How long does a crush last? Can you let go when you have an obsessive crush that has lasted for a long time?
What are the stages of having a crush on someone?
The truth is, when you have a crush on someone, it can feel great because you feel excited and more alive than ever.
However, it can also feel pretty bad because at the same time, you’re afraid that your crush won’t reciprocate your feelings.
This causes us to basically lose our mind when we have a crush on someone. Should we tell them?
Maybe we should just wait for them to notice us? Will we ever end up in a relationship with them?
These questions turn us into a mess, and we end up wondering how long does a crush last.
Will we ever stop feeling the way we feel about that special someone?
Well, there is no exact answer to how long does a crush last, because it all depends on some things.
Do they like you back? How often do you see your crush? Are they in a relationship with someone else?
Most of all, it depends on you and your dedication to nurturing that crush.
For the question of how long do crushes last, psychology offers an answer.
According to research, a crush can last for no more than four months when talking about the conscious mind.
The feelings you develop during a crush can, however, remain in the sub-conscious mind, meaning it can even last for two years.
This is the answer to how long crushes last that psychology gives us, but many say that a crush can last for an indefinite amount of time.
It can even turn into an obsessive crush if you never do anything about having some sort of a relationship with that person.
The first thing you need to understand is the stages of a crush. Here they are:
1. You start noticing them
Naturally, you first have to start noticing the person that you’ll have a crush on.
Maybe you recognize this person from social media, maybe you just often see them at a place you go to…
Either way, you notice them, and you feel something.
Once you start having a real crush on them, you start paying more attention to the ways they interact with other people and the way they present themselves.
You notice their mannerisms, such as their unique laughter or the way they use their hands when they talk.
This is one of the signs they have become your crush.
If this person is not someone you often see, or they are in a relationship with someone else, it should end with this.
However, if both of you are single and you keep feeling something whenever you see them, it’s time for stage two.
2. You start interacting with them
Once you realize that you’re watching football or taking cooking classes just because your crush is into that, you’re at stage two.
All you want is for them to notice you too, and maybe have a conversation.
This is the stage when your self-esteem and your emotions are both at their highest level.
You see your crush as someone who offers opportunity, promise, and hope.
This is when you start imagining what it would be like to be with them, and you wish to become a better person for them.
At this point, opportunities to start interacting with them begin to appear.
It can start with something small, like giving them a smile or just saying hi, before you have a real conversation.
If you want that person to become more than just a crush, you need to have as much interaction with them as possible.
Of course, it doesn’t mean that you should engage in small talk whenever you see them, but you need them to see why you are the right person for them.
If you watched a football match because that’s what your crush is into, mention something you liked about the game.
Ask them who their favorite football player is.
This will show that you have common interests, but it will also let them know that you value their opinions.
This is not the type of conversation you need to have only when you’re alone with them, because you can talk about it when you’re in a group too.
3. You ask them out
If you have managed to have regular and interesting conversations with your crush, you have started talking about more meaningful things.
You don’t just talk about football anymore, because you have both started to learn more about each other.
Is this the right time to ask them out? Of course, but that can be scary if you overthink it.
There’s nothing to worry about if your crush flirts with you or shows interest in learning more about you.
Just let them know that you would like to talk with them more and suggest you go somewhere where there will be just the two of you.
If that seems too scary, you can always invite them to a small party with your friends.
That way, you’ll get to talk to them more and hear your friends’ opinions too.
This could be the last stage because it’s now up to your crush whether they agree to go out with you or not.
Even if they don’t, the good part is that you’ll at least get some closure.
4. You figure out whether you should keep trying or you should give up
It isn’t easy to figure out whether you should keep trying or if you should give up on your crush.
When your crush has noticed you, but you haven’t made any progress, maybe you should try flirting more.
However, if your crush doesn’t show interest in you or they’re already in a relationship, you need to give up.
You still have feelings for them, but if you don’t see any green flags, there’s really nothing else you can do.
If you’ve been through the previous stage and your crush didn’t agree to go on a date with you, you should give up.
You did the right thing when you tried to start a relationship with someone you like, but they don’t have to like you back.
