We’ve all read about the relationships between empaths and narcissists, but what happens when those two end up in a marriage?
Are there any chances of their relationship working out or is it doomed to fail from the very beginning?
With all honesty, I can say that a marriage between an empath and a narcissist won’t ever turn into a loving, supportive, and healthy relationship.
Instead, it can only end up being toxic and suffocating for the empath.
It’s not okay to generalize people and predict their marriage based on the traits that they show, but sometimes you can’t keep quiet and let people willingly take a road to destruction.
If you were asked to pair different types of people with each other, you would never put an empath with a narcissist. This is a no-brainer.
Then how did these two even fall in love in the first place?
Well, we could say that a marriage between an empath and a narcissist is based upon the statement that opposites attract.
When a narcissist meets an empath, the first thing he sees is a loving, caring, and emotional person who cares about others more than she cares about herself.
The second thing that catches a narcissist’s attention is how easy it is to control an empath and to project your own beliefs and thoughts onto them.
Empaths are always last on their own priority list.
By making others happy, they also make themselves happy, which is why empaths tend to ignore their own priorities for the sake of making the people around them feel better.
Empaths are great listeners and they know how to comfort you even if you don’t see a way out of the situation you’re stuck in.
Your problems become theirs, as they feel that’s the only right way to treat people.
Because of all of these characteristics, an empath is a great catch for a narcissist.
They’re a great soil where a narcissist can plant their ideas and beliefs and shape the plant that grows the way they want.
As they are completely opposite from empaths, narcissists have no compassion.
They don’t care about the feelings of others as they feel that their own emotions are most important.
Whenever you try to tell them that they’re the cause of a problem, you’ll engage in a blame game where all the fault falls on you.
Everything you do will be under the watchful eye of the narcissist.
Of course, it’ll later be a resource for criticizing you and making you feel that you’re incapable of doing things on your own.
If you try to win a fight, you’ll most definitely lose, as there’s no chance you can prove to a narcissist that you’re right.
Arguments and conflicts are familiar battlefields where they know how to gain control.
They’ll fight with you, make you feel bad about yourself, and then make you truly believe that you’re in the wrong.
It’s important to know that narcissists aren’t open about their real face.
They won’t explicitly show you that they see themselves as the most important person in the world.
They won’t approach you and tell you, “Hey, I don’t care about anything you say and you’ll always have to behave by my rules.”
That’s not how things go. Instead, you’ll look at this narcissist and you’ll see a confident, powerful man who knows what he wants from life.
He’ll probably be charming and he’ll sweep you off your feet with his words. He’ll look like the man of your dreams!
Once you realize that he likes you, you’ll feel happy that God finally made your prayers come true.
While you’re falling for him and imagining your future together, he’ll look at you and see the perfect form that’s easily shaped by his standards.
You’re everything he’s been looking for too, but his reasons are selfish.
You started dating; it turned into a relationship and then he popped the question.
Naturally, you said yes because he looked like the perfect guy. There were no red flags on the horizon.
But soon, things started to change. Slowly, you started to see differences in his behavior.
A marriage between an empath and a narcissist starts to waver as he reveals his real face.
In the beginning, a narcissist becomes critical of you and makes you feel that you’re always the cause of a problem.
When you try to prove him wrong, he turns it to his own advantage and puts the blame on you.
Being the empath you are, you try to please him, and step by step, you shape yourself to fit into his mold.
You notice some issues with his behavior but empaths are strong believers in the power of love and support, so you start thinking that you can fix your man.
You think that even though he might be damaged, there’s nothing love and care won’t improve.
Also, you don’t want to leave him just because he has a few flaws, as that’s not real love and you’d feel bad about doing that.
So, you decide to try and help him and make him the best version that he can be.
You do everything to show your man that he’ll always have your love and support.
You care about him and his feelings and you make him feel happy by doing everything he wants you to.
Even though it’s wrong, you can’t escape the feeling that’s deeply rooted in your mind.
YOU HAVE TO PROVIDE YOUR MAN WITH LOVE AND SUPPORT.
Empaths put others first and you have to take that road too.
But somewhere down the line, you got tired of making the effort to improve yourself and make him feel happy without getting anything in return.
You constantly give 100% while receiving 10% (if that). You suffer in silence as you’re still not sure what’s going on.
Maybe he doesn’t love you anymore? Maybe he’s having a bad day?
But then you realize that his ‘bad day’ has lasted for a very long time.
We’re not talking days anymore; instead, we’re talking months or even years of unreasonable behavior.
At some point, you realize that you’re stuck in a toxic relationship.
