Think aloud
We are well aware of the fact that narcissists use language in a different way than we do. Their words are used in order to inflict pain and manipulate, even if they don’t seem like that at first.
Every word that seems to be innocent when it comes from the mouth of a normal person is like a dagger when it leaves the mouth of a narcissist. That’s exactly why it’s so important to understand what a narcissist means when he talks.
This way, he won’t be able to make you believe in things that aren’t true. It’ll help you move past a long list of problems and traumas that might occur.
He has a sadistic need to see you suffer, so what better way is there to get back at him than to see right through his little schemes?
1. Why are you being so difficult?
This will probably happen during a fight. You’ve had enough of him and you start to argue.
This argument leads to both of you shouting. You ask him all kinds of questions that are not answered, as he doesn’t think that he needs to.
In the middle of that argument, he just turns to you and asks you:
“Why are you being so difficult?”
When translated to normal English, this actually means: “Why are you not doing what I’m telling you to do?” or, “Why aren’t you being obedient?“
It irritates him to know that you have a mind of your own. He’s frustrated that you aren’t listening to him and behaving the way he wants you to.
You’re not being difficult, he’s just irritated that you’re out of his control.
2. There’s something seriously wrong with you.
This can happen when you’re fighting over something; for example, when you want to confront him for doing something he wasn’t supposed to.
However, it can also happen when you’re just talking to him about something that happened at work that day. You’re expressing your emotions, you’re being honest about them, and what he does is say this.
“There’s something seriously wrong with you,” can also be accompanied by, “You must be crazy to think that.”
These are sentences narcissists use when they’re trying to gaslight you. He’s trying to make you believe that you’re the one who’s at fault for whatever reason.
This way, he makes sure that you’re emotionally and mentally fragile enough for him to manipulate you.
When these words come from the lips of someone you love, you might start to believe him.
3. I don’t like talking about my past.
It’s anything but comforting when the man you’re starting to develop feelings for tells you that he doesn’t want to talk about his past.
He might have told you that he’s been hurt or that he’s been through a lot. Somehow, he always ends up using his past as an excuse for how he is today.
However, he still hasn’t been able to talk to you about his past. Whenever you start asking questions, he says that it hurts him too much.
“I don’t like talking about my past,” is just another way of saying, “I have carefully created the person you see right now. If I continue talking, you will figure out that I’m lying.”
If he starts talking about his past, you’ll see inconsistencies in his story and that will only prove detrimental to his little schemes.
4. I’m so sorry you feel that way.
If you ever hear someone tell you that they’re sorry about your feelings, walk away from them.
There is a huge difference between, “I’m so sorry you feel that way,” and, “I’m sorry for making you feel that way.”
Just because it might sound like it, it doesn’t mean that he’s acknowledging your emotions. It’s the opposite of that.
He’s invalidating your emotions for the sake of ending the argument. He says this to make you believe that he cares.
The only thing he’s sorry for is that you’re not going along with his plans.
He’s being held accountable for something that you should have accepted without a second thought.
To him, your emotions aren’t valid, because they don’t matter. He doesn’t care how he makes you feel, as long as he gets everything he wants.
5. All of my exes were crazy.
Whenever a guy says this sentence, just know that it’s one of the biggest red flags out there.
In the eyes of a narcissist, no one is good enough for him. That’s why all of his exes are at fault for their miserable relationships.
The meaning behind this statement is probably something along the lines of:
“My exes were so crazy! I made them like that, of course,” or something like, “I did everything to provoke a reaction from them. I knew all the buttons I had to push just to make them lose their mind.”
If you’re not careful enough, you might end up as the crazy ex, too.
He probably doesn’t feel the slightest remorse for what he did to those girls and their mental health. No one leaves a relationship with a narcissist without going crazy on their way out. It’s just how it is.
6. It’s impossible to talk to you!
This is quite easy to understand when you know that you’re talking to a narcissist.
What he actually means when he says, “It’s impossible to talk to you,” is, “Why can’t you just shut up and believe these lies that I’m telling you?”
If he could, he would just serve you lies and expect you to believe them even when they don’t make any sense.
