“I know my boyfriend loves me, but I feel insecure!”
I know what that feels like. After so many failed relationships and too many broken hearts, you’re simply not able to relax at this point. You’re always looking for the slightest sign that he could be losing feelings for you.
The plot twist is that there are no signs. He’s always there for you, he’s taking care of you, he’s loving, and caring all the time. So, you start to believe that there’s something wrong with you. You’re always starting a fight over the stupidest things, but at the moment it seems like the world is ending for you.
When the fight is over, and he reassures you that everything is okay, you start to ask yourself why you even think that he would look at another woman, let alone cheat on you, or leave you.
I know that you probably won’t believe me when I tell you this, but it’s actually quite normal. People who have been in the same relationship for years still experience these emotions, so you’re not some oddity that’s walking around. You’re just a girl that’s been through a lot.
I won’t go into too much detail here about the possibilities of why you’re feeling this way, you know what you’ve been through better than anyone. I’m here to talk to you about the few ways that you can work on yourself.
The first step is to realize that you have a little problem, and the second one is understanding that you should work on yourself. So, here are some tips that can bring you back on track.
I know my boyfriend loves me, but I feel insecure: What do I do?!
1. Ask for reassurance when you need it
In my experience, the best cure for these feelings is when you’re able to get reassurance. I mean, just think about it. Whenever your boyfriend told you that there was nothing to worry about, and he made sure to hug you and talk to you, you immediately felt better.
There’s nothing wrong with needing reassurance. We all experience that from time to time. You shouldn’t immediately go into defense because something is bothering you. How about you try and talk it through?
“Hey, could we talk? I’ve been feeling a little bit on the edge lately because of something that you said, and I just wanted to address it. I’m not attacking you, I would just like to know if you meant it.”
There are so many triggering moments that are actually silly when you look back on them, but at the moment you’re losing your marbles because of them. That’s why it would be much easier to ask for reassurance than to create a scene before you get it.
2. Don’t sweep your feelings under the rug
Another thing that you could be doing when you’re feeling insecure is that you’ll end up sweeping things under the rug because you’re scared that he’ll leave you.
You feel like you can’t say anything out of the fear that he’ll say that you’re too needy and that he’ll just become more agitated. You don’t want your boyfriend to feel that way because of you!
However, if you’re holding things in, that’s when they’ll start to accumulate. You’ll start feeling even more insecure because all of those things will be roaming through your head, and you won’t understand how you can deal with them.
That in itself can lead to even more disagreements and fights. Considering that those are your kryptonite and these moments make you feel even worse about yourself, it may be better to talk about the things that bother you upfront.
At the end of the day, if he’s a loving and caring boyfriend, then he’ll take the time to talk to you about these issues. He’ll want to work on your relationship just as much as you want.
3. Focus on the things that you love to do
“I know my boyfriend loves me, but I feel insecure! Is there something that can help me stop feeling this way?”
Whenever you feel that way, it’s because you’re scared that you’re not good enough. However, he likes you for the person you are. He loves you for the things you do, the way you act, and the way you look.
For that exact reason, you’ll have to focus on the things that you love to do. These things include doing things for your boyfriend, but also going out with your female friends, reading the books that you love, going on adventures that make you feel alive – and so many other things!
You should also make sure that you’re dressing in a way that makes you feel confident. You should never avoid the extra couple of steps when you’re getting ready, because that will make a huge difference in your confidence.
Most of us want to become everything that our partner wants, but that’s simply not how life works. You have to be yourself and do things that will make you feel more confident in yourself. Otherwise, you’ll always compare yourself to someone who, at first glance, may seem better than you.
There are some things in this world that you can only share with one person. You two have been together for a while now, and you’ve talked about all the things that you want and need in a healthy relationship. That’s why you’ve chosen this relationship, even though the daring pool is wide and deep.
You two share the same values, and you need to cherish those. If he said that he wouldn’t be able to get over his partner cheating and that he would never cheat – that’s a value that you two share. That’s why you’ll have to take his word for it.
If he says that he’s looking for a serious relationship that will lead to marriage one day, then you have to trust him.
I know that it’s hard to trust someone, but most of the time people aren’t that bad. Your boyfriend loves you so much, and he would never do anything to harm your relationship. He was able to prove that with his behavior, but you’re the one who has to trust those values that you two have set.
Write down all the things that you know you share when it comes to this topic, and you’ll see that there’s nothing for you to worry about!
5. Let yourself enjoy your relationship
Even though insecurity is a completely normal and valid emotion, you’re still doing yourself, and your relationship, a huge disservice. You’re bringing yourself into a state where you feel like there’s always something wrong, or that he’ll leave you at any given moment.
This, in turn, doesn’t allow you to enjoy your relationship at all. You’re always on the lookout for the next bad thing to happen to you two, without understanding that you could simply enjoy yourself, and be happy with your wonderful partner.
I understand that it’s hard to let go of those thoughts. However, in the moments when you’re completely overtaken by those emotions, I want you to genuinely get out of your head. Have a code word. A simple STOP will do the trick, and you’ll be able to get out of that mindset. The trick here is, of course, to not allow yourself to slip back into those thoughts.
Enjoy your relationship, because these years won’t come back. Rather than sulking in your room the entire day, you should go out on a picnic date with your boo.
6. Seek professional help if needed
More often than not, people aren’t able to deal with these emotions by themselves. That’s completely understandable, especially if you’ve been through a lot of trauma in your life and you don’t feel like you’re worthy of love.
You’re wondering if you’ll ever find that peace within you when in actuality, you’ll have to work to get there. You can’t just expect your partner to magically know how to behave, you’ll have to communicate.
So, if you get to the point where you’re not entirely sure how to move on from one spot, then you could seek out professional help. Your friends, family, and your boyfriend could help you through these trying times, but it’s different when someone is certified for it.
Once you step foot into a therapist’s office, you’ll be able to see where your insecurities come from, and what exactly triggers them. That’s when you’ll be able to work on yourself much more effectively to help your relationship grow into something beautiful rather than feeling like you’re nothing more than a burden to your man.
I know that insecurities are hard to handle, but there’s always someone who can help you with that. You don’t have to feel like the world is falling apart just because another girl walked past you.
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