“My ex treats his new girlfriend better than he treated me and I can’t help but be salty about it.”
Are you finding yourself thinking this now that your ex is with someone new?
It’s never easy to see an ex move on. It’s a sting to the heart and you’d love to just be happy for him, but you’re jealous and you can’t help it.
It pains you to see him treat his new girl better than he treated you. You begged and pleaded with him. You cried your eyes out more times than you can count. All to get him to be a better boyfriend to you.
Yes, you understand that relationships don’t fall apart just like that. It takes two people to make a relationship work and it also takes two to make it crumble.
Because of that, you understand that most of the time, people should really acknowledge their own faults. You’re probably more than ready to admit the things that you did wrong, but whenever you’d confront him about stuff he did wrong, he’d quickly get into defense mode.
What he didn’t know, nor understand, is the fact that our past explains our behavior but it doesn’t excuse it. But you couldn’t move forward just by seeing his potential.
Turns out he could do a lot more than he made you believe in the first place. It’s a shame that he’s changing for another girl when you’re the one who put so much effort into helping him.
Does my ex really love his new girlfriend?
This may be a hard pill to swallow but if you realize that your ex isn’t trying to get you back and make you jealous then it’s probably because he really loves his new girlfriend. If he seems genuinely happy, then he’s moved on and this new relationship isn’t just a stunt.
11 reminders for when my ex treats his new girlfriend better
I get you completely.
There I was, I had everything figured out except my own relationship. I made everyone believe that we had an epic love that could withstand any blow.
Imagine everyone’s shock when we split up.
I couldn’t treat him like a project anymore. There were so many things that we had to work on in order to make our relationship healthy, that it drained every last bit of my energy.
My ex seemed so heartbroken but at the same time so angry at me that I would give up on us. But he was mistreating me, he never made me his priority, so I chose to walk away.
I decided that I wouldn’t start dating until I was sure that I was ready. A relationship that was so draining and so manipulative was everything but a fun time. I had to truly spend some time thinking about myself and my own needs.
Too many women these days compromise their needs in order to keep a man by their side. I didn’t want to do that anymore.
But before I had actual closure from our breakup, before I even processed things, he managed to move on with his life.
That’s when I saw and heard from others how perfectly he treated her. He was the perfect boyfriend I couldn’t even imagine.
So how did I get through this? Well, there were a few key points that I always had to remind myself of. They might help you, too.
1. My ex is wrong for me
This is probably the best reminder you could hear. When I realized that my ex treats his new girlfriend better than he treated me when we were together, I really tried to find all the reasons why I was his perfect match.
I wanted to figure out why I was better than her, and why I deserved to have him in my life and not her.
That’s an absolutely toxic mindset to have and before you continue reading this, that’s the first thing you should let go of.
Your ex was wrong for you. His new relationship must be what he was looking for his entire life and it must be with someone who he cares about more than he cared about you.
Ouch. It hurts. I know. But why would you feel jealous that he treats someone else better? He obviously didn’t know how to treat you right and that was reason enough for you two to separate and go your own ways.
2. It’s not my fault
This is another very important reminder.
When you see the way your ex treats his new girl, you feel like it was all your fault that he didn’t do the same for you. You start to wonder if you were the issue all along. After all, he’s obviously capable of being romantic, considerate, and doing all the things you asked him to do.
So if he didn’t want to do them for you, then it must’ve been you all along, right? Wrong.
We tend to internalize these issues in order to make sense of them. It’s easier to think that it was your fault because we’ve been taught that we’re “less than.” And when you start to think this, it’s a never-ending toxic cycle of self-deprecating thoughts.
I hear you, though: “My ex treats his new girlfriend better than he ever treated me! What else am I supposed to think?!”
Your mind is playing tricks on you and it’s spiraling into a depressive episode. You’re going through awful feelings that keep you bound to your bed.
When in actuality it has nothing to do with you. The fact that you two weren’t right for each other isn’t the fault of either of you. You simply weren’t compatible and that’s totally okay.
3. She’s not better than me
Try to remind yourself of this whenever you’re feeling anger or hate towards the girl he’s with. No matter what, never blame the girl. She’s not better or worse than you are just for being with your ex-partner.
Your ex’s new girlfriend is living her own life and it just turned out that those two would have a healthy relationship with each other.
You’ll start to compare yourself to her at one point. I can’t begin to tell you how bad that is for your mental health, self-esteem, and self-respect. When you compare yourself to another woman, you start to resent her and hate yourself, too.
