With the rise of social media, it’s become quite difficult to keep your relationship private.
There was a time when being in a relationship meant you’ve created a safe space where you as a couple could find support, trust, and security.
As society progressed and new technology came along, so changed that safe space.
It’s become harder and harder to maintain the privacy of your own relationship since phones and social media have made it easier for people to snoop around your life.
Not too long ago, people tried to protect their healthy relationships from the opinions and impact of the outside world.
Relationships were sacred, there’s no doubt about it, but times have definitely changed.
Nowadays, everyone can go online and search for a person, and get instant results.
Most of the precious moments that we share with our partners are publicly available to thousands of people.
Those moments eventually can become tools that others can use against us if we aren’t being careful enough.
Others might try to humiliate, exploit, or even bring shame to you just by using the pics posted on your social media.
That’s why it’s rather difficult to keep out of the public eye. Your love life is displayed to dozens of people.
Especially if you’ve started a new relationship with someone.
You have this burning desire to post pictures of your loved one, but you refrain because someone might interpret them in a negative way.
But that shouldn’t be the case.
Love is such a powerful and beautiful thing. It should be perfectly fine to share your affection for your partner on social media without thinking about the consequences.
I know what you’re thinking: There’s not much room for privacy anymore.
The thing is, I’ve seen people get confused about the term privacy and secrecy. So, let’s explain first the differences between the two.
Later in the article, I’ll talk about the possible reasons why you should keep your relationship private, as well as the benefits of keeping it intimate.
What’s the difference between privacy and secrecy?
I get it. You want to flaunt your new SO and show your friends what a great time you’re having with him.
You don’t post pics of your new partner because you seek validation, but because you want to have a memory of that perfect moment.
But, be careful, it can backfire.
That’s why you should learn how to keep your relationship private. But it doesn’t mean that it has to be secret.
So, what’s the difference?
Well, secrecy means that in every story that you tell, there’s an “I” and not a “we” in it.
If you twist and turn the story you’re telling to a friend to make sure he/she doesn’t know you’re dating someone, that’s called holding a secret – not being private.
It’s important that you’re aware of this because it’s the wrong thing to do.
Ask yourself why you’d keep your relationship private?
Is it because you’re afraid your family memberswill find out about it? Or are you embarrassed by your significant other?
Whatever the case, it’s not healthy to keep your relationship a secret. It always ends with someone being hurt.
Let’s say one of your friends asks you “Are you single?” and you reply “Yes, I am.”
Do you think that means you’re keeping your relationship private or a secret?
Never do that!
Don’t worry about what your coworker might think about your new relationship or what your friend might have to say.
Omitting the truth is a plain lie and your partner probably won’t be happy about it.
If you’re still wondering what the difference is between secrecy and privacy, then ask yourself: “Which term do I use when introducing my partner to someone?”
Do you say “He’s my boyfriend” or do you use a more platonic term?
The answer to that question will help you realize whether you’re being secretive or private.
If you call him a “friend” or “buddy” as soon as someone is around you, then you’re being secretive about your relationship.
It’s totally okay not to have the courage to use labels at the beginning of your relationship. Instead, just introduce them by their first name.
If you’re scared or don’t know how to define your relationship, just say that you’re dating at the moment if someone asks you about him.
Another way to determine whether you’re being secretive or private is to think about whether leaving out certain important details are one-sided or not.
It’s quite normal for a new couple to agree not to tell others about their relationship because they don’t feel ready yet.
That’s something that you’ve talked about with your partner and at the end of the day, you respect his wishes.
Your private life stays personal.
But if you didn’t have the talk yet, and you’re going against your partner’s wishes to publicly announce that the two of you are together, then your boyfriend might not be cool with that.
Now, that we’ve established that privacy is a good thing and secrecy not, let’s talk about some stuff that should stay behind closed doors at all times.
Keep in mind that the fewer people who know about your personal life, the better it is for your mental health.
It can be quite stressful and overwhelming when other people know about your problems and other private matters.
By now, we’ve learned that your relationship status shouldn’t be a secret because your partner might start doubting your loyalty.
And we’ve learned that there are certain things that should be kept in private like your finances and your love life.
Before we get into the benefits that you can experience when you keep your relationship private and not secretive, here’s how social media can negatively influence your relationship.
1. People will judge you
As I previously said, social media can fool people into thinking you have a perfect real life.
Maybe you’ve posted something online on your Instagram or Snapchat, and suddenly everyone feels entitled to judge you.