If they don’t feel the same way about you, one more stage occurs, and that is letting go.
5. You let go
It’s hard for us to let go when we have a crush on someone because we think that we’re in love, but it isn’t love.
A crush is also known as infatuation, and it’s just an idealization and projection.
If you don’t know this person very well, you can’t be truly in love with them no matter how intense your feelings are.
Those feelings are based on romanticizing that person, whom you don’t even know well.
A crush often lasts for only four months, and true love lasts forever.
If, after those four months, your crush turns into a partner, then it’s more than just a fantasy.
Oftentimes, however, crushes are just fantasies and stay only that.
You need to realize that a serious relationship isn’t about daydreaming all day, sweaty palms, and a racing heart.
Those things feel like love, but true love is when you love the person for who they are, not for who you imagine them to be.
Here are some steps you need to take to let go of your crush if they don’t like you back:
1. Ask yourself what you like about your crush
You noticed them and started having feelings for them, but are those feelings more than infatuation? What is it about them that you like so much?
Is there a chance that this person could really be your true love, or are you more in love with your idealization than in them?
You fantasize about this person, and you’re probably in love with that fantasy.
The truth is, you probably don’t see your crush for who they are, but for who you imagine them to be.
You feel this amazing connection with them. However, it’s most likely that that connection is just imaginary.
The reason a crush often doesn’t turn into a partner is that there’s no real basis for the relationship.
You need to see this person for who they truly are, and you’ll realize that they’re only human, and as such, have many flaws.
2. Act like you broke up
Of course, you haven’t really had a relationship with this person, but you can still get closure regardless of that.
Simply act like you would if you were in a relationship and broke up.
You spent a lot of time being emotionally invested in this person, so it’s pretty much like you did have a relationship. Give yourself time to get over them.
What do you normally do after a breakup? Do you eat ice cream, listen to a certain song, and watch a romantic comedy?
Whatever you usually do, do it now if it will help you get over your crush. You can cry if you feel like it and confide in your close friends.
Don’t forget that you have the right to feel what you’re feeling, and no one can judge you for it.
Infatuation can be tricky, and we often confuse it with love, making ourself truly believe that we’re in love.
The most important thing you need to do is stop seeing this person, and that includes looking at their social media profiles.
3. Stop seeing them
Don’t keep seeing your crush if you want to get over them because it will be impossible.
Avoiding certain people in your life can be hard, especially if you’re often in the same places.
Maybe you’re a part of the same group of friends, or you take classes together, but there’s still a way.
Try to always sit far away from your crush and don’t engage in conversations with that person.
Of course, you can’t tell your crush where they can and cannot go, but you can choose where you will go.
If they often go out to the same bar, just find a new bar to hang out in.
Try to stay away from the people they hang out with if that’s possible. Do all this at least for some time, so you can get over them.
Once there’s distance between you, they’ll just become someone you knew but don’t have feelings for anymore.
4. Don’t stalk them on social media
Whatever you do, don’t stalk this person on social media. You will never get over them if you do that.
Maybe it’s best that you block them, but unfollowing or hiding them will probably be enough.
You need to start living your life without being interrupted by information regarding their life.
Don’t forget that you’re just idealizing them and that you can make it stop. Afterward, you’ll be able to find someone you’ll truly love.
Trust me, true love is much better than infatuation, and you’ll know the difference.
Keep in mind that you will find a person who will feel the same way about you as you feel about them.
All you need to do is be patient and wait for them, but first, you have to let go of your crush.
5. Don’t try to find out any new information about their life
If you’ve had a crush on this person for a while now (longer than four months), it’s not going to be so easy to get over them.
This is why it’s crucial that you follow each of these steps.
One of them is that you shouldn’t try to find out any new information about their life.
You probably have some mutual friends, but you shouldn’t ask them about your crush.
Don’t use your friends to find out what your crush has been doing either.
You shouldn’t be interested in their life anymore because they need to disappear from yours.
Why do you care what they’ve been up to? You definitely shouldn’t. If you keep trying to find out how they’ve been doing, you won’t be doing great.
