Think aloud
Leave him alone when he pulls away. You just have to.
Something has changed in your relationship, even if you don’t like to admit it. You feel him pulling away and just want to pull him back, but it’s the wrong thing to do.
I know you’re afraid of losing him and that’s what’s preventing you from giving him some space… but some time apart doesn’t have to mean that it’s over between the two of you.
You just want to show him even more love than you did so far just to bring you closer to each other again. Logically, it makes sense, but there’s not much logic in love.
Leave him alone when he pulls away, especially if you’ve been acting needy so far. We often become needy when we’re overwhelmed with strong feelings for someone, but neediness can just push them away.
You have to give him space and leave him alone. Otherwise, he’ll just pull away even further.
I know that it’s the last thing you want because you just want him to be with you, but you can’t force it. You can’t make him stick around if he clearly wants some space.
What you can do is decide whether you’ll be willing to take him back when he comes back.
Right now, you want him back, and the best option to get him to come back is to just leave him alone.
If he felt suffocated in the relationship, giving him some room to breathe is crucial.
How could he feel suffocated when you showed him nothing but love?
Well, if he felt like he didn’t have a life outside of the relationship, he felt like he lost his freedom.
Maybe you don’t have a huge problem in your relationship.
Perhaps he just used to send you a few texts daily, and now he doesn’t get in touch for a day or two.
When you send him a message, it takes longer for him to reply each time. He definitely doesn’t respond as quickly as he used to.
Maybe you don’t get together as often as you did, and he rarely agrees to meet up with you.
You know that he’s pulling away, and the last thing you want to do is leave him alone. All you want is to stop him from going further away.
What can you do about it?
You need to do exactly the opposite of what you’re probably yearning to do.
Instead of increasing contact, you need to let him go and pull away too.
Don’t ask him what’s going on – there will be time for that later. Right now, you need to get him to chase you again.
Don’t obsess over possible reasons this problem occurred, at least not for now.
You can be perfectly fine on your own, and both of you need to be aware of that fact.
The two of you were attracted to each other and probably had chemistry.
Now that things aren’t as intense as at the start of the relationship, he’s pulling away.
To ignite that spark again, you have to leave him alone when he pulls away.
If you reach out while he’s distant, he’ll most likely just pull away even further.
By forcing interaction, you’ll make him resent you instead of eager to interact with you.
Currently, the two of you aren’t on the same page and don’t want the same thing.
It could be only temporary, but you need to acknowledge it and let things unfold themselves naturally.
Why you should leave him alone when he pulls away?
Ready for some good news? It’s very likely that his pulling away has nothing to do with you.
It may be news to you, but a guy pulling away is nothing out of the ordinary.
Unlike us women, men have a harder time expressing and understanding feelings.
Sometimes, they just need to retreat and not think about their love life. We are much more obsessed with our love life than guys are.
Sometimes, they just want to be left alone to sit around and do nothing while no one bothers them, or simply spend time with other guys.
Often, it’s actually their way of processing emotions.
When women are upset, they talk to those close to them about it. Men, on the other hand, often don’t want to talk about issues, especially feelings.
He wants you to see him as confident and strong.
If he’s not feeling that way currently, he’ll deal with it on his own and come back as the strong, confident man he wants to be.
It will just annoy him if you badger him about what happened and force him to spend time with you.
Why did he pull away in the first place? It’s most likely one of three things.
The first probable explanation is that the problem is not even related to your relationship.
He might be dealing with something challenging at work or have some emotional issues.
The other thing that might be the reason for his withdrawal is if you did something that caused it. Maybe you were pressuring him or acted needy.
And the third probable explanation is that he’s unsure about the relationship.
He doesn’t want to break up with you, but he’s not sure he wants to commit to you either.
Whatever the reason might be, the point is that he needs some space, and it doesn’t have to mean that it’s over.
It doesn’t really matter if he needs to feel more manly or think about his single lifestyle.
All that does matter is that you have to respect him and give him the space he needs.
If you’ve been acting a little clingy lately, acting even needier and going after him more aggressively certainly won’t work.
On the contrary, if you don’t leave him alone when he pulls away, you’re guaranteed to only make things worse.
I know you’re scared because you don’t want it to be over, but it’s not your call now. Whether your relationship ends or not, you have to let him be.
