It’s no secret that most men love the thrill of the chase. When they meet a woman who doesn’t seem to share their interest at first, they can’t help but put in the work to change her mind. Let me be the one to set the record straight: Don’t chase women.
Let’s say you meet a beautiful woman at the bar. You approach her like the gentleman that you are, give her your best Al Pacino impression to make her laugh, and you score her Instagram handle. You even get her to agree to go on a date with you! But…
She’s giving off that all-too-familiar hot and cold vibe. She takes forever to reply and never calls you back even when she swears she will. She makes plans with you but cancels them at the last minute. And she doesn’t even try to apologize or reschedule.
It’s pretty clear that the two of you aren’t on the same page. Yet, you can’t help but check your phone every fifteen minutes hoping to see her name suddenly pop up on the screen. You can’t help but do everything in your power to get her attention.
You’re chasing her when she clearly doesn’t want to be chased. You’re overstepping the line between desire and desperation. And you’re (unknowingly) manipulating her into thinking she’s doing something wrong for not sharing the same amount of enthusiasm.
Don’t chase women. Women don’t like when they feel as if their “no” doesn’t have an effect on men. They don’t like feeling that their own desires don’t matter when they’re faced with the desires of a man. Trust me, there are better ways to approach women.
Here’s why “Don’t chase women” is a great advice
You might think you’re doing “something” when you’re calling her while she’s at work, sending her flowers three times a week to remind her that you’re still interested, and freaking out on her every time she fails to respond to your texts.
You might think you’re doing “something” when you’re telling her “you won’t give up on her” even when you notice she doesn’t seem comfortable with all the unnecessary attention. Trust me, you’re doing “something,” but it isn’t something good.
Don’t chase women. Court them, pursue them, and show your interest in them. But once you throw your pride, dignity, and standards out of the window, you’re setting yourself up for an incredibly damaging relationship dynamic.
Even if you do manage to convince her to be in a relationship with you, you’re setting yourself up for failure. You might not realize that now, but you’re creating a situation in which you’re always going to be the lesser one in the relationship, begging for crumbs of love.
There’s a myriad of reasons you should never chase women and why you should always give them the opportunity to come to you. So, let’s dive in!
1. You might become obsessed with her
Oh, the thrill of the chase! You can’t argue that most men make the mistake of getting caught up in their own desires. They ignore the “no” when they ask a woman if she would give them her number. They laugh off the “I didn’t have time to call you back.”
And why do they do that? Because they’re too busy focusing on their own obsession with her. They don’t have time to stop for a second and ask themselves “Does she actually want a relationship with me?” More times than not, she doesn’t.
Trust me, you don’t want to be that guy. You don’t want to be the guy who can’t take a hint or can’t take no for an answer. You don’t want to be the guy who continues calling her every single day even after she said she wasn’t sure if she wanted to see you again.
Oh, you saw it in a movie? Trust me, movies got it all wrong. There isn’t a single woman in the world who would enjoy being chased by a guy months after she told him she wasn’t interested. There isn’t a single woman in the world who wouldn’t consider that behavior creepy.
Do yourself a favor and remember “Don’t chase women!” Make your intentions clear, make yourself available, offer her a way in which she can contact you, and leave it at that. If she’s interested, she will come to you.
2. You might cause yourself emotional damage
Yes, you read that right! You might be thinking to yourself “But, I’m not in love with her… I just think she’s hot!” But, you’re ignoring something incredibly important. You’re ignoring the way this entire thing is making you feel.
Let’s go back to the “you met a girl at the bar and got her to agree to go out on a date with you” situation. Let’s say the two of you went out that one time, she didn’t feel the connection, and she told you she didn’t want to see you again. Fair enough!
This is the moment where you should hear her out, respect her decision, and leave her alone. You can always tell her how you feel and make sure she knows she can reach out to you if she changes her mind. Doesn’t that sound so much better than continuing the chase?
Well, if you do decide to continue the chase you might cause yourself some emotional damage. You might end up calling her every day, wondering what you’re doing wrong, or even getting jealous over the fact she’s still talking to other men.
“Why isn’t she texting me back? Should I text her again? Maybe she’s with someone else while I’m planning a romantic dinner for two!” Trust me, you don’t want to question your worth and lose your confidence because of someone who doesn’t even deserve your effort.
3. You might overlook the red flags
Looking for a reason why you shouldn’t chase women? Here’s the thing, when you decide to chase after a woman who doesn’t seem to be interested in you, you risk becoming so obsessed with her that you start ignoring the red flags.
She’s flirting with the waiter while you’re on a date? She’s assuring you how she isn’t seeing anyone else but she’s getting texts from other men all the time? You’re letting it slide because you’re too busy chasing her instead of chasing something that actually matters.
