Think aloud
“My gut feeling is telling me that my ex will come back, am I wrong?“
This was the first sentence of her letter. Giving relationship advice in a women’s magazine means that you get a lot of these on a daily basis. Some questions are fairly easy to answer, while others require an extremely complex response.
There are times when I feel like I’m not the right person to address some of the questions, but those women believe me and I can’t bail on them. I have to help them. That’s why I read each letter carefully.
“We’ve been dating for two years and we broke up recently. He was under a lot of stress and I just couldn’t handle his absence. Don’t get me wrong, I’d do anything for him, but at times it felt like he didn’t care enough. Like he got used to the fact that I’m there and I’ll never leave…”
I’ve read so many of these, same situations but different main characters.
“I just can’t get rid of the memories, or shake off the thought that we were a perfect match. I hate to call him my ex because I think I still feel something for him. What we had was really powerful. I felt his love with every fiber of my being, but I know I don’t deserve to be treated that way.
I’m not an option, and I won’t compromise on that. Can you please help me? What should I do? How can I know if my gut feeling is actually telling me that my ex will come back, or that’s just wishful thinking?”
Should you trust your gut feeling when it tells you that your ex will come back?
Well, I guess this is when I have to start writing back. What should I tell her? That she should ditch the douche because he didn’t treat her right, or that her gut feeling may be right about her ex coming back? I guess I’ll opt for the second one, she doesn’t deserve the bitterness…
“Dear Ava147,
Thank you for writing and I really hope I’ll be able to help you. Here’s how you’ll know that he truly wants to come back…”
1. He’s not seeing anyone
First of all, is your ex seeing anyone? If the answer is no, he may want to come back to you and he’s waiting for a perfect moment to do so. He probably still thinks of you and everything you’ve shared, all the time. Not being able to hold you in his arms definitely hurts him.
Sometimes, men wait for a certain period to see what will happen in your life so, that way, they can decide if they’ll move on or try harder to win you back. This may be difficult for both of you, especially if you may be the one who’s trying to move on.
You know how they say “exes always come back when they know you’ve moved on” and this may be true in your case as well. Before you fall for his new attempt, make sure his intentions are genuine. They probably are since he’s waiting for someone who may not turn around, but he’s not ready to give up just yet.
At this point, he’s well aware of who he lost and what an amazing woman he had by his side. It will probably take him a bit more time (and courage) to finally decide to approach you again. I just hope it won’t be too late…
2. He’s talking about you a lot
Is your gut feeling sending warning signs every time you hear that your ex has been talking about you? You should listen to it, because this may indicate that your ex-boyfriend is still interested in you, big time! Men will talk about women they truly care about, and as it turns out, you’re the important one for him.
He may be talking to his friends and family about you, or constantly asking your mutual friends what’s happening in your life. Perhaps, you overheard it yourself, or someone told you, but however it happened, it’s clear that you’re on his mind.
He just can’t stop thinking about you and it’s eating him up. There’s a good chance that he’ll go around and complain about you, but that’s only because he wants to soothe his hurt. However, you have to be careful if he really wants to cause you pain.
Bitter exes can be the worst nightmare and you know how sometimes we struggle to wake up from one. So, before you react or build up hopes that he may come back, think about the whole situation thoroughly. Is he genuine about his feelings for you, or is he trying to play you?
3. He’s reaching out to your closest friends and family
Your ex may be contacting them to check what’s happening in your life, if you’ve found someone new or if you got that dream job yet. Clearly, he wants you back and he doesn’t want to cut the contact with you completely. That’s why he’ll insist on staying close to the people who matter to you.
If your gut feeling is whispering that your ex will come back because he’s reaching out to your closest friends and family, maybe you should listen to it. Your instinct usually knows what’s happening even before you do.
He may continue hanging out with your friends even after a breakup, and he may follow your family members’ updates on social media. If you have any siblings, you can expect that he casually texts them, or comments on their posts and stories.
I know this may annoy you and that you’ll try your best not to reach out to him first, but if he’s putting in an effort to keep your closest people in his life, he clearly wants you, too. More than anything. So, if you notice that he’s reaching out to them, don’t lose it.