You can’t risk feeling infatuated again, and you need to realize the truth. The truth is, you’re not in love with them, and they’re not in love with you.
If you had got to know each other a little better, you would have probably realized that there was nothing there to begin with.
Stop caring about what they are doing, and start caring about what you will do.
6. Don’t lie to yourself
Maybe you asked them out, and they rejected you. Perhaps you never acted on your feelings, but it’s been too long, so the time has come to let go.
Either way, you need to accept and embrace reality.
Don’t lie to yourself. If your crush could have become more than that, it would have happened by now.
You would have acted on your feelings if you truly believed that there was something there.
If you did and got rejected, it’s really not a big deal. You did what you could, and it simply wasn’t meant to be.
It’s important to always do your best to get what you want in life, but that’s all you can do.
If it doesn’t work out, you have to accept that fact and start a new chapter of your life.
You will find your true love, and they are hoping to find you right now too.
There’s a lot more this life can offer you; you just need to let go and be patient.
You’ll have more crushes in your life, but when you find your true love, they will stay with you forever.
Even if you had hooked up with your crush, they would have left eventually because they’re not your true love.
7. Be aware that it will hurt for some time
Breakups hurt, and this is not much different. You need time to grieve because you lost something that you thought could turn into something real.
Don’t let this make you afraid of falling in love with someone else.
This experience will only make you stronger, and you’ll be able to love again. Remember, this wasn’t love in the first place.
When you’re hurting, just remember the heartbreaks you had before.
You always thought that you wouldn’t be able to survive them, but you did every time.
Right now, you simply aren’t aware of your strength and your capability.
After a couple of weeks, you will look back on this time and smile because you’ll realize how foolish it was to think you wouldn’t move on.
8. Have fun and meet someone new
It’s time for you to start going out with your friends and meeting new people.
This doesn’t mean that you need to find a new crush, but it does mean that you should surround yourself with people.
Preferably, you should hang out with those who aren’t associated with your crush in any way.
Don’t forget to go out with the friends you already have, but make sure to meet some new ones.
Who knows how many amazing new people you’ll get to meet… One of them might even turn out to be your true love.
Having so much fun with new people and old friends will prevent you from spending your time dwelling on your crush.
You probably won’t even notice that you haven’t even thought about them for a long time because you’ll be busy having fun.
This is a great way to heal and let go. Don’t sit around forever, crying over something that isn’t worth it, when you can be happy again.
9. Pick up a new hobby
Why don’t you join a gym? It will help you feel better in no time, and, as a plus, you will get in great shape.
A lot of people turn to the gym to relieve stress and to work on their physical and mental strength.
If this is not the right hobby for you, there are plenty more you can consider.
You need something to make your life more fulfilled, and you’ll meet new people in the process.
Isn’t there something you always wanted to try but never had the chance? Take dancing classes, acting classes, or cooking classes.
You will learn new things and feel better in no time. There are a lot of options out there, and I’m sure that you can find the right one for you.
If you like sports, you can always join a team. Maybe you’re a great singer? How about you join a choir?
Find what you are passionate about, whatever it is, as long as it makes you happy.
Once you start doing something you truly enjoy as a hobby, you won’t even notice that you’ve stopped thinking about your crush.
After all, you won’t have time for it anyway.
10. Flirt with someone new
If you have taken all these steps, you’re now ready to remind yourself that there are plenty of fish in the sea.
This is the final step, and it’s necessary because it will give you closure.
You will be your old self in no time. After you have regained your confidence and been busy doing activities that you enjoy, your ego deserves a small boost.
Don’t you know what a catch you are? Go out with your friends and start flirting with anyone you find attractive.
It will remind you that there are plenty more people out there who would love to be with someone like you.
Flirt as much as you want, and it doesn’t have to lead anywhere.
This will give your ego the boost it needs and help you remember that you can meet someone new. If you feel ready to date again, nothing’s stopping you.
A simple smile from a stranger will make you feel better, and don’t forget to smile back.
Who knows, maybe one of those strangers will turn out to be your one true love.
Flirt with them, and have a great time because you have finally moved on.