Be honest with yourself. Would you let those red flags slide if it was anyone else? You wouldn’t, but you are now because you want to be with her regardless of everything else. You want to be with her because you want to prove to yourself that you can.
That’s fine, but there are so many things you could do instead! You could refocus your time and energy on doing things that actually benefit you. You could work on your goals, better yourself, and become the person you always wanted to be.
And once you do that, you will no longer tolerate anyone’s red flags. You will respect yourself enough to remove yourself from any situation you don’t feel welcome. And most importantly, you will attract someone who will be with you without the chase.
4. You might end up doing too much
There’s no doubt that some women enjoy being chased. They send mixed signals, play hard to get, and charm their way out of every situation. They make you do crazy things just to capture their attention and then they disappear. But, there’s a line that shouldn’t be crossed.
When a woman tells you she isn’t interested in you, or even when she lets her behavior speak for itself, she’s probably doing that because she genuinely isn’t interested. More times than not, she doesn’t have an ulterior motive, she just wants to move on with her life.
You should never, under any circumstances, take that as an invitation to try harder! That’s where most men make the mistake. They think they can win her over by calling her all the time, showing up at her doorstep, and ignoring every single “no” she’s ever said.
Obviously, that isn’t the best way to approach the situation or you might end up doing too much. You should simply make your intentions clear, make yourself available, and make sure she knows she can contact you on the off-chance she changes her mind.
5. You might encourage bad behavior
Wouldn’t our lives be so much easier if we never stumbled upon people who didn’t have our best interests at heart? When you think about it, you shouldn’t put everything you have into chasing a woman unless you’re a hundred percent sure she’s worth the chase.
She wouldn’t be the first woman to be in a relationship with someone just because she doesn’t want to be alone. She might take notice of the effort you’re putting into capturing her attention and think to herself, “This man would do anything for me, I might as well give him a chance.”
While that might sound romantic in theory, you shouldn’t overlook the possibility that she’s just using you for attention. You might end up reinforcing her bad behavior because you’re letting her get away with pretty much everything she’s doing.
She says she’s going to call you but she doesn’t? She promises she will come to Sunday brunch to meet some of your friends but she doesn’t show up? You might end up chasing after someone who doesn’t exist because you created a distorted image of them in your head.
Trust me, if she was the one for you, she wouldn’t let you chase after her. She would be with you because she wanted to, not because you spent all your time, effort, and energy trying to get her to change her mind. You deserve better, don’t forget that!
6. You might change the way she sees you
Let’s say this woman is worth the chase. You don’t want to scare her away by showing up at her doorstep with a bouquet of her favorite flowers when she hasn’t even given you her address. You don’t want to call her out of the blue when she hasn’t even given you her number.
And you certainly don’t want to make her think to herself “Omg, he’s way too desperate to be with me. There’s probably something wrong with him!” While there is something incredibly romantic about doing everything in your power to capture someone’s attention…
There’s also something incredibly desperate, needy, and borderline creepy about it. She might end up changing the way she sees you if you keep pushing this “I have to be with you come hell or high water” narrative you have going on.
Take control of the situation and show her you’re not the man she thinks you are. Make your intentions clear, respect her desires if she tells you she isn’t interested at the moment, and let her make the next move if she changes her mind. Trust me, that’s much more attractive!
7. You might overwhelm her
What’s one of the biggest mistakes most men make when they’re chasing a woman? You guessed it, they overwhelm her with their advances within the first fifteen minutes of conversation. They don’t even realize they’re on their way to dumpsville!
“I just want her to know I’m into her.” “I’m not doing anything wrong, I’m just being myself.” “I don’t want to change.” If you’ve ever said any of these things when faced with your well-intended friend’s criticism of your dating skills, you need a wake-up call.
While there’s nothing wrong with being open and honest about your intentions, you have to draw the line somewhere. You wouldn’t go around the bar telling every woman you meet you can’t wait to marry her and have her children, right?
And, the same goes for chasing a woman who keeps sending you mixed signals. It’s completely fine for you to call her every now and then, ask her out on a date, or even buy her a bouquet of flowers, but you should always make sure you don’t take it too far.
8. You might end up exactly where you started
We’ve all heard about the overly romanticized trope that focuses on the happiness men feel when they finally get the girl they’ve been chasing after throughout the entire movie. But, that rarely happens in real life. More times than not, they end up exactly where they started.
Think about it, what makes a woman change her mind after repeatedly telling you she isn’t interested? Did she realize your worth in the past couple of weeks? Or did she realize she didn’t have a better option so she decided to settle?
Regardless of her intentions, you deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you for all the right reasons. You deserve to be with someone who treats you with kindness, appreciates your efforts, and makes you feel like you don’t have to go out of your way just to get their attention.
So, if she isn’t that someone… You should walk away. Have enough self-respect and self-confidence to recognize when your company isn’t needed or desired anymore. And know when to stop chasing women who don’t want to be chased.