“Should I tell my ex I miss him?”
How many times have you asked yourself that question? You know that you shouldn’t, but you also can feel the way your heartstrings are pulling you towards him.
Relationships fall apart for many reasons. Sometimes, they end simply because you realized that you weren’t right for each other or that you simply made a mistake by ever giving that person a chance.
Okay, maybe you’re not that dramatic, but let’s be honest, it’s not an uncommon thing to experience.
Throughout your life, you’ll have many different people come and go. So when someone’s special enough for you to remember them even years after you’ve split up, then you know that it’s something you can’t just let go of.
And when you bring social media into the game, it reminds us of what we could’ve had.
You see a picture of him and think of how he held you in his arms and the way it felt to kiss him. It’s definitely not easy to move past that.
Every woman tends to stalk her ex after the breakup, reminding herself of everything. And that just makes her more miserable.
So now comes the question: Should you really tell your ex that you miss him? Or should you just ignore this urge to hit him up?
When can I tell my ex I miss him?
The easy answer is a big, fat, NO. But sometimes it’s not really that black and white, now is it?
So should you tell your ex that you’ve been thinking about him?
Of course, this doesn’t automatically mean that you want your ex back. It just means that you’re thinking of sending a text message and then seeing where things go from there.
But be honest with yourself for a moment. When you text your ex-boyfriend for the first time after a while, you’re almost certainly hoping he wants you back just as much as you want him.
If you’ve separated on good terms then you may even get a positive response.
If you’re not sure if you should actually go on with this idea of yours then keep reading. We’ll help you define when it’s okay to tell your ex this and when it’ll only lead to further heartbreak.
1. You’re single
Texting your ex while you’re in a relationship is completely out of the question. I’m sorry, but that’s an awful thing to do to your current partner, and these thoughts you’re having are disrespectful to him and your relationship.
If you find yourself thinking of your ex-boyfriend while you’re with another guy, then you should definitely re-evaluate this current relationship.
You can’t just expect your partner to be with you, while he’s completely oblivious to the thoughts running through your head.
On the other hand, if you’re single, then it’s totally fine. You don’t have a moral obligation to anyone. If you decide to communicate with your ex, it’s just the two of you. You’re not breaking anyone’s heart in the process.
2. He’s single
Before we decide to tell your ex you miss him, you have to make sure he’s single as well.
Is he? Do you have solid proof he’s not in a relationship where your involvement with him may jeopardize it? No? Then you’re another step closer to talking to him.
If he is in a relationship, then you really shouldn’t be texting him. Even if you do believe that he might respond to you, talk to you, and meet up with you.
You need to respect his new relationship because you wouldn’t want your new guy to text his ex behind your back, now would you? You’d be devastated. You’re better than that. You don’t want to be a home-wrecker at this point, right?
When you do text him, you don’t want to be the reason he breaks up with his current girlfriend. That may only end up bad because he could resent you later on for what you did to him and his girlfriend.
So, if he’s not single, don’t even think about it. He deserves to move on with his life.
3. He was the right person at the wrong time
Sometimes, we meet someone and you know that he’s the right person. You can feel it with every fiber of your being and simply know that you two were meant to be together.
That’s totally possible. However, sometimes that special someone makes an appearance in your life at the wrong time.
Either it’s because you’re trying to figure yourself out or you’re working on your career. It could also be that you didn’t know what you did and didn’t want from a relationship when you stepped into it. You were just both confused back then, so it wasn’t the right time for you two.
If you were to date right now, you know for a fact that things would be different. You know what you want, you’ve figured everything out and you’re ready to commit to him.
If he wants you, he would get the best version of you. All that stands between you two right now is just one phone call. And if you manage to make him a part of your life again and reconnect with him, then you could have the most beautiful relationship ever.
Let’s hope that he’s just as willing to talk to you and give you a second chance.
4. You never had a major argument
We’ve all heard of the perfect couples who simply split up out of nowhere. We’ve never seen them fight nor have a major argument. All of their values were aligned and they always wanted the same things from life.
If that was you and your ex, then you shouldn’t even think about whether to tell your ex that you miss him? You have the complete right to text him and see if he’s willing to catch up with you.
Look back at your relationship. Did you fight about important issues like children, marriage, and your moral values? If so, then there’s a slim chance that his opinions on these topics have changed. He probably still thinks the same as before.
You shouldn’t just assume that time helped him realize some things if you haven’t changed your stance on these topics either.
You can’t expect someone to change just for you. If you had these huge arguments, then you’re probably better off on your own. Don’t meddle with him if you won’t be able to accept him for exactly who he was.