You realize that a marriage between an empath and a narcissist could never work, no matter how hard you try.
What to do when you realize that a marriage between an empath and a narcissist has no future?
It’s one thing to realize the essence of your problem but it’s different trying to find a way to solve the issue.
If, by chance, you’re an empath and you’ve come to the conclusion that your husband is a narcissist, then what can you do about it?
Marriage makes things a bit more complicated. The first thing you have to realize is that a narcissist never changes.
You could confront him and tell him the whole truth but that won’t change his behavior at all.
He has his patterns and he plays by them, no matter how hard you try to show him that his behavior is bad. This will never change.
Also, I know that you’re a giver and that you care about the feelings of others but you need to understand that a narcissist will never act the way you do.
He’s first on his list of priorities and you can’t do anything about it. So you can’t change him but you shouldn’t let him change you either.
You need to let your narcissist lose the supply that gives him all of the power.
Once you realize that your empath-narcissist marriage won’t succeed, you should pluck up your courage and walk away.
However, this is easier said than done so I’ll give you a few tips on what to do if you want to walk away from a narcissist and leave him in your past.
1. Giving him one more chance makes no difference
Even though the empath in you may want to give a narcissist a second chance, you need to realize that nothing will change him.
No matter how many chances you give him, he’ll always act the same way.
He might try to convince you that some things have changed but the reality is that it’ll only be his way of getting you back to him.
He’ll seduce you with his words and get back to his usual behavior.
A narcissist doesn’t want you to leave until he’s ready to let you go and that will happen only once he gets bored and finds another victim who’ll be a new source of food for his ego.
When he’s not ready to let you go, he’ll try all of the tactics that can potentially help him keep you.
A narcissist will even be ready to turn on the waterworks if he sees that it may be his last chance to keep you by his side.
But no matter what he says, you need to know that he’ll never change. He’ll always remain a selfish being who cares only about himself.
All the other people who are in his life also serve him as a way of getting the things he wants.
If you give him a second chance, you’ll only go through the same experience twice.
Just when you think that he’s changed, he’ll turn on the manipulation and things will again be the way they were before.
2. Learn more about narcissism and the general traits of narcissists
If you want to be sure that you’re most certainly married to a narcissist, it can help you if you educate yourself a bit more on the topic.
You’ll realize the psychology behind your husband’s behavior and you’ll learn what the best reaction to it is.
Walking away from the marriage is hard in itself.
When you add to it the fact that narcissists are possessive and that he’ll most likely prevent you from going or chase you, it gets even harder.
That’s why you need to be prepared for everything that may come your way. You need to take a step forward and be more prepared than he expects you to be.
Be prepared for an excessive amount of manipulation, love bombing, and threats that might be innocent, but still sound terrifying to hear.
You need to understand that a narcissist will do anything it takes to have you play by his rules.
He’ll change his tactics all the time but the point will stay the same; he wants to win you back and you’re the only one who can prevent it from happening.
When you can expect his next step, you’ll know what yours should be.
That way, you’ll get away from him more easily and you’ll set yourself free from the chains of a marriage with a narcissist.
3. Make a decision and stick to it
Leaving a narcissist is a big step and it takes a lot of courage.
This won’t be even close to the previous times you had to walk out of a relationship, as this is more intense and it’ll take much more of your energy.
So, if you’ve come to the conclusion that your marriage between an empath and a narcissist won’t work, you need to make a final decision if you’re ready to leave him.
I’m saying this because I want to let you know that it won’t be easy, but it’ll most certainly be worth it.
This is a sink or swim situation. You either cut the ties completely and disappear from his life or you stay in the relationship.
There’s nothing in-between – no breaks, no second chances, and no more trying. Just a straightforward decision to leave without turning back.
Once you get the confidence and realize that when you walk away from him, you’ll never again knock on his door, you’re ready to leave and improve your future.
4. Surround yourself with people who support your decision
Maybe you’ve never told anyone about the issues in your marriage. Maybe your family members have no idea what you’re going through.
They still see your husband as a loving and charming man and they don’t see any flaws that he may have.
If that’s the case, then this is the right time to tell them the truth.
Once you decide it’s time to walk away, you need to have supportive people around you who’ll be willing to help you.
You still shouldn’t be too loud about your decision to leave as your husband could get word of it.
Instead, choose a couple of people from your family whom you trust the most and tell them everything you’ve been going through.
Share with them the side of your narcissist husband no one else has ever seen.
You might even ask them to check on you regularly just to make sure that everything’s going to plan.
Once you’re out of the toxic relationship, you’ll need their support more than ever.
