“He pursued me then disappeared. Just when I thought that I found myself the right man, he dropped off the face of the earth. What now?”
Since you’re reading this, I can safely assume that you’re facing a similar issue. A guy you liked came on strong and then, out of nowhere, ghosted you like there’s no tomorrow.
It hurts, especially when you thought of him as the one you wanted to build a committed relationship with. At first, he seemed like a dream man and you were truly into him, but now, you’re reconsidering your decision.
Did he only use you to play with your feelings? Did he want to prove to himself that he could have you whenever he wanted?
Is there something that explains the fact that he pursued you and then disappeared from your life like you meant nothing to him?
Going through a breakup is never an easy thing. But when you have to go through one that wasn’t official in the first place, it’s a whole another scenario.
It’s obvious that he left you, but he never gave you a reason why. He never explained his actions and revealed to you why you can no longer count on him.
He simply went MIA. No answering your calls or replying to your texts.
The realization that he crossed you out of his life hurts like hell. No amount of dating experience can prepare you for the feeling you’re going through right now.
Unsure about your next step, you want to figure out what’s going on – why he pursued you and then disappeared without explanation. And more importantly, what you can do afterward.
“He pursued me then disappeared”: 10 possible reasons why it happened
Understanding men can be one of the hardest things you as a woman have to do. Even though they are usually simple and show their feelings through actions, sometimes, you need a bit more time to get to the bottom of their behavior.
So he pursued you then disappeared. I’m sure you’ve asked yourself how the hell you could have seen it coming. And what the real meaning behind this dirty move is.
I guess that’s exactly how you’re feeling right now. You want to know why he did this to you and why he never bothered to let you know what was going on.
He could’ve easily told you that he no longer likes you and he wants to break up. Instead, he chose to make a mess of your life by disappearing into thin air without so much as a word.
Well, here’s why he’s now gone and you’re going through a terrible heartbreak because of it.
1. He was too busy with something
One of the reasons he pursued you and then disappeared could be that he was too busy for a relationship at the moment.
Maybe he was actually a great guy but he had too many things on his plate. He was too focused on all of the other aspects of his life that he had no energy for his love life.
For example, neglecting his work didn’t sound like the right option, so he had to make a choice. He had to choose between you or his career, and at the time, he didn’t feel like choosing you was the right move.
That’s why he disappeared from your life with no explanation as he simply wasn’t ready to tackle a relationship. The whole thing was more than he could deal with and he had to leave.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to justify his behavior as it’s obvious that he could’ve done things differently. He could’ve been honest with you. But it’s obvious that he didn’t want to bother with explanations and simply disappeared.
Even if he stayed, he’d have probably at some point regretted putting you in front of his career and future. And you don’t want to be in a relationship with a guy who blames you for the choices he made.
2. He wasn’t ready for a serious relationship
Some men disappear even after they’ve pursued you because they realize that they’re not ready for a serious relationship. And your guy may be one of them.
He may have realized that putting all of his energy into building a strong relationship wasn’t something he wanted to do at the time. He didn’t feel like it was the right step to take.
In that case, he preferred to stay away from you since he realized that he wasn’t looking for anything serious.
You’ll now probably say to yourself, “But he pursued me then disappeared. Why would he even try with me if he knew he wasn’t ready for a relationship?”
Well, if he realized too late that he wasn’t looking for a partner, then that could be why he went after you at first.
In the beginning, he liked you and thought that he should try his luck with you. But later on, it hit him that he wasn’t ready for anything more than fun, let alone a serious, committed relationship.
Maybe he needed some alone time to figure out what he wanted in life and that’s why he chose to leave.
3. He was already dating someone else
While you were slowly falling head over heels for him, he was already dating other women. You may have had no idea that you weren’t the only one he was seeing.
I know you still think he’s a good man and you’re trying to find an explanation for his behavior, but you must be honest with yourself. Were there any red flags you kept ignoring because you didn’t want to admit to yourself that he was only playing with your emotions?
Did he reply to your phone calls only when it was convenient for him? Did you only meet up when it suited him? And did he keep all of his dating apps on his phone, even after you started dating officially?
These are some of the signs that show you weren’t the only woman in his life. As horrible as it is to think of the possibility, there were probably many more of them.