4. He’s focused on your love life
Following what I’ve told you previously if your ex is asking around about you, he’ll focus the most on your love life. He’ll want to know whether you’ve moved on or not and if you still think of him. This may a bit weird for you in the beginning, but after some time, you may get used to it.
However, if you feel like this behavior is getting out of control and becoming too much, even edging towards stalking, confront him. Apparently, he wasn’t present in your love life when he was supposed to be and when you needed him, so he has nothing to look for right now.
If you find this cute and you’d like to rebound with your ex, listen to your gut feeling then because this may actually be the sign you’ve been waiting for. He may be a bit shy or he’s not sure whether you feel the same, so he’ll hesitate to make a move.
Try to approach him first, especially if you’ve noticed more of the signs from this list. You won’t be able to miss these, and they are definitely a green light for picking up where you left off.
5. He’s proving to you that he’s changed
One of the best signs that your ex boyfriend wants you back in his life is the way he’ll try to prove to you that he’s changed and your gut feeling won’t mislead you here. Since you know him the best, you’ll know when he’s simply bragging and when he’s genuinely showing you his transformation.
Some things clearly didn’t work out between the two of you when you were in a relationship and now he wants to make it better. He changed his bad habits that you were subtly pointing out back in the day, and he’s back now to prove it to you.
Perhaps he just needed some time to clear his head and now he’s completely ready to commit to you. He’s ready to rebuild the relationship you had, from scratch if needed. The only question remaining is, do you want that again? Are you ready to give him a second chance?
If what you had was beautiful and you can’t stop thinking about him, then go for it. Even reading this article means that you may be subconsciously imagining your future with him. Am I right?
6. He’s jealous even though you’re not together
Is he showing signs of jealousy even though you’re not together? When you’re out with your friends and he sees you, what’s his first reaction? Does he just wave, or does he come to your table to meet all those guys he doesn’t know?
If the latter is true and he even makes sure those guys notice that there’s something between the two of you, believe your gut feeling – your ex wants to come back. Perhaps he’s not so sure about the decision you made when you called it quits and he’s still questioning it to its core.
Because of this, he may act strangely in your presence and he may make minor jealous scenes. Maybe he’ll restrain from doing so in front of other people (even though he’ll be bold and more straightforward), but you’ll receive a message or a call later on. Trust me, if jealousy is present, he’s still not over you.
He may give you a bunch of justifications for his behavior, but he may skip the main one – he still cares.
7. His face lights up when he sees you
Darling, if his face lights up when he sees you, do you even have to question your gut feeling? Your ex obviously still has feelings for you and he can’t hide it. You genuinely make him happy and seeing you makes his day better.
If you’re attending the same video call, he may be a bit more smiley than usual. You’re not imagining it, he really gets happier every time he sees you and everybody noticed that. It’s really hard to fake those genuine feelings and even harder to hide them.
So, he has no other choice than to show you openly that you’re his sunshine on a cloudy day. Eventually, he may admit that to you and try to solve whatever the problem was. His days without you are dull and empty, and I bet he’d trade those in a heartbeat for the ones when he was with you.
8. He says he misses you
Okay, baby girl, your gut feeling doesn’t have to tell you that your ex will come back if he says he misses you. It’s crystal clear! He obviously can’t stop thinking about you and he’s not afraid to admit it. That’s a bold move, especially if he doesn’t know the situation from your side.
When a man genuinely misses you, he’ll go out and about to prove you his love. Whatever the reasons for your breakup were, he got over it and now wants you back in his life. Being without you hurts him and he wants to find a way to soothe his pain.
That’s why he’ll approach the woman who knows him the best and who loves him, flaws and all. At least she used to, and that’s going to be his biggest concern. What if you don’t feel the same way? He knows that there is a possibility you don’t want a life with him anymore.
However, he’ll choose to risk his pride for the love of his life and that’s a big deal if you ask me. Especially if all of this comes from a narcissist you used to date. It’s clear why you left him, but the reason for his comeback is still very fuzzy, right?
9. He didn’t cut off contact with you
Are you wondering what’s the meaning behind this? Well, you still have his phone number (and he didn’t change it), he didn’t block you on social media or restrained your account. This means that he still wants you in his life, but the question is why?
Maybe he wants to get back together, which is perfect if you feel the same way. You may give him some subtle hints that you’d like to go out with him again and figure out what’s happening. Post some quotes on your story that may indicate you want a rebound.
