A relationship with a narcissist can be challenging, but that’s nothing compared to the havoc they wreak when they’re broken up with. Breakups are always hard, but going through a breakup with a narcissist can make you question everything you thought you knew about how to get over a narcissist fast.
Where do we even start? On the surface, narcissists seem charming, charismatic, and alluring, and you might feel like you’re going against everything you thought was real when you decide to break up with one. Narcissists can make you fall in love with them quickly, and that’s a problem.
Why is getting over a narcissist so hard, anyway? They are great at manipulating you, making you feel like they’re the center of your universe, and making you question your competency when you start feeling uneasy about the way they handle your relationship.
What’s even worse is that narcissists are great at fooling the entire world. When you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, you might feel like you’re getting played, but your friends and family might assure you that you’re overreacting, overanalyzing, and ruining your relationship.
When you finally do decide to end things with a narcissist, prepare to go through a period of grieving, getting over them, and recovering from all the gaslighting, manipulation, and belittling. Worry not, we’re bringing you our top tips on how to get over a narcissist fast to help you out. Read on!
Our top tips on how to get over a narcissist fast
1. Cut off all contact
We mean all contact! When you break up with a narcissist, you might experience a sudden surge of emotions telling you that you’re making a mistake and that you need to talk things through one more time. However, we suggest you cut off all contact and focus on getting over the relationship.
What does cutting off all contact entail, anyway? When you decide to break free from a relationship that mentally and physically scarred you, you need to stop reaching out to your ex, responding to texts, calls, or social media requests, and cut off all forms of communication.
Make yourself as unreachable as possible, and you’ll notice a world of difference.
2. Anticipate potential manipulation and react accordingly
A narcissist might possess some sort of power over you, but that doesn’t mean you can’t anticipate what might happen when the two of you break up or that you can’t react accordingly.
When we talk about a narcissist’s manipulation tactics, we mean triangulation, love bombing, smearing, and gaslighting – all of which you can combat when you know what to look for. After a breakup, make sure you’re prepared for whatever your ex might put you through.
Remind yourself that you’re better than the toxic relationship you were in and that you’re better than your ex. Rather than allowing your ex to exploit you as a way of getting your attention, make sure that you’re equipped with everything you need to fight back.
3. Stop obsessing over the breakup
After you break up with your narcissistic ex, you might catch yourself overanalyzing and overthinking everything that happened between the two of you. “Did I overreact?” “Was I to blame for the demise of our relationship?” “Did I misunderstand the circumstances?”
Whatever you do, don’t allow your narcissistic ex to mess with your mind even after your breakup. Whenever you catch yourself thinking about your ex, wondering whether you should reach out or try to mend things, remind yourself that you are no longer concerned with your past relationship.
Gently encourage your mind to think about something unrelated to your past relationship.
4. Stop trying to make excuses for the breakup
At the end of the day, you’re aware that your relationship with your ex was dysfunctional, manipulative, and borderline toxic. You had to make excuses for him. You had to tiptoe around him to make sure you didn’t provoke him. You had to twist and bend yourself backward to keep the peace and stay with him.
Now that the two of you aren’t together anymore, you might think, “Oh, he wasn’t so bad!” You’re trying to make excuses for the breakup because you’re considering whether you should give him another chance and get back together with him. You shouldn’t. You’re better off without him.
Remind yourself repeatedly why you left to avoid being manipulated by your narcissistic ex again.
5. Write down your reasons for ending the relationship
Whenever you start wondering how to get over a narcissist fast because you feel like you’re not making any progress, write down the reasons why you decided to end things. When you miss your ex, you might focus on all the positive aspects of your relationship and all the good times the two of you shared.
While there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s a surefire way to allow your ex to manipulate you over and over again. Remind yourself of all the times you felt like you were losing your mind because you were struggling to deal with the difficult moments. Refer back to your list when you start slipping.
6. Work on ways to cope with your anxiety
When you look back at your relationship, you become painfully aware of all the damage your narcissistic ex did to you and your self-esteem. You were kept on edge most of the time and felt like you were imagining things, inventing problems, and sabotaging your relationship – although you weren’t.
Now that you’re finally free, you’re probably surprised that all the negative emotions are still there. You’re still on edge. You’re still nervous about everything that’s going on. Work on ways to cope with your anxiety by focusing on your mental and physical health and doing what makes you happy.
7. Avoid self-criticism
We can’t overlook the importance of avoiding self-criticism, either. When you get out of a relationship with a narcissist, you might be inclined to talk to yourself in the same way your ex talked to you. You went through a traumatic period where you were belittled, talked down to, and manipulated.
You’re only human, and you’re bound to fall back into the same patterns of negative self-talk when you’re alone, regretting your decision to leave the relationship that caused you so much harm. Instead of repeating what your ex did to you, encourage yourself, build yourself up, and celebrate yourself.
8. Avoid negative self-talk
The same applies to negative self-talk.
Now that you’re alone, you might be inclined to say things like “It was all my fault, I was too sensitive!” or “I was naive!” and to put all the blame on yourself. Whether you blame yourself for the way your relationship developed or the way it ended, you need to stop doing that.
Needless to say, you’re still under the influence of your narcissistic ex, and you need to break free from the negative mindset that’s preventing you from moving on from your relationship.
9. Focus on self-love
What better way to combat self-criticism and negative self-talk than to focus on self-love? We’re aware that you might struggle to change the way you see yourself after dealing with a narcissist, but we’ve got your back.
Remind yourself that the reason why you’re used to looking down on yourself might be because your narcissistic ex used to insult you, verbally abuse you, and make you feel unworthy of love.
Where do you go from here? We suggest turning to a therapist, a self-help program, a support group, or a friend who’s gone through a similar experience. Surround yourself with people who know what you’ve been through and who know how to help you.
10. Foster your interests
When you were in a relationship with a narcissist, you might have lost yourself completely because you were constantly told you would never achieve anything on your own. Now that you’re finally free from that toxic mindset, you might want to focus on yourself, foster your interests, and build your confidence.
Whether you join a gym, start a new hobby, or go out and meet new people, you will begin to forget all about your narcissistic ex. Writing, drawing, gardening – all of these activities can be great ways for you to finally put yourself first and focus on something that makes you happy.
11. Surround yourself with people who care about you
We don’t even need to explain why you need to surround yourself with people who care about you, right? When you break up with a narcissist, you start questioning whether you made the right decision right away. With the right people around you, you might be able to resist reaching out to your ex.
Make sure you distance yourself from people who don’t have your best interests at heart and focus instead on those who shower you with love, offer you a shoulder to cry on, and help you feel better about yourself.
12. Allow yourself to grieve
With that said, we can’t overlook the most crucial step in figuring out how to get over a narcissist quickly: allowing yourself to grieve. Even though you know you’re better off on your own and are aware that your ex doesn’t deserve your tears, you are still allowed to grieve.
Whatever you do, don’t ignore your emotions for the sake of quickly getting over your narcissistic ex. Indulge in comfort food, listen to sad music, and cry – when you’re done, you’re going to feel like a new person. Good luck!