Why would you want to do that to yourself? Also, that girl probably didn’t do anything to you in particular.
She makes him happy and she’s able to get the best out of him. That doesn’t mean that you were a bad girlfriend or that you weren’t worthy of love and affection. It just means that you weren’t right for him.
When a relationship doesn’t work out, it doesn’t automatically mean that his new gf is better than you. It just means that she’s the right one for him. This also means that you’ll find your own perfect match one day.
4. She could just be a rebound
The sad truth is that she could just be another girl that he wants to break into pieces. He wants to use her because all he needs is a quick fix.
Before you hear your brain desperately shout, “My ex treats his new girlfriend better!” please consider who your ex actually is. Was he someone who didn’t know how to handle his emotions in a good way so he developed very unhealthy coping mechanisms?
If so, there’s a big chance that she’ll merely be a rebound to him. The poor girl doesn’t even know what’s coming her way.
The new woman came into his life in a matter of weeks or a few short months after you broke up. Either he already talked to her while you were together, or he had her on standby. And even if he did meet her right after the breakup, he couldn’t have fallen in love that quickly.
He might pretend like he’s found the right person, but you know him. You know that he’s just trying to find something to make the breakup hurt less. He’ll break her heart in no time with the way he jumped into the relationship.
And during the honeymoon phase, he’ll do all the little things that you wanted just to make sure that he’s able to make someone fall in love with him again. It’s not genuine, it’s a game that he’s probably not even aware he’s playing.
What did your relationship look like on social media? Did you post pics just to make sure that people have the right perception of you?
Or did he always make excuses why he can’t post you on his Instagram? He’d say things that didn’t make sense, like that he simply isn’t the type of guy who does that and so on.
That just meant that he didn’t want to, for whatever reason.
Because of that, I thought that my ex treats his new girlfriend better than me. They were everywhere I looked on social media. They made it seem as if they had a perfect life.
For a moment I thought that it was true. But then I realized they were just compensating for a very bad relationship. She may have even threatened to leave him if he didn’t make their relationship public, so he did it.
I never made ultimatums like that. You probably didn’t either. You just found it odd that he didn’t want to post your pics anywhere.
If you really want to know what’s going on, you could just as easily ask your mutual friends if it’s really as good as their pictures make it seem.
Sometimes, it’s good to remind ourselves that everyone only posts their best moments on social media. We never post pictures of our lowest moments. It’s the same thing with relationships.
6. Even if he did everything right in our relationship, it probably wouldn’t be enough
Sometimes, when we’re with the wrong person, nothing they do is good enough. It sounds absolutely awful and you may not want to believe this. But it’s the blunt truth.
You can be with the wrong person your entire life, they’ll do everything that you wanted your perfect partner to do, and it still won’t feel right. You’d think that that’s impossible, but it happens more often than you can imagine.
You’ll convince yourself that you have no reason to walk away from them, but there will always be a nagging feeling in the back of your mind telling you that you should walk away.
When you’re with the right person, everything is so much easier. Maybe his current relationship is so healthy because his current girlfriend is his soulmate.
You simply weren’t meant to last and that’s okay.
Now, that doesn’t mean that you’re too demanding or that you always deserve more, just that you deserve your own soulmate more than someone who’s only meant to teach you a lesson.
7. He had time to rethink his behavior and that’s a good thing
It can be hard to realize that someone moved on when you’re still trying to heal completely.
But maybe he isn’t that bad of a guy, he just didn’t know how to treat you right. He didn’t know that his behavior was so bad. Until you made the decision to walk away, he wasn’t aware of how serious the situation was.
So now, he met a girl that he likes and, long story short, he realized that he has to change if he wants to keep her. His new partner will get the best version of him because he had time to reflect on everything.
You shouldn’t want your ex back at this point, because even if you did, it doesn’t mean that he would treat you better than before.
He wants to give himself a new chance at love because he’s ready to change. He wants to become a better boyfriend to her than he ever was to you – or anyone else, for that matter.
You shouldn’t consider this a direct attack on you, but rather be happy for him that he’s really working on himself and trying to change.
8. He needs to remind himself that he has it still in him
When someone breaks up with you, you feel as if you’re undeserving of love and you don’t have any game left in you. You feel like there’s nothing you can do to be loved and appreciated by a person.
