“The worst-case scenario happened to me. I thought he liked me, but he has a girlfriend. What should I do now?”
We’ve all been there and experienced it. You meet an awesome, funny, and good-looking man who’s as close as it gets to being your dream guy. But after some time, you find out that he has a girlfriend. You’re in shock because you can’t believe that someone would do that to you – I mean, he said that he liked you a lot.
You can’t seem to wrap your head around why a man would do such a terrible thing to his significant other and why he’d even hit on you if he has a girlfriend already?
But don’t worry too much, because in this article I’ll mention a couple of reasons a guy hits on other girls even though he’s in a committed relationship, as well as things you can do to keep your sanity and self-respect.
It can quite difficult to understand why a guy with a girlfriend would be even attracted to another woman, especially when emotions are involved. But let’s say that you know he’s been dating someone all along, yet you decided to continue with the flirty flow. In your head, you’re doing nothing harmful and it’s all just fun for you.
When you two talk, it’s like you’ve known each other for years. You quickly open up to him, thinking that he’d never hurt you since he can’t be serious about getting close to you. Also, you want to know what’s on his mind.
But as time goes on, you fall for him and his sweet words – and hard.
I thought he liked me, but he has a girlfriend. Why do guys do that?
The inevitable truth is that he’s already taken and you should never be the woman responsible for someone else’s breakup. I know it can be flattering that a guy with a girlfriend is hitting on you and flirting with you, but you don’t want to carry that guilt with you, no matter how head over heels you are for him.
I know that getting the attention of a guy with a girlfriend is exhilirating, daring, and somewhat addictive. You don’t have to hate yourself for it. We all want what we can’t have. It’s in our human nature to desire things that are out of reach for us – or in this case, a lover who’s already taken.
But why do guys do that? Why on earth would they go behind their girlfriend’s back and flirt with another woman? Is it because they’re genuinely interested in you? Or could it be that he’s nothing more than a player?
1. He’s having issues with his current girlfriend
“I thought he liked me but he has a girlfriend. Could it be that he’s having relationship problems and that’s why he’s been flirting with me?”
This could indeed be true because many guys would rather look for someone else than face the issues they’re having in their current relationship.
Admitting that he likes you could be his way of acting out. Whether that be out of revenge or because he needs comforting, it really doesn’t matter.
The bottom line is he feels a void in his heart and is looking for someone to fill it.
Perhaps he and his girlfriend had an argument or a full-blown fight, and now he wants you to ease his mind a bit. Maybe he wants to use you to make his girlfriend jealous. It shouldn’t make a difference for you.
In this kind of situation, you risk being his little secret that only a few people know about.
Assuming you don’t want this, you have to confront him and tell him straight away, “I’m not looking to be someone’s second choice and secret. Don’t contact me ever again!”
He needs to take responsibility for his actions and work together with his girlfriend to find a solution. If he’s still interested in you once she’s out of the picture, then you can have a face-to-face conversation.
2. There’s something missing from his current relationship
Are you familiar with the term hero instinct? It’s a rather new and popular buzzword among psychologists and relationship experts.
Basically, it’s a biological drive in men to have meaning in life, and without it, they feel worthless.
So, how does this apply to your situation? Well, it could be that his current girlfriend doesn’t give him an opportunity to prove himself and as a result, he feels unsatisfied.
So that’s why he’s sought out someone new and in this case, that’s you.
Regarding the hero instinct, it is up to the woman to trigger it in a man. Sometimes, women don’t think too much about it and just want to help their men.
But if a man isn’t given the opportunity to step up for the woman he’s in a relationship with, he’ll start looking elsewhere.
You may just be doing something that triggers this innate instinct and that’s why he feels insanely attracted to you.
3. He has genuine feelings for you
The most innocent possibility for him flirting with you is that he genuinely likes you. This is a good thing, but keep in mind that there are two sides to every coin.
In most cases, we can’t control our emotions and who we fall in love with. Maybe he met you just after he got with his girlfriend and fell for you accidentally.
Whatever the scenario, you shouldn’t blame him if he started to develop certain feelings for you.
Rather than questioning his emotions, you should be asking what he wants from you. Is he hoping to hear you feel the same so you two can start a romantic relationship together once he breaks up with his current girlfriend?
Or is he feeling guilty and wanting to get it off of his chest?
