case, it’s easy to forget about your values and beliefs. It’s easy to completely ignore your moral compass and start doing things you’ll regret later on.
But choosing to be the bigger person would then mean that you don’t want to allow your temper to take control of you. You don’t want to make a choice you know you’ll regret.
Instead of doing things that will make you feel like the winner in a game, you can opt for something that’ll be more beneficial for you in the long run. And with time, you’ll realize that you made the right decision.
Instead of letting your anger control you, think about everything in detail and make the right decision. By doing so, you’ll show everyone around you that you’re not manipulated by rage or fear and what drives you forward is your wish to do what’s best for your happiness instead of your ego.
2. It means that you accept reality as it is
Being the bigger person means accepting reality as it is. Even when you don’t like the way things look, you choose to deal with the opportunities that are currently in front of you.
A lot of times in life, you won’t be happy with the way things are. You’ll be faced with many situations you never thought would happen.
In that case, you can either choose to start complaining and give up or you can look the truth directly in the eye and make the best of it. The bigger person will always choose the latter.
You’ll find a way to get yourself out of the mess you’re currently in. You’ll see the whole situation as an experience you can learn from.
I’m not saying it’ll be easy but you’ll have to do so in order to move on. You need to find a reason for everything that happens to you and learn to grow from there.
It doesn’t mean that you’re happy with the current state of affairs. However, it shows that you won’t give up right away and you’ll find a way to solve the issues you’re facing.
3. It means handling things maturely
Throughout life, you’ll find yourself surrounded by sneaky people who’ll try to play you. You’ll meet many ‘friends’ whose only goal is to see you go under.
Sometimes, those you trust the most will end up being your biggest enemies. Unfortunately, that’s the way life works.
I know that you’ll be angry when you find yourself in a situation like that. You’ll be upset that you didn’t realize sooner who was hiding behind a mask.
Even though the only thing you’ll want to do is yell and scream, you’ll still choose to act a bit more respectfully. And that’s what being the bigger person means.
Instead of letting your emotions guide you, you’ll deal with things maturely. You’ll accept the mistakes you’ve made and you’ll admit to yourself that you can’t always have full control over everything.
Even when others openly show you that they want to see you fail, you’ll still choose to treat them with respect. You know that they don’t deserve it but you’ll do it because you want them to realize that you’re the bigger person.
That’s the way you’ll treat those who want to push you onto the ground. You’ll show them that they’ll never be like you as they don’t have what it takes.
Even if you’re all the way on the ground already, you’ll still be a better person than they are. And that’s what matters the most.
4. It means walking away from those who hurt you
Being the bigger person means walking away from those who hurt you. You’ll simply pack your bags and leave, without saying a word.
Without making a sound, you’ll show them that you won’t allow anyone to treat you less than you deserve. Even if it’s your best friend we’re talking about, there’s still no reason why you should tolerate disrespectful behavior.
When you’re the bigger person than those around you, you just leave without picking a fight. You won’t allow others to try to prove to you that you’re wrong because you see what’s going on with your own eyes.
So, without creating any drama, you let them do what they want but you show them that you won’t be around for it. When someone’s toxic for your health, you let them spread their toxicity far away from you as you don’t want to tolerate their behavior anymore.
Being the bigger person: 11 steps you should follow
Being the bigger person may sound impossible to achieve but actually, there are simple ways you can get yourself into a position where you’ll feel proud of yourself. As long as you have your final goal in mind, everything will be fine.
So, here are some steps you should follow when you’re trying to become the best version of yourself. Eventually, you’ll feel happy that you’ve turned into the person you always wanted to be.
1. Think about the things that truly matter
When you end up in an argument with someone, you tend to forget what truly matters. You get so focused on the idea of proving your point that you ignore other, more important, things.
In order to change yourself for the better, you also need to change this habit. So, the next time you find yourself in the middle of a drama, try to think about what matters the most.
Is it really that important for you to prove your point, even if it means spending your time around toxic people? Or would it be much better for your happiness to ignore the argument completely and focus on other things?
Do you want to be right and filled with negative energy or do you want to be happy but without having won this argument on the list of things you’ve achieved?
Focus on your priorities because that’s one of the first things that’ll allow you to become the bigger person.
Remember it’s always better to avoid unnecessary arguments and focus on your final goals. That way, you won’t be wasting your time or energy on people who don’t deserve your attention.
2. Do things you’ll be proud of
In a month’s time, when you look back at a particular argument that happened, would you feel proud of yourself? Would you feel like you did the right thing or would you regret the choices you made?
Would you realize that you only wasted your time and energy on a useless fight that didn’t get you anywhere?
Being the bigger person is all about doing things you’ll feel proud of. It’s about knowing that you did the right thing and that you won’t ever regret it.
Just because the other person is ready to play some dirty tricks, it doesn’t mean that you should follow their lead. Show them that you’re better than wasting your energy on things that won’t matter anytime soon.
Let them see that you have high standards and that no matter what, you don’t feel ready to sacrifice them for anyone who’s a bad influence.
3. Think before you act
In the heat of the moment, you may feel like saying or doing many things you’ll regret later on. The anger takes over you and the only thing you want to get is your revenge.
But being the bigger person doesn’t mean that you should let your emotions guide you through life (especially, negative ones). Instead, it means that you know when to take a break and consider your next step from thereon.
Sometimes, we all need to pause before making our next move. We need to take a second to figure out what’s actually going on.