So, choose wisely someone you can trust and someone you know will never let you down.
5. Don’t tell your narcissist husband that you’re leaving him
You should NEVER let it slip that you’re planning to leave your narcissistic partner. That can ruin everything.
Narcissists don’t want you to leave until they decide that it’s time. They want to have full control over everything, including you.
So, if you let him know that you want the relationship to end and that you can’t take things anymore, a narcissist will change tack and replace his toxic behavior with manipulative practice.
This means that he’ll try to make you stay by showering you with gifts, attention, and love.
But you need to know that none of that will be true and that it’s only his final resort of making things work the way he wants them to.
Also, if you reveal your secret to your narcissistic husband, you may even find yourself as a victim of physical abuse, as you never know what’s going on inside the head of an egocentric.
You’ve been suffering emotionally for too long and you don’t want to fall deeper into the claws of a narcissist, so be quiet about your plans and don’t ever let him know what your intentions are.
That way, you can save yourself from this toxic and unhealthy relationship that could never change.
6. Walk away quietly
Without telling him that you’re breaking up, without texting him that he won’t find you when he comes home, and without trying to lead a normal conversation with him, just leave when he’s not around.
Pack your things and walk out of the house without looking back.
If, by any chance, your narcissistic husband realizes what you’re doing, he’ll try to stop you. And that’s not what you want.
You don’t want him to pull you back with his false promises that he’ll change and that he loves you.
A few days later, he’ll forget that he even made any promises.
So, to prevent yourself from being in a situation like that, you need to leave without making him realize what’s going on behind his back.
Narcissists can get angry when things aren’t going the way they planned and you don’t want to risk it and make him control you again.
Wait for a time when he’s not home, then leave and go as far as you can.
Think about staying somewhere he won’t find you, as he’ll probably go to your family and friends’ houses to look for you.
Be smart and don’t ruin your chances of setting yourself free from the cage you’ve been in for too long. You deserve better and you need to know that!
7. Avoid any type of communication
Once you’re out, you should stop all communication.
It’s normal that you’ll miss him from time to time and that you’ll question your decision.
However, no matter what, you shouldn’t go back to him, as it would mean that you’re starting from scratch, and there will be no plot twist, as nothing will change for the better.
So, when you leave your narcissistic husband, you should also try to limit your communication to the bare minimum.
Stop texting him, calling him, or interacting with him through social media.
Otherwise, this only postpones your time of healing and you getting your real personality back.
He’ll try to prove to you that he’ll change, he’ll call you constantly to see where you are, and he might even try to send you some gifts to show you that he cares about you.
But as we already know, this is only his way of manipulating you back into the relationship.
None of it is real or honest and serves only his purpose of getting what he wants.
So, if you don’t want to find yourself in the same toxic relationship, then apply the no-contact rule but without any intention of luring him back.
You’re doing it only because you want him completely out of your life and that’s all!
8. Work on yourself
An empath’s marriage with a narcissist ruins your confidence.
It makes you feel desperate and gets you to the point where you can’t even trust yourself, so how could you trust anyone else then?
It’ll take some time to feel happy and satisfied with yourself again but you need to be patient.
Now is the right time to make yourself a priority as others have been in that place for too long.
Surround yourself with loving people who’ll have your back and realize that you deserve better.
You’ll need all of the support in the world but you also need to know that you’re either your biggest friend or enemy.
It’s up to you to choose which one.
In a year’s time, you’ll be happier than ever and you’ll see that all of the pain and struggles you went through only made you stronger.
You deserve love, so start giving it to yourself!
Can an empath and a narcissist have a happy marriage if they put in some effort?
A marriage between an empath and a narcissist will rarely work. It can only last until the narcissist gets bored or until the empath decides to walk away from it. It’ll never be a healthy and loving marriage that provides you with safety and support.
If you happen to be an empath and you find yourself married to a narcissist, don’t ask yourself questions about how you got there.
Don’t blame yourself for entering the relationship as this narcissist most probably used different manipulation techniques to present himself as better than he actually is.
You could never have predicted that he was wearing a mask of the devil and that things would change for the worse.
Instead of overthinking the things you can’t change, think about ways to leave the marriage and make yourself a happier person.
You deserve much more than some guy who uses you to fulfill his desperate needs and feed his ego!
After reading your article, wich I found very interesting, I had one thought is why you keep referring to the narcissist as a man ? As narcissistic behavior has no gender preference, but constantly you refer to the narcissist as being male.i only ask as I’m married to a narcissist, and it’s my wife .maybe as an empath I just don’t understand why your gender specific when women are just as likely to be narcissistic aswell as men.