He may have been dating someone else while in a relationship with you and, in that case, it’s for the best that he disappeared from your life. At least you know that you saved yourself from a player.
4. He didn’t feel like the one you were looking for
Maybe he pursued you and then disappeared because he felt like you weren’t looking for a guy like him. He showed you all of his best cards and you didn’t let him see that you’re interested in him.
At that point, he felt that there was no compatibility between the two of you. He thought that he wasn’t the one you were looking for, so he did what he needed to do to save himself from pain.
While he was falling hard for you, he was under the impression that you didn’t feel the same way. So, he chose to walk away without any explanations.
He assumed that you wouldn’t even care that he was gone and that’s why he didn’t bother trying to tell you the truth. He was afraid of the brutal rejection and wanted to save himself from it.
I’m sorry to say this, but maybe you didn’t show him that you like him in return. He waited for a signal and when he didn’t get anything, he simply disappeared as he thought that a breakup was already on the horizon.
5. He just got out of a relationship
Often, guys disappear once they’re fresh out of a relationship. They start dating again only to realize that they’re not ready for it yet.
So, if you know that your guy has just gone through a heartbreak, then that could easily be the reason he pursued you and then disappeared.
At first, he wanted to give himself a chance to move on after his ex. He wanted to let go of the pain of his failed relationship and dating sounded like a great way to do that.
Maybe he thought you would be a great rebound and could help him heal.
But as time went by, he realized that just because he felt immense pain, that didn’t give him the right to inflict the same on someone else. He realized that it was best for both of you if he walked away as he was still too mixed up in his emotions from his previous relationship.
He hadn’t moved on and once he realized that, he knew it was time to go.
6. He’s unsure of his feelings for you
Let me tell you that guys often have no idea what they want. Also, they have no idea what they feel for a certain person.
So, it could be that he pursued you and then disappeared because he realized that he doesn’t know how he feels about you.
At first, he liked you and he could imagine himself next to you. But then he started having second thoughts as he couldn’t figure out what he wants.
Back and forth, he didn’t want to waste anyone’s time before he was sure what he was looking for. So after he pursued you, he realized it’s best for both of you if he took a timeout to figure things out.
He disappeared, which was a cowardly move, since it would’ve been way better for both of you if he openly told you what was bothering him.
But the good news is he might figure out that he messed up and ask you for a second chance. Then, it would be up to you to decide if you want him back in your life.
So, don’t be surprised if he knocks at your door. Maybe the last time you saw him actually wasn’t the last and he’ll try to become a part of your life once again.
7. He only dated you so he wouldn’t be alone
The harsh truth was that he could’ve been dating you only because he hated the idea of being single and lonely. After your first date, he realized that he kinda liked you and that’s when he went after you.
He chased you and did his best to win you over. Then, when he succeeded, it all suddenly changed.
Maybe he realized that you were falling hard for him and he didn’t want to deal with that. Maybe he was afraid that it was all going way faster than he expected it to and got scared.
Or perhaps he used you so that he wouldn’t be alone and then gave up on you the moment someone better walked into his life. You’ll probably never find out the whole truth, but what’s obvious is that he played dirty.
The point is that he pursued you and then disappeared on you because it became clear to him that you were no longer filling that void.
He ignored your feelings because only one thing mattered to him: He didn’t want to feel lonely. Once you saved him from sinking and helped him swim, he then pushed you under the surface.
8. He had self-esteem issues
Insecurities are any person’s worst enemies. They ruin all of the good things and turn them into nightmares.
If you noticed that your guy was dealing with low self-esteem then maybe that could be why he up and left you.
He pursued you with all his might and then disappeared because he convinced himself that you’re way out of his league. He made himself think that you would leave him anyways and that it was better for him to walk away first.
Even though he liked you, he couldn’t see any reasons for you to choose to stay with him. It didn’t matter that you already showed him that you would choose him over and over again.
He still kept repeating to himself that you’re only playing with his feelings and that you’d be gone before he knew what hit him. Insecurity made him disappear from your life.