At the end of the day, it’s up to him to decide what he really wants and to have that discussion with her.
4. He wants a no-strings-attached fling
There are some men who are straight-up cowards and don’t have the courage to break up with their girlfriends. Instead, what they’ll do is cheat on their partner and hope that no one finds out about it.
These kinds of guys want variety and are looking for an easy hookup. They don’t care about long-term relationships and being faithful to one person.
A guy like this doesn’t want out of his relationship because it’s probably well established. He’s more interested in a no-strings-attached type of fling.
I’m not here to judge you and tell you whether or not you should accept his proposal.
But if you’re living in the illusion that you may be his new girlfriend and that you two are more suited to each other than him and his girlfriend, then you need to come to your senses and see the reality of the situation.
Ever considered that you’re not the only one he’s playing games with?
5. He’s seeking revenge
You thought he liked you, but it turned out he has a girlfriend. Could it be that he’s seeking revenge because she cheated on him first?
This could be another plausible reason this man decided to get flirty with you. Maybe he thought that this is something she deserves to experience and he has every right to get his revenge.
Truth be told, this can be a little tricky because if he tells you that he’s been cheated on first, you may try to justify his behavior and help him cheat back.
Unfortunately, this won’t help you create any sort of healthy foundation between you two. Unless you can accept the fact that you’ll be the “other woman,” you should move away from this guy and on to other, single guys.
6. He’s an insecure man who just wants attention
There are guys out there who are pretty insecure about themselves and risk everything they have just to get attention from another woman.
My advice to you is to avoid them like the plague because flirting with a man like this is flirting with danger.
An insecure man doesn’t have a high opinion about himself and lacks confidence and self-worth, which eventually leads him to do things that won’t end up well – such as flirting with someone else.
He said he liked me, but he has a girlfriend. How can I be sure that he’s interested in me?
Usually, you’ll be able to tell if a guy truly likes and wants you. Sometimes, he’ll reveal his emotions through his body language or maybe he’ll try to flirt with you a lot.
If you’re still unsure whether he’s just being a nice guy or he really wants you, then pay attention to the following signs.
1. He wants to spend as much time with you as possible
A guy who wants you but has a girlfriend will use any opportunity he gets to spends as much time with you as possible.
It doesn’t matter whether you’re by yourself or with a group of friends, he’ll grab any chance to be around you.
And when you finally do get together, especially if you like him too, then those moments will feel magical.
You’ll enjoy every second of your time together. Everyone will see there are obvious sparks between you, despite your best attempts at hiding it.
All of this may lead you to believe that you two are already together, but the reality is, you’ve ended up being the “other woman.”
2. He tries to avoid you at all costs
Instead of constantly trying to be close to you, he may instead be paranoid that someone will notice how well the two of you get on or sense that he’s emotionally invested in you.
He might even worry that others will see he’s having more fun with you than he is with his girlfriend.
That’s why he’ll avoid being around you so as not to get caught out. God forbid that his girlfriend finds out and all hell breaks loose. Even if being around you makes him happy, it also makes him feel guilty.
So in order to care less about you, he starts avoiding you at all costs. He thinks that’s how he’ll create an emotional barrier between you two in order to not get in trouble with his current girlfriend.
3. He laughs at all your jokes
If a guy is genuinely interested in you, then he probably won’t be able to avoid you even though he has a girlfriend. Instead, he’ll spend a lot of time with you and when he does, he’ll laugh his socks off every time you crack a joke.
That happens because you two share powerful chemistry and he gets a major kick out of seeing you smile. He’ll do anything he can so that you’re feeling happy and comfortable around him.
Whether your jokes are funny or not really doesn’t matter – he’ll laugh at them all the same.
4. He texts you a lot
“He’s texting me every day and that’s why I thought he liked me, but he has a girlfriend.”
This is something that happens quite often if a man likes you yet is currently in a relationship with another woman.
He’ll text you all the time because he wants to deepen the bond between you. Your phone won’t stop buzzing with messages from him because he can’t get enough of you.
Texting also gives him the freedom to talk to you without letting others know that he’s interested in you. That way, no one will be able to hear what he’s saying or see how he’s behaving around you.
He’ll send you cute messages and lots of emojis so that you know he likes you more than his girlfriend.