However, if you were always on the same page, then there’s a great chance that things will work out again.
5. He’s open to hear from you
We all had those exes who were more than happy to block us on every single social media platform and change their number ASAP after the breakup. Someone like that is everything but open to talking to you.
If your ex really decided to cut all contact with you (and we’re not talking about the no-contact rule) then you shouldn’t bother him. He obviously doesn’t want to talk to you and you should respect that.
But there are instances when you and your ex haven’t really done anything to prevent the other one from contacting you. In this case, you could even say that you’re welcome to text them and see what’s going on.
You may want to wait a couple of weeks before you reach out to him if you’ve just broken up. You really should give yourself some time to think things through. Don’t just become that clingy ex-girlfriend who can’t help but be all over her ex before the dust even settles.
Give both yourself and him some time to think things through and then text him to see how he’s doing. If he’s ready to talk to you, then you can drop the “I miss you” bomb on him.
6. You broke up over something stupid
You know just as well as I do that too many couples break up over stupid things these days. Granted, they stay together because of some stupid reasons, as well, but that’s not what we’re talking about right now.
There are times where you end up arguing over something so trivial, it seems like you don’t even know the person you’re with. That’s when you decide to split your ways and break up for good. How is that fair to the once-happy relationship that you put so much effort into?
When you’ve gone through some very hard times, these little things shouldn’t be the reason you part ways.
So now that you realize you shouldn’t have broken things off because of something so silly, you miss him. You want to reconcile with him and understand why you couldn’t work things through as you did before.
Of course, it’s confusing. If I were in your shoes, I’d also ask myself if I should tell my ex I miss him at that point. I’d be just as reluctant as you are.
If you’re confident in your compatibility and you have enough self-esteem to make the first move after everything, then there’s really no reason not to. After all, you know your ex better than anyone else.
7. Something has changed
If I was in your position, I’d definitely think long and hard about texting my ex if there are no significant changes. When you tell your ex you miss him, there has to be a certain guarantee behind it that he won’t regret talking to you.
One example that comes to mind is if you were in a long-distance relationship and you broke up because it was too hard for you both to go through with it. We all know how absolutely devastating it is to love someone so far away from you.
But if you’ve since moved to the city where you know that he’s living, now’s the time to text him and let him know. Or if he’s moved somewhere near you. These are huge changes that could open up new doors for your relationship.
If this is genuinely the case in your relationship, then you have the possibility to work on everything. You can pop him a text to say that you saw he’s moved to the same city and ask if he’d like to meet up.
When he agrees to see you, it doesn’t necessarily mean that he wants you back, but it does mean that he’s giving you a chance to convince him.
So don’t mess up your opportunity. This is definitely an instance in which you could reach out to him.
Even if something else changed that could significantly make your relationship better, then you should give him a call. Why wait? What can you lose by texting him?
How do I tell my ex I miss him?
If the above-mentioned criteria apply, then you can definitely consider talking to your ex. But if they’re not – if you suspect that he may be in a relationship or that he doesn’t want to talk to you, then it could only backfire on you.
Now that you know everything else is settled, take out your phone, because we have some work to do! There are things that you could do to help you tell your ex you miss him, and I’ll be here for you every step of the way.
1. Text him a funny meme
You can’t really go wrong with this one. Whether you just got out of your no-contact phase or if you haven’t heard from each other in a while, you could still just jump into his DMs with a funny meme. Who doesn’t like to smile at stupid things?
It’s kind of a safe bet, especially if you know his sense of humor quite well. If you can say with certainty that he will laugh at it, then go ahead and send it.
This way, you’ll start your interaction on a lighter note and be able to laugh it off first. It’ll help you get rid of some of the anxiety that you’re feeling and also show you how open he is to communicating with you.
Whatever the case, let things move at their natural pace and watch what happens. He could reply to you with a meme of his own, he could laugh and comment on it, or he could simply ignore it. Whatever happens, you’ll get the chance to see how you should proceed.
If he chooses to ignore you, then you shouldn’t even try anymore. He obviously doesn’t care enough anymore. If he does laugh, though, or if he sends you a meme back, then you have a clear path set for an actual conversation.
This is when you can tell him just how much you’ve been missing him.
2. Remind him of a happy memory
There’s a good chance that your social media accounts will remind you of a memory a year or two ago, and that can help you kickstart a conversation. You may want to screenshot that memory and send it to him. This way you have the best way to slip into his DMs without seeming like a creep.
Sometimes, you could wait for days or even weeks for Instagram to remind you of a story you posted on that exact day years ago. That’s why you could also dig up a nice picture of you two, where you were happy and having fun.