The best chance you have at getting back together with him is to leave him alone when he pulls away from you.
Even if he’s unsure about the relationship, it won’t help if you try to convince him to stay.
Hey, maybe you’re unsure about the relationship too, but you’re just too overwhelmed with emotions.
When he pulled away, did you start wanting him even more?
If so, you’re probably idolizing him, and your relationship now seems better than it actually is.
Some time apart will be good for both of you, even if it means that you might not get back together in the end.
Don’t convince yourself that you’re the problem, regardless of the way you’ve acted so far.
Most often, when a guy pulls away, it has nothing to do with the girl.
We often make ourselves believe that we’re the problem even when we’re clearly dating the wrong guy.
If you start chasing him, though, you will become the problem. He doesn’t want you to do that, and he’ll start seeing you differently if you do.
Maybe everything’s okay between the two of you, he’s just dealing with some other problem in his life.
Yes, it would make sense that he talks to you about it, but – well, he’s a guy.
He doesn’t want to talk about it, especially if you don’t know each other for that long.
How to leave him alone when he pulls away?
You just have to give him some time and space when you feel that he’s pulling away and becoming distant.
Maybe it’s felt like he’s not even present around you lately, and that’s why you need to stop being present in his life now.
Often, when a guy needs you to leave him alone for a while, it’s simply a guy thing.
It’s very likely that he’s not even thinking about breaking up with you.
Don’t try to understand it or fix it, just accept it and focus on yourself. Work on yourself and let him see what he’s missing out on.
A woman who can graciously leave a guy alone will most often see him again as soon as he’s dealt with his problem.
I know you just want to hold his hand and help him deal with whatever’s bothering him, but don’t. He doesn’t want you to.
Let him know that you’re there if he wants to talk, but don’t even ask him what’s going on.
Don’t torture yourself with assumptions and worries that he might leave you either.
Yes, he might be unsure about the relationship, but you’re not helping anyone by stressing yourself out about it.
Try your best to focus on yourself instead of on the relationship or him. If you manage to do that, you will feel better and think much more clearly.
This can be very hard for most women, but trust me, he’ll want you even more when he sees that you’re not like all the others.
Here’s what you can do:
1. Be patient
Whatever you do, don’t pressure him to tell you what’s going on. Asking him why he’s pulling away could just push him away even further.
Just leave him alone and be patient.
If he has some thinking to do, it’s his problem, not yours, and you have a life without him.
Don’t contact him, and don’t demand that you see each other if he’s not willing to do that.
He clearly needs some time alone, and you have to let him have it.
After a while, he’ll finally realize what he wants and whether he’s willing to commit to you.
It’s not something you necessarily have to wait for either – you can think about the same things too.
While he’s not available, someone else might be waiting in line to talk to you.
You can’t affect his decisions, but you can affect yours. He knows what’s best for him, and you need to know what’s best for you too.
Just be patient and give it some time. You’ll both figure out what you really want.
2. Remember other aspects of your life that you can enjoy without him
You can’t let him become the center of your world. Once he pulls away, try not to focus so much on him and the current situation in your love life.
You have your own life, and you need to focus on yourself, especially if you don’t know if he’s coming back.
Instead of losing sleep over someone who’s not sure about you, spend time making yourself happy.
If this guy doesn’t want your help, you can’t help him.
Try to continue with your life as nothing happened and find happiness without him.
If he decides to come back, you won’t feel desperate to take him back.
Instead, you’ll be able to calmly discuss what went on and whether the two of you have a future together or not.
If he doesn’t come back, you’ll be able to accept that because you’ll see that you don’t need him.
Regardless of how much you love him, if he makes you cry, he might not love you as much in return.
Besides, if you’ve only recently started dating, there’s no room for such strong feelings yet.
Try to stay calm and do the things that you love doing. If he takes his time coming back, you’ll discover that you can be happy without him.
3. Act friendly once he comes back
What if he does come back and the reason for his absence had nothing to do with you?
If you think that he was going through something unrelated to you, you should act friendly.
Men often pull away when something’s bothering them and they might have some personal issues to attend to.
Sure, they could talk to you about it, but men rarely like talking about problems.
