“Why do I feel like no one understands me?”
Because you’re probably right! We’re all human. We don’t want to make much of an effort to understand what people around us are going through because we’re preoccupied with our own problems. We want to spend as much effort and energy as necessary, but not an ounce more because we’re tired.
What does that tell you? Right off the bat, the world doesn’t hate you and the people around you didn’t conspire against you. You simply didn’t give them a chance to get to know you and to understand you better. Rather than figuring out what you’re going through, they’re inclined to jump to conclusions.
We’ve all been there, too. You’re surrounded by people but you’re lonely. You feel like no one understands you, no one sees you, and no one hears you when you’re trying to speak about what you’re going through. You feel like no one cares, and you’re devastated by that because you crave connection.
What’s even worse, when you start feeling that way, you start talking down on yourself, blaming yourself for your lack of social skills, and deepening that hollow, aching feeling inside. What are you supposed to do when you start feeling that way? We’re bringing you everything you need to know down below!
Why do I feel like no one understands me?
“Why do I feel like no one understands me? I’m weird. I’m different from other people and I don’t know how to behave toward them. I don’t know whether I’m the one to blame or whether they’re the ones that need to approach me and ask me about my torments.”
We’re aware that your wording might be different from what we’ve come up with, but bear with us.
When you’re feeling that way, the way we described beforehand, you’re not sure where your feelings are coming from. You’re not sure whether you’re right to feel that way or whether you need to change the way you feel. We understand that.
More often than not, when people feel like nobody understands them or like nobody wants to understand them, they’re responding to some deep-seated trauma they’re unaware of.
Maybe you were bullied when you were younger and you’re conditioned to expect an unsupportive environment wherever you go. Perhaps you’re putting your expectations on one person and you’re acting up because that person doesn’t seem to understand you.
Maybe you’re giving up on people before you’ve even given them the chance to understand you – out of fear or out of embarrassment.
Whatever your reasons might be, know that you don’t need to keep living that way. With a little help from our tips and tricks, you can find a way to give the people around you another chance to prove themselves to you – you’d be surprised at how great people can be when you learn to trust them.
What do I do when I feel like no one understands me?
1. Work on understanding yourself
When you’re heartbroken over the thought that no one understands you, you might not even think to check whether you’re the one that needs to change. We’re pretty sure that’s not something you want to hear right now, but that’s the thing – maybe you need a reality check.
Maybe you need to understand yourself before you accuse the people around you of not understanding you. Knowing what you need, what triggers you, and what makes you happy can make a world of difference when you’re trying to talk about what you’re going through with your friends and family.
When you, for example, need support because you’re going through a breakup, knowing what type of support you need can make things easier for your friends and family. A hug, a safe space to open up, and a bit of advice are three different things, right? At the end of the day, you can’t go wrong with either.
2. Communicate clearly and constructively
Chances are, you’ve been hinting about your problems, venting to people who were willing to listen, and throwing around bits and bobs about what you’ve been going through – but you haven’t actually sat down with anyone to have a conversation about what’s been going on.
Putting your bottled-up feelings up for discussion can be a tough task, but you’re guaranteed to notice a difference when you take that burden off your chest. Approach someone willing to listen, someone you trust, and ask to have a heart-to-heart conversation.
Start by saying that you need to get something off your chest and be upfront with your expectations of them. Allow them to hear you out without withdrawing because you’re scared or embarrassed.
3. Find people who understand what you’re going through and relate to your problems
What are you supposed to do when you’ve got nobody to turn to? We always suggest turning to people who care about you because they’re more likely to understand why you’re feeling the way that you’re feeling. We do, however, understand that not everybody’s surrounded by friends and family.
When you feel like you’re all alone, you might want to branch out and try to reach out to people who are going through the same things you’re going through.
Whether you’re suffering from a disease that’s affecting the quality of your life or struggling with mental health, support groups, and online communities are a great way to start. Reach out to them and see what happens – you’d be surprised at how many people think they’re all alone when they’re not.
4. Find a way to express yourself differently
“Just talk to someone” sounds like the type of advice you get from someone who definitely doesn’t understand you. We know that expressing your emotions doesn’t come easily to you, but that doesn’t mean that you should stop trying.
When you notice that your heart-to-heart conversations aren’t going the way you wanted them to go and that you aren’t getting your point across, you might want to try a different approach.
Writing, for example, gives you enough time to figure out what you want to say, to gather your thoughts, and to express your emotions more creatively. Write a letter to your friend and see what happens. Making a playlist, creating a collage, or scrapbooking are all great ways to release your heartache and suffering.
5. Mind your self-esteem and your self-talk
“I feel like no one understands me” sounds a bit sad, right? Repeating negative thoughts every moment of the waking hour weighs you down and makes you question everything you’re doing. Talking down on yourself and blaming yourself for everything put you at risk of depression.
Going over all the times people have let you down, made you feel lonely, and made you feel like you didn’t fit in can create negative thinking patterns that are bound to make everything worse.
Whether you turn to meditating, writing down your thoughts, or even repeating positive affirmations, you need to do something to improve your self-esteem and better your self-talk. Don’t overgeneralize, don’t take everything personally, and don’t compare your life to others.
6. Match your body language to your words
We do need to explore the possibility that people around you don’t understand you because your body language doesn’t match your words. What do we mean by that?
When you’re trying to make your friend laugh and you say something funny, the expression on your face might send a message that you’re serious. Because of that, your friend might not understand your humor or might even get offended.
Similarly, when you’re trying to open up about something that’s been bothering you, you might be calming your nerves by smiling or fidgeting with something. So, your friend might not think that you’re serious and might not understand where you’re coming from.
7. Ditch the victim mentality
What’s the tea with the victim mentality?
Well, people with the victim mentality typically feel like the entire world wants to harm them, like bad things keep happening to them, and like no one understands them.
They blame everyone else for what’s happening to them and they take everything personally. They think that the entire world’s against them and they never take responsibility for anything.
What’s even worse, they don’t think that they need to change because they don’t see anything wrong with what they’re doing.
What are we suggesting? Dig deeper and try to figure out whether you’re suffering from the victim mentality. Ditch the victim mentality and take responsibility for your actions.
8. Get professional help
We’re not trying to diagnose you, but you might want to get professional help for anxiety, depression, borderline personality disorder, and other disorders that might be the root of your problems.
Whether you turn to a therapist, an online platform such as BetterHelp, or someone who’s experienced with whatever you’re going through, know that you’re doing the right thing.
Opening up to your friends and family members can help, but talking to people who understand your torments and know how to help you can save your life. We’re rooting for you!