The very moment you start doubting him and his intentions, when you start to fight for what you believe is happening, you’re insulting his ego.
When you insult his ego, he gets infuriated and that’s when he starts saying things like this.
7. This is who I am! You should accept me for who I am!
This is something we’ve heard one too many times.
When someone doesn’t understand why we want something about their personality to change, they use this excuse.
Of course, it’s easy to say ‘love me or leave me’, but relationships need a lot of work. They need a lot of effort and changes have to be made.
When you complain about something and he shoots back with, “This is who I am! You need to love me for who I am,” what he actually means is, “Can’t you just stop complaining for one second? I just need you to overlook all of my flaws because, underneath them, I am PERFECT!”
No narcissist likes to be told that there’s something wrong with him. That’s the truth.
8. You never loved me.
Ah, the classic line. Has the narcissist in your life ever accused you of this?
It’s like he doesn’t understand what he did or how you came to the conclusion that you want to leave him.
In his opinion, there’s nothing wrong with him so you must have some kind of issue. That’s when he says, “You never loved me.”
What it actually means is, “I need to buy myself some time so that I can figure out my next move.” Another meaning can be: “I hate being there for you and listening to you complain! But you better be there for me whenever I want you to. That’s your only job!”
Or it could be something along the lines of: “What do you mean you’re leaving me? I’ve always been so good to you and this is what I get in return? You must have never loved me in the first place.”
He might believe that the moment you choose yourself over him, it’s because of something you did and not because of his narcissistic personality disorder.
9. I love you.
You have to understand that narcissists are apathetic creatures. They don’t really know what it means to love anyone but themselves.
That’s why there is a certain meaning behind everything they say. A narcissist simply can’t develop genuine feelings for someone else.
Every time he tells you that he loves you, it actually just means something like: “I own you. You are mine. Because of that, I need to make sure that you won’t leave. I need to love-bomb you until you start to believe this.”
He probably says it in the weirdest moments. You could have been fighting for days and then he just keeps on saying all the right things.
He says everything you want to hear, even though you’ve been fighting like cats and dogs.
Those are just manipulation tactics. A narcissist knows what to say and how to make you trust him before he strikes again.
10. No one will believe you.
When you’re in a relationship with someone who has a narcissistic personality disorder, they isolate you.
They keep you away from everyone and everything, to the point where you think that no one would care if you told them what you’re going through.
If he abuses you in any way, you’ll feel like you can’t tell anyone. He knows that.
That’s why his, “No one will believe you,” actually means: “It’s so funny that you think someone would trust you when I made you believe that you’re crazy. I manipulated everyone around you to trust me. There might be a few individuals who would believe you and I have to make sure you don’t go to them and ask for their help.”
He can’t risk that. He can’t let you go and ask someone for help when that could possibly mean that you’ll walk away from him.
11. No one will ever love you as much as I do.
He wants you to keep pining over him, as his ego would be shattered into pieces if you decided to go out and pursue someone else.
He should be your biggest priority, according to his logic.
“No one will ever love you as much as I do,” is just narcissistic talk for: “You can’t leave! I won’t allow that! You belong to me and even if there are people out there who would treat you right, you’re not allowed to find that out! I’m the best thing that ever happened to you.”
He isn’t able to understand why you would ever want someone who isn’t him. His ego would be shattered and he can’t allow that to happen.
12. I hate drama.
The things narcissists say often don’t make sense.
How can he say that he hates drama when you can see that little sparkle in his eyes whenever you’re fighting? He seems to thrive on it, yet he insists that he hates drama. How does that even work?
Whenever he says that he hates drama, what he actually means is:
“This is exactly what I’ve been waiting for! I create drama around everything and you fall right into every single trap. That’s it! Scream a little bit more. Let’s make a scene so that everyone’s looking at us!”
What you’re probably wondering is how can someone even think that this is normal, but believe me, he’s making more excuses for himself than you can count.
Whenever he says that he hates drama, it’s just the type of drama that he’s not prepared for.
He’s not prepared for you to cause a scene because of something he did wrong.
Trust me when I tell you that he usually loves it.