If only he knew that you had some of the best times of your life with him, he wouldn’t even consider leaving…
9. His friends didn’t like you
One day, he makes you feel like you’re the best woman he’s ever met. The next day, he’s completely gone out of your life and you have no idea how to get in touch with him.
You’re probably shocked that he would pursue you and then suddenly disappear, and you want to know why. But would you believe me if I told you that his friends made him act that way?
Believe it or not, men are highly dependent on their best friends. They trust them as if they know what’s best for them, and often, they follow their advice even if they don’t agree with them.
The reason could be that they hate the idea of being made fun of in the company of their friends. They feel this need to act all macho and avoid making mistakes that can cause them to be mocked.
So, when a guy meets a girl he likes, his friends usually must first approve of her. When that doesn’t happen, a guy may end up being made fun of as his pals believe that she’s not worthy of him.
Of course, this only happens when both the guy and his friends are immature and see a relationship as something that costs them their freedom.
If you’ve noticed that your guy often listens to his friends and does whatever they expect him to, then there’s your answer.
He pursued you because he liked you, but then as his buddies didn’t approve of the relationship, he disappeared from your life as if nothing happened. This behavior is wrong on so many levels and maybe you’re better off without him than to waste your time on such a childish guy.
10. He’s still interested in you but needs some time to process everything
Honestly, one of the explanations for him pursuing you and then disappearing could be that it was all too much for him at the time. He still likes you but he doesn’t know if it’s all moving too fast for comfort.
He never felt such strong emotions for anyone else. So, he couldn’t figure out if he was taking the right step or leading himself to his own downfall.
The truth is that he doesn’t want to lose you but he simply needs some more time to figure out his next move. He wants to be sure that he won’t screw things up and that’s why he pulled away.
After some time, he’ll probably reach out to you and ask you to give him a second chance.
“He pursued me then disappeared”: 5 things you should keep in mind after he goes MIA
Now that you know all of the potential reasons for him disappearing, you’re in desperate need of dating advice. You need to know what you should be doing now that he’s gone from your life.
Do you chase after him? Do you text him and tell him you miss him? Or do you simply give up on him?
Well, here is some advice to follow if you want to get through this situation like the warrior that you are.
1. Let him go
Honestly, you could simply let him go and stop thinking about him whatsoever. He’s the one who pursued you and then disappeared, which probably means that he doesn’t want to have anything with you.
In that case, your best choice would be to simply erase him from your life and move on with a clean slate.
I know it will hurt and it will probably be one of the hardest things you’ve ever done. But at the same time, it’s the only right way to heal after all of the pain he put you through.
2. Expose him
At first, he was smitten with you. At least, he acted that way. He’d text you good night and you never started a day without getting a good morning message from him.
But one day, it all stopped. It was like hasta la vista, poof, and he was gone.
Now, you feel a terrible need to text him and check what’s going on. But if you show him that you miss him, it’ll be his greatest reward.
So, instead of checking up on him and testing the waters to see if he’s ever coming back, you should rather expose him. If you feel this need to reach out to him, then at least make sure to let him know you’re well aware of his dirty moves.
He pursued you and then disappeared without any explanation. That doesn’t sound much like a guy you need in your life, no matter how hard you’ve fallen for him.
3. Don’t take things personally
I know you probably feel like you did something wrong, I must tell you that this time, it really isn’t you, it’s him. He’s the one dealing with certain issues that you could’ve never seen coming.
You did nothing wrong. If anything, you only showed him that you like him and that you want to grow old with him.
He made the decision to leave you. The blame is on him.
So please stop tormenting yourself as you gave your best. If it wasn’t good enough for him, then he doesn’t even deserve you in the first place.
This is the best relationship advice I can give you right now.
4. Don’t bother chasing after him
I get it, you like him and don’t want to waste your chance with him. But at the same time, do you really want to be the one running after him? Do you want to keep searching for his crumbs of love?
He’ll either figure out what he lost and try to get you back, or he’ll keep playing it cool and not lift a finger for you.
No matter what, you should never allow yourself to chase after him as you deserve more than that. If he’s a real man then he’ll never even think about playing games with you.
Open your eyes and be honest with yourself. If he shows you that he doesn’t want you in his life, then you have nothing to fight for. If he’s not the one for you, then you can’t do much to change that.
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