They might think that way because they don’t realize your true intentions for posting those pics, and they think they know all about your relationship.
People will always try to weigh in, no matter what.
This means they can comfortably sit in their chair and comment about your relationship as if they know what’s best for you and your partner.
Granted, there are times where this could be a good thing and prove to be beneficial for your relationship.
But in most cases, it’ll cause issues in your relationship that you thought you never had.
That’s why it’s best to keep your relationship private.
Don’t post everything about your life on social media.
Don’t be the type of girl who takes and posts dozens of pictures when she and her beau go on vacation.
People will always find something to judge you by, even if it’s about things they know nothing about.
2. It creates a false sense of validation
When you’re in a long-term relationship, social media posts become a casual thing to do.
It’s not a validation of your love, but simply an act that doesn’t have a particular meaning in the grand scheme of things.
People who are married or in a committed relationship don’t need external validation of their love for each other.
I’m not saying that there aren’t couples out there who don’t want to share parts of their personal lives on social media.
They just know which parts should be kept private and which to leave within their own four walls.
On the other hand, in non-established relationships, posting stuff about your partner and love life can create a false sense of validation.
For some, it is a way to feel accepted by others.
You shouldn’t post pictures of your partner just because you want to show them off to your friends and family.
If you do, you’re just feeding your own insecurities.
Don’t show off your partner for the wrong reason. Some things are better kept for yourselves, while still feeling accepted by others.
3. It puts pressure on your relationship
When you scroll down through your pictures, you see only happy faces. And that might put a lot of pressure on you and your partner.
Because you’re building up a perfect picture of what a relationship should look like, but it isn’t entirely without flaws.
You might feel like your relationship is the best, and that no one feels as happy as you. But you forget that every couple has their ups and downs.
You shouldn’t create a false illusion that your romantic life is perfect because it isn’t.
Your relationship image will be twisted and it will look like everything you have with your boyfriend is ideal.
But your hopes will be crushed should you ever break up with each other.
You’ll scroll down and look at those perfect pictures and think your relationship was like a fairy tale.
You won’t be able to see the mistakes that the two of you have made, and you’ll want to get back together with him.
That’s why it’s better to keep your relationship private.
Instead of posting all those “perfect” pictures on social media, compile them in an album.
It’s healthier for you to maintain a clear picture of what’s going on in your relationship.
Don’t just remember the happy moments. The fights and arguments can bring you even closer if you tackle them together.
4. You come across as vulnerable and weak
Many times I’ve seen couples having arguments and minutes later they’re changing their social media status to “It’s complicated.”
But why? Why do you want everyone to know that you have problems in your relationship?
I mean, most of the people reading that stuff won’t even care, so why bother posting it?
You’re just opening yourself up to unnecessary judgment and you’re making yourself look vulnerable and weak.
If you’re with the right partner, then you won’t make it public every time you have an argument.
Instead, you’ll try to work things out between the two of you and won’t bother saying anything on social media.
As I said, no relationship is perfect.
They can be really complicated sometimes, so that’s why you should keep your relationship private, especially if you’re having issues.
5. You compare yourself to other couples
There are many couples out there who make a living posting picture-perfect shots of themselves on social media.
When you see those pictures, you might want to try to imitate them, but it’ll only backfire on you.
Because it’ll only highlight those flaws that you have in your own relationship.
As I said, no relationship is without its ups and downs.
For you to have a healthy relationship, you have to work on problems and challenges together as a couple.
Don’t just fixate on those issues because they’ll completely ruin the relationship you have.
That’s why it’s important to keep your relationship private and save yourself from unnecessary drama and arguments.
Your relationship goals don’t need to match those you see on social media.
6. Your ex gets curious or offended
Showing off your relationship on social media to anybody and everybody can be an invitation to your ex to snoop around in your current love life.
Maybe he made his goal to ruin your relationship because he’s an aggressive and manipulative person.
Everyone does a bit of stalking their ex at one stage. We all do that.
But, after a certain point, we learn to let go and move on once we realize it’s unhealthy.
However, what stops him from being curious and seeing if you’re doing better without him?
That’s right, nothing.
It can be a really bad thing if you have a possessive ex-boyfriend who struggles with jealousy issues.
It can only bring you unnecessary problems in your current relationship.
That’s why it’s better to keep your relationship private.
Even if you’re relationship with your ex ended on good terms, he might interpret you posting those pics as you rubbing your new love life in his face.
