Think aloud
By now, we’re all aware of the fact that relationships need effort and energy to keep the spark alive for years and years to come. Before you give up on your relationship because you’re not 100% happy all the time, you might begin to wonder “Hmm, have I fallen out of love or am I depressed?”
When you observe the patterns of behavior that occur when someone’s falling out of love, you might notice that they’re super similar to those that occur when someone’s depressed. What’s terrible about that is the fact that you might not be able to differentiate between the two.
Whether you’re starting to notice the little things about your partner that grind your gears, struggling to keep the conversation going, or straight-up avoiding your partner because you don’t want to spend time with them, you might be both depressed and falling out of love.
What are you supposed to do about that, though? Right off the bat, we advise you don’t resort to rash decisions you might end up regretting down the line. Give your relationship a chance to endure the tough times without ultimatums, breaks, and breakups. Focus on getting better and see what happens.
Every relationship’s different, so you’re the only one who can decide whether your relationship’s worth fighting for. Even though you think you’re falling out of love with your partner, you need to figure out whether your relationship was solid before you started feeling that way.
If you’ve been together for a really long time, you’ve cared for each other, and you’ve treated each other with respect, you might not want to pull the plug right away. It’s normal for every relationship to have periods of ambivalence, so here’s what to keep an eye on.
Have I fallen out of love or am I depressed?
What do we know so far? You’re struggling with your relationship because you’re unsure of whether you’re falling out of love with your partner or if you’re depressed.
You’re going through periods of resenting your partner, avoiding your partner, and even isolating yourself. You’re on a downward spiral headed toward your relationship’s demise and you’re unsure of what you’re supposed to do.
“Have I fallen out of love or am I depressed?!” We’re more than happy to help you understand what you’re going through, especially because both these things come with similar signs.
When you analyze them, you might be able to pinpoint which of them are related to you falling out of love and which to you becoming depressed. What are you waiting for? Read more down below!
1. You’re not attracted to your partner anymore
Now that’s a hard pill to swallow, but we reckon you’ve been feeling that way about your partner for quite some time. Attraction plays a huge part when you decide to get together with someone, and when that same attraction that brought you together vanishes, you might think you’re headed toward a breakup.
When you’re falling head over heels for someone, you know you’re attracted to them. But when you start avoiding physical intimacy, frowning at your partner because you don’t find them attractive anymore, and refusing to go out with them – you might be falling out of love.
But, but, but – there’s always a but when we’re talking about physical intimacy. Physical intimacy can become a problem when you’re depressed, too. When your mood drops, you might find spending time with your partner a burden and that’s when physical intimacy goes out of the window, too.
2. You’re isolating yourself
Depression goes hand in hand with isolation, there’s no question about that.
When you’re down in the dumps, you don’t want to talk to anybody because you’re ashamed of what you’re going through. You don’t want to reach out to anybody because you feel like you’re beyond help. You don’t have the will to live your life the way you did before.
Because of that, you start withdrawing from your partner. You start saying no to dates, ignoring calls and messages, and ultimately ceasing contact.
At the same time, you might isolate yourself when you start falling out of love with your partner, too. Whether you’re confused about your emotions or you’re trying to figure out whether you’re ready for a breakup, you might find yourself avoiding your partner all the time.
3. You’re letting yourself go
We know that sounds harsh, but that’s the reality of depression.
Maybe you haven’t even noticed that you haven’t showered or washed your teeth for the past few days. Perhaps you didn’t feel like getting out of your pajamas one day, but you felt the same way the next day, and the day after that, and the day… You get the picture.
Whatever the case might be, when you’re feeling your worst, you don’t really have the energy to care about what you look like. But, who’s to say you wouldn’t do the same thing when you’re falling out of love, too?
When you’re stuck with a partner who doesn’t take care of you, who treats you badly, manipulates you, and abuses you, you might not want to take care of your physical appearance anymore – and there’s nothing wrong with that.
4. You fight with your partner all the time
When your feelings about your partner shift, you might notice you’re getting annoyed by them all the time. No matter what your partner does, you’re constantly at the edge of your seat, trying to not say something that’s going to cause a scene or create a hostile environment.
Sometimes you’re bothered by the way your partner eats and other times you’re fuming out of your ears because of your partner’s mannerisms that have recently become glaringly irritating. So, you’re 100% sure you’re falling out of love because you’re no longer obsessed with everything your partner does.
Sure, that’s something that happens to couples when they’ve been together for a while, but there’s a chance you’re feeling that way because you’re depressed, too.
5. You don’t want to spend time with your partner
Needless to say, when you’re getting annoyed by your partner on the regular, you’re likely to start avoiding activities the two of you used to do together. Suddenly, you’re saying no to trips, you’re canceling dates, and you’re spending more time on your own.
We do need to underline that there’s nothing wrong with wanting some time apart, but that might be a sign that you’re falling out of love with your partner.
Not to mention that you might be showing signs of depression, too. Not wanting to spend time with your partner almost always means that something’s wrong – you need to figure out what that something might be before you say goodbye to your relationship.
6. You don’t want to go out
“Have I fallen out of love or am I depressed?” This question typically comes after you refuse to do something that’s been your favorite thing to do for years and years. Going on dates with your partner used to make you the happiest person on Earth, but now you’re trying to come up with excuses not to go.
Why’s that? On one hand, you might be getting cold feet about your partner because you’re getting out of that honeymoon phase. On the other, you might be depressed. Not wanting to go out with someone you care about typically means something’s wrong.
Depression comes with a myriad of symptoms and signs, but refusing to go on a date with your partner can be one of them, too.
7. Your partner feels like a burden to you
Whenever your partner reaches out to you, attempts to plan a date or a trip, or wants to hang out with you, you feel like you want to run away. You’re burdened by the fact that you have to spend time with them and you’re thinking of ways to get out of your commitment to them. You’re tired of them.
Newsflash – you might be falling out of love, but you also might be depressed. We know you’re utterly confused by the fact that these symptoms and signs are painfully similar, but we urge you to explore every possibility ever.
You don’t want to break up with your favorite person on Earth because you’re depressed, right? You need to figure out whether you’re burdened by your partner because you’re depressed or because you’ve fallen out of love.
Which one’s the culprit, then?
We know for a fact that depression affects your emotions. When you’re struggling to keep afloat, overthinking everything you’ve ever done, and wanting to scream from the top of your lungs, your partner’s probably not the one you’re thinking about.
With that out of the way, there’s nothing your partner can do to induce or diminish your depression – sort of. However, there’s one question that can offer you more clarity when you’re trying to answer your “Have I fallen out of love or am I depressed?” question.
Which of the two came first, your relationship or your depression? When you started noticing symptoms of depression, maybe you weren’t with your partner at the time.
You became depressed and then you met your partner and started a relationship. Your depression didn’t stop you from falling for your partner, which means you’re falling out of love with them regardless of your depression.
On the opposite side of the spectrum, though, you might have become depressed while with your partner. Of course, that means that your depression may be affecting the way you feel about your partner at the moment.
Whatever the reason might be, we’re rooting for both of you!