Don’t judge. I know this is so two thousand and late, but you never know if he may be stuck in that period. Pay attention, maybe he’s doing the same and hoping that you’ll read between the lines. Who says that he has to make the first move?
Chivalry is not dead, and he may want to prove it by waiting for you to “allow” him to approach you one more time. This only shows the amount of respect he still has for you. Or maybe he’s just cautious and doesn’t want to make another mistake.
10. He responds to your messages instantly
Okay, so he didn’t cut off contact with you, but why is he answering your messages instantly? He obviously wants to keep a conversation going. It’s inevitable that he enjoys your company, otherwise you wouldn’t be dating for so long, right?
He, beyond doubt, relishes in those endless talks with you about anything and everything. Therefore, don’t be surprised when you see him typing right after you’ve tapped that send button. It may seem like he’s impatiently waiting by his phone to receive a notification from you.
And it may not be far from the truth if he wants to fix your relationship. Trust me, when he’s sure in his decision, he won’t leave any place for doubts. He’ll make sure that you’re aware of how badly he wants you back and he’ll try to prove it to you in a million little ways.
Maybe the smallest problem in your relationship was that he wasn’t texting you back for hours, and now he decided to fix that. He’s trying to answer you in the shortest way possible, even though you keep repeating that it doesn’t really matter (especially now when you’re not dating) because you trust him.
11. He finds excuses to see you
Let’s imagine that you were strolling around the city with your bestie and he suddenly pops up in front of you. How does he react? Is he surprised and a bit nervous to see you, or he eagerly engages in a conversation with you?
Well, it’s not rocket science if the second one is true. He’s trying his best to see you “accidentally” and he’ll keep finding excuses just to do that. It doesn’t matter that it may be for a split second, it will be enough to make his day better.
If he attended a lot of sessions recently where he knew you’ll be participating (even though that was never his main focus), this may tell you how badly he wants to be in your company. Your gut feeling is right this time around as well, and your ex will come back if you let him do so.
He may not be direct or vocal about his feelings, but showing up wherever you are, purposely, means that he wants you to think of him. A lot. Just be careful if he used to play mind games before, because this may be one as well.
12. He postpones taking his stuff back
One clear evidence that your ex wants to come back is that he’s postponing taking his stuff back from you. You know what I’m talking about. His shirts, hoodies, a couple more things that he left at your place, and that big teddy bear that he got you for the second anniversary.
Whenever you agree on a day and hour, he lets you know a couple of hours before how something came up and he won’t be able to make it. And what’s even worse, he doesn’t propose another solution, but rather stalls talking about the new agreement for some time.
There are a couple of possible reasons why he’s doing this. He probably wants to have some reminders of you and those beautiful memories you’ve shared. It could also happen that he’s desperate for your attention, so postponing the exchange of things means that you’ll call and text him often.
No matter how cute this may be, at some point it will cross boundaries, so make sure you’re ready to be a bit harsh if you don’t want him back, and you need your stuff. On the contrary, if you’re willing to get back to what you two shared, your gut feeling will definitely pinpoint that your ex will come back soon.
13. He moved on quickly after the breakup
Do I really have to explain this one? If a man (or woman as a matter of fact) moves on quickly after the breakup, he’s clearly in a hurry to forget someone. He wants to show you how his life without you is perfect and how partying every night until dawn is something he truly enjoys.
More often than not, brokenhearted people will jump from one relationship to another, using each one of them as a patch for their bleeding hearts. He’ll try to convince you that he got over you, but let’s be real, he’s fooling himself.
Also, be prepared to hear about his flings here and there and maybe even some situationships he got stuck in. He probably enjoys being surrounded by all those beautiful girls, but in reality, his heart belongs to his one and only, the one reading this.
Your gut feeling has your back and it’s yelling that your ex will come back, so what are you going to do? Will you reach out to him and take him back? It’s up to you to decide.
14. He calls you when he’s at his lowest
He’s drunk dialing you every time he stays up late. Don’t forget that he called you last month to vent about an argument he just had with his brother. Whenever he’s deeply hurt or at his lowest point (I don’t want to say that he reached rock bottom), he’s calling you, right?