If he’s introspective at all, he’ll start to blame himself for everything. He’ll think that he was an awful boyfriend and even worse human being for treating you the way he did.
So now he wants to remind himself that he can treat someone right. It hurts that this someone isn’t you, but what can he do about it right now?
You were the one who opened up his eyes and now he’s scared that he’ll forever be alone. He just wants someone to validate him and affirm to him that he can be the right guy who treats a girl right.
Keep this reminder close to your heart. People are much more insecure than they initially let us believe. They play a role just to show themselves and the people around them that they’re capable of treating someone right.
To make you jealous, to convince others, or for some other reason, it doesn’t matter. But it’s not as sincere as it may seem at first glance.
9. When I really think about it, I don’t want him back
You just want the idea of him back. You want the person he is when he’s around her, but that doesn’t mean that he’d be the same person if he got back to you.
How long did you think about leaving him? Let’s be honest here for a moment. You wanted to fight for the relationship, but you knew you’d leave at one point or another. It was just too much work to teach him how to love someone properly.
That’s exactly why it’s so crucial for you to realize you don’t actually want your ex back. You’re just an empath who was taught to see the best in people, so you see the best in him, too.
A lot of people change, but there were enough clues in your past relationship to know it wouldn’t work out. It’s especially important you keep this reminder close to your heart if your ex was a narcissist and you were a victim of narcissistic abuse.
An abusive relationship can make you think that you still need the abuser. He taught you that you were nothing without him. Now that you’ve escaped, you feel like such a huge part of you is missing.
In real life, that’s not true. It’s only a mindset that he manipulatively embedded in you.
If he chose to spend his time on someone else now, you feel like all your suffering was for nothing. You feel like he could’ve treated you like that, but you were just blind to see it.
You’re gaslighting yourself because he gaslighted you for years.
Please, take the time to do some soul-searching and realize that you don’t actually want him back.
10. I should be more demanding and assertive in my next relationship if I want to be treated right
Whenever you feel jealous that your ex treats his new girlfriend better than you, you need to understand that she might just be better with boundaries.
Reflect on your relationship and consider the fact that you might just have ignored the red flags and decided to give him too many second chances.
She’s demanded whatever she thinks she deserves. She’s assertive when it came to her own wants and needs. So at the end of the day, she gets that treatment from him.
Now it’s time to focus on your own demands, needs, wants, and boundaries.
I’m not telling you to demand someone to pull the stars out of the night sky for you. All I’m saying is that you have the right to demand the things that you want from a relationship and your partner. Why would you ever settle for anything less than that?
You can even think about the ways you tried to get your ex to treat you better. You always thought that you could get someone to treat you well by being kind and compassionate towards them.
Now you understand that you have to show kindness and compassion to yourself first. You have to know how to show someone your needs because you love yourself more than you love them.
I know it sounds scary, but you have to put yourself above anything and anyone else. That in itself will help you learn how to become more assertive.
11. I’ll meet my perfect match and I won’t care about how my ex treats his current girlfriend
You will meet your perfect match. You will meet your best friend who will go through thick and thin with you.
You’ll need no contact from your ex nor will you want to stalk him anymore. Your perfect match will show you that you don’t need anyone but him. He will treat you exactly how you’ve always wanted to be treated.
I was so obsessed with the fact that my ex treats his new girlfriend so much better than he ever treated me – until I met my soulmate.
Despite us being in a long-distance relationship at the time, he made sure to constantly remind me that I am worthy of love. He would make such huge sacrifices just to show up and spend time with me. I never had to beg him for anything.
That’s exactly what can happen to you, as well. However, you’re blocking your own blessings by continuously trying to compare his behavior in his current relationship with how he acted around you.
You’ll never be her and that’s completely fine. He’ll never be your soulmate and that’s totally okay, too.
You’re obsessing for no reason because there’s someone out there who can’t wait to meet you and give you the world.
I really like the part where it states, point blank: “You wanted to fight for the relationship, but you knew you’d leave at one point or another.” This really spoke to me. I wanted out from the start, but the thrill and the gaslighting made me a completely different person. I had to get a protective order against HIS ex at the time that I was seeing him. I couldn’t see a healthy life with him, I dreaded his “stories” about other women and ran the relationship into the ground. He is seeing another version of me now. She is trying so hard to win over his friends. She seems like an intelligent woman, as am I. He is a womanizer with charm.
This article helped significantly with directing the healing towards myself.