Send that picture to him and caption it nicely. Tell him that you miss those times and that it’s amazing that you still have these pictures.
In this case, he’ll most probably reply to you. Especially if he’s open to communicating with you.
Something like this requires a little bit more courage because you’re being very vulnerable this way. You’re automatically telling him that you’re still holding on to those photos and that you still go back to those memories.
Are you willing to give him that much insight into your mind right now? Is it okay for you to show him your vulnerable side?
If the answer is yes, then you’re sure to get an emotional response from him. He won’t be able to just ignore that skip his heart makes at the sight of your name popping up on his phone, as well as the picture that goes along with it.
3. Show up at places he frequents
I believe that you should tell your ex you miss him in person if you’re confident enough to just walk up to him and talk to him about everything. If you reckon that he’ll just ignore you and humiliate you, then he’s definitely not the guy you want in your life.
But the reaction he gives you will definitely set the tone from that moment onward.
So is there a chance you could find out where he goes out most often? Do you know for a fact that he’ll be there?
When I say that you just simply show up to a place like this, I don’t really mean that you should show up at his office. That’s just creepy.
But if you know that he works at a café, you could just as easily show up there and strike up a chat with him. It doesn’t have to be anything serious. You can even play it off and say that you didn’t know he worked there.
This is the perfect moment to spark up the conversation and tell him that you miss him. You can even ask him if he’s in the mood to get a drink with you sometime. This is your perfect chance to see where you two stand at this point.
4. Tell him you saw him somewhere
A white lie won’t hurt anyone, right?
If I was wondering should I tell my ex I miss him, I would definitely try to see him first to convince myself that I actually do miss him. I wouldn’t want it to just be a fleeting moment of attraction that will only break our hearts one more time.
So if you can, try to walk around a certain neighborhood that will guarantee you see him. Try to bump into him and make it seem like it was completely accidental.
If you can’t do that, then you may as well lie about it. Tell him that you saw him somewhere in the city, but make sure that he’s actually been there and not on a trip somewhere. That would be embarrassing.
Send him a text saying that you wanted to come up to him and say hi, but you didn’t know if he would be willing to talk to you after everything.
You can continue based on his response. If he responds positively, then you can tell him that you missed him so much. But if he ghosts you or doesn’t even want to acknowledge how sweet that is, then you have nothing to fight for anymore.
5. Be bold about it
Who’s stopping you from outright contacting him and telling him that you miss him? No one can tell you what you should or shouldn’t do, so at the end of the day, you might as well bite the bullet.
Don’t just sit around and wait for him to get the memo. He needs to understand how you feel, so why waste your time playing some stupid games that he may or may not see through?
You’re just making things harder for yourself. Instead, pluck up the courage, put your heart on your sleeve, and tell him what’s up. If you don’t, you may lose the one good man that you’ve been stuck on for so long.
You know that it’s not time for you two to split up, but he may believe that it’s over forever. Why let the poor guy believe that? At least be honest with yourself and with him. Be honest about everything and see how things unfold.
He broke up with me 2 months ago because he was depressed (and so was I at the time) and he’s been always checking up on me and texting me and so about a week ago I had to tell him we couldn’t talk like this anymore (because I was still in love with him) and he said he texted me because he felt like lonely and told me he knew he could come to me to talk (I did tell him he could do this before I realized this was hurting me) and so he understood but I really wanna shoot my shot and try to ask for a second chance 🙁 I also ask to give him his sweaters back and he said to just mail it to him (my mom said it was because it was too painful for him to see me) He follows me on everything… snap, insta, tik tok, etc. he view all my Snapchat stories … and ik this could just mean nothing, BUT I kept in mind that he rarely looked at my stories when we were together because I had to ask him to (not a big social media guy) 2 weeks ago he sent me a “hey good morning how are you :)” and we go to school together and I have to see him every morning (tempting to look at him😭” we’ve made eye contact on many occasions when walking past each other (we have no classes together) A little insight on our relationship: there was minimal conflict (but when there was we would talk through it till it was resolved), we were both loyal, great communication, both respected each other boundaries, gave each other space when need, definitely showed enough affection from both.. but there were only tiny problems from both of us… In the event of us leading g to a break up it was just so out of the blue… and I mean by that was one day he said he need space, and literally the next day he called me at 8 pm after he got off of work and broke up with me. I didn’t see this coming from a mile away because the day before he wasn’t acting weird or distant… so I really never knew what was going through his mind. There were some bad habits I had problems being stubborn and insecure when I was reflecting I kinda realized it. And I want to better. I just don’t know what to do or how to approach this cause of my huge fear of rejection.