7. You get upset at your partner if he doesn’t post something
It’s quite normal for people to overthink things. When you’re bored and have nothing to do, all sorts of thoughts come to mind.
So let’s say you enjoy posting cute pictures of your new partner.
It boosts your self-esteem when you see those likes going up and you want to show your partner you love him.
But your partner isn’t an avid social media user and doesn’t post much stuff about your relationship, or about himself in general.
After a while, you start thinking that something’s wrong if he doesn’t match your posting standards.
Before you know it, you’re jumping to all sorts of conclusions: “He’s cheating on me,” “He doesn’t want to show me off to his friends,” and goodness knows what else.
Eventually, you’ll create a problem that was never there in your relationship to begin with.
Don’t seek external validation.
Learn to love your partner for who he is, even if it means he doesn’t want to use social media as much as you do.
Try to see his point of view. And if you can’t get certain ideas out of your head, then simply ask him straight out.
Don’t see it as a red flag and don’t create problems where there are none.
Never let social media determine whether or not you’re happy in a relationship.
Don’t just rely on those comments you receive and don’t seek validation from other people.
Those likes and cute emojis mean nothing if you don’t feel the happiness within yourself.
Sure, those hearts and shares might give you doses of dopamine, but they aren’t real life. They might not depict the true picture of your relationship.
Eventually, you’ll spend more time posting pictures of your love life than actually enjoying the time you get to spend with your partner.
Be present in the moment. Your relationship will only benefit from it and you’ll forge a stronger bond and healthier relationship.
9. Some people won’t be happy for you
Let’s face it, not everyone will be happy about you being in a relationship with that handsome guy.
Some of your friends might even disagree with your choice of partner and think he’s likely to cheat on you.
Remember, when you’re too “loud” about your relationship, there’s always a chance you’ll receive negative feedback from unhappy people.
What does that mean?
Well, if they are your close friends, they might suggest you break up with your partner even though you had a small argument and that’s it.
So, try to keep that in mind next time you choose to tell a relationship story online. They might keep you from seeing the bigger picture.
There are a lot of toxic and false people around us, but we fail to recognize them.
Some friends pretend they want what’s best for us.
This is just another reason to keep your relationship and problems private.
Important things that should always be kept private
Intimacy in the bedroom
First of all, anything that happens in the bedroom, stays in the bedroom.
Don’t go around and talk with your friends about how your partner is performing badly in the bedroom.
Don’t talk to them about your private details unless you’ve got your partner’s approval.
Some things are truly better left unsaid.
Financial or legal issues (if you have any)
Everyone is already dealing with problems in their own lives. Why bother them with your own financial or legal issues?
They most likely aren’t going to listen to you and might even try to distance themselves from you if you share this type of personal info.
Every couple has their own financial challenges.
If the situation isn’t going well for the two of you, then work together to solve those problems and keep them to yourselves.
And just a heads-up: Never post pics of huge sums of money on your social media accounts. It’s really distasteful and rude.
Keep your fights behind closed doors.
Don’t ever talk about the arguments you had with your partner with other people outside of your relationship.
It’s unhealthy and disrespectful toward your partner.
Of course, it’s fine to ask for advice or help when you sincerely need it. But don’t go running around talking about your own private disagreements.
Everyone has their own flaws and insecurities, even your partner who you love so dearly.
But those things should never be discussed with your friends or family.
If you talk about your partner’s annoying traits, you’re giving the listener an opportunity to form negative opinions about your loved one before they’ve met them.
Don’t give your family or friends an excuse to judge your SO.
Biggest benefits of keeping your relationship private
If you keep your relationship private, you’ll have more fun.
How, you might ask?
Well, sometimes it’s just nice to spend some time alone with your partner without worrying how either of you looks at that moment.
You don’t need to look your best all the time and concern yourself with selfies.
Learn to enjoy the moment.
Because by keeping your relationship private, you ensure it doesn’t get messed up by potentially toxic external opinions.
When you keep your relationship private, it can help increase a sense of authenticity.
Your relationship will feel much more real and personal when you take social media out of the equation.
Let’s say you’ve taken a trip with your partner.
Don’t just think about taking pics and posting them on social media – you’ll miss the little things that make the holiday so special!
Keep your relationship private and connect with your partner in real life, not through the internet.
If you take the advice, your relationship will be healthier and you’ll grow that much stronger as a couple.
Give your partner and yourself space to be imperfect. Because true love means to make mistakes and learn from them.