Don’t let yourself go down a road you’ll regret sooner or later because if you do, you’ll be just like everyone else. However, if you take a step back and think before you act, you’ll allow yourself to make the right decision.
4. Take all sides of an argument into account, even if you don’t agree with certain actions
Once you find yourself in the middle of an argument, it can be hard to distinguish right from wrong. You’re so focused on your side of the story that you completely ignore what the other person is trying to say.
This behavior is natural, as we all want to protect ourselves. We all want to do whatever possible to come across as winners.
But when you’re being the bigger person, you’re then supposed to take all sides into account. Even if you don’t agree with the person standing across from you, you should still be able to try and understand them.
Maybe they hurt you subconsciously and they weren’t aware of their actions. Maybe they took your words out of context and now blame you for something you didn’t even say.
It’s important to see things clearly, even though that’s one of the hardest things you can do when you’re having a fight with someone.
However, your ability to take a step back and reevaluate things closely is what will make you different from everyone else. It’s what shows you’re the bigger person who’ll try to understand others, even if you don’t agree with them.
5. Deal with your emotions in a healthy way
When things get heated and you get home feeling like you need to scream since you’re that tense, that’s when you need to find the right way to deal with your emotions. Bottling them up inside can only make matters worse.
We all have those days when we don’t feel like talking to anyone. We simply want to avoid the world and hide in our bed until we feel better.
When that happens, a weak person will find an outlet by yelling at others, blaming them for their own situation, or completely avoid having to talk. As the bigger person, you will find a way to deal with your emotions in a healthier way.
You may choose to write them down or to let your energy out by playing some sport. A walk through nature is also a great way to calm down and process everything that’s been happening to you for a while.
As long as you know how to deal with everything in a good way, you’ll be going down the road of happiness.
6. Always look on the bright side of life
This world is cruel and more often than not, you’ll have to face some difficult situations. Stress and anxiety may become emotions you feel on a daily basis but what matters the most is the way you deal with them.
When you’re being the bigger person, you must remember that the good outweighs the bad. You need to remember to always look on the bright side, even when you feel like giving up.
Even if your life right now doesn’t feel like you’ve won the lottery, there are still many other aspects of it you should be grateful for. Eventually, it’ll all work out just fine, since after the rain always comes the sun.
7. Consider whether the issue is worth your time or energy
We all get that feeling that a current situation is something that will have a huge impact on our lives. So, we focus all of our energy on trying to solve the issue at hand.
But in all that fuss, we forget about our priorities. We forget about the things that are actually worth our time and energy.
When you focus your attention on being the bigger person, you must think about the effort you’re putting into this matter. Is it even worth it or is there a better way to deal with it?
Your life goals should always be your priority and you shouldn’t forget about them while you’re too focused on things that don’t matter.
8. Be empathetic
Being the bigger person is also about being empathetic and knowing when you’ve crossed a line. It’s about realizing that your actions may hurt others and choosing to change the way you behave.
Even when you’re having an argument with someone, you should still be empathetic enough to take their feelings into consideration. You don’t want to come off as mean or disrespectful, no matter what.
It’s important to constantly choose to be a good person because that’s one of the best ways to show your greatness to others. Once you make the decision that your words and actions won’t hurt anyone, even if you have a good reason to do so, that’s where your morality comes into play.
9. Take responsibility for your actions
Being the bigger person is about accepting your mistakes and their consequences. It’s about realizing you messed up and admitting that to others.
We all want to protect ourselves but sometimes, owning up to your mistakes is the best thing you can do for yourself. It allows you to grow as a person, as you choose to deal with your errors maturely.
The easiest thing to do is pretend like you’ve done nothing wrong and ignore the consequences of your actions. Anyone could do that but when you stand up and admit you’ve made a mistake, that’s an act of a brave person who proves to be better than others.
It’s a sign that you want to become a better version of yourself and learn from your faults. It’s never easy to admit what you’ve done wrong but it’ll always allow you to grow.
10. Don’t hold grudges
Letting go of the issues you’ve had to go through isn’t easy. Naturally, we all cling to the traumas we’ve experienced, since we don’t know a better way to deal with them.
But being the bigger person is all about letting go of the grudges you’re holding on to and moving on. It’s about learning from them and not letting yourself stay stuck in the past.
Your boyfriend cheated on you but you decided to forgive him and you got back together? Do you really think you should keep reminding him of the mistake he made?
Is it healthy for your relationship if you constantly keep talking about the things he did in the past? If you’ve truly forgiven him for his behavior, then there’s no need to keep repeating what he did to you.
You made the decision to get back together with him so now that chapter of your life is over. And things work the same way with every other situation you find yourself in.
Holding grudges never works and it’s always easier to let go than to keep living in the past. You need to remember that when you’re trying to be the bigger person.
11. Learn how to move on
At some point in our life, we all get to a crossroads. It’s there that we make the biggest decisions there are.
Often, the choice is simple. You either make the decision to move on after what happened to you or you make the decision to get revenge for yourself.
The bigger person will always choose the former because they know that playing dirty or hurting others only makes you a bad person. It shows that you’re willing to focus your energy on things that are no longer a part of your present.
Moving on may be the harder option but it certainly is the better one. It only shows that you have other more important things to focus on and you don’t care about your past issues.
If you can do this instead of trying to get revenge, then you truly are a bigger person than those around you. And that’s when you’ll know you’ve succeeded in life.