Be careful not to lose yourself in all the texting because the reality of the situation is that he’s cheating on his girlfriend with you. And you don’t want to be that kind of a woman.
I thought he liked me, but he has a girlfriend. What should I do now?
I know that you’re quite confused about what to do if he has been hitting on you but has a girlfriend. Even if he’s got genuine feelings for you, you really don’t want to be the one to blame for their split-up. That’s why you need to…
1. Decide what you want
It’s can be pretty frustrating if one day he tells you he likes you and the next day he ghosts you. That’s why before you go any further, you have to decide if whatever you have with him is worth breaking up another couple.
Certainly, you’re not that kind of a woman who goes out there and steals men from other women, but you could be tempted to continue with your little secret based on your emotions toward him.
Of course, everyone has a different set of values and beliefs, but you should never be responsible for someone’s breakup. You have to stick to your values and let him decide if he’s prepared to leave his girlfriend.
On top of that, it’s crucial that you find out what his motives are. Perhaps he’s serious about you or it could be that he’s interested in a passing fling and nothing more.
Maybe you’re not bothered by that at all, but you need to decide what’s acceptable for you and what are deal breakers.
You can’t fall for his charming looks and sweet words. He’ll never prioritize you if you stay with him even though he has a girlfriend.
Don’t let him sway you away from your core values and beliefs. Eventually, if you do go down that path, you’ll end up regretting your decisions later.
2. Stick to your decision
If you tell him that you’re not interested in flirting with him, but then you send him a flirty text message, you’ll be sending mixed signals and confusing him as to what you want.
After taking a step back, evaluating the situation, and making a decision, you need to stick with it. Either it’s okay for you that he’s cheating on his girlfriend or it’s not.
Again, you need to take time to think about whether or not this is something you want. Are you really okay with being the “other woman” and everything that comes with that?
Do you really believe you could have a future with him? If your answer is no, then there’s no point in hanging out with him or replying to his messages at all.
Set your boundaries and make sure he knows them. Don’t be afraid to say what’s on your mind or he may push you into doing something you’ll regret later on.
Don’t settle for his “We’ll see where it goes.” Because it will go where he wants it to go. You need to have control over your own decisions and not let his charms manipulate you in any way.
3. Never interfere with the relationship
It’s so easy to get caught up in one’s feelings and convince yourself that it’s fine to steal him away from his girlfriend. But this will only do you more harm than good because it sets a really bad foundation for your new relationship.
That’s why it’s better not to interfere with the relationship and let it take its natural course.
If their relationship is on thin ice and they have unresolved issues, then it’s just a matter of time before they break up anyway.
And if they aren’t, then he probably won’t ever leave her for you and doesn’t see you as anything more than a casual fling.
4. Act once the dust settles
If you’re really into him and you genuinely believe that he’s the one for you, then you should wait it out. And if they break up, swoop in once the dust settles.
This is the only way you can get a guy with a girlfriend – by waiting until one of them breaks things off.
Even if you think that you can’t wait that long, it’s the only way to give yourself a fresh start if you do decide to start a romantic relationship with him. That way, your bond won’t be overshadowed by the drama of his past one.
The best thing you can do for the both of you is to give him time and space to accept and process his previous relationship.
Why shouldn’t I get involved with someone in a relationship?
He’ll lie to you just like he lies to her
The number one reason you shouldn’t get involved with a man who already has a girlfriend is that you can’t trust him. Even if he talks badly about his current girlfriend and how he can’t wait for her to make a mistake so that he can break up with her, that’s a major red flag.
He’s still with her, isn’t he? Chances are that he’s selling you a story to justify what he’s doing.
So, if you’re considering this man as your potential next boyfriend, you may want to think things through again. You’ll always have that little voice in the back of your mind telling you that he’s cheating on you.
You might find yourself in the middle of a dramatic breakup
If you do decide to flirt back or even go out on a couple of dates with him, chances are that his girlfriend will find out about it sooner or later.
While mature people would definitely leave you out of it, you can’t be certain that his girlfriend is one of them.
Who knows, she may just pull you into the middle of the drama and, even worse, blame you for everything that happened.
Ask yourself: Is it really worth it? You don’t want to be responsible for hurting another woman, am I right?
That’s why it’s for the best to leave the guy to handle his own business. After all, there are other fish in the sea.
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