This is because he feels safe when you’re around. He’s sure you won’t judge him and that you’ll support him as much as you can. If your ex does this, it’s a telltale sign that he wants you back in his life and your gut feeling is not wrong this time either.
Replay the scene of your breakup in your head one more time. Did you end it with class, like a real lady? If you’ve been patient, calm and you didn’t make a fuss out of it, he probably still overthinks what happened. Therefore, he has to call you when his emotions get the best out of him.
Just pay attention to his behavior so you don’t get hurt one more time. He may be doing this only when he’s intoxicated or under a lot of stress and that messes with our minds more than we’re ready to admit. Take his love outburst with a grain of salt, simply to protect yourself, okay?
15. There was no closure
Another reason why your gut feeling is warning you about your ex and his possible comeback is that your story still has no closure. In his mind, maybe in yours too, it’s not entirely clear why you broke up. Perhaps you were in the middle of a very heated fight and well, you said some things you weren’t supposed to.
Maybe you just parted ways or the thrill of seeing each other kind of faded. At least you thought so at the moment. It could also happen that it’s simply your story. You’ve been constantly on-and-off couple and your instinct is telling you that it’s going to be the same this time too.
If this last case actually describes what you two had, make sure it’s not a toxic relationship. The only thing I can tell you in this instance is to run. You don’t need more toxicity in your life than you’ve already had and if that’s the only thing he can provide, decline it.
Keep in mind that some things are better left unsaid. Maybe your story doesn’t need an ending. Sometimes it’s easier to forget the bad things that happened when you don’t know that they’ve led to the breakup. That way, your broken heart will heal faster.
16. Your relationship was good
It’s hard to leave something good behind, right? Trying not to look back becomes really challenging and it seems like everything was better then. A “good relationship” is pretty subjective and it’s not necessarily the same for two individuals.
Both of you can look at your relationship differently, and that’s normal. Don’t let anyone define what you actually need from a man, but never settle for less than what you expect. When you’re trying to handle heartbreak, you may think of the relationship period as the best one in your life.
Because of this, your gut feeling may imply that your ex will come back. Try to take off those rose-colored glasses and look at that union from a different perspective. How was your relationship really? Did you have enough trust and honesty in it?
If you imagine your relationship as a house, did it have good foundations? Could you make it home? How committed were you to each other and did you try your best to discover each other’s worlds? Did you ever stop appreciating your partner and doing small acts of service for him? Think about it for a bit.
Once you inspect your relationship carefully and discover all those things that made it special, you can try to rebuild it, don’t you think?
17. You just feel it
Honestly, the clearest sign that your ex will come back has no explanation, because that’s how gut feeling works. Your instinct, sixth sense, a hunch, or however you want to call it, is naturally present when you have to make some decisions in your life.
Sometimes you simply can’t explain why you made a certain choice, but “something” told you that it will be good. That’s the hunch I’m talking about. It will be the same with this one.
There are two possible reasons why your sixth sense is activated when we mention your ex. Perhaps you subconsciously want him back in your life and you’re purposely looking for signs that he wants you. Or, maybe, he’s giving you micro-signs that are sometimes a bit difficult to read.
No matter the situation, it’s pretty obvious that you crave his presence and it won’t be a big deal if you decide to approach first. If you just feel that he’s the one, but that he’s waiting for you to make a move, go for it girl. You’ve got nothing to lose, right?
In the end…
My dear Ava147 (and every other woman who’s going through the same situation), this is all I had to tell you. You should pay attention to all of these signs and if you find at least half of them, chances are pretty high that your ex wants to come back.
It’s not going to be easy, especially if you’re not experienced in “reading people”. But don’t give up.
It’s a special skill, that’s inevitable, but like any other, it can be acquired. What is required from you in this period of life is the following – you have to be patient and gentle with yourself. If you don’t treat yourself with kindness and like someone you love, nobody else will.
Also, don’t let anyone teach you how to love, or how you need to be loved. You know that perfectly. It’s up to you if your guy will hold your hand while you’re walking around the city and if you’ll be vulnerably honest with him between your four walls only.
This may sound a bit clichĂ© now, but you’re responsible for your own happiness and no other person can put a genuine smile on your face. You have to feel pure joy deep inside of your soul, so you can radiate it. Always remember that. It’s your life to live, your love to feel, and your smile to share with the world!