Try not to jump to conclusions, especially if you have no reason to think you did something wrong.
Either way, you don’t want to act like his enemy once he’s back. Stay friendly – and it’s your best chance to find out what happened.
If he was going through something and had a personal crisis, he needs to know that you can understand that.
Men aren’t as focused on their love life as we are, so he needs you to be his friend when he has problems.
Don’t be the girlfriend that freaks out because he hasn’t phoned, be a friend he can call when something’s bothering him.
Show him that he can always count on you, and next time he might let you in on what’s going on.
If you’ve been together only for a short time, he might not be sure that he can open up to you just yet.
4. When things get back to normal, ask him what happened
Once things get back to normal, and he starts acting the way he used to, you can finally talk about what happened.
You have every right to know why he pulled away, but you need to wait for him to truly come back to find out.
When you’re both feeling better and open to discuss things, the conversation will be much more honest.
Maybe you were left staring at your phone waiting for his call and crying all night. Does he know that?
Maybe he doesn’t have to know that right away. Don’t let him know that he has so much power over you when he pulls away.
Maybe he was going through something, but so did you, and he left you in the dark. When things get back to normal, you can finally talk about that.
Find out why he didn’t want your help if something was bothering him.
If his feelings for you are genuine, he’ll be open with you.
He might refuse to talk about it instead.
In that case, think about whether you can be with someone who can’t trust you, especially if you’ve been together for a while.
5. Always make yourself a priority
When you’re in love with a guy and he pulls away, it can make you give up on everything.
Don’t let yourself wallow in self-pity, but make yourself a priority instead.
Loving him is not an excuse for letting his behavior make you miserable.
Why should you worry so much about someone who is unsure about your relationship?
He knows you want to help him, but he doesn’t want your help, so you shouldn’t worry about him.
You don’t want to let him hurt you just because he’s not committed enough to be present in your life.
If he has some issues, you can be there for him… but if he doesn’t let you, you can’t force him to see that you’re there for him.
You can be happy on your own, and once you realize that, you’ll think twice about letting any guy hurt you.
Why will he want to come back after you leave him alone?
Instead of pressuring him to commit, you should just leave him alone after he withdraws.
By now, you already know that it’s your best option, but do you know why?
You might think that constant contact is the way things should work, but does he know you like him? Does he know that you want to stay in touch?
Most likely, he knows, but he doesn’t want to get in touch, and forcing him could drive him even further away.
Try to relax and let him be because you’ll actually be more in control that way.
Here’s why:
1. You’re not making thing worse
As you already learned, refusing to leave him alone could make things even worse.
He wants you to leave him alone, and when you don’t, do you know what happens?
He starts resenting you, feeling awkward, and wishes to leave even more.
Instead of drawing him back, you’ll actually push him even further away. Having some patience instead could go a long way.
When he pulls away, do nothing and wait for him to do something first.
2. You’re giving him a chance to miss you
We all know that people, especially men, don’t appreciate what they have until it’s gone. Give him some time to realize that he’s about to lose you.
If you’re constantly available and all over him, he’s just going to take you for granted.
Make him miss you instead, and he’ll want to be closer to you again.
He can’t miss you if you’re constantly there or forever texting and calling him. Don’t even react to his posts on social media or ask around about him.
He wanted some time away from you, and he needs to learn how that feels.
Let him experience life without you, and he’ll see how much your presence in it really means to him.
If it doesn’t, you’re not losing anything, and he’s actually doing you a favor. Most likely though, if you stay silent, he’ll want you even more than before.
When he pulls away, let him go, and if he’s the man for you, he’ll come running back.
3. It will heighten the attraction
When people date, they play all these games, and although we’re tired of it, they serve a purpose.
By staying graceful and allowing him to have some space, you increasing the attraction.
Confidence and strength are attractive qualities – neediness and desperation are not. In fact, they kill the chemistry.
By showing him that you’re a strong, confident woman, you’re letting him know that he has something to lose.
You’re not going to run after him, you want him to chase you instead.
Your attractive qualities, along with the time he spends missing you, will increase the attraction.
He’ll start wondering if he’s lost you, and it’ll make him come back.
Give him some time to miss you and learn how to be high-value when he pulls away. You’ll probably see him again in no time, so just